Gritting his teeth, Red pushed his gloved hands against the ground, shifting to move the chunk of wall off his back. It slid off him, hitting the ground with a thunk, and he was able to push himself onto his knees. He tried to get up, but a wave of dizziness had him losing his equilibrium.

  Get up. You have to get up.

  Pushing through the light-headedness, nausea, and pain, Red scrambled to get to his fallen brother. What the hell happened? One minute they were approaching their target, and the next an explosion had gone off. King yelled for them to fall back, and then the world around them ceased to be, a deafening boom sending bodies into the air, including Red. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go.

  Red reached his friend, his brother-in-arms, and rolled him over, all the while praying he was alive. Tears filled his eyes, and he wiped them away as best he could with his gloved hands. Deuce stared up at Red, green eyes that had once been filled with so much mischief now lifeless and empty, courtesy of the steel rod through his chest. A section of smoke cleared enough for Red to choke on his strangled cry. Three more bodies. Oh God, no. Please. He reluctantly left Deuce to check on Kicker. He was gone, and so was Spider. They were dead. They were all dead.

  “Ace?” Red called out, his voice rough, his mouth so dry and scratched he tasted blood. “Lucky? Jack? Someone… please.” A groan caught his ear, and he turned his head, his heart lurching to a halt, or so it felt like. “Oh God. No, no, no.” Red scrambled over, dropping to his knees beside his friend. “King? King, open your eyes.” Red checked his pulse. It was weak, but it was there. Jesus, he’d lost so much blood.

  “Red,” King wheezed, his breath coming out labored.

  “I’m here. Stay with me. Come on, buddy.” Red checked King over for additional injuries, cursing when he found the large piece of shrapnel speared into King’s upper thigh. Thankfully it had missed his femoral artery. Red worked as quickly and efficiently as he could to stop the bleeding. King lay in a pool of blood. It had to be coming from somewhere else. “Shit. Where is it?” Red ran his hands up King’s arms, and when his right hand slipped under King’s vest to his shoulder, King cried out. There it is. Fucker. “Okay, just hold on.” Trailing his fingers, he found another piece of shrapnel impaled into King’s shoulder. He pulled it out, his heart splintering when King only groaned at the pain.

  “King. Open your eyes.”

  King did as he asked, and Red went to work, aware of King shivering. His pupils were blown, his face pale, and he was clammy to the touch. “Who’s going to keep Ace in line, huh?”

  “I’m… not gonna make it, Red.”

  “Fuck you. Yes, you are.” Red sniffed, blinking through his tears. “Bibi will kick my ass if I don’t bring you home, and no offense, but your sister’s scarier than you.”

  King chuckled before he started coughing, his brows drawn together, heartache marring his handsome face. “The others?”

  As if they’d heard King, Ace materialized in the smoke, staggering toward them, Lucky’s arm around his shoulder. Behind them, Jack had Joker in a fireman’s carry. No one else followed. Half their unit, six of their brothers… gone.

  “They’re coming, but you gotta stay with me.”

  King smiled softly, his voice barely above a whisper. “Take care of them. They’re… going to need someone to ground them.”

  “Stop,” Red cried. “Just stay with me. Please.” King closed his eyes, his head lolling to one side. “No, you’re not going to fucking die!”

  “Dustoff inbound,” Jack called out through the thunder of the helo.

  “Did you hear that? We’re getting you out of here, so don’t you dare fucking die on me. King? King!”

  “Red, wake up.”

  With a gasp, Red scrambled back until he hit something hard. His eyes adjusted to the soft glow around him, but he couldn’t focus. Where the hell was he?

  “What’s going on? King?”

  “Red, it’s me. It’s Laz.”

  Red shook his head and shut his eyes tight. He had to control his breathing. Fuck! Why couldn’t he breathe? Grabbing a fistful of his shirt over his heart, he pressed his fist down against his chest to keep his heart from exploding. He was dizzy and struggling to surface from the inky fog he was drowning in.

  “King, where’s King?”

  “King? He’s not here.”

  Red knew that voice, but he couldn’t place it. His head was pounding, and his ears were ringing. He smelled smoke, felt the sand and dirt in his mouth. So much noise, so much blood.

  “I need to see him,” Red whispered. “I need to see him.” Red covered his ears and drew his knees up. He closed his eyes, too afraid to move, afraid he was still there, that hell wasn’t done with him and was dragging him back down.

  “Hold on, Red.”

  Oh God, it was happening again.

  “Shit. Ace and Colton are already gone. I’m calling King now, okay? King? No, I’m fine. Red, um, he’s asking to see you. I think he had a bad nightmare or something. He’s really distraught. Oh, okay. I’ll do that.”

  The bed dipped, and Red jumped when a hand landed on his shoulder, but he couldn’t bring himself to open his eyes.

  “Red, it’s me Laz. King’s on his way, okay? It’s going to be a little while, but he’ll be here. He’s okay.”

  “I need to see King,” Red repeated, shrugging off the hand to his shoulder. He kept his eyes closed and focused on his breathing.

  “Okay. Do you want to talk about it?”

  Red pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes to keep the tears at bay. “No.” He would, but not now. Not until he saw King. He knew he was supposed to talk about it. Avoiding it wasn’t an option, and he didn’t intend to, just… not right now. How much time passed since he’d heard King was coming, he had no clue. It seemed like forever, and in that time, he focused on his breathing, on running through what happened that day, acknowledging the loss of his brothers.

  A phone buzzed somewhere, and the bed shifted again. “I’ll be right back. It’s King.”

  Red didn’t respond. His entire focus was on not panicking.

  “Red?”

  The bedroom light came on, and Red’s head shot up, his vision blurred from fresh tears. He hated that he couldn’t control the sob that tore from him. King sat on the edge of the bed, drawing Red into his arms.

  “I’m okay.”

  Red clung to King, his face buried in King’s shoulder. “Is this real?”

  King nodded. “Yeah, buddy. It’s real. I’m here, and I’m okay.”

  Relief washed through Red, and he allowed himself to accept King’s strength, to let his dearest friend hold him up, comfort him. When he was ready, he pulled back.

  “I’m sorry I woke you.”

  “Don’t be sorry,” King said gently, cupping Red’s face so their eyes could meet. It was so good to see the brightness in King’s blue eyes, to see him so full of life. “You know I’ll always be here for you.”

  “I know.”

  King released him and patiently waited.

  “It’s… it’s been a while since I dreamed of that day,” Red said quietly. His fallen brothers were never far from his thoughts, but it had been years since he’d been triggered this badly. Sometimes certain sounds or textures brought back memories of his time in the service, not all of them bad memories either. It had been years since he’d dreamed of that day, and so vividly. Like he’d been back there.

  “I could feel the smoke choking me, my throat raw from the sand and dirt.” He swallowed hard. Movement to his left caught his attention.

  “I should go.” Laz stood awkwardly to one side.

  “You should stay,” King said, his attention never leaving Red. How did King do that? How could he convey his thoughts with just one look? He knew what Laz was coming to mean to Red, and if Red was going to have any kind of future with Laz, he had a right to know, even if it scared Laz off. Red nodded.

  “Why don’t you have a seat next to Red? If you’re okay with that.”

  Laz nodded and quickly walked around the bed. He climbed up and sat cross-legged in the center of the mattress, facing Red and King.

  King turned his attention back to Red, his voice quiet and soothing. “Why don’t you tell us.”

  Inhaling a deep unsteady breath, Red started to talk. He walked them through his dream, from the moment he opened his eyes to his finding Deuce, Kicker, and Spider, then King. From knowing half his unit was gone, the smell of blood, of burning flesh, the heat, the fire, the fear.

  “Then you passed out, and I thought you…. I thought you were gone too. I woke up after that.” The tears rolled down his cheeks, and he didn’t bother trying to fight them. He let out a shaky breath, but the pain in his chest had dulled to a small ache. Sniffing caught his attention, and he looked over to find Laz with his arms wrapped around his drawn-up knees, his face flushed as he cried quietly.

  “Laz.” Red didn’t think. He drew Laz into his arms, wrapping him up in a tight embrace. He ran his fingers over Laz’s hair.

  “I should be the one comforting you, not the other way around,” Laz said, his voice sounding off due to his stuffy nose.

  “I’ve lived with this memory for a very long time. This is the first you’re hearing of it.”

  “I’m so sorry you lost them. Both of you. I can’t… I can’t even imagine—” Laz pulled back, his expression horrified. “Wait. Was it what happened at the beach? Did that trigger your nightmare?”

  Red wasn’t about to lie. “Most likely.”

  “Oh God, this is my fault.” Laz started to pull away, but Red stopped him.

  “Laz, this isn’t your fault. I was diagnosed with PTSD when I got back, but I spent a long time receiving PE and CPT treatment.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Prolonged Exposure and Cognitive Processing Therapy,” King offered. “They’re trauma-focused psychotherapies. When someone suffers from PTSD, it’s natural for them to try and avoid anything that reminds them of the trauma, but that’s not a long-term solution. Prolonged Exposure therapy had Red not just talking about his trauma in detail, but facing them through in vivo situations.”

  “In vivo? You mean like real life situations?” Laz looked horrified.

  Red nodded. “It was gradual, a step-by-step process where I worked toward confronting situations that reminded me of my trauma. It was all safe, and yes, at first it felt like it was just making things worse, but the guys helped me stick with it, and eventually, it started to get better. It’s why I can do what I do now as a King and not be triggered.”

  “Until now. Because of me, because of what happened on the beach.”

  “No, not you. Laz, PTSD isn’t something that just goes away. Everyone is different. The symptoms are different, the treatments, medication, the way they respond. It took years, but I was able to regain control of my life. There’s always a chance of a setback, but it wasn’t any one thing that triggered my nightmare; it was a combination of things. The gunfire, the guys all being there, the sand, the heat, the noise, someone I care about bleeding….” Red cupped his cheek. “It was not your fault. Do you understand that?”

  Laz nodded.

  “Do you need me to stay?” King asked.

  “No, I’m good. Thank you for coming.”

  King stood and placed his hand on Red’s shoulder. “Okay. Try and get some rest. If you need anything, let me know.” He moved his gaze to Laz. “You too.”

  “Thank you, King. I’ll walk you out.” Laz made to get up, but King held a hand up.

  “Don’t worry about it. I’ll set the alarm on my way out. You two rest.” King turned off the bedroom light, leaving only the bedside lamp on. The house was plunged once again into silence.

  Red had no idea what time it was, but he figured it was close to dawn, seeing as how Ace and Colton had already left for the airport. Otherwise Ace would have been the first one through his bedroom door after he screamed.

  “Are you okay?” Red asked Laz, concerned how Laz was taking all this.

  “Me?”

  “It can be hard… to see someone like that, not knowing what to do to help.”

  Laz seemed to consider his words before meeting Red’s gaze. “Maybe you can tell me how to help?”

  Red smiled, and Laz leaned in to brush his lips over Red’s. It was a butterfly kiss, but Red felt it down to his bones. He cupped Laz’s face, stroking his cheek with his thumb. “Just the fact that you’re still here means the world to me.”

  “Of course I’m still here. You were in pain. I wasn’t going to just leave you to suffer alone.”

  Red swallowed hard. “Still. Thank you.”

  Laz looked like he wanted to ask, but thankfully he didn’t. Red was far too exhausted and vulnerable right now to bring up his ex.

  Laz dropped his gaze to his fingers, his gaze everywhere but on Red. “Can I… um, can I stay here with you? Until you fall asleep?”

  Red’s heart skipped a beat. “I’d like that.” He leaned over and turned off the lamp, then lay down with Laz lying beside him on top of the duvet. They were facing each other, and although the room was dark, enough moonlight came through the window for Red to see Laz. His beautiful eyes were on Red, and Red would have given anything to know what he was thinking.

  “Close your eyes, Red. I’m right here if you need me.”

  Red did as Laz asked, his body finally losing some of the tension from earlier. It felt good having Laz beside him. He’d been on his own for so long he’d forgotten what it was like to share his bed with someone. Before he realized it, he’d fallen into a deep, dreamless sleep.

  Heat flared through Red’s body, the delicious pressure to his cock stirring him from sleep. Was he dreaming again? God, he hoped not. It felt too good to be a dream. He thrust his hips forward, a groan escaping him when he was met with a firm, round ass pushing back against him in response. Red dug his fingers into the soft flesh of hips before sliding his hand over and around where he found a hard cock straining against the soft jersey material of pajama pants.

  “Mmm, feels so good,” Laz murmured quietly, his voice laced with sleep as he continued to rub his ass up against Red’s stiffening erection.

  Red buried his face into the thick dark curls of Laz’s hair and inhaled deeply, the mix of shampoo and Laz’s scent making him punch his hips forward. Laz let out a decadent moan that went straight to Red’s groin, and he wondered what it would feel like to be buried deep inside Laz. He wanted to run his tongue over every inch of Laz’s body, wanted to bask in his scent, and feast on his most intimate parts. Laz took hold of Red’s hand and slipped it beneath the waistband of his pants, drawing a groan from Red.

  “Laz….” Red was curled around him, their bodies pressed together from head to toe, and it filled Red with such contentment. He was comfortable and so at ease. “We should stop.”

  “Why?”

  “Because this will change our relationship, and I don’t want this situation we’re in to be the reason we do this.” Red pulled his hand out from Laz’s pants, hoping Laz understood. Laz meant so much more to him than a quick fuck. After everything Laz had been through, was still going through, Red didn’t want to rush him into something he might not be ready for. Then there was everything that happened last night. Laz turned to face Red, the clarity and intensity in his eyes catching Red off guard, forcing him wide-awake.

  “You think whatever’s going on between us is a result of my life being in danger? Because we’re stuck together?”

  “Isn’t it?”

  Laz narrowed his eyes. “My life wasn’t in danger when we met. You called me gorgeous. Remember that?”

  “Yes, but—”

  “Tell me you didn’t feel something between us the moment Ace introduced us, because I know I did, and I clearly remember the way you looked at me.”

  “How did I look at you?”

  “Like I was the most beautiful thing you’d ever seen.”

  Red felt his face heat up. He placed a hand to Laz’s cheek. “You’re right. I was drawn to you the second I saw you.”

  “It was the same for me. You might not want to hear this, but you’re part of the reason I broke up with Bryan.”

  Red stared at him. “What?”

  “After you saved my life, all I could think about was how you had done more for me in a few minutes than Bryan had done in the years we’d been together. I’ve never been with a guy who’s treated me like I was something precious.”

  “But you are,” Red said, stroking his thumb over Laz’s bottom lip. “When you care about someone, that makes them precious.”

  “See? After meeting you, spending hardly any time around you, I realized how fucked-up my relationship with Bryan was. I deserve better. When Bryan told me to kick you out, how he was the one who had a right to be there, it hit me how much I wanted you to stay instead of him. It was enough for me to tell him it was over.”

  “I agree that you deserve better than Bryan, but I didn’t want to be the reason you broke up with him.”

  “I said you were part of the reason, but the real reason is, I did it for me. You helped open my eyes to the truth I’d been ignoring for a long time. So thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.” It might make him an asshole, but Red didn’t feel guilty for having a part in Laz leaving Bryan. The guy was a manipulative, abusive jackass who only cared about himself, but it was knowing how little he’d supported Laz after what that son of a bitch photographer did that had Bryan on Red’s shit list.

  Laz moved his hand to Red’s chest, and slowly slid it down to his abdomen then over the cock straining against his pants.

  “Are you sure you want to do this?” Red needed Laz to be aware of what he was doing, of what they were starting. There would be no undoing whatever happened between them, and Red didn’t want to lose Laz.

  “I’m not sure of anything,” Laz said breathlessly as he massaged Red through his pants, his lips curling into a wicked grin when Red sucked in a sharp breath. “But what I do know is that I want this very badly.” He brought their lips together, and Red released a moan as Laz rolled him onto his back, then straddled him, his fingers slipping into Red’s hair.