As much as he had to understand why she left, maybe it was just still hard to completely feel forgiveness.

  “And no other relatives,” I said. It was obvious that was a no. He was left with his father even after the Academy knew of the abuse. They couldn’t do much legally without involving social services and that wasn’t enough. They just did their best to keep him away on his job, at least until Nathan was old enough and his father was willing to let him go. That was only recently.

  Nathan turned to his side, facing me, and reached out until his hand settled on top of my stomach gently. “Sang, I’ll never know what you’re going through. But you tell me if you want to go home, and we’ll go.”

  “You say that like where we’re going isn’t home,” I said in a quiet voice.

  He perked his head up, his lips ready to move and explain.

  But I pressed my fingers to his lips gently. I wanted to finish. “And you’d be right. This... where we’re going? It’s not home. Maybe even after going, I won’t be able to understand, or forgive, why I was sent off with my dad. Like how you can’t forgive your mom. Maybe there’s reasons... but the only thing I really know is I don’t want to be where I’m not wanted. So we’ll go back home after.”

  He seemed pleased with this answer. Gingerly, he opened his mouth, accepting my fingers to gently bite at, a move that we often found comforting around each other.

  I didn’t say anything else.

  I didn’t want to be tempted to tell him that I’d love to go back now. I didn’t want to lose my nerve.

  Part of me didn’t want to know the truth. I didn’t want to, in a weak moment, make that decision.

  It was another couple of minutes after that when I felt the bed shift again, and Dr. Green crept in on the other side.

  Again, I wondered about his mother. He’d been adopted, but what about his real mother?

  Family. It didn’t matter which one of the guys in the group I thought about, we all had complicated family relationships. Maybe it brought us together in a way. We understood. Relationships were complicated, so our complicated relationship with each other... it wasn’t as scary. We were the people we wanted to be around, and we clung to that.

  I was a little cramped between them. So, I scooted down until I was lying against Nathan’s warm chest. His arms wrapped around me tightly.

  I closed my eyes, breathing deeply, listening to the sound of their breaths.

  After a while, I drifted off to sleep.

  ♥♥♥

  When I woke up, Nathan was gone. Dr. Green was still next to me, his arm wrapped tight around my body. His lips pressed against the skin of my exposed shoulder. He breathed slowly, in and out. When I shifted, his breath tickled my neck softly. His fingers ran up my bare outer thigh that was exposed from under the blanket. My toes curled inward as it both tickled and a shot of electricity shot up through me.

  Then Dr. Green spoke quietly in my ear, “Good morning, sleepyhead.”

  When I yawned, he laughed and pulled back, kissing my cheek instead.

  “Mmm. Good morning,” I murmured, stretching my limbs.

  The sun was rising, shining brightly. The air was cool and crisp. I leaned over Dr. Green, hanging over him to look out the windows easier. Outside, the grass looked wet. Had it rained? Birds chirped, flying overhead.

  Dr. Green chuckled. “How did you sleep last night?”

  “I’m fine,” I said softly. I did feel better. Sleep had given me some renewed energy. “How did you sleep?”

  Dr. Green stretched out his arms above him, groaning a bit. “Like a rock.”

  There was silence for a few moments, and Dr. Green gazed at me, with a light curl to his lips in a happy smile.

  “What?” I asked him.

  “Nothing,” he said, reaching forward and stroking my hair. “Just thinking how beautiful you are.”

  A blush shot up my neck and warmed my cheeks.

  “And how lucky I am to have you.” He kissed me tenderly on the mouth, then slid his hand down to touch my thigh.

  I shivered, goose bumps racing across my flesh.

  “Come on.” He tugged on my hand so I would move closer to him. “It’s the first time I’ve had you to myself in a while.”

  I snuggled closer. He encouraged me to relax against him. His fingers traced along my arm, drifting around my shoulder, making patterns along my skin.

  I couldn’t stop staring at his profile. I didn’t get to see him often since I’d stopped taking his class and he’d become more busy working at the hospital.

  “You look like you’re thinking very carefully,” he said, finally breaking the quiet.

  “A little,” I said.

  “You can say what you’re thinking,” he said. “You know that?”

  I paused for a second. I wanted to open up to him, to tell him about all sorts of things, but it was hard to figure out a place to start. How many times had I tried opening up to Gabriel or Luke or the others? Too many.

  I could talk with them about difficult topics, but when it came to my own feelings about them, I paused. I didn’t know why. I didn’t even know how to ask what I should say.

  I’d never been in a relationship before. It all happened kind of slowly, but I still didn’t know how to behave or the things to say.

  Maybe because within my own family, there had been distance and silence.

  So maybe that meant I needed to just start somewhere. Start small. Talk about something simple. Maybe ask questions. Or show interest in what they’d been doing recently.

  Gabriel tried to ask me simple questions before. I tried to come up with some. “Do you have a favorite animal?” I asked him.

  Dr. Green’s face lit up and there was a spark of amusement as if this was completely unexpected. “Well, I guess that depends on your definition of ‘favorite’.”

  “You have more than one?” I asked, grateful he was willing to talk to me about this. Small things.

  “Sure. Let’s see... I’ve got a soft spot for mice and cats, but I also love dogs. And there’s one particular little bird that I am absolutely crazy about...” His gaze landed firmly on me. “...but you already know that.”

  That familiar warmth crept up from my heart, seeming to flow into every inch of my skin. How did he say things like that so smoothly? My mind always froze. He had such romantic ways of talking. I had no idea how to say something similar.

  He smiled at me and reached forward, brushing a stray lock of hair off my forehead. I held my breath, waiting for him to speak. But he kept his hands in place. He stared at me silently, letting me wonder what was going through his mind.

  Finally, I decided to try. I held up a hand, holding up my thumb, first finger and pinkie, sign language for ‘I love you.’

  A bright smile spread across his lips, his eyes sparkling. Slowly, he lifted his hands up, showing me the same hand signal.

  It ignited my soul and my heart soared.

  He loved me. He’d said it before and I hadn’t known what he’d said. Now that I knew, it was different. He knew exactly what I meant. He was saying it back to me.

  Maybe I needed to work on saying things out loud, but at least I had that. A small sign that I did feel strongly about him. That he mattered to me.

  Dr. Green squeezed my shoulders, his thumbs rubbing my upper arms. He leaned forward, pressing his lips to mine. For a long moment, he lingered, kissing me tenderly, gently.

  His leg slid, until it hooked over one of mine to tug me close to him. One of his hands slipped under my shirt, running up my spine. He caressed my skin, sending sparks shooting through every nerve ending.

  Comforting. Giddy. Like any moment we would burst into giggling. It was amazing how kissing felt so different with each of them.

  Dr. Green kissed me, and suddenly shifted until his body hovered over mine. He cupped the back of my head with a palm, his other hand partially held himself up.

  He settled in, though most of his weight was on his knees on either side of my legs. He hovered over me, kissing me and pressing against me.

  A cocoon, in a way. Secure and comfortable. When I was too breathless to continue kissing, he trailed kisses along my cheek and down to my chin, near my ear.

  My heated breath came out shallowly. I had forgotten how this pressure against my body felt so good. Or maybe I hadn’t felt it in such a long time, that now it was like a reminder. This was something I really liked.

  Soon he relaxed against me more, so he was laying on top of me, with a leg on either side of me. And then he shifted so he was still on top of me, but more to one side, still snuggling, still comfortable, but he could relax a bit more.

  I missed the cocoon feeling. It wasn’t quite the same after he moved.

  Slowly though, his kisses stopped. “I go too much further, I don’t know if I could turn back,” he whispered. He kissed me gently a few more times on the lips. “You’re too addicting.”

  He didn’t want to go too far. Not too fast. I appreciated it. I loved how they took their time with me with affection.

  I was still learning, and we were still figuring out so much.

  He sat up, facing me. “I love this vacation.”

  I smiled back at him. Not exactly a vacation, but I felt similar.

  He eventually pulled away to get up. “Do you want to go look for Nathan? I’ll get breakfast started.”

  My stomach growled loudly at the mention of breakfast, enough that he could hear and he grinned. He stood up and headed toward the door. “I hear you. Pretty sure you said pancakes.”

  “Where do you think Nathan went?” I asked him.

  “He’s very likely just outside,” he said. “Probably exploring the grounds a bit.”

  I was a little sorry I couldn’t have spent more time with Dr. Green. But it was going to be a long trip. And we had loads of time.

  I remained in the bed though, feeling exhilarated after his deep kissing.

  Realizing how much I was wanting more, but not knowing how to express it, or what more I actually wanted.

  Of course, I knew of sex—but without experience—and I knew about kissing now, but there was this large part in the middle, the build up of a relationship and how to behave around someone else that I was learning. I’d figure it out with them over time.

  As I stared blankly around the room, summoning the energy to get up and going, I realized someone had placed a backpack near the bed. I opened it, seeing the Bible I’d found and Gabriel’s notebook.

  Someone had made sure I knew where it was.

  Lazily still in bed, I tugged out Gabriel’s notebook. I opened it to a random page and read:

  She is the girl with a thousand faces

  Who hides inside each mirror she looks into

  But no matter how many masks she wears

  There will always be one truth to tell

  Ours

  I closed the book quickly. Was all the content about me?

  Even this was too much. My heart, my body... it was too many feelings at once. Too much excitement, and feeling as though there was no way to release it.

  Small steps. I tried to tell myself this. I needed to do this slowly.

  Uplifted, I got up, ready to go find Nathan and start the day.

  He Wanted It to Last

  I found Nathan on the main walking path, studying the large campground map plastered to a sign.

  He seemed to be tolerating the chill in the air as he was wearing sport shorts with a red hoodie and sneakers. He had his hands stuffed into the pockets and kept his arms stiff at his sides.

  I’d put on sweatpants, tennis shoes and a light jacket for running around in the earlier chilly morning weather. He heard me coming, turned, and brightened the moment he saw me. “I can’t pass up Sliding Rock,” he said. “I just can’t.”

  “You want to slide down the rock?” I asked, amused by the idea of it. It was still very chilly.

  “Yes! Down the waterfalls!” He grabbed my hand and urged me to follow, heading straight for the trail. “We can do it just once. And get back before breakfast.”

  Curious, I followed him. As soon as we stepped onto the gravel path leading into the woods, it turned into a dirt trail with several signs indicating that ahead of us was Sliding Rock.

  Sliding Rock turned out to be a wide, shallow stream where several large boulders had smoothed out over time, creating a ‘slide.’ At the bottom of this was a pool, so dark that I couldn’t see the bottom. Along the edge of the pool was a ladder and space to allow people to get out. There were warning signs to not allow young children and people who couldn’t swim to use the rock slide.

  I grimaced. It was very wide, and the water seemed kind of deep. The water was very rapid, too. I imagined sitting on the rock, it would naturally push anyone down to the pool. Maybe too fast?

  With the sun overhead, the air was warming up mildly. It promised to be a slightly warmer day. However, that water would be freezing.

  Nathan followed the path to the starting point. There was a wide, wooden platform and several benches. He went to a bench, taking off his shoes and socks, and his red hoodie. He left on his sport shorts.

  I watched his strong body flex as he stretched his arms over his head. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Then he waded into the water, splashing it lightly with his feet. His teeth instantly clamped down. “Just a little cold,” he said through a tight grimace. “Are you ready?”

  “Not yet,” I said. I went to where he deposited his clothes and took off the shoes and socks, the hoodie. I left on my T-shirt.

  I hesitated, considering the sweatpants I was wearing. If I wore them into the water, they’d be very heavy and cold.

  I glanced around. No one was nearby. It was just Nathan. And he’d seen me in a bathing suit before. Underwear wasn’t much different.

  Slowly, I lowered the pants to take them off. I had on just a light pair of pink and blue underwear.

  Nathan gazed at me for a moment, shifted his eyes toward the water a couple of times but kept returning them to me.

  When I finished undressing, I climbed onto the platform. It creaked beneath my weight. I set my foot on the first rung and gripped the ladder tightly, lowering myself until my feet reached the top of the large boulder.

  The water was ice cold.

  Nathan came up next to me, putting warm hands on my waist. He helped me step carefully over the large rock to the start of the slide. He hung on to my hips as the water splashed around our feet, urging us.

  “Just once,” he whispered. “Okay?”

  I wasn’t totally sure, but I was already here. The longer we stood here, the colder we’d get. I’d grown up in Illinois. Shouldn’t I be used to this cold? Still, it sent shivers over my body.

  He held on tight as we both lowered down. The water, when we sat on the rock and had our legs stretched out in front of us, went up over our thighs at this point. I clenched my teeth, seething at the iciness. It subsided a little... just a little. I urged myself to adjust. Temporary. It’ll be over in a second.

  Nathan positioned himself until he was sitting behind me, his legs on either side of mine. “We’ll do it together. We’ll stay warmer that way if we stay close.”

  I couldn’t answer him. My teeth were locked together. We were about to slide down this rock into the dark pool at the bottom.

  Anything could be in that water...

  Nathan held on to my waist. “One, two...”

  In the next second, we were sliding forward. Nathan held tight.

  I gripped fiercely to his arms, terrified. In a fun way.

  For most of the slide, everything was a blur for me, from the cold, the splashing water, and the wind that picked up in my eyes as we went.

  The water splashed around us, and we slid against the smooth rock, made our way down and eventually splashed to the bottom.

  The pool was deep, so very deep. I never felt the bottom of it.

  And the cold. It ripped through me quickly. Ice cold... but not quite so. In fact, the longer I stayed in, the water ended up feeling warmer than the air outside the pool.

  Nathan had let go at the end, but he splashed around nearby and swam to me quickly once we surfaced. He wrapped one arm around my hips. I looked up into his blue eyes.

  “You okay?” he asked breathlessly.

  “Yeah,” I managed to gasp.

  He pulled me closer, wrapping another arm around my waist. A smile planted itself on his lips. I’d not seen him as happy as this in a long time.

  Slowly, it seemed we were all changing. As we left dangerous situations with our parents, we relaxed. We were finding life wasn’t always in the darkness, waiting, holding our breath for that trouble that was bound to come find us.

  He kissed me. Hard. There in the water. My mouth opened wide to accept his tongue that passionately darted in. As unstable as we were in the water, it was like we tried to make up for it by pressing ourselves together, and kissing roughly.

  He pressed against my lips, his kiss demanding and I floated a little backward with the pressure.

  Our tongues touched. My fingers dug into his wet hair.

  He broke off as we bobbed together in the water and grinned. “Want to do it again?”

  I shook my head, unable to speak because of how hard my chest was pounding. Also, I was terrified to do it again. I could barely fathom the chill I’d experience getting back out into the winter morning air.

  He laughed, urging me to head to the ladder on the side of the pool. Once we had both climbed, then scooped me up, carrying me to where we’d left our clothes on the platform. I was shivering the whole time. The air around us felt like ice after getting out of the water.

  He let me go near our clothes, but instead of getting dressed, he raced to the rock.

  He got in three more slides down Sliding Rock before I managed to get the sweatpants and hoodie back on. They were going to be wet, but I was too cold not to put them on.