“But you have to face them,” Mr. Blackbourne said. “And you’ve got a big heart. I would always be on your side, even if you chose to stay with them. But you’d be missed if you did move on. And the team... would feel empty.”

  Gabriel couldn’t look at him anymore. Emotions filled in warmth to his face and his heart ached. “You believe if I go with Sang, we’re both at risk to stay.”

  “And if she chose to stay, I know you would remain with her,” he said. “And you’d have valid reasons, especially with your family being there as well.” He shifted so he sat at the edge of the desk, facing Gabriel. Mr. Blackbourne crossed his arms at his chest, his shoulders flexing so the shirt material was a little tight at his shoulders. “Sending you both, I risk losing you both. You can see why I’m troubled.” He paused, allowing a few full seconds to pass before continuing. “I would never dare sabotage or get in the way. I just need you to know, to remember, we all care for her. We care for you, too. Whatever you run into, you’ll always be welcomed back. We’ll support your decisions.”

  The way he made it sound was as if they did choose to stay, he wouldn’t leave.

  But he couldn’t. He had a school to run. There was so much under his care here that leaving Charleston at any point would be devastating.

  Moreover, if Gabriel left now, would he be risking losing the favors he would have earned when the Ashley Waters job ended? Would it risk his graduation within the Academy?

  Would he be able to continue within the Academy if he stayed with different family?

  Still, he wondered, as he always had since the funeral, what life might be like if he’d gone to live with Uncle Steve. Where would he be now if he’d lived with his multiple cousins? They’d been pretty wild, from what he remembered.

  Gabriel wanted to share a more confident answer about wanting to stay here with them, but the only thing he could do was nod. Here Mr. Blackbourne was supposed to be reprimanding him for getting a little too physical with another student, and instead it turned into sharing his growing concerns about Gabriel, and Sang, leaving.

  How many of the others would or wouldn’t leave if she did?

  Was it something to worry about?

  And what he’d said, his concern about not having spent enough time with her.

  Had he spent enough time with Sang, either? If Gabriel wanted to stay in Charleston, but she wanted to be with her grandparents... It seemed like an impossible choice to make.

  When Mr. Blackbourne spoke with such concern, it wasn’t something to be taken lightly.

  And the longer Gabriel sat with the question, the more he became nervous, and concerned, about his own relationship with Sang.

  Sang had a big heart as well. And if her grandparents were at all kind and wanted her to be with them, she might want to stay.

  The risk of this unknown factor affected all of their futures—and they were equally powerless to do anything about it.

  Mr. Blackbourne had every reason to worry.

  Every Moment, I Realized How

  Sang

  In Dr. Green’s office, I sat in his chair, my back pressed against the padded cloth-covered seat back. With no one else in the room, I became a little spread legged as I stared at the ceiling, swinging the seat one way and then the other, as far as my legs would stretch to either side.

  I was trying not to think at all. The motion helped.

  Finding the book.

  Finding my mother’s picture.

  Coming here to the school. And then the thing with Gabriel. It was like I’d lost my mind.

  He said he loved me. I tried to express I felt the same, and he seemed to understand me a little, but I wished I’d been more concrete with my answer.

  My heart was all over the place. In a way, I was grateful for the bit of alone time. Processing... and yet, I avoided thinking too much about any one topic.

  And that was how I usually handled things. Put off thinking of it. Just for a little while. Wait for the sting of it to subside. It would help if I could take a nap, but I’d wait until bedtime.

  Should I be concerned about what the kids at school thought? No. don’t think of that.

  Was I going to have to make up with Silas in public? Were we still worried that much about reputation? Probably, but don’t think about it.

  Winchester...

  Don’t. Don’t think on that yet.

  Which left nothing to think about, except a little worry about Gabriel, what he’d said, and if he knew for sure how I felt.

  Also I’d not looked at the others who had been sitting aside, watching us. When I’d gotten distracted with Gabriel, I’d forgotten everything.

  The promise I’d made to myself, that I’d worked so hard on, about them; To not flaunt the relationships between us in front of each other. Holding hands and hugs, those things were fine. But there was a line and I felt I crossed it. I didn’t like for them to be jealous or to feel left out. It was important to the building of the relationship between us.

  And in the first distracted moment, I absolutely felt like I’d failed.

  Lily often told me in confidence about the problems she’d had being the center of her Academy team. Lily’s relationship had blossomed a lot like mine, so her stories gave hope that things could work out. She seemed happy now, despite the many problems she’d faced.

  One of them was jealousy. And I’d been the edge of it, seeing it with them, and I’d tried to help with it by being aware of my surroundings and it felt like I had failed.

  Assuming Mr. Blackbourne and Gabriel were talking about what happened in the courtyard, would I have to go in to talk with Mr. Blackbourne next?

  Heat radiated my cheeks to think of what he saw, and that he had to reprimand me in front of the school. The school had rules about how close to get to other students on school property. Hooping together was one thing, but we’d crossed a line. What would we have to do now?

  My rambling mind went on for ages.

  The door opened suddenly. I cringed a little at my lazy posture, sitting up and straightening my back. Anxiety rose through me as I waited to see who it was.

  Kota poked his head in and glanced around the room once. “Gabriel’s in with him?”

  I nodded, timid, afraid to say anything. Despite Lily having told me I needed to be able to say things, especially when I was nervous or worried, I was chickening out.

  He entered the room, closing the door behind him. He gazed around the room again. It had changed since the start of school, the two desks now closer to the walls, with a wide space in the middle, the two computers on either desk to face the center, and a chair in the middle, with a spare desk chair off into the corner near the file cabinets. Dr. Green called it his fort. I had a feeling he kept a blanket somewhere and made it a fort when he wanted a nap.

  Kota’s glasses were a smidge foggy, clearly having come in from the colder outside to the warmed building. He carried the bundle that Nathan had kept for me.

  His green eyes were kindness. His lighthearted smile didn’t show any animosity at all.

  Kota took the spare chair and rolled it into the center where I had been mulling around. I watched his face, waiting for some hint as to his thoughts.

  Casually, he started opening drawers, looking in, and poking around. His glasses slid a little on his nose as he bent forward to peer in. He adjusted the glasses with a finger as he searched.

  “What are you looking for?” I asked.

  “Dr. Green collects a lot of things,” he said. “I like to see the new stuff.” He pulled out one particularly colorful notebook, with artwork scrawled across the front. It was mostly flowers with a guitar floating between them.

  I popped my mouth open. “He did that?”

  “I don’t think so. Looks like Gabriel’s handiwork.” He opened it, reading the first couple of pages. “It’s Gabriel’s handwriting.”

  I waited for him to show me, but he kept reading and turning pages. If I wanted to see, I had to get closer.

  So I rolled in the chair slowly forward. I couldn’t see until I was leaning against his arm. Only then, he tilted the notebook in my direction just enough so I could check it.

  There were some flower doodles in the corner. The main text looked like a poem, or song lyrics.

  I ain’t no coincidence

  I’ve fired up my confidence

  Let’s toast tonight with champagne

  You and me, were getting

  Every bit, we’re ready

  Let the light shine, we’re in

  Oh but you are shaking

  And I’m just waiting

  For you to know

  That this is it

  We’re one last mess

  We’re one big destiny

  Because you, you’re crazy

  And me, I’m waiting

  If you love me, just say it

  Because I’ve loved you

  And I’m just never gonna live without you

  Never going anywhere

  Never doing anything

  Without you

  There was no title, but my name was in the corner, scrawled into a flower petal.

  “Should... we be looking at this?” I asked. It felt personal, like a diary, but I was dying to read more. I wanted to see the rest of it, artwork and poems and more.

  The part where he said he loved me... how long ago did he write this poem?

  Kota flipped the pages over and opened to the inside front cover, showing me another inscription.

  Property of Gabriel Coleman, but in possession of Dr. Sean Green. One of my favorites. Please return if you borrow.

  “Does Gabriel know he has this?” I asked him.

  “Probably, but also maybe not. Gabriel has a lot of these. He hasn’t yet asked for any of them back.” He leaned back into my arm and held the notebook out to me. “But Gabriel likely won’t mind you looking at it.”

  I don’t know what warmed my heart more in that instance. That Kota, as always, came to see if I was okay, pressing his arm into me, talking to me, that reassuring feeling that he’d always be there for me. The fact that Gabriel had a poetry song book with lines about me. That Dr. Green loved it so much he claimed it and kept it.

  Silently, I pulled the notebook from Kota’s hands, but I didn’t stop leaning against him. Instead, I put my cheek to the side of his shoulder, gazing at the notebook, looking at the art on the cover. I didn’t want to read the rest with him here for some reason. I wanted to enjoy it the next time I was alone.

  And in that moment, I realized they maybe talked about me a lot, between each other. It was in such a way that I was a little jealous, because I always hesitated to talk about them when with one of them. I tried so hard to focus on the one I was with and never bring up the others unless they were in trouble or in a casual way, not the romantic side. I often failed at it. It was one of the things I worked on with Lily. She suggested a good way to ensure they wouldn’t be jealous was to give them some individual focus.

  It wasn’t that I imagined the guys never talked about me at all. It was just the first time I realized how open they’d become in talking about me and this relationship.

  But I always had to remember. So I put the notebook in the jacket with the Bible that Kota had set aside on the desk.

  I didn’t know where to begin, so instead of saying anything, I continued to lean on his arm, pressing my cheek to his shoulder.

  His arm shifted until it wrapped around my back and his hand clutched at my elbow, holding me a close as we faced one of the darkened computer monitors.

  His breath was warm and gentle against the side of my head. “I wish I could go with you...”

  Had he heard already? “You can’t?” I asked.

  He made a very gentle, guttural noise in his throat. “I wish... more than anything... and I might come up at some point. We just can’t all go. Enough need to stay behind to monitor for Volto, to keep guard over everything. With most of the team gone, someone has to be here to take care of the family we’re leaving behind.”

  A small, nervous sensation, vibrated to life inside my chest. It was something I hadn’t felt in a while, something familiar to me, like when I’d lived with my parents. It was a fear of getting caught unaware and into some major trouble. “Is it safe to split up?”

  “You’ll probably be much safer, I think. We’re sending North and Silas for sure, but to follow you, not in the same car. We want them watching your back and only coming around if there’s any trouble.” His hand held at my elbow a little tighter. “I’d have us all go if it were really too dangerous, and I’ll be waiting and listening to see if you need me.”

  “I do need you,” I said in a hurried breath. I didn’t ever want him to think I didn’t need him.

  I did.

  He paused for a second and the air between us stilled. Slowly, his other hand moved over, until he could pick up under my knees. He shifted my legs until the underside of my knees were hooked over his.

  With a quick lift, he slid me over until I sat, content, in his lap.

  He held on strong around my waist as if to be sure I had support, even if I was leaning into his chest. It was his nose that traced at my cheek, followed by his lips that brushed at my skin.

  As much as I wanted to forget for the moment, I whispered. “Maybe... we should lock the door.”

  A locked door would keep most people out. For our own people, it would simply give them pause and we’d hear before they came in. It would give us a minute to adjust.

  I’d learned to listen for door handles.

  It was another quick movement from Kota, as he leaned just enough to reach the door and switch the lock, testing the handle to be sure, before he returned.

  And when his hand returned, it landed on the outside of my thigh, half on top of the skirt, half on bare skin.

  His nose traced gently at mine. His lips hovered over my skin and he smiled and whispered, “I don’t know how many times I used to hover like this, hoping you’d... do anything.”

  Heat radiated through my body at the memory. “I kept hoping you’d do anything, too.”

  “I wanted to.” He shifted then, and without saying another word, he kissed me.

  It was a sweet, light kiss, meant to not be distracting with where we were. I responded, opening my lips slightly but not deepening. After a few moments, I cuddled into his arms, just being together for whatever time we were allowed.

  Who knew how long I’d be gone? I couldn’t predict what might happen.

  I couldn’t wait to get it over with. To get back to them.

  I’d behave. I’d follow the rules in public. Every rule we made to make the relationship work. I wanted to make sure we could be happy. As much as possible.

  If only I could talk to them more openly. I needed to learn how.

  Every Moment, I Realized How

  Gabriel

  It had been a long, emotional day, and toward the end of it, nearly everyone’s energy was completely drained. Sang was off to spend the night at Kota’s for the evening.

  Gabriel was looking forward to the long trip to Kentucky. Despite Mr. Blackbourne’s thoughts, Gabriel was sure it would work out.

  If her grandparents had cared about Sang, they would have asked for her. Fought to see her somehow. Not that he wanted to keep her away from them if they were nice. It wasn’t that at all. He was just pretty sure that if anything, they’d just be delighted to know she was healthy and safe but maybe not able to take her in, not unless there was dire need.

  Mostly based on what happened to her mother... Sang’s mother was no longer alive. Would they be dredging up bad memories? Would they even care?

  Maybe he was pulling from his own experience. Except for the one time after his father’s funeral, none of his extended family really reached out to see if he was okay, or checked about maybe bringing him back to Kentucky. The occasional Christmas card was about it.

  He didn’t know why that was the case, but... that’s why he was mostly going, and why he had put it off this long. He knew if he went to Kentucky, he’d ask them and he wasn’t sure he’d like the answer.

  They just didn’t want him.

  And Sang might discover that same thing. If they had really wanted her, they would have come for her. Kept in touch somehow.

  Gabriel sat in the rear seat of a black SUV, going over in his head all scenarios for this trip. Something told him they’d be back before they knew it. But at least it would be a nice break from the usual. He just hoped it wouldn’t be completely negative.

  North drove in silence, having swapped out everything on the upper half of his body from the school uniform to the black T-shirt. Stripped right in the school parking lot.

  He probably would have swapped out the pants for jeans if there hadn’t been so many other people around at the time.

  Victor was in the passenger seat, still in uniform sans the jacket. Luke took Gabriel’s moped to Kota’s. He might even spend the night there.

  “Did you two want to come over?” North asked. “To my house?”

  “I probably need to stay at Mr. Buble’s place,” Victor said. He gazed up, and out the window, as if he’d been in deep thought, too. “I think Dr. Green is picking me up in the early morning to drive in with him so I can take his car in the afternoon for a meeting with the lawyer.”

  North adjusted his rearview a little, focusing through it to check in with Gabriel. “What about you?”

  “I don’t want to go home, that’s for sure,” Gabriel said. “Don’t have any shit there anyway.”

  North’s dark eyebrow rose. “Is Pam okay?” He said it so strongly that Gabriel was convinced he’d insist they all go there if he hinted she wasn’t.

  “Just that new stupid boyfriend,” Gabriel said. “And I haven’t gotten him to leave yet. I wouldn’t worry about leaving for so long on this trip except he’ll probably have her convinced to kick me out for good by the time I get back. But then...” He shook his head. “Maybe I’m fighting a losing battle. She’s an adult. She’s making her own choices.”

  “She let go of her other boyfriends,” Victor said. “Why is this one different? She’s usually pretty good at letting them go once the new relationship euphoria wears down.”