“Me and Anna, we go for serious talk,” he said to Robbie. “We leave you here: You like serious talk with Gina, yes?” He laughed and gave Robbie a pat on the shoulder. Robbie’s heart began to pound. What could he say to stop him? Something about the way he stood close to him urging him toward the girl stirred in him a memory of the afternoon long ago at Boldoni’s.

  Rico and Anna slipped off, hand in hand, down the rocks. Robbie heard Anna giggle and then their shadows melted into the night. He stood helplessly on the wall, avoiding any contact with Gina, praying for the pounding of his heart to subside. The intense and perilous excitement of the evening drained away as he felt Rico’s absence.

  The girl moved closer to him, smiling softly. Invitingly? “It’s cool here by the water,” she said.

  He had been imagining things. They would just have a little talk until Rico came back. “Yes, it is,” he agreed in careful Italian. “It is hot there where you live?”

  “Oh, it’s not too bad. It’s quite high. There’s always some air.”

  “Yes, that’s true. It is high.” She made no answer and Robbie searched frantically for another topic, but the longer the silence lasted the harder it was to break. What was he supposed to do now? Put his arm around her? Would he be obliged to kiss her? And after that? What if she let him …? This was the first time he had been in a situation where it could happen and he knew he didn’t want it. The girl was pretty but he hardly knew her. He felt paralyzed from the waist down. What if he made some false move? What if nothing worked the way he thought it was supposed to? It was beneath him, indecent. He abruptly turned his back on the rocks. “Come on,” he said, and started down the steps without looking back. He heard her scrambling after him. When they reached the foot of the steps she stopped.

  “Where are you taking me?” she asked breathlessly.

  “Home, of course,” he said, turning to her but looking over her head.

  “Oh!” she gasped. She seemed to shrink from him and then she gathered herself together and sprang away and went running off along the quai, her feet padding lightly into the night. Robbie stood for a moment, feeling a stinging heat behind his eyes, a crushing sense of failure in his chest. I didn’t want to, he told himself, conquering the turmoil of his thoughts. If I’d wanted to I would have. And how did he know she would have let him? He would never do it. It was disgusting, lying on top of a girl he didn’t even particularly like and pumping his bare behind up and down in the air. It was apparently a responsibility of manhood that he would be expected to assume some day. He dreaded it. He turned and walked rapidly back toward Northern Star. Rico had betrayed their newly declared friendship. He had said they were going to spend the evening together. He could get along without friends. His mother understood; she hadn’t wanted him to go with Rico.

  Stuart had decided to take a stroll before turning in. He walked up to the gates and turned back. A girl ran past him and for the few seconds she was visible he admired the fleet movement of her young legs. When he came to the steps in the sea wall he mounted them to contemplate the sea and the sky. As he stood there he heard muffled laughter on the rocks below and through the still air he recognized Rico’s voice. Was Robbie down there somewhere with the sister?

  Stuart smiled to himself and discreetly descended the stairs and headed back to the boat, thinking of Marguerite and his first love. Had he been even younger than Robbie when he had proposed marriage? He laughed at himself, envying Robbie the fire of his youth.

  Early the next morning they set out across the Ionian Sea for Greece. Robbie was determined to snub Rico as a punishment for abandoning him but he couldn’t make much of a dent on the sailor’s happy-go-lucky affectionate nature. He soon gave up and carried cushions forward to the open deck and lay out in the sun, wearing the swimming trunks that had become his uniform on board. He was turning a dark mahogany brown. As usual, Rico flopped down beside him during breaks in his nautical chores. He pinched and punched him and made him laugh. He was full of talk about girls, in particular last night’s girls. For some reason, Robbie insisted on the fact that nothing had happened with Gina.

  “Why not? Gina good girl. Why you no take her?”

  “Why should I?” Robbie said with a superior shrug. “We didn’t fall in love with each other or anything. Why bother? She didn’t want it, either.”

  “Sure she want. I no understand.” Rico shook his head with perplexity. “You got beautiful body. You got beautiful face. You very fine man here too, I bet.” Rico dropped his hand on Robbie’s cock and gave it a squeeze. Robbie’s body gave a great leap and he rolled over hastily onto his stomach to conceal his immediate erection. He hoped Rico wouldn’t think he minded being touched there. The gold in Rico’s mouth flashed as he laughed. “Sure. You take every girl you want with that.”

  Robbie wondered if Rico had felt it getting hard. Everybody told him that he was just entering manhood and he was still prepared for surprises. Maybe all guys got like this when they were with somebody they liked. Every time he thought he had discovered something special about his body, it turned out that everybody was the same. Like masturbating. Or before that, when he’d had the odd thrilling spasms without much coming out, unlike Michel’s performance. He’d discovered that it was just a matter of time. Or when hair had started growing around his cock. He’d thought it was some weird throwback to the beast. His father had hair there but it had never occurred to him that he would. Michel hadn’t. His father had some hair on his chest but he hadn’t grown any there. Maybe it would come later. Live and learn. “You never think about anything but girls,” he said in his most world-weary manner.

  “Sure. I very sexy. I take any girl she want me. Next time, I stay with you till I sure you get the girl.”

  There wouldn’t be a next time, Robbie thought firmly. They were embarked on a long passage across open sea; they wouldn’t reach port for several days. By then, perhaps they would have become such close friends that they could do things together without bothering about girls.

  If not, he would stay with his parents. He turned over and sat up and pulled his knees up and put his arms around them, keeping his erection out of sight. It brought his face close to Rico’s. “Wouldn’t you be more comfortable if you didn’t wear all thoseclothes?” he asked.

  “What you want I wear? Much sun very bad. You be careful.” He pressed Robbie’s shoulder with his fingers. “You no burn?”

  “No.” His erection grew achingly rigid. He closed his eyes, longing for him to put his arms around him. He wanted them to lie in each other’s arms. There was nothing ugly about that. Rico acted as if he might want it too, always touching him. How could you tell what people were thinking?

  “I got work. I come back.” He gave Robbie’s shoulder a pat and Robbie opened his eyes as Rico rose and moved forward with an athletic spring in his compact body. If you liked somebody, wasn’t it natural to hold each other, perhaps kiss gently, as he and Jean-Marie had kissed? There was nothing wrong with wanting it. He had heard plenty of crude jokes about boys doing things together but he didn’t mean anything like that. That was some sort of insane depravity that couldn’t happen with decent people. He wanted only something he had caught hints of in an E.M. Forster novel he had read that winter, nothing explicit but something that seemed to quiver beneath the words, a sense of a deep passionate masculine love that could light life with joy, as if friendship were almost like falling in love. He could love Rico like that if he would forget about girls. Thinking about it made his spirit soar again. The vast discovery was almost within his grasp.

  Time slipped out of focus as it had a way of doing on board. Day melted into night and became day again without any change in the routine. The wind stiffened and subsided. Sails were trimmed and eased. The course was altered. Robbie lay in the sun, with Rico always near at hand. Nobody else existed; they were alone together in the isolation of the empty sea. Robbie felt something suspended between them that a word or a gesture might precipitate into an expression of the love that he knew was growing between them. Thinking of his father’s casual attitude toward nakedness, he stripped off his trunks one day and lay on his stomach to tan himself all over. It was thrilling to expose himself totally, knowing that his friend would soon find him. He hoped his example would persuade Rico to shed some of his clothes. It would be bliss to be able to fool around naked together.

  Rico came upon him with a shout of laughter and a flash of gold. “You gotta pretty bottom like a girl. You watch out who you show.”

  Robbie looked up, giggling delightedly. “I suppose you’ll want to pinch it next,” he said, resorting to schoolboy banter.

  “You watch out. I spank pretty bottom.” He leaned over and gave Robbie’s behind a resounding smack. The rules of horseplay demanded retaliation. Robbie made a grab for Rico’s bare foot and caught him off balance and brought him tumbling down beside him. “You get good spank for that,” Rico cried, entering into the spirit of the fray. He snatched up Robbie’s trunks and gave them a whirl and sent them sailing along the deck. “Now you got no clothes.” He tried to wrestle Robbie over onto his back, yanking at the towel he was lying on. Robbie was so accustomed to what happened when Rico touched him that he was scarcely aware of it. He felt an intense ecstatic physical freedom that made him want Rico to know all of him. He wriggled free and clutched the towel against himself and started crawling toward the forward hatch. Rico pulled his knees out from under him, bringing him to a painful halt. He fought him off, kicking and squirming out of his grip, and reached the hatch.

  He rolled himself through it and slid down steps and landed on the lower deck. He still had the towel as a haphazard shield for his upright sex. Rico was on him. They sparred and wrestled along the passage, laughing into each other’s eyes and spurring each other on. Robbie retreated into his cabin. Rico crowded in after him. This was the exuberant expression of friendship Robbie had been hoping for. He was swept up on a wave of dizzying abandon. Hands were on him everywhere, playful and affectionate. He let the towel go. With a shout of triumph, Rico made a grab for his erection and held it.

  “No,” Robbie cried. His orgasm almost knocked him off his feet. It was so unlike any he had ever experienced that he didn’t immediately identify it for what it was. He pitched in against Rico for support and was plunged into an appalled awareness of what was happening. The disgrace of his ejaculation shot out across the cabin. Rico held him with an arm around his waist and a hand on his heaving chest. Robbie stood aghast while his erection subsided in the sudden silence, all movement suspended except for the roll and sway of the boat.

  “I didn’t—” he began in a spent voice. “Why did you do that?” He had to blame Rico to exonerate himself.

  “I no do nothing, Robbie. You do. I know boys like you. You maybe no want girl. You want big man like Rico? Sure. You come see me when I watch. Midnight. I show you something you like.” He withdrew his support and turned toward the door.

  “But, Rico,” Robbie implored. “I didn’t—”

  Rico turned back with a wink and a flash of his smile. “Sure. I know. You no worry. You and me friends. Hokay? You come see me later.”

  As the door closed behind him, Robbie struggled to find excuses for himself. Rico had taken the initiative. Rico had encouraged him. He was suddenly rocked by a great burst of euphoria. Rico had held his naked body and seen his erection without any sign of disapproval. They were still friends. Rico understood his not being interested in girls although Robbie didn’t understand the distinction he was making about “boys like you.” Rico had seemed to think no more of his having had an orgasm in front of him than Michel had. Perhaps that was just another of the things that happened to everybody. It had been tremendous but he felt as if there were still something missing. He wished Rico had stayed and taken his clothes off and let them lie together and laugh and talk in total intimacy. He had promised something more for later. He felt that he was getting very close to some ultimate secret; tonight might offer the revelation that still eluded him.

  He rode the crest of his euphoria throughout the rest of the day. He soared with the promise of midnight. When he joined his parents for their usual early dinner in the gently rocking main saloon he was aware that his friendship with Rico was turning him into somebody neither of them knew. He felt a new identity emerging, a sense of a personal existence that for the first time had no reference to them. Although he knew his mother would find it uncharacteristic of him, he couldn’t resist telling them that he might keep Rico company during his watch that night.

  “That should be fun for you,” Stuart said approvingly. “It’s exciting sailing at night.”

  The sea grew rougher during the evening. When his parents were ready for bed, Robbie lurched to his cabin and stretched out in his bunk. He knew Rico slept during the early part of the night. He wished he were sleeping alongside him. Would he be able to suggest it after tonight? The thought of their sleeping together gave him an erection but Rico didn’t mind that. He hoped he had the same affect on Rico. If he did and they did something about it, there wouldn’t be any more nonsense about girls. He had found the friendship that was like falling in love.

  Robbie opened his pants and freed his erection for his customary play but he realized that by himself he couldn’t achieve the prodigious sensation he had experienced with Rico and simply let his hand rest on it. He wondered if Rico would like it; he knew he would be enthralled by Rico’s. He had no idea how his compared to others and had never particularly cared. He held it upright and gazed at it. Boys boasted about their size. His looked quite big. When he let it fall, its head just touched his belly button. He wondered if Rico’s was much bigger. He wanted to know. There could be no greater intimacy than knowing this private part of a friend. He had always wanted to hold Jean-Marie’s. He would never do so now; Jean-Marie wasn’t coming back to school in the fall. Thinking about what he’d missed almost gave him an orgasm. He took a deep breath and made his mind a blank and waited.

  The boat was still pitching when midnight finally came. He wished he could go to Rico naked or wearing only the trunks he had retrieved from the deck, but it was chilly at night. He got a sweater out but only put it around his shoulders; he didn’t want them to be separated by layers of cloth. They could put their arms around each other to keep warm. He swayed and staggered to the aft companionway and climbed up on deck. The wind wasn’t as strong as he’d expected and it wasn’t cold. The binnacle light astern created a wall of darkness. He couldn’t see the wheel or whether anybody was manning it, although he knew somebody must be there. He adjusted his balance to the roll of the deck and made a dash for the light. A hand reached out and pulled him down to the cushions behind the wheel. He let himself drop and landed almost on top of Rico, with one hand on his chest and the other on the back of his neck, his fingers immediately caressing it.

  “You no forget,” Rico said. He gave a sort of shrug that had the effect of a little push and Robbie drew back slightly to permit him more freedom for handling the wheel. “You come at just good time. I think about girls.”

  “I’ve been waiting. You said midnight,” Robbie said. He dropped a hand daringly onto Rico’s thigh. The dark would excuse his touching the wrong places. Rico laughed and moved it up to the hard, tightly packed curve of his crotch. Robbie’s heart leaped up and began to hammer against his chest. Rico was letting him feel it. Rico liked girls but he seemed to think it natural for Robbie to want to feel it. It swelled under the heavy fabric. He was making Rico’s cock hard. It was the most thrilling moment of his life.

  “You like. You wanta see, I bet. Lotsa crazy guys want but I no let. You and me friends. I show you.” He unbuttoned his fly and Robbie’s heart gave another great leap as he saw the dim shape of Rico’s erection lift from confinement. Rico wasn’t ashamed of getting hard with him. Robbie moved his hands over his friend’s cock with wonder, learning its dimensions. It felt shorter than his own but filled his hand more bulkily. “Is pretty big, yes?”

  “Yes. Wonderful.” He leaned over to see it more clearly in the feeble light.

  “Chope et fume,” Rico said jauntily. Robbie’s blood ran cold. He had heard the expression, always accompanied by laughter and obscene gestures, but never dreamed that it referred to something that people might actually do. Rico’s hand was on the back of his head, pushing it down until his face was pressed against the rigid flesh. His senses recoiled from the contact. Tears sprang to his eyes. He couldn’t do it. It was vile. In spite of himself, his tongue moved to it and touched it.

  “Suck. Make Rico feel good,” Rico ordered. Robbie’s stomach turned over. The fires of Hell would consume him if he obeyed. He would be damned, a criminal for life. His lips moved furtively on it, obeying some impulse he couldn’t control. The smooth taut skin felt rubbery and artificial, unlike anything he had ever touched. His mouth opened and thick flesh filled it. The most secret part of Rico was in his mouth.

  Some blockage of his mind or spirit suddenly gave way. Revelation flooded him, bringing with it a rushing tide of desire. He wanted it. He had always wanted it. His passions were ruled by the hard phallic thrust of male beauty. Rico was offering himself for his worship. Robbie uttered a strangled cry and his orgasm toppled him from his seat and brought him to his knees in front of his friend. His hands and mouth became avid. Rico chuckled approvingly.

  “You suck good, like a girl.”

  This was the way he could make a friend his own. His worship could transcend the ordinary limitations of sex. He could feel the excitement he was generating in Rico with his lips and tongue. He heard a little yelp above him and a surge of dense warm fluid spilled into his mouth. It took him a stunned instant to grasp what had happened and the radiance of his worship turned to horror. He retched as the fluid overflowed and dribbled down his chin. He tore his mouth away and made a lunge for the rail, gagging and spitting into the hissing sea. He sank back onto the cushions, his head reeling with revulsion. Rico had betrayed him by defiling them both. He hated him. There was nothing left of love but black guilt for the loathsome deed he had done. He would never be able to cleanse himself of it.