“I think maybe this whole mess is starting to get to me,” Laz said, pouring himself a new glass of orange juice. “The whole hurry up and wait thing.”

  “Maybe after breakfast you should get some rest. Get back into bed.”

  “No, I’m good,” Laz said, mustering up a smile before he took a seat at the counter to eat. “Maybe I’ll just go for a swim in the pool.”

  “I’ll join you.” Red kissed his temple as he took a seat beside him.

  Laz’s phone rang. He recognized the number but couldn’t place it. “Hello?”

  “Laz, this is Maria Vargas.”

  “Maria, how are you?”

  “I’m good but in desperate need of your help.”

  “How can I help?”

  “Elena had to move up the date of her interview as she’s going to need to fly back to Milan sooner than expected. As you may know, the unveiling of her spring collection is next week down in Miami, and she’d been hoping to do the interview once it was over, but unfortunately she’s going to have to fly out straight after the show, so she’s asked if we could do the shoot today.”

  Holy shit. Today? “Yes, of course. Just tell me where I need to go.”

  “We had a lovely outdoor shoot planned, but it looks like we’ll have to make do with the studio we have here. Everyone is on their way. I’m so very sorry to spring this on you at the last minute.”

  “Not a problem. I’ll get my equipment together and head right over. See you soon.”

  “Thank you so much, Laz. You are a star.” She hung up, and Laz started making a mental note of everything he needed to bring with him.

  “Everything okay?” Red asked.

  “I’m needed at the studio right away. The shoot’s been moved up.”

  “Okay. Tell me what you need, and I’ll load it into the car while you get ready.”

  “Damn it, I thought I’d have more time. I hate rushing into a shoot, especially one this important.”

  Red put a hand on his shoulder and gave him a reassuring squeeze, his smile sweet. “You’re going to be great, Laz. You got this.”

  “Thank you.” Warmth spread through Laz, and he allowed himself to fall into Red’s hazel-green eyes. He was being an idiot. Red had been nothing but supportive, protective, and caring. Whatever that phone call had been was none of Laz’s business, and certainly not the dire affair his head insisted on. He needed to stop letting his insecurities get the better of him before he ruined the best thing that had ever happened to him. This time, things were going to be different.

  Something was wrong.

  Red hated the ugly feeling in the pit of his stomach. His instincts were on high alert, and it had nothing to do with any physical danger. After he’d gathered all of Laz’s equipment so Laz could get himself ready for the photo shoot, Red quickly got dressed. When they got into Red’s car, Laz had been nervous but in high spirits, and although he’d been a little quiet on the way to St. Augustine, it was clearly from nerves. They’d arrived at the studio, and Red helped Laz carry all his equipment inside. Laz even sneaked a quick kiss when no one was looking while they waited in the lobby.

  The moment they stepped into the studio, they were swept up in a flurry of activity as everyone prepared for Elena’s arrival. After much reassurance that he was perfectly fine to, Red helped move equipment, especially the heavier pieces, and Laz teased him about his “manly muscles,” which Red promptly flexed for him. Laz swooned dramatically across a chaise lounge Red had just moved, and they both laughed, everything seeming to go back to normal between them. At least until Lucky showed up.

  “I need to step out for a little while,” Red said, kissing Laz’s cheek. “I’ll be back later. If you need anything, Lucky’s here to help.”

  Laz’s smile faded, but he nodded. “Is everything okay?”

  “Yeah, I just have an errand to run.”

  “Okay.” Laz smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “See you soon, then.”

  Before Red could say another word, Laz hurried off. For the life of him, Red couldn’t figure out what he could have done to bring this on. He was under no illusion that whatever was bothering Laz was connected to him, but no matter how many times he’d asked Laz, he received the same answer.

  Nothing.

  Red worried the entire drive over to Alexa’s. Was it possible Laz knew? There was no way. Red had been careful. He’d made sure Laz was still deep asleep before taking the call after he’d texted her. Damn it, he should have left the room, but he’d been afraid of waking Laz. Before he could spare the matter another thought, Alexa opened the door, her lips pulled into a thin line the moment she saw him. She placed her hands on her hips and narrowed her eyes at him.

  “Why do you look guilty?”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He smiled sweetly, but she wasn’t having any of it. “Can I get a hug first?”

  With a sigh, she allowed him to bring her into a tight hug. She was a tiny thing, the top of her head barely at eye level with his chest. He squeezed her, but not too tight, and she returned the gesture before pulling back and standing to one side to let him by. The place was as familiar to him as his own home, and the moment he reached the living room, he felt his tension ease. He sat down on the plush couch and sat back against the many comfortable throw pillows. The room was light and airy and filled with so many memories.

  Alexa sat in the armchair across from him, her fingers laced together on her lap as she studied him. “I was a little surprised to hear from you.” Her big brown eyes filled with concern. “Why the urgency?”

  Red took a moment to gather his thoughts, to accept what was. He took a deep breath and said the words that had been taking shape in his heart. “I’m in love.”

  Alexa’s eyes went wide before she seemed to gather herself and nodded slowly. “With your… friend?”

  “Yes.”

  “Why tell me they were only a friend?”

  “He,” Red offered. “And he’s my boyfriend. It’s all very new.” Red shrugged at her question, his face feeling flushed before he gave her a rueful smile. “I guess because I knew what you were going to say.”

  “And what’s that?”

  Red leaned forward, his elbows on his legs and his chin resting on his fists. “That I should be open and honest with him about the reason I called you. That if I felt the need to be here, then it’s important, and if it’s important, I should discuss it with him and not hide it.”

  “And yet you did none of those things, Russell. Why?”

  “Because I’m scared. No, I’m terrified.” He sat back and closed his eyes, inhaling the soothing scent of lavender. Centering himself, he met her gaze. “I’m terrified I’m going to scare him off.”

  “Like you believe you did with Naaz?”

  Red nodded.

  Alexa leaned forward, her gaze never leaving his. “We discussed this, Russell. You didn’t scare Naaz off. She loved you, yes, but she wasn’t as prepared for the challenges of being in a relationship with someone who has PTSD as she believed she was. It was neither your fault nor hers, but her insecurities and trust issues are what led to the end of your relationship, which she initiated by giving you an ultimatum with a predictable outcome.”

  Red sighed. “She knew I couldn’t walk away from King.”

  Alexa nodded. “I believe in the end, it allowed her to walk away without guilt. She gave you what she believed was a very reasonable choice, and you chose Ward instead of her.”

  “No, I know.” It had taken him a long time to come to terms with what happened between him and Naaz, but every once in a while, his insecurities reared up.

  “What’s his name?” Alexa asked softly.

  Red winced. “Um, Lazarus. Laz.” He knew what was coming. She arched a perfectly shaped brow at him.

  “The young man you saved from drowning at Colton’s party.”

  “Yes.”

  “That was some time ago.”

  Red rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, I know.” He went back to the beginning, and told her everything, from Ace’s little ambush, to the shooting on the beach, to the amazing days and nights that had led to Red giving a name to the fullness in his heart.

  “It’s clear that Laz has serious trust issues, and understandably so. He’s only just come out of what sounds like an abusive relationship and is facing his own insecurities. Openness and trust will be crucial if you’re both going to have a future together. I know it’s a little early in your relationship, but if Laz is open to it, I would like for him to accompany you on your monthly sessions. I think it could benefit you both.”

  “I’d like that. Thank you. I’ll talk to him about it.”

  They talked some more, and Red discussed his recurring nightmare, the reason behind his asking to see her so urgently, afraid he might be having a setback, but he was relieved to discover the nightmare was less about his PTSD and more about his fears concerning his relationship with Laz. By the time Red left Alexa’s office, he could breathe again. No more hiding. He loved Laz, and if he was going to have a healthy relationship with the man he loved, he would need to be a hundred percent transparent.

  When Red arrived back at the studio, he was eager to see Laz, to pull him into his arms and apologize for being such an idiot. He’d ask Laz to forgive him for not telling him about the nightmares and keeping them a secret from him because he’d been afraid Laz would walk away from him the way Naaz had. His heart was doing little flips, and he couldn’t keep the smile off his face.

  His smile was quickly replaced with something darker when he walked through the studio door to find a handsome man tucking a lock of Laz’s curls behind his ears. The man said something that made Laz laugh and then leaned in closer than necessary to point out something on Laz’s laptop screen.

  Red took a step forward, but Lucky appeared, grabbed his arm, and pulled him to one side. “Bro, what the fuck is going on?”

  “That’s what I’d like to know,” Red hissed. “Who’s the guy hanging all over Laz?” And why was Laz allowing it?

  Lucky shrugged. “Some art director or something.” His deep brown eyes filled with concern. “¿Red, qué pasó? You two were all lovey-dovey and shit, and now he’s acting like an ass. When I asked him if he’s okay, he says he’s fine, but his tone and eyes say he is not fine, you know? I am worried about him.”

  “Me too. Thanks for looking out for him.” Red patted Lucky’s shoulder and motioned to the door. “I got it from here.”

  “Are you sure?” Lucky asked, looking over his shoulder at Laz before moving his worried gaze back to Red.

  “Yeah, thanks. I’ll see you later, okay?”

  Lucky nodded and headed off while Red took a moment to compose himself. Since neither Maria nor Elena were anywhere in sight, and the few people who remained seemed to be packing up, Red assumed the shoot was over already. Damn, it went quicker than he’d expected. That didn’t explain Laz’s behavior. Whatever game Laz was playing, Red was not happy.

  Laz laughed, and Red’s hackles went up, not because the man was obviously flirting with Laz, but because Laz was clearly flirting back. Laz poked the guy in the shoulder playfully, his smile wide as he said something that had the other guy in stitches. What the hell was going on? Red walked over, his eyes narrowed at the man, who glanced up and quickly straightened away from Laz when Red approached.

  “Hey,” Red said, trying not to growl out the words. Maybe he was just feeling a little sensitive after his session and overreacting, but then Lucky also believed something was up.

  Laz muttered a greeting, but didn’t even bother looking up from his screen. His smile had faded, and he pretended to concentrate on the images in front of him.

  The fuck?

  “You must be Red. Laz’s security detail,” the man said, extending his hand. “He said not to pay you any mind if you came over, but you’re kind of a hard man to ignore. I’m Harold, the art director.”

  Red’s eyebrows shot up near his hairline. Not to pay him any mind? Red shook Harold’s hand. “Hi.”

  “We still have some work to do, but I can take Laz home if you have better places to be.”

  The way the guy said those words rubbed Red the wrong way, and he felt like maybe it was something Laz might have said to Harold. Red had needed to step out, and that translated to him having better places to be?

  “Can I talk to you for a minute?” Red asked Laz.

  “I’m kind of busy right now, but if you need to go do whatever it is you have to do, Harold can drop me off at Colton’s.”

  Like hell he would.

  “Laz.” Red was trying to be patient, but the smugness in Harold’s knowing grin, and the cold shoulder Laz was currently giving him without explanation, had him struggling to maintain his cool. When Laz didn’t move, Red closed the laptop. The look he received was icy enough to freeze his balls off, but whatever snippy remark Laz had been prepared to throw his way died on his lips when Red narrowed his eyes. “I need to talk to you in private.”

  “Fine.” Laz slipped out of the folding director’s chair and walked with Red to what appeared to be a small office off the main area. Red waited until Laz was inside before closing the door and turning to Laz.

  “What the hell is going on? What was that all about out there? Telling Harold not to pay me any mind?”

  “Well, yeah,” Laz said with a shrug. “As far as he knows you’re just my friend, right?”

  The way he said “friend” had Red’s alarm bells going off. “What?”

  “Forget it. I’m done here. Just take me home.” Laz turned toward the door, and Red gently took hold of his arm.

  A punch to the groin would have hurt less than the blow he received when Laz flinched and jerked away from him, but it was the look in his eyes that cut the deepest. It was the look of someone who expected to be struck.

  “Don’t touch me,” Laz whispered.

  Red swallowed hard, a mixture of painful heart-wrenching emotions flooding through him, everything from anger and hurt to regret. What could he possibly have done to warrant such a reaction? The backs of his eyes stung, and he blinked away his tears.

  “Wow, I have no idea what I did, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t deserve that, Laz.”

  “You hurt me.”

  Red felt a tear roll down his cheek, and he quickly wiped it away. “I have never raised my hand to you. Ever.”

  “There are plenty of other ways to hurt someone.” Laz remained turned away from him, curled in on himself, and the sight was too much for Red.

  “I’ll have Lucky take you home.” Red left the room without another word. Somehow he managed to pull himself together enough to call Lucky. “Hey, I’m sorry to do this, but I need you to come back. Laz needs a ride home.”

  There was a pause on the other end of the line before Lucky spoke up, his voice soft and somber. “Okay, bro. Don’t worry. I’m on my way.”

  Red waited until Laz was in Lucky’s car before he climbed behind the wheel of his G80. He felt numb. Like his world was crumbling around him. He had the whole ride over to Colton’s house to think about what happened. The only thing he could think of that could have caused all this was the phone call he’d made, but then why wouldn’t Laz just say so? Why not simply ask? It didn’t make any sense. By the time he got to Colton’s, he was fuming. Not at Laz, but the whole goddamn situation. What the hell did it say about their relationship that it all fell apart at the first snag? Right now, he needed to hit something, so he changed into some loose yoga pants and a T-shirt before making his way to Colton’s gym. Thankfully, he didn’t run into Laz, but he did run into Ace.

  “Hey, whoa, you look like a bull about to charge. What’s going on?”

  Red was about to say nothing, but stopped himself. “I need to blow off some steam.”

  “Going to hit the gym?”

  “Definitely plan on hitting something,” Red grumbled.

  “How about a little sparring session?”

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  “You’re right, it’s not a good idea. It’s a great idea,” Ace said with a decisive nod as he followed Red. “Then you can tell me what’s got you stomping around like you’re trying to bring the house down.”

  “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” Red walked into the large home gym, his body tight, and ready to let loose his frustration. The gym was impressive as far as home gyms went what with all the latest high tech equipment, but Red wasn’t interested in the state-of-the-art treadmill or elliptical. Instead, he headed straight for the mat and the heavy duty MMA punching bag Ace had installed after he moved in. He pulled off his shirt, and dropped it on the bench before doing a few stretches. Then he swiped up a pair of boxing gloves, and pulled them on. Ace took position behind the punching bag, and held it for him.

  “So what’s going on?”

  “I’m not ready to talk yet.” Red rounded his shoulders before bouncing on his toes. When Ace nodded, Red let loose with a fierce right hook. Ace didn’t say a word. He held on to the bag while Red unleashed all his frustration with a series of right and left hooks, jabs, and elbow hits, followed by several kicks. When he was sweating and panting, he nodded to Ace, who placed a water bottle to his lips and tipped it back slowly so he could take a few sips.

  “Ready to talk yet?”

  Red motioned toward the second pair of gloves, and Ace arched an eyebrow at him.

  “That bad, huh?” Ace slipped on his gloves, and after some stretching, took position on the mat across from Red.

  They went a few rounds, circling each other, but being mindful that not long ago Red had been recovering from gunshot wounds. Ace was quicker on his feet than Red, which helped him avoid Red’s fists. He knew if he let Red get one of his right hooks in that he’d be on the mat. Red kept his gloves in front of his face and his elbows tucked against his body to protect his ribs. Ace liked to play dirty, but Red knew all his tricks. He blocked Ace’s left hook when he faked a right.