Holy shit.

  Alive, indeed.

  Time to trust and let life happen.

  “Bad Intentions” by Niykee Heaton

  I shift our bodies, taking me to my back with her on top of me. Just like earlier, I can feel her heat against my cock, burning me through our clothing. Her breasts heavy against my chest. She shifts when we roll, spreading her legs wider, dipping her arms so that her weight is resting on her forearms with her elbows digging into the couch … her hands going into my hair. Something I’ve noticed about her, she definitely likes my hair. I never imagined it would feel this good having her fingers tangled in those annoyingly long strands. I don’t give a fuck if I’ve hated this hair for years, and it no longer matters that it was only grown to help disguise me. I’m thankful as fuck for it now.

  She moans into my mouth, deepening our kiss and rocking her hips slowly.

  That’s when I realized there was no stopping this.

  My hands trail from her back, where I had been holding her to my body, to her sides. My thumbs feel the swell of her tits, but I keep going even though I want nothing more than to take those heavy globes into my hand. I don’t stop until my hands are pushed into her back pockets and I’m pushing her down while thrusting my hips up. She makes a low and desperate sound, clenching her thighs and shaking with her whole body.

  Jesus, this woman will ignite the second I touch her. I can feel it, her being that close to coming undone, and I haven’t so much as moved more than an inch.

  It’s not lost on me, while I feel Olivia’s hips doing a slow rock against mine, that this isn’t something I should be doing until she knows the whole truth. I might have been living my life as a ghost for over twenty years, but I didn’t live it stupidly. I know that by her giving herself to me, when she finds out what I’m keeping from her—as well as the truth about me in reality—it could end us catastrophically.

  But just like the first time I saw her across the street walking into her shop, I’m powerless to stop the draw that she has on me.

  I’ve never felt anything like this.

  I watched my brothers, the ones from my old life, meet their partners and knew instantly when they met someone meant for them. It took one look for some of them. One damn look and they just knew. A few took the stubborn road and ignored that look or had to fight for a love they thought they had lost, but the common theme was … they knew. At that point in my life, and the past I had with an unhealthy view of women, I thought it was all a bunch of bullshit. I fucked my way through life back then, thinking it was the way to find a connection. The problem was, I was fucking easy women who had no desire to want me past what I could make them feel with my cock. Looking back, I now know I did it because I was scared to give more of myself to someone who could mean something.

  I was blind.

  I was naive.

  I didn’t believe.

  Plain and simple, I didn’t believe.

  Now, I don’t miss the irony. I was scared to give more of myself to someone then because it would make me vulnerable. I had a vulnerable childhood, so I didn’t want that shit as an adult. Now that I’ve found someone I know means something more, I’m scared to give myself for different reasons. They all boil down to the same thing—me having to make myself vulnerable for someone else.

  “I want you,” she gasps, pulling me out of my thoughts and back to the present. The present where I have a live wire of a beautiful woman looking down at me with a lazy haze in her eyes, drunk on the feeling of our kiss while she uses the friction of our bodies to climb high as hell up the peak of arousal.

  “I fuck … Olivia, I’m not sure I can give you up.”

  She tips her head to the side and ponders my words. My gaze roams over her face, seeing the color high on her cheeks, her hair a mess from going wild on top of me, and her lips swollen from our kiss.

  Yeah, I’m not sure I can ever give her up.

  “I’m not sure I want you to, Drew.”

  Fuck. That goddamn name.

  “Call me Coop, please. When we’re alone, especially like this, you call me Coop. Middle name, but babe, don’t call me Drew anymore. Not when it’s just you and me. I can’t explain more, but I’m Coop in your arms.”

  She looks confused, but still she nods before she licks her lips, and for the first time in this life of a ghost, I feel like I’m alive again when she opens her mouth.

  “Okay … Coop,” she breathes, the sound of my name on her lips wrapping around me.

  “Okay,” I echo, proud as hell that I kept the emotion out of that one word. I lift my head off the couch as my hands push into the silk of her hair, palms to her ears, and I pull her face back to mine and kiss her.

  Our kiss is tender, but there’s a fire burning there that makes it carnal and so fucking intimate, I can’t help myself but keep taking. I’m powerless to do anything but. My body moves, flipping her to her back with a squeak. Her hands roam all over my body, and it takes me a second to realize that I need her skin. I lift my head and look around the room.

  “Are we safe in here, or do we need to move somewhere where the door can be locked?”

  “We’re good. She won’t wake up, not if she was asleep when you left her.”

  “Snoring,” I grunt, looking at the skin at her stomach peeking from her shirt riding up. My eyes going from that and up the buttons in front of her blouse to her tits. Those tits that have made my mouth water every single day for way too fucking long.

  “She won’t wake up. We’re safe,” she repeats. She wiggles and tightens her thighs, but can’t get far with my body between her. I watch her, desperate for my touch, and feel a smile curl at my lips, one that has nothing but promise in it. She groans and shocks the shit out of me when her hands come up, and she lifts her body to rub one dainty as fuck hand against the erection straining my jeans. “Please … Coop.”

  Hearing that name, MY name coming from her makes me come alive as quick as someone lighting a goddamn fuse. I lick my lips, then reach up and pull my shirt over my head. I hear her gasp, knowing it’s either from the tattoos covering every inch of my torso or the unmistakable pucker scar from a bullet tearing through someone’s skin. I ignore it and just as the shirt clears my head, I feel a rumble of appreciation come from deep in my gut when she curls those little fingers into the openings between her buttons and rips off her blouse. Buttons flying and the fabric opening instantly. Her white lace bra does nothing to hide her dusty rose and hard nipples from my view.

  “Goddamn beautiful,” I rasp, bending down and closing my mouth over the lace and sucking a hard peak deep into my mouth. My other hand comes up to play with her other breast. She goes wild the second the heat from my mouth hits her skin.

  “Oh my God!” she exclaims when I start moving my erection against her core. “I need to feel more. I need more of your skin.”

  I ignore her, moving my mouth to the other nipple, pulling the cup down so there isn’t anything between us anymore. I suck hard and then use my teeth until she alternates between pulling my hair to move me away and pushing me down to keep me on her nipple.

  Wild.

  I knew she would be wild.

  “Please, Coop.” My name comes easier the more she uses it. I love it.

  I’m off her in a second, my hands going to the buttons on her pants and pulling them and her panties off in the same second. She lifts up and removes the rest of her shirt and bra before falling back on to the cushion. I wasn’t expecting what happened next, but as I stood there with my pants unbuttoned and thumbs hooked in the waistband, I watch as the prim and proper coffee shop owner who has become my obsession turns into a wild woman.

  Her hand travels down her stomach, her legs widen, and she pushes two fingers into her wet pussy, rocking her hips as she pumps them in and out.

  My pants are gone in seconds. My cock springs free, and then I drop to the floor. My knees hit the hard marble floor, and my hands reach out to pull her hips to the edge. My growl is nothing short of primal when her scent hits me.

  “Move it,” I demand.

  “Make me,” she smarts.

  “Fuck.”

  I snatch her hand out of her pussy, taking those two wet fingers and placing them in my mouth. She mewls loudly as my tongue swirls and sucks them clean. Not taking my eyes off hers, I release her fingers from my mouth and drop her hand to her side … then I drop my mouth to her pretty pussy.

  The second her flavor hits my mouth, I’m a starved man getting his first meal in years.

  I’ve been a fool.

  I wasn’t a saint before I was a ghost. I was a whore who used my body in the search of something I never could find because I had no respect for myself. In the years that I’ve spent hunting, I’ve not allowed myself a single slip back into the old me. The only time I’ve allowed myself a release was when it was with someone who made it clear they only wanted to use me. There were never emotions. No intimacy aside from heavy petting, a hard fuck, and a silent goodbye after. I knew I had nothing to offer someone, and they made it clear I was being used in the first place. I was okay with it because fuck me, twenty-plus years without any human touch to make you feel like you weren’t actually dead is a long time.

  Oh, how I was a fool.

  I’ve been living my death this whole time like it was real. Going through the motions of the hunt I had committed my new life to, never letting myself feel alive. I knew what it was like to lose everything, and I couldn’t do that again.

  So I kept myself dead.

  Until I saw this beautiful woman from across the street that fateful day and made it my mission to visit her coffee shop every morning for just a taste of that alive feeling she gave me. I didn’t realize it then. Now, with her coming unglued as my mouth and tongue slaving at her pussy … I realize I never knew what feeling alive actually meant.

  Even before I “died.”

  I suck her clit deep, taking a little bite of the sensitive skin with a nip of my teeth. Her cry of pleasure echoes around the room. My tongue comes out, lapping up the wetness dripping from her. I lick, nibble, suck, and devour her. The whole time my cock gets so hard, I’m not sure if I’ll be able to stop myself from coming.

  Her hands go to my hair, using the long length to keep my mouth where it is. I keep sucking at her clit, loving the noises she’s making. I can feel her wetness through my bearded skin. I lift one hand from her hip and move myself back as much as I can without losing her pussy on my mouth, and push one thick finger inside her core.

  Fuck, she’s tight.

  I slide my finger in and out, loving how she grips my digit each time I pull back, trying to keep me inside her. She’s just as hungry for me as I am for her. All it takes is one more pass of my tongue on her clit, then I close my mouth and suck. I curl my finger deep inside her and look up her body. Her eyes watch me feast on her for a second before her head drops to the couch, the walls of her core tightening around me, and a rush of wetness leaves her as she cries out her release. Instead of stopping, I keep going until the last whimper leaves her mouth, and her body stops clenching around me. When my finger comes out, she gives a throaty whine but doesn’t move.

  “Look at me,” I demand.

  She shakes her head, a small smile on her lips, but she doesn’t open her eyes. She’s still spread wide, arms at her side, legs open, and her wetness glistening on her pussy lips. Even the couch has a wet spot. I don’t give a fuck. I’ll buy her a new one and put this one at my place so I never forget this moment.

  “Look at me now, Olivia.”

  Her eyes open slightly, and she peeks through heavy and very sated eyes.

  “I’m going to fuck you now.”

  Her face heats but not from embarrassment.

  “What if I want to fuck you?” she challenges, her brazenness making my cock twitch.

  “You’ll fuck me when I want you to.”

  “Is that right?”

  “You ever come like that before?”

  She shakes her head.

  “You’re gonna let me fuck you the way I want to fuck you, then you can answer that again when I’m done with you.”

  “I already know there will be no comparisons when you take me. You make me come alive.”

  Fucking hell.

  “You have no idea, Olivia. No idea at all.”

  I lean over and grab my wallet, tagging a condom from the back and sheathing myself in quick succession. When my body covers hers, her hands roam up and then slowly down my back, not stopping until she has my ass under her palms. Her hair wild around her head, her breasts begging for my mouth, and those lips still red and swollen from our kisses. She looks stunning. I keep hold of her gaze and start rocking my hips against hers. Sliding my heavy cock between her lips, I coat myself with her wetness. She meets every move with one of her own, us in sync completely. I watch the color rise on her chest, knowing she’s already close to coming again just by feeling my cock against her clit.

  “I don’t do slow, Olivia.”

  “I don’t want slow.”

  “I don’t want to hurt you,” I continue, lifting my hips slightly so my tip is at her entrance.

  “I want to feel that pain,” she gasps when I feed an inch of me into her tight heat.

  “You don’t know what you’re saying. I’m a rough man. I don’t want to hurt you.”

  She lifts her head and looks directly into my eyes, holding my gaze so I see the truth behind her words.

  “I want your rough. You make me feel things I thought were forever gone for me. Fuck me hard and make me feel alive.”

  Alive.

  Make me feel alive.

  She has no way of knowing the power her words ring through me. The truth slams home in my heart.

  Her words light the fire, and I thrust the rest of my cock into her body. I pause, letting her get used to me, and wait so I can breathe through the incredible feeling of being buried deep inside her.

  “Take me … please. Coop, take me.”

  My cock twitches, and my heart slams inside my chest.

  “Say that again,” I demand, pulling out slightly.

  “Take me,” she says.

  “No. Say my name.”

  Her wild eyes fill with something I can’t place, but she gives me what I need, and I’m done for. Completely fucking done for.

  “Coop,” she says on a breath. “Please, Coop.”

  “Fuck,” I breathe.

  Then I take her. I fuck her so hard that I know it has to hurt, but she doesn’t act like it does. She is just as lost in me as I am in her. She continues to say my name over and over, begging me not to stop. Like I even could. It would take a miracle for me to stop. I’ve never felt anything better than being inside this woman. Her skin slides against mine, our sweat mingling. I take her mouth and pour everything I wish I could say into that kiss. Keeping her fevered screams down my throat, I swear to everything there is that I can feel them reach my balls, curling around me and gripping tight. I power through, feeling her pussy ripple against my cock. When she sucks my lip between hers and bites down as she comes, I’m done for.

  I thrust deep and lift my mouth off hers and bury my head in her neck, kissing my way to her shoulder. My mouth opens right over her shoulder, and my teeth bite down as I groan out my own release. I come so hard, I’m not even sure if the condom did any good. It feels too good. She’s so wet, it very well could have been worthless.

  I can’t find it in me to give a shit.

  “Wow,” she breathes, coming down. “Can we do that again?”

  I lift my head, look into her eyes, and for the second time in years … I smile.

  “Yeah, babe. We’re going to do that again.”

  Her smile is lazy, her whole body relaxed. “Can we do that a lot more?”

  My lips keep turning up, smiling like I used to … like I didn’t have a care in the world.

  “Yeah, we’ll do that a lot more.” I move my softening cock inside her, and her eyes heat.

  “I could get used to this, and that scares me,” she admits with a soft cry when I slip from her body.

  I look down between us and see that the condom isn’t even attached to my cock anymore.

  Lifting up, I look down at her red pussy lips to see the condom hanging out of her. I hook a finger and pull it out, looking into her eyes as I hold it up.

  “This doesn’t scare me, so what’s that tell you?”

  Her eyes widen, but she just opens and closes her mouth.

  “Any other woman and I would have been close to losing my mind. Don’t be afraid of me, Olivia. Don’t be afraid of what you feel. Because if this doesn’t scare me, then I can honestly tell you that you don’t need to be feeling a damn bit of fear where I’m concerned.”

  “I’m not on the pill, but the timing should be okay.”

  “I wouldn’t give a shit even if it wasn’t. Give me your hand.”

  She listens instantly, and I place her palm against my chest.

  “Not once in over twenty years have I felt like this worthless piece of shit was still working. Not once. We move at whatever pace works for us, but don’t let fear into it. Not when you just brought me back from the dead, Olivia. It’s only everything I’ve ever wanted but never let myself believe I could have.”

  Her eyes tear up, but she nods.

  “You gonna ride this out with me?”

  “Yeah, Coop. I’m going to ride this out with you. I understand you. It’s only everything I gave up the dream of having.”

  “You gonna let me inside that body again tonight?”

  She blinks, the wetness leaving her gaze, then smirks. “I think I might just do that.”

  After cleaning up our mess in the theater room, she leads me to the large master bedroom, and I spend the rest of the night with her breathing life back into my soul. It feels like I’m coming back to life, over and over again.

  I didn’t lie. She’s only everything I ever mourned when I gave up my life to live in the shadows. But I’m also not stupid. There’s a chance I’ll lose her when she finds out what I’m keeping from her. I know I have to tell her, but right now, all I can think about is how good it feels to be fucking alive.