I watch Sophia at the counter chopping the salad for lunch. Her hair is loose like a dark curtain and she’s making small cuts in the vegetables. I never thought I’d see a woman making food as something sexy but I could get used to this. We’ve shared meals before but fancy ones I’ve taken her out to, nothing she’s ever made for me and it feels different, more intimate maybe?

  “You’re staring,” she says over her shoulder not looking at me, her cuts of the carrots precise and neat.

  “How do you know, Soph?” I ask moving to stand behind her and rest my hands on her hips, my chin on her shoulder.

  “Because I can see you in the reflection on the fridge.” She shrugs, and I glance at the stainless-steel appliances of our apartment and laugh. Of course, she can see me, but it doesn’t change why I’m staring.

  I’m mesmerized by her.

  My hands shift covering the swell of her small belly and I think about our baby and how much I’ll miss if I’m not around every day. I regret the stipulations of our contract at this moment because I want more with her.

  “Put the knife down, sweetheart.” I pull her back against me and the utensil clatters to the counter as her hands reach up and around my neck.

  “You want something, Thomas?” She smiles and I turn her around to lift her up on the counter. My hands rest on her thighs before running up her body.

  “I want you.” I cup her face in my hands.

  “You know the deed is pretty much done, right?” She snarks. I shake my head thinking how flippant she’s been lately, and I don’t know how I feel about that. I want more.

  “Doesn’t mean I can’t keep practicing with you.” I kiss her neck sliding her dress over her shoulder to expose the curve and line of her collarbone.

  “With me?” I lick her neck and bit her earlobe gently. How can she think I’d want anyone else?

  “With only you.”

  She moans twisting her neck and I use that as my advantage to slip my hands under her ass to move her to the bedroom. I want to have my way with her.

  “Thomas!” She squeaks nearly strangling me on my way into the bedroom.

  “You’re mine, Sophia.” I let her down on the bed and she scoots back. I pull out my belt and undo my zipper kicking my pants off. I’m eager and need to be inside her soon. I can’t wait.

  I roll onto my back and pull her over me. I scrunch up her dress and tug off her panties. She obliges and shifts leaning down and sucking on my cock until I’m good and wet.

  “Uh, baby, up here.” I tug on her hair and pull her up. She climbs back on top and lowers herself over me. Her sheath is more than ready for me and she takes me with ease. It’s still tight and she clenches on the way down but moves her hips until she’s settled.

  “Thomas feels so good.” She moans, and I raise my hips to thrust up and deep inside her. I won’t last long having wanted her and thinking about her all day long. It’s almost embarrassing how quickly she can get me to come like this.

  “You feel good, baby.” I reach between us and press on her with my thumb rubbing gentle circles until she’s breathless and bouncing up and down over me. I watch her lose herself as she comes, and I follow soon after releasing inside her. I love not having to use condoms and if she wasn’t pregnant before then I’m confident this coupling would have done it as well.

  “What prompted all that? I thought you were hungry before?” She giggles rolling to her back legs and arms star-fished on the bed and out of breath.

  I turn my head to look at her profile. Her face is serene, and cheeks flushed. She’s absolutely beautiful. I raise up on my elbow and brush her hair off her face. “I’m always hungry for you.”

  She rolls her eyes.

  “Hey, I’m serious.”

  “Uh huh.” She moves to roll off the bed and stands away from me. The distance feels like miles instead of feet.

  “Sophia?”

  She turns back to look at me. “The salad will keep but the steaks won’t.”

  I grab her hand and pull her back. “I’ve been thinking, I want more.”

  Her brow furrows, “More?”

  “I’d like to be more involved.”

  “With the cooking? Grill the steak if you want.”

  “No, Soph. I’m serious. I want to be in your life with the baby.”

  “Oh.” She looks speechless as I feel, and I know it’s a lot to take in but, I think, I think I love this girl.

  “Say something, please.” I hold my hand out to her and she kneels on the bed.

  “I think you’re caught up in the moment, Thomas. This is all…” She looks around before finishing on a frown, “pretty intense.”

  It is intense but that’s not why I want more with her and the baby. My baby.

  “Maybe, but can’t we try?”

  She crushes my hope after shaking her head no and I wonder how much she’s thought about this.

  “Thomas it’ll be harder for when you leave. You won’t want this when it’s all over. It’ll get messy and complicated and I don’t think I could deal with that; you know?”

  “Yeah, I guess.” But I don’t believe that for a moment.

  “So, how about some dinner?” She smiles but it doesn’t feel like it fully reaches her whole face.

  “I think I’ll move on to dessert instead.” I get up from the bed and stand in front of her to pull her dress off and continue having my way with her all over again. Maybe I can change her mind but, in the meantime, I want to be with her as much as possible.

  Sophia

  I’ve been distant with Thomas. We’re living together same as before, but I’ve made it a point to be tired when he’s home from work and keep my distance. I don’t like to do it, but it’s something that I feel like I need to do. I’m protecting my heart and my ego a little bit.

  I know he’s noticed the shift. He’s not pushing me into anything which I appreciate, but I can tell he’s sad. And that only makes my emotions worse. I don’t like seeing him that way, but what can I do? If I go into this thing with my whole heart after I’ve had a plan for what it would look like from the beginning then everything will just get thrown off. I don’t want to feel attached to him because we’re having a baby and then after the baby comes feel like that was the only reason we were together. That wouldn’t be any way to live.

  If we do go out together somewhere I play the part for the insane number of cameras. I don’t know that I’ll ever get used to the people that are in our faces all the time. It’s not just the cameramen, it’s the fans too. Thomas has some haters. There’s a whole culture of women out there that side with Rosa after the break-up. They yell at him and call him terrible things and they all dress alike. It’s just a bizarre situation to deal with.

  There are also tons of girls that love to throw themselves at him right in front of me. They have no shame at all and barely any clothing at all. I hold his hand and make a point to smile lovingly at him, but once we’re a good distance from the cameras I go back to the cold shoulder.

  I can distract myself. That’s what I can do. So, I’ve been spending a lot of time with George because he broke up with his boyfriend and wanted to cry about it. I know it’s a cowardly thing of me to do, hide behind my friend’s breakup, but I’m kind of a chicken right now.

  We go to coffee almost daily. I’m not sure how Thomas and George would get on. It’s possible they might love each other, George is certainly a fan. I’ve mentioned him a couple of times and asked if Thomas wants to meet him.

  He’s said he’d love to and for some reason, I’ve still not invited him.

  I know he can’t really be in love with me. I’ve read up on it. People feel close when they’ve created a life together. He’s just wrapped up in this whole baby thing. I know because I am too. I know it can’t happen, but it doesn’t stop me from daydreaming about it. I find myself thinking about this baby and what it would be like to have one with Thomas. Our baby. He would make an excellent father. I have no doubt about that, but I refuse to be with someone that doesn’t love me. I realized it before he told me he wanted to be with me.

  I’m in love with him. I honestly think I have been for quite some time, but I just didn’t know how to acknowledge it. I tried to fight it. Hell, I’m still fighting it. I fight it because I know what’s going to happen. I can’t let myself fall. He won’t be around and I’m going to have a little one to take care of.

  Thomas can’t just go from having sexy flings to settling down. It’s just not who he is. Maybe he was before Rosa ruined him for all women. People just don’t go from we’re just having fun to I want to be with you forever. Once he figures out I’m not really what he wants, it will be too late. We’ll already be knee deep in diapers screaming at each other with no sleep.

  I want so badly to call Regina and talk this out. I just don’t want to sound like I’m ungrateful while she continues to struggle at the bar every day and night.

  I’ve taken to coming to my mother’s house on the weekends and letting her cook for me. Let’s face it, who doesn’t want to go home again? I love when my momma cooks for me. So, when she offers, I jump at the chance.

  She’s thrilled not only am I having a daughter but giving her middle name to her. June is my mother’s name and it’s what I’ve always wanted to name my little girl, but it’s special because it’s a part of her. It helps me pass something on that hopefully will continue.

  “I’m happy you’re here so much, Hija Preciosa. I have to wonder though if your relationship is not suffering.”

  My mother sits with me as I devour a plate of her tamales. Her long dark hair is braided and wrapped several times in a neat bun. She looks just like me but older. I hope I look as good as she does as I age. She’s also so wise to think about my relationship. Mother’s really do know best.

  I chew thoughtfully, trying not to let my emotions show through, but my mother sees through me. She always has, really. It’s actually quite disturbing how she always seems to be able to read my thoughts.

  I sigh heavily and think of what to say. “It’s just been hard. I think I’m feeling out of sorts and I don’t want to just pick fights with him, you know. I’m six months pregnant, I’m not feeling my best.”

  My mother’s face lights with a warm smile. Tiny crow’s feet gather at the corners of her eyes but it does nothing but enhance her beauty.

  “This is when a woman is most beautiful. You’re glowing and gorgeous. You should embrace it.” My mom pats my hand and goes to the fridge. “Orange juice?”

  “No, Ginger Ale, please. My heartburn is so bad right now.” She nods knowingly and removes a bottle from the fridge.

  “You always gave me heartburn,” she chuckles as she moves back over to where I’m sitting. She places the drink in front of me and I sip it. I feel a slight relief as the carbonation works its magic.

  “I can’t pretend to know your relationship because I haven’t met him.” My mother takes this opportunity to give me a look that says for shame. I get the hint and flush.

  “Yeah, sorry about that.”

  She chuckles lightly and waves her hand. “However, you need to think of how he feels on his side. How is all this affecting him? You’re the one pregnant, but did you consider that he might be going through some things as well? If I were a gambling woman, I’d bet that this fellow has some conflicting emotions just like you do. You’re not the only one that is entitled to be confused.”

  Oomph. Leave it to my mother to not pull any punches. I guess that’s where I get my spirit from. But still, she hit me right in the feels with that one. I want to balk and stomp my feet. I want to act like a petulant five-year-old saying me, me, me. It’s all about me, but I know she’s right. He probably is going through just as much emotionally without having to deal with the physical stuff.

  “You’re right.” I sigh.

  Guilt slams into my chest. I shouldn’t have treated him so callously. It wasn’t fair, nor was it right of me. We need to talk about his confession of love. And I most definitely need to apologize for my immediate dismissal. It wasn’t nice of me. I should have at least heard him out. Okay, now I’m feeling pretty shitty. Who am I to tell him his feelings? He’s been nothing but caring to me. Is it so hard for me to sit and listen to him? He’s doted on me and showered me with everything I’ve ever wanted. Maybe there’s something wrong with me.

  I release a slow breath and nod. “You’re right. I have been kind of selfish.”

  Momma gave me a feigned indignant look. “I never said no such thing,” she said with a little twinkle in her eyes.

  I roll my eyes. “You know darn good and well what you did. We’ll talk when I go home, and I’ll let you know how it goes.”

  My mother has been nothing but supportive. I thought she’d be angry and judgmental. It’s true what they say, becoming grandparents really changes a person. In Thomas’s mothers’ case that might not be true, but in people who aren’t used to having everything done for them.

  Reaching for my phone I call a cab. I take a taxi to my mother’s house because it’s not too far away. I don’t want to drive by myself at this stage in my pregnancy. I’m always worried something is going to go wrong and I’ll be by myself. My mother walks me out the front door and as the cab pulls into the drive, she pulls me into an embrace.

  “I’ll talk to you soon, momma,” I say, hugging her as if my very life depended on it. She squeezes me back and I walk down the steps and climb into the backseat.

  A few minutes later, we pull up in front of the house I see a delivery truck unloading boxes and carrying them inside.

  It’s afternoon on a Sunday so it’s strange they would be delivering today. After paying the driver, I walk up to our apartment surprised to see they are being delivered to us.

  “Hi,” I say walking in to find Thomas buried in boxes and putting together a stroller.

  “Hey,” he says not looking up until he notices the delivery guys are behind me. “Oh, the crib. Just bring that right over here please.”

  “What’s going on?” I ask as I drop my keys and purse on the table.

  “Well, Aurora needs a crib, and playpen, and so many things. We only have three months or so until she’s here. I need to talk to you.” Everything seems to tumble out of his mouth at once.

  I’m overcome with emotion that he cares to get ready for the baby and scared that he immediately followed it with we need to talk.

  “Come over here and sit down for me please.”

  “Okay,” I walk on wobbly legs to the couch and sit waiting for him to join me.

  “So, I know you’re scared to get into a real relationship with me. I think I know why. It’s the circumstances in which we met.” He grabs my hands and I turn my body towards him. I’m aware of how round my belly is getting.

  “Thomas, I,” I start to say.

  “No, don’t interrupt me. I’m seriously trying to get this out I practiced all day, okay?”

  I just nod and listen. I find it incredibly cute that he actually practiced his speech. So, I listen intently.

  “When we met it was purely sexual because I was guarded. The relationship with Rose really messed me up, but I’ve always cared about you. I know it seems like I was just out looking for sex, but the truth is you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen and now you’re carrying my baby. I want to make this work. I love you.”

  He leans forward and kisses me softly. I don’t know what to say but of course, I start crying again. He loves me? Like really loves me? I don’t know what to say. Right now, the tears are falling like waterfalls and I can’t control my sobs.

  “What are you thinking?” He asks softly. I know he wants me to say I love him too. I just can’t do it for some reason.

  “How do we start over at this stage in our complicated relationship?”

  “Just like that.” He says smiling. I can see the relief on his face I didn’t shut him down.

  “Okay.” I’m not sure where to go with this conversation next.

  “No, I mean it for real, we’ll just start over. Go on a first date, date each other like we’ve just met. It will be great.”

  “That actually does sound great.” I smile and really feel at ease with him for the first time in months.

  “Okay mama,” he says helping me to my feet. “We’ve got a crib to put together.”

  Thomas

  I am going all out. I left the house, so I could pick Sophia up for our first date. The cameras have died down a bit, but now that her stomach is fully out there they are still clamoring for pictures. It unnerves me every time we leave anywhere that they run up and get that close.

  “You’ve got it bad, huh?” Mason says as he watches me get ready at his place. I’ve got a suit and tie ready. I told her to dress like we were going to the opera. I have a big surprise planned.

  “I do, and I don’t care what you say. This is the real deal.”

  He holds up his hand in protest. “I’m glad. It’s way better than the arrangement you had before. Now you can be a real family.”

  He wipes a fake tear, but I can’t even be mad at him. It’s the truth. We’re going to be a family me, Sophia, and Aurora. I just hope she likes what I’ve put together.

  As I'm grabbing a water from the fridge there's a knock on the door.

  "That should be Sara," Mason says.

  When he opens the door, he's doused with mayonnaise and ketchup.

  At least that's what it looks like.

  "What the hell?" He exclaims backing up.

  "We are Rosa Diaz’s fateful three." The girls yell and push their way into the house. They have more bottles and I didn't bring a change of clothes.

  I rush into Masons bedroom and shut the door. Fan girls of Rosa's have always been insane. When we were dating they stalked her all the time. There's a whole blog dedicated to bashing me and how I mistreated her. It's amazing to me how some people put on such blinders when it comes to someone they idolize.