“I’m going to fuck you and come so deep inside you that you’ll feel it for days,” Seth promises in a low voice.

  I choke on the heat that’s surrounding us. I can barely breathe, and lust is ravaging me, wrecking me as I cry and thrust helplessly. I’m barely moving on my own anymore, too overwhelmed to do so, and Seth just grips hard and rocks into my body, the chair creaking beneath us.

  Then he suddenly stands, my legs latching around his waist to keep him in me, and my back hits the mattress of the bed. My legs fall open and my hands grip his shoulder as he adjusts the angle and drives into me over and over again, plowing so deeply inside me that I’m seeing stars.

  “Take all of it,” Seth growls. “Take every inch of me into your body.”

  “Yes!” I cry out.

  The pleasure is almost painful now, and I writhe, sobbing, seeking release. It builds and builds and builds; the inferno blazing through me, trying desperately to drive myself over the edge as I buck my hips forward, taking more and more of him, almost impossibly deep…

  I start awake with a cry, barely aware of where I am. The world around me is far too hot, and my body is trembling. My legs are spread on the mussed sheets, and two of my fingers are already in my body, chasing my orgasm in my sleep. Too far gone, needing more, I throw my head back and groan, images from my dream still haunting me.

  I could imagine it was Seth’s finger, pushing inside me to prepare me for something larger. I push in further, massaging the inner walls, and my legs tremble from all the overwhelming sensations. My other hand is shaking as it skates across my body, exploring every inch of it as though it was the first time, until I find a sensitive spot just inside my leg, and I pinch it, imagining someone’s teeth closing lightly over the skin. Pleasure races through me, and I fall off the edge, into a pool of fire as my back arches off the bed.

  When the sensations recede, I lie still for a moment, dropping both hands from my body, trying to calm my racing heart. Reality returns around me, and I’m back in my bed, alone, blinking sleep from my eyes. Catching my breath, I look up at the ceiling as my trembling subsides.

  Then I turn my head and look at the clock. I slept longer than I had expected. If I don’t leave soon, I’ll be late for work.

  A wave of loneliness, almost as strong as the pleasure that had rocked me, comes over me. It was great to imagine that Seth was here, and having his image in my mind as I touched myself just makes my desires more powerful.

  But it is always afterward that is the hardest; when it strikes me that Seth isn’t here, that no one is. When I have to pick myself up and move on with my life and remember that nothing has changed.

  Sometimes, that instant of gratification is almost not worth this.

  With a sigh, I roll out of bed. I am sweaty, now, and I need a quick shower, despite having taken one earlier. I don’t want to go into work smelling of sweat and self-pleasure, after all.

  One day, I tell myself, things will be different. I will catch Seth’s eye, and show him everything that I have. In return, I will take what he gives me, and explore him as much as I am able.

  Until that day, I will just live my life as I always have. I will go to work, watch him from afar and try to paint.

  It is all I can do right now.

  Chapter 3

  Seth

  “Heading out?”

  I look up at the sound of my secretary’s voice, giving him a tired smile as he leans in the doorway.

  “About to,” I say. “You?”

  “Nah, my boss has given me a crazy amount of paperwork to finish,” he says, and then grins. “But, if you insist, I can leave it until tomorrow.”

  I laugh, shaking my head at him. Jason Grant has been my secretary for three years now, and he is brilliant at his job. He also isn’t as intimidated by wealth and station as everyone else seems to be; he is always around the corner with a joke, and he never lets anything get him down, even when I overload him with work because I’m already overloaded.

  “That’s probably a good idea,” I say, standing and stretching. “We’ve done a lot, today; we can finish tomorrow. It’s getting late, after all.”

  “Late” is an understatement. It’s already nine o’clock at night. Alicia, my five-year-old daughter, is likely already in bed, and Yvonne, her latest nanny, is probably impatiently waiting for me to get home so that she can return to her own bed.

  “Everything alright?” Jason asks me, peering at me closely.

  “I think Yvonne is going to quit,” I admit, voicing the worry that had been on my mind all week. “Yesterday, Alicia pretended to be hiding outside, and Yvonne spent most of the day in the heat, searching for her. When she came back in, she found that Alicia had eaten an entire tub of ice cream.”

  Jason winces. “Ouch. But she’s still there after that, so that has to count, right? It’s only been a few weeks with this one.”

  “One week,” I correct glumly, not wanting to remember how many nannies I have gone through this year alone. “I really thought Georgia, the last nanny, was going to stay; she was there for two months, the longest yet.”

  “Yeah, what happened to her, anyway?” Jason asks curiously.

  I grimace at the memory. “Alicia dig up some worms and put them in her hair. That, apparently, was the last straw for her.”

  “Hate to say it, but that would have been the last straw for me, too,” Jason says.

  “I know, I wasn’t surprised… It just made things more difficult,” I sigh. “Barely anyone is applying for the position anymore. Yvonne came in at the last minute. If she leaves, I don’t know what I’ll do.”

  “Bring Alicia to work?” Jason suggests.

  We both take a moment to consider my five-year-old daughter being in the office. We both shudder.

  “No,” I said firmly. “I don’t think that will be a good idea.”

  I love my daughter. Alicia is the only thing I have left of my wife who passed away four years ago. I would give her the world if I could. Unfortunately, Alicia is not so great with being separated from me, and she is an absolute terror to her nannies in the hopes that I will come home and stay with her.

  It’s getting to the point where working from home may be the only option available to me. I don’t even want to think about trying to find a new nanny if Yvonne leaves…but I also know, based on how my most recent nanny has been speaking lately, that I am going to have to face this problem very soon.

  “She’d run riot,” Jason agrees with a laugh. “Either that, or she’d be ruling the place within the week.”

  I sigh and pull myself to my feet, tugging my jacket back into place. Neither Yvonne or Alicia (if she is still awake) would care if my clothes weren’t pristine, but I am always uncomfortably aware of the fact that their eyes are always on me. Alicia is too young to be affected by articles about me and, by association, her, but, one day, she will be old enough to look back and see what the world thought of us. I am determined to make sure she reads nothing but good things.

  “I’d better get home,” I say, picking up my briefcase.

  Jason waves me off, hurrying back to his desk to grab his possessions, and I head down to the atrium, giving the receptionist a tired wave. She smiles back just as wearily, and I suppress a yawn as I leave through the tall, automatic glass doors.

  My car is already waiting for me, idling on the curb, exactly as I knew it would be. I sent Matt, my driver, a message a half hour ago to let him know how much longer I would be, and he is where I want him to be, on the dot, as always.

  “Thanks,” I say to Matt as I slide into the back seat.

  “No problem,” Matt says with a small smile. He flicks his indicator on and joins the traffic. “Did you have a good day at work?”

  “A busy day,” I said with a shrug. “Now I have to get home and see what my daughter has done to her nanny this time.”

  Matt chuckled. “She’s your daughter, all right; stubborn as a mule, and determined to get her way.”

  “I could have done without her inheriting the stubbornness,” I sigh. “I wish she got her mother’s temperament.”

  Rose, my beautiful wife, was gentle and kind, and it is still a shock that the world could have taken her the way it did. I close my eyes and lean back; there are still days when her loss hurts.

  “She just has some separation anxiety,” Matt says, bringing me back to the present. “She’ll get over it.”

  “When?” I ask, grimacing. “She starts school next year. Is she going to terrorize her teachers until I have no choice but to homeschool her? I hoped that the nannies could teach her and help her get ready for school, but they spend most of their time running after her and ducking whatever she throws at them!”

  “Have some patience,” Matt says. “I think it will all be fine.”

  I sigh. It’s an easy thing for him to say. He isn’t the one who has to juggle an international company and a daughter that runs off every nanny I try to employ for her.

  If only there was someone out there who could handle Alicia. As it is, I spend half my time at work worrying about how my daughter is doing, and whether she has finally managed to run a nanny off before I get home. I need someone who can both keep Alicia in line and be kind to her.

  “Have you tried any of the nanny agencies?” Matt asked. “Aren’t they trained for this sort of thing?”

  I give Matt an incredulous look. Then I remember that he has only been in my employment for three months.

  “I did,” I inform him. “It was the first place I looked. But it was no good. All of them left.”

  Matt whistles. “Your daughter is a master.”

  “Don’t I know it,” I say glumly.

  We pull up at the house and I stare at it for a long moment. The gardens are dark and there is only a single light on downstairs, which is a contrast to the quaint home next door, which is lit up with tiny, solar lights dotting the yard.

  “Better go face the music,” Matt advises.

  “Right,” I say, shaking myself from my musings. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Matt, thank you.”

  I leave the car and close the door behind me. As I walk up the path, I hear it depart, leaving me alone to face the large, almost empty house, and the angry nanny who is no doubt waiting for me.

  Still, as Matt said, I need to face her sooner or later. I count to ten, draw in a breath, and open the front door.

  Yvonne is standing in the hall, waiting for me. Her thin arms are crossed, her lips are pressed into a tiny line, and her shoulders are stiff. It’s a bad sign.

  “Yvonne,” I greet, trying to smile at her.

  Then I notice the bandage on her head, and I close my eyes briefly, praying for patience. I know what will happen next.

  “Accident?” I ask.

  “There was a car on the stairs,” Yvonne says stiffly. “I went up the stairs to find Alicia and returned downstairs when I could not find her. The car appeared in the time between.”

  I wince. “Sorry.”

  “It is not you who should apologize,” Yvonne snapped before drawing in a deep breath. “She is lucky that I didn’t break anything. Unfortunately, I have hurt my back. I will need to withdraw from your employment.”

  “Just until you’re better?” I try.

  She gives me a look that clearly says, “Don’t be stupid”. I sigh.

  “Please reconsider?” I ask, even though I know better. “I know Alicia is difficult, but she really is a sweet girl when you get to know her.”

  “If she was so sweet, she wouldn’t have tried to force me to quit,” Yvonne points out.

  “She’s also five,” I counter. “She’s five, and she misses me and she’s trying to get attention.”

  Yvonne grimaces. I know what’s going through her mind. She’s thinking that Alicia may only be five, but she’s a spoiled princess who is determined to make everyone’s life difficult.

  I’ve heard the same thing from several previous nannies.

  “I just…can’t afford to have you leave,” I continue when she doesn’t voice what she’s thinking. “I had to take several days off before you applied, and I don’t think anyone else will reply to the ad.”

  Yvonne wavers for a moment, and then she sets her shoulders, and I know I’ve lost.

  “I’m sorry, Seth… I just can’t do this anymore,” Yvonne finally sighs. “I know this is putting you in a bad position, but…”

  She looks guilty, which is more than I can say for some of the old nannies. It’s for that reason that I sigh again and try to smile at her.

  “I understand,” I say, holding out my hand. “I wish you the best of luck.”

  “And I, you,” Yvonne says with a small smile, shaking my hand. “And I am sorry.”

  “It’s okay,” I say.

  Except that it’s not, but I don’t say that to Yvonne as she leaves the house, leaving me without a nanny once more.

  When she is gone, I head further into the house and sit heavily in a chair at my dining room table. I don’t know what I am going to do now. I’m not lying when I say that I don’t think I will have any more luck with nannies. It’s more surprising that I’ve managed until this point if I’m honest.

  But that begs the question of what happens next. I’ll try my luck, of course, but what happens when I fail? What do I do? I cannot leave Alicia on her own. But I also cannot quit my job; not only do we need money to continue living and for Alicia’s future, but I can’t abandon the company that I created. This is my life’s work.

  I had considered, earlier, working from home. But how long could that last?

  Though, perhaps it doesn’t need to last very long. I only need another year. Then Alicia will be at school. As long as she doesn’t fulfill my own dark prophecy about forcing me to homeschool her, then I’ll be able to return to work full-time and adjust my work schedule to work around her school hours.

  But that’s still a whole year away. That doesn’t help me now.

  With a sigh, I pull out my phone and send a message to Jason.

  “Yvonne quit. Won’t be in for a few days. Bring me anything I need to sign.”

  Within seconds, I get a reply.

  “Ouch. Will do!”

  Well, at least work is fine for now. One of the perks of being the boss is that I can take a couple of days off if I need it, but I can’t leave the company to look after itself indefinitely. It’s already bad enough that I’m taking a few days off so soon after I did the same before finding Yvonne.

  I wish that I could blame Yvonne for this, but I can’t. It isn’t entirely her fault, and I do understand what happened. It’s just unfortunate that it’s left me in such an awful position.

  With a sigh, I pull my laptop out of my briefcase and boot it up. The advertisement that I had typed up when Georgie left is still sitting on my desktop, so I click it open and read it over to make sure that I don’t need to make any changes.

  Experienced Nanny Wanted

  Looking for a caring, responsible nanny for one child, a girl aged five. You must have some experience in looking after young children, and you must be mature, reliable and well-presented. You will be required to work Mondays to Saturdays, from 9 am until late. Any hours over 4 pm will be paid in overtime. This is a non-smoking household.

  Your duties will include:

  · Preparing meals and snacks

  · Washing and drying clothes, as required

  · Taking the child on outings, as required

  · Teaching the child basic literacy and numeracy

  · Some cleaning and general housekeeping

  Further duties and pay will be discussed at the time of employment, and I will reserve the right to do a background check.

  Please email a current resume with a cover letter and references to Seth Gray at s.gray@aapparel.com.

  There is nothing else I need to change about it, though I am strongly considering adding “Must be well versed in dealing with problem children” in the duties. I sigh and find the websites I normally use while searching for nannies, and put the advertisement up on them all.

  I know it won’t work, though. Anyone who regularly looks at these sites will know that I have put this ad up more than once in a short space of time. No one in their right mind will respond to it.

  My only hope is to find someone who is new, someone who isn’t aware that I have been trying desperately to find a nanny for my daughter for longer than I care to remember. Then it will have to be a miracle if I can find someone like that in the next few days.

  I finish posting the ad and stand, shutting the lid on the laptop with a yawn. Loosening my tie, I make my way up the stairs, my feet sinking into the soft carpet. It isn’t very late, but I feel ridiculously tired all of a sudden.

  Alicia’s door is half open, and I make my way toward it, nudging it open a little further. The soft glow from her nightlight spills across her face. She is clutching at her favorite doll and a lump forms in my throat. Rose made that doll before she died, and Alicia never allows it out of her sight.

  I open the door further and step into the room, taking care not to tread on any of the many toys scattered on the floor. It’s a mess in here, and I can only imagine Alicia throwing everything around in a temper when she realized that her antics weren’t bringing me home any quicker.

  “What am I going to do with you?” I sigh.

  Alicia stirs, one eye flickering open briefly. She doesn’t seem to really see me, but a small smile curves on her lips as she drops back into sleep, and she pulls her doll in tighter.

  I lean in to kiss her gently on the forehead, and then leave the room, pulling the door ajar once more. Once outside, I run my hand through my hair.

  I wish I knew what to do. I can give my beautiful daughter everything she desires… except the thing she seems to want most, which is to have me at home with her. I can’t solve that, as much as I want to. Now, however, she’s gotten tired of waiting and is trying to force my hand.

  A brief, humorless chuckle bursts from me. Matt was right; Alicia really is too much like me. Just as stubborn and determined to get her way.