He smirked. “Happy to oblige.”

  “Not that I’m happy you have to retire,” she amended, thinking about Dylan’s reaction at the stadium that day. “I know how much you love football.”

  “It’s okay, I know what you meant.” He kissed her forehead. “I’m happy you’re finally coming around, sis. You couldn’t have picked a better guy.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Dylan had been staying with Sabrina for two months, and the time had flown by. If anything good had come of her awful ordeal, it was that they were getting closer every day. They talked more than they ever had, and they’d even discussed the future a time or two: where they would live, trips they’d like to take, where they’d have their vacation home. Sabrina felt more and more as if they were in it for the long haul.

  Of course, a black cloud still hung over them: the rape. She hadn’t yet decided whether to run the risk of pressing charges against Bell, and she knew her case was getting weaker with every day that passed. But that wasn’t the only thing making her queasy.

  She’d been sick every morning for six days. At first she’d thought it was just a stomach bug, but when Kiara shoved a non-descript paper bag in her hands and told her to take the test, Sabrina nearly hyperventilated. She couldn’t be pregnant—could she? She’d stopped taking her birth control pills during her months of sexual inactivity after the rape, but she’d started taking them again the morning after she and Dylan had made love the first time.

  According to Kiara, they should have been using an alternate form of birth control for the first month, just to be sure. It had been so long since Sabrina first went on the pill, she’d forgotten the doctor’s warning.

  So there she was, reading the instructions for a pregnancy test she was terrified to take, with her best friend looking on.

  “It’s simple,” Kiara said, sounding impatient. “Just remove the cap and pee on the stick. I even got you an idiot proof one. It spells it out for you. Pregnant or not pregnant, no little lines to interpret.”

  “You’ve taken one?” Sabrina asked, looking at her.

  “Yeah, I had a pregnancy scare in high school and again in college. Now quit stalling.” Kiara pulled Sabrina off the bed. “You’re a week and a half late, you’re sick every morning, and you turned green when I brought you coffee this morning.”

  “I don’t know if I can do this.” Sabrina pressed a hand against her stomach. “God, what if I am pregnant? What am I going to do? I can’t be a mother. I’m not ready. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready. I just started warming up to the idea of getting married, and now this?” She held up the stick, desperate to wake up from this nightmare. “This can’t be happening.”

  “You don’t know that anything is happening,” Kiara said, obviously trying to maintain her patience. “You’ve been stressed lately, and that could explain why you’re late. You could have picked up a virus, you don’t know, and you won’t know until you take the damn test. So do it already.” She guided Sabrina through the bathroom door. “You’re making me crazy!”

  “Maybe I should wait a little longer to—”

  “No more waiting!”

  “What if Dylan comes home?” Sabrina said, panic gripping her.

  “You said he left early and is tied up in meetings most of the day.”

  “But my housekeeper will be here soon.” She was just making excuses, and they both knew it.

  “So do the damn test before Rosa gets here.” Before closing the door, Kiara said, “I’ll wait for you out here. Pee on the stick, replace the cap, and leave it on the counter. It’ll be a few minutes before we can read the results.”

  Oh god. She’d never taken a pregnancy test. Sabrina had always been so afraid of an unplanned pregnancy that she’d used both the pill and condoms. Except with Dylan. She trusted him, and they’d both been tested so they’d feel comfortable making love without added protection. She’d really screwed up this time.

  “I don’t hear anything,” Kiara said in a sing-song voice from just outside the door.

  “Get away from the door, you sick freak! I can’t pee with you listening.”

  “Just hurry up!”

  Sabrina did as she was told, afraid her hands were shaking so badly she’d screwed up the test. After washing her hands, she ran out of the bathroom as if the room was on fire. “Okay, I did it. Now what?”

  “Now we wait.”

  Sabrina paced, chewing on her nail. “Oh God, what am I going to do if it’s positive?”

  “I don’t know.” Looking sympathetic, Kiara said, “I guess you’ll have some decisions to make, won’t you?”

  “I can’t do this.” Fighting a wave of nausea, Sabrina said, “I can’t look. You go see what it says.”

  Consulting her watch, Kiara said, “It should be ready.”

  She made it sound as though they were waiting on a cake in the oven. “Hurry, I think I’m going to be sick.”

  Kiara returned a moment later, looking pale. “Honey, you’re pregnant.”

  Sinking onto the foot of the bed, Sabrina whispered, “No. This can’t be happening.”

  ***

  Dylan returned home at lunch time to grab the gold pen his parents had given him when he graduated college. It was a silly superstition, but he was signing a big contract that afternoon and had to have his lucky pen. He walked into the bedroom to grab it from his nightstand, and he heard a gasp from the en-suite bathroom. He assumed it was Sabrina’s housekeeper since he’d seen her car parked outside.

  “Rosa,” he said, pushing open the bathroom door, “is everything okay?” He frowned when she put her hand behind her back, looking guilty.

  “Oh, Mr. Clark, you startled me. I didn’t realize anyone was here.”

  His eyes landed on the brown paper bag at her feet. “What’s that?”

  “Uh, nothing, I was just emptying the garbage.”

  “What’s behind your back?” He didn’t want to give her a hard time, but he could tell by her expression that she was trying to hide something from him. He didn’t think she was the type to steal, but he had to be sure. “I need to see both your hands. Now.”

  She grimaced as she held her hands out in front of her. “I wasn’t being nosy, sir. I really was emptying the garbage, and this fell out.” She showed him the stick.

  “What the hell…?” He didn’t have to ask what it was. “That was in the garbage?”

  “Yes, sir.” She bit her lip. “Since you’ve already seen it, I guess there’s no harm telling you… it’s positive.”

  Dylan gripped the doorframe. “Positive?” He swallowed the lump in his throat. “It’s positive? Are you trying to tell me Sabrina’s pregnant?”

  “I feel terrible,” she said, shaking her head. “I’m sure Miss Mitchell wanted to tell you herself, and now I’ve ruined the surprise.”

  “It’s okay, Rosa.” Dylan patted the older woman’s shoulder before stepping out of the room.

  He sat on the foot of the bed, his head in his hands, trying to process the news. Sabrina was pregnant. With his baby. He was elated, but a nagging question kept him from celebrating. Why hadn’t she told him as soon as she found out?

  ***

  Dylan tried to play it cool all evening, waiting for Sabrina to tell him her big news. But she said nothing about it over dinner, or when they were watching TV, or getting ready for bed. She made small talk, obviously trying to pretend her mind wasn’t a million miles away.

  When he couldn’t take it anymore, he said, “I know, Sabrina.”

  She froze as she pulled her tank top over her head. “What do you know?”

  “About the baby.”

  The color drained from her face. “Um, how do you know?”

  “Rosa found the test in the garbage. I happened to be home at the time.”

  Sabrina closed her eyes before sitting on the edge of the bed. “I just found out this morning. I’m still in shock.”

  Dylan sat on his side of the bed, careful to give her some space. “Any idea how far along you are?” He could tell she wasn’t happy about the news, so he didn’t want to let her know how excited he was.

  “I’m about a week and a half late,” she said quietly, “which is pretty unusual for me, so I’d guess about six weeks.” Her fingertip traced the thread pattern on the duvet. “It’s all my fault. I wasn’t taking the pill after… you know. I started taking it again after we made love the first time, but I should’ve realized we needed additional protection for the first little while. I’m sorry.”

  “Baby, don’t be sorry,” he said, reaching for her hand. “I’m not sorry. I know that timing may not be ideal, but—”

  “It’s not about the timing, D.” She shifted back, settling herself against the headboard. She cradled a pillow against her mid-section. “I’ve been thinking about this a lot since I found out, and I just don’t think I’m cut out to be a mother.” Her eyes filled with tears when she looked at him. “I know that’s not what you want to hear, but I have to be honest.”

  He got up, unable to sit beside her while she took from him the one thing he wanted most. He’d spent the better half of the day making plans, obsessing about their baby, and she was telling him she didn’t want it? “What now? You’re pregnant. The baby is here. So what do you want to do now?”

  Tears fell down her cheeks as she stared straight ahead, refusing to look at him. “I don’t know.”

  “Adoption? Is that what you’re thinking?” He had no idea it was possible to love someone and hate them so much at the same time. “You want someone else to raise this baby? Fine. I’m your guy. I’ll do it by myself. I sure as hell don’t need you.”

  “Dylan, please,” she whispered. “You’ve known all along that I didn’t want to be a mother. I’ve never made a secret of that. This was a mistake. It never should have happened, but it did, and now we have to figure out how to deal with it.”

  “A mistake?” His voice was choked with tears. “You may see it that way, but I don’t. I’m already in love with this baby. I want it. You’re not giving it away to strangers. I won’t let you. You can’t do it if I refuse to sign away my parental rights.”

  “I don’t want this to destroy us,” she said, looking miserable.

  “Too late, it already has.”

  Her eyes shifted to his. “Please don’t say that. I love you.”

  “No, you don’t. You love yourself. You don’t give a goddamn about anyone else.”

  “That’s not true,” she cried. “I’m thinking about what’s best for this baby. I want him or her to have a great life, and that means having a mother who’s there for them. I don’t want them to grow up thinking their mother didn’t care enough to be there, and I can’t give up my career. I just can’t. It’s a part of me.”

  “This baby is a part of you too. And a part of me.” He knew he was wasting his breath, but he was compelled to ask, “Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”

  “Of course it does!” She pressed the heel of her hand against her forehead as she cried. “Don’t you think this is the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make? I love you, and I love this baby, but I know myself. I’m not ready to be a parent! I don’t think I’ll ever be ready!”

  He stared at her a long time. He could see she was broken, but he didn’t feel an ounce of sympathy for her. All of his protective instincts were focused on the baby she was carrying and how he or she would feel when they learned their mother didn’t want them, that she’d willingly given them up because her career came first. “I have to get out of here. I can’t stand to be in the same room with you anymore.” He walked into the closet, and his mind raced as he threw things into his suitcase.

  “Can’t you give it some time, D?” she whispered. “I just found out this morning. I’m still in shock.”

  “You want me to give you time?” He planted his hands on his hips as he glared at her. “I’ve given you eight goddamn years to admit you were in love with me.”

  “That’s not fair.”

  “And you put your career first. Every single time. I can’t believe I was stupid enough to fall in love with you in the first place. My mother was right. You are self-absorbed. You put the success of your business ahead of the people in your life.”

  “How can you say that?” she asked, jerking back. “I love my family and friends. I’m always there when they need me. You know that.”

  “But you won’t be there when your own baby needs you. Is that what you’re telling me?” When her face crumpled, he zipped his suitcase. “I have nothing left to say to you. I’ll have my lawyer send you the papers.” He paused with his hand on the bedroom door. “I’m going to make sure Kiara throws out every drop of liquor in this house, and if you do anything, anything to hurt my baby, I swear to God you’ll regret it.”

  ***

  Sabrina sobbed into her pillow for most of the night, her cell phone tucked under the covers beside her. She kept praying that he’d call her to apologize, but by dawn, she knew he wasn’t sorry. He’d meant every word.

  That was when she sent Kiara a text. It’s over. Can’t come in to work today.

  When she heard the doorbell, she pulled the covers over her head. She knew it wasn’t Dylan, and she didn’t want to see anyone else. Kiara pounded on the french door leading out of the master bedroom a few minutes later.

  “Go away,” Sabrina called, feeling worse for being so mean to her friend. “I don’t want to talk now.”

  “Too bad! You either open this door, or I’m going to get one of those patio stones and break the glass. You decide.”

  Since Kiara probably wasn’t bluffing, Sabrina hauled her butt out of bed to turn the lock before she climbed back under the duvet. “He knows. He left me.”

  Kiara sat at the foot of the bed. “What happened, honey?”

  “He confronted me last night. Apparently Rosa found the test in the garbage and told him.”

  “I told you you shouldn’t have thrown it in there.”

  “It was wrapped in a brown paper bag. I didn’t think my cleaning lady would go rooting through my garbage.” A fresh wave of tears flooded her eyes when she buried her face in Dylan’s pillow and inhaled his scent. “It doesn’t matter how he found out. I would’ve had to tell him eventually. I just thought I’d have a little more time to sort through my feelings.”

  “So you told him you don’t want the baby?”

  Sabrina felt an ache in her chest every time she thought about letting Dylan raise their baby alone, but she didn’t know what else to do. If she pretended she was ready, all three of them would end up suffering. She couldn’t do that to Dylan or her baby.

  “You know who you should talk to about this?” Kiara asked.

  “Who?”

  “Jaxon.”

  Sabrina groaned. “Right, I’m going to talk to one of Dylan’s best friends about this. No, thanks.”

  “Who better? He didn’t want kids either, and now Sela’s pregnant, right? So he obviously changed his mind. Wouldn’t you like to know why?”

  Jaxon was one of her closest friends, but she knew his loyalty lay with Dylan. “He won’t want to talk to me when he finds out what I did to Dylan.”

  “You’re wrong about that.”

  Sabrina looked up to see Jaxon lounging in her doorway. She didn’t have to ask how he’d gotten there—he’d obviously come with Kiara. “Why are you here, Jax? If it’s to tell me that I’m a selfish bitch, Dylan already covered that last night.”

  “I’m here because I care about you.” He walked into the room and stopped at the end of the bed. “I thought you could use a friend.”

  Sabrina started crying again when he sat beside her and pulled her into his arms. She hated that she was such an emotional basket case, but she couldn’t seem to control herself.

  “I’ll leave you two alone.” Kiara backed out of the room and closed the door.

  “Kiara told you?” Sabrina asked, smiling when Jaxon snagged a tissue from her bedside table and wiped her tears.

  “No, Dylan told me. He called me this morning to tell me he wouldn’t be in to work. When I heard how he reacted, I called Kiara to make sure you were all right, and we decided to come over here and find out for ourselves. I hope you don’t mind?”

  “No.” Taking his hand, she said, “Thanks for coming, but you didn’t have to. I know Dylan is one of your closest friends. I don’t want to put you in the middle of this.”

  “Too bad, I’m already in the middle. I love you and him, even when he’s a sanctimonious jerk.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Dylan always sees things as black and white, right or wrong. He doesn’t realize there are about a million shades of gray.”

  “This isn’t his fault,” Sabrina said. “It’s mine. I didn’t want a baby. I should have taken measures to prevent it.”

  “So you made a mistake. You’re human.”

  “Yeah, but now other people are going to get hurt, and that’s not fair.”

  “What about you? You’re hurting too. Don’t your feelings matter?”

  Jaxon’s kind words only made her feel worse. She didn’t deserve his sympathy. He should reserve his pity for the real victims: Dylan and the innocent baby who’d never asked to be brought into the world by a self-centered mother.

  “I know how you feel,” he said when she didn’t speak. “I didn’t think I was cut out to be a parent either.”

  “What changed your mind?”

  “I love my wife. I wanted to do everything in my power to make her happy.” He released Sabrina’s hand to cross his arms. “But it wasn’t just about her happiness—it was about mine too. As much as I love her, there was still something missing, a void that only a baby could fill. Not every couple feels that way, but that was the case for us.”

  “Hmmm.”

  “We all know I had a lousy childhood, and it got a lot worse after my father killed himself.” His eyes were still fixed on Sabrina. “I assumed because I didn’t have a good example growing up, I wouldn’t know how to be a good parent, but I was wrong. I’m not my father any more than you are yours.”