Tomorrow. Tomorrow, I’ll tell her.

  Maybe.

  “Ocean” by Lady A

  The morning hasn’t even slightly gone as planned from the moment Riley woke up until now. It’s just been one hot mess after another.

  We’re in a hurry.

  And I hate being in a hurry.

  There’s always the anxiety that comes along with being late, too. Something I go through great lengths to avoid. Will you be making other people late? Will you forget something in the haste to get out of the house? Will you, worse, forget something like turning off the oven, and then poof, the house is gone? Then, because it wouldn’t be a freak-out without thinking that you’re messing up the natural order of events the day would bring if you were on time, ensuring that you would end with some Final Destination bang. It makes no rational sense. I know the world keeps spinning, even if I’m a couple of minutes late. I know there won’t be some disaster because of it. But still … it’s one of my worst features, for sure.

  Riley, however? She’s the total opposite. The sun rises with her smile, and it sets only when she sleeps. That’s my bean, always bouncing and always happy.

  Currently, she’s booking it like a race horse to get to the front of our building. The whole way down the elevator, she taps her tiny feet in an impatient rhythm for it to hurry. The second the doors open, her little legs can’t move fast enough. I have to pull back a giggle when I take in how awkward her rushed steps make her look. Her whole body leans forward, legs powering through as quickly as they can, while her tiny arms pump in time with her legs. She’s a little tornado with a one-track mind.

  I grab the handle and push the door open, holding back my laughter even more when she starts pushing herself through the opening well before it was wide enough for her tiny little body. And then she was off, racing to where she knew he would be waiting. The happy giggles echo around her when she reaches him and acts as if she hasn’t seen him in years … when, in reality, he tucked the little monster in last night.

  Last night, she pitched one mammoth fit. One so big, it had me wondering if he would book it right out the front door. It was that bad. They don’t often happen—her fits—but when they do, whoa boy.

  She wanted to stay up and wasn’t happy with me when I told her she couldn’t, especially not to watch her BTS DVD … again. It had been much later than I ever let her stay up as it was, and I knew she was exhausted from the excitement of the day, adding fuel to the fire of the tantrum that followed. She tried every trick in the book to stay up, despite the exhaustion I could see etched on her little face. The only thing that worked was when Drew—her giant—calmly injected himself and offered to tuck her in with a bedtime story.

  Riley in overly tired whiny mode never seems to flow with me being grumpy and impatient. It’s a recipe for disaster, even though it wasn’t her fault that I was functioning on battery-saving mode at the time. I didn’t handle it as well as I normally would—her being whiny and overtired—and I know a lot of it had to do with worrying about how Drew would handle a tantrum. I think I had been functioning with a shorter fuse anyway, with the worry over how he would handle it.

  Drew thought he was just coming over for a relaxing night of TV and some DoorDash delivery for dinner. What he got, instead, was one heck of a view of the shit show that comes with Riley in meltdown mode. Not that it was really that bad, but tough days are just that … tough … and last night was just that. Tough.

  There he is. The sole reason for her little legs to be rushing about, waiting for her right where she knew he would be.

  Drew stands at the end of the walkway into our complex, nestled between two rows of perfectly manicured shrubs. It always reminded me of the entry to a grand garden. So much greenery, flowers, and thought was put into the space between the street side gate and the entrance into the condo’s lobby. A juxtaposition to the crazy busy life that continues on the busy streets beyond with the lush haven inside.

  The second Drew spots Riley, he crouches down and waits until she collides with him. He wraps his arms around her with zero hesitation to give her a welcomed hug. I stop in my tracks and just soak in the sight of such a strong, big, rough-around-the-edges man being so sweet with my girly girl.

  I never had any real expectations for what this would be or become between us. That was before last night. And I guess a little more just now—watching this big strong man love on Riley as if she was his own. So much care written all over his rugged face I would put money on the fact he doesn’t even realize he’s doing it. It’s such a difference from his normal stoic expressions. It’s something that he started giving her well before he started giving me parts of himself. The bond they have, while it came about almost instantly, has grown into something I know will be unbreakable.

  I think it’s fair to say, after last night’s meltdown and anxiety-driven overthinking, what the future will be like between us has been on my mind a lot. It was supposed to be just sex, but something about him screams to me that this is so much more than just sex could ever be.

  I continue to watch, giving them their moment and letting myself get lost in my thoughts. Sometimes I think there are two sides to him. The one that shows the world he’s rough, tough, and everything dangerous you can think of in one human. That’s the one I knew for years. Years of him silently coming in to the shop, waking me up with no real communication. I thought I knew him.

  That is … until he showed me this side.

  A side that I would bet my life not many people have seen. When it’s just the three of us together, the rough edges of him start to soften. Little by little, those edges soften ever so much to let him peek out and show me there is so much more to this man than anyone realizes.

  Even me.

  Those moments drive home just how much I’ve been affected by his presence, as well. He’s shown me time and time again that even though I’m capable of doing everything on my own, having some extra support isn’t that bad, either. He gave me a taste of what it would be like to have a partner in my life, and I would be lying if I said I didn’t love it. He gives Riley something she’s been missing, too. He plays with her, and he really lets this boyish part inside him burst free.

  At that moment, I know something big hurt him and caused him to hide who he really is under those sharp edges. When I get that part of him, I know it’s a gift worth holding on to.

  I have no doubt that I’ll love it because of who that partner is, and that’s all there is to that. There isn’t another man who would awaken this much attraction, respect, and a connection that feels like we’ve had decades to perfect. It’s something I never thought I would allow for myself, either. That dependency on another person to help navigate and handle your life with. I hadn’t ever looked at it in a healthy way … until him. Even with two sides of him, I know neither of them would intentionally hurt us.

  I smile and focus on the two of them as they finish their moment alone. Just a little world that belongs to the two of them. Riley adamantly whispers to him, and I know she’ll be a little while longer. I walk over to the little bench just outside the entrance and sit, watching them while my heart fills up with a powerful thump even though it’s already racing speed. My thoughts take me back to last night. To the moment I felt that shift from what had started between Drew and me to what I knew in my gut was building into something completely different.

  I had been standing there just staring at Riley while her mood deteriorated. Drew came and took my shoulders in his big strong hands, and when I looked up at him, I saw the exact moment he noticed the tears of frustration hovering at the edge of my eyes, just waiting for me to blink before they fell over the edge. And once they start, it’s hard to pull them back.

  He cautiously ordered me to take a deep breath and go upstairs to soak in the bath.

  To relax.

  To have a moment alone, he said.

  I blinked, those dang tears falling, and when he made a sound deep and low in his throat that sounded a whole lot like pain … over my tears? I felt that sound hit my heart like a battering ram. He asked me to wait and I was shocked silly when he came toward me with a full glass of wine. He placed it in my hands, spun me softly by his hands at my shoulders and gave me a gentle push toward the stairs. I moved, ever so slowly, toward the master suite. I didn’t see the stairs, I didn’t even really recognize the path that took me to stand in front of the tub.

  He found me not too long after, fast asleep in the tub. When he told me how he had put Riley to bed, the rest of my heart might as well have jumped out of my chest and into his hand.

  Riley was tucked in with no trouble. He read her one story, and then she even got an extra one out of him. Right before he left her room, he said she told him that she was scared. Drew being the man he is, her giant, stood in the doorway to “watch out for those monsters” until she was asleep. He didn’t move until her soft snores reached his ears.

  Later, long after my bath, he spent a couple of hours making me feel more alive than I had ever felt in my life. Something magical started burning in those moments before I fell asleep in his arms. My whole dang heart might as well be his now.

  He’s stayed overnight a few times in the past few weeks, using his stealthy skills to sneak out just before Riley gets up in the morning. Those stolen moments are nothing short of magical. This, what we shared last night, though? That was next level.

  Glancing at my watch, I realize how much time I let pass, pushing us even later. Something that should make me even more anxious, but looking at the two of them have their moment, I know I wouldn’t care if we were hours late.

  I stand, brush my hands over my black dress pants and start moving toward them, at a much more leisurely pace than Riley did earlier. Drew looks up over her head and smirks at me, causing my face to flush and my steps to get slightly wonky for a split second. I know how much he loves making me blush, so when that smirk ticks up a little more on his handsome face, I feel the heat grow. I take in his fresh clothes. He must have had more time than I thought to run home. He’s freshly showered and changed and still on time. I’m fairly sure it didn’t feel like a walk of shame for him because I imagine he doesn’t care enough about what other people might think to actually be ashamed. Though, he knows my blush is one hundred percent because of him and not because of being embarrassed. No, my blush is all about my desire for him. And he loves it.

  We both look away and down at Riley when she climbs up his body. Pretty normal for her morning, wanting to climb to the top of her very own giant. She makes it to the middle of his chest before she needs help to make it the rest of the way up. He hooks her under her arms, and before she can even get one full stream of giggles out, he has her placed on his shoulders with his hands around her ankles to keep her safe.

  I hold back a laugh when she bends down over the top of his head, curling her little body around him until she can peek at him from her perch.

  A crazy mess of brown curls, a big loopy smile and giggles that rain down on him.

  “Morning, my giant,” Riley says, parroting the almost curt tone that Drew uses on others. She’s taken to mimicking his tone a lot lately, only she does it in a few different ways and always mixes them up to catch him off guard.

  It never fails to make me laugh when I hear her trying to mimic his tone. She’s been trying to echo the exact way he speaks for a while. It’s probably the most adorable part of our day, hearing her try to be gruff and hard. Drew doesn’t speak often, or say a lot. That is, outside of the walls of one of our homes. He chooses the words he says and delivers them, that’s all there is to it. Those words he does say, well, you can guarantee they’re important.

  And those carefully chosen words that he gives us?

  Those matter the most, to him and to us.

  “Morning, bean,” he replies in a low drawl. As a matter of fact, to the point, nothing else given. That’s just him.

  I can see her smile grow before she answers.

  “Away we go, giant! Carry us onward! It’s time for the quest for knowledge.”

  My head jerks slightly, not noticeable to Riley, but Drew catches it. He quirks his brow to give me a look that says it all. We both are two grown adults who rarely take orders from anyone. I would go as far as to say that he likely never takes orders. However, it isn’t lost on me that both of us unquestioningly follow her marching orders when it comes to Riley. I give him a small shrug, a bigger smile, and we follow.

  The breeze hits my skin, cooling off the heat that the sun had given me just moments before. The sun feels unusually bright today, giving a heat to my skin that is much-needed since the chill has started to move into the city’s air. It’s the time of year when there’s a good bit of people out enjoying the nice weather. A little more than you would normally see during the hot days of summer. Everyone wants to soak up these remaining days before it’s too cold to.

  Bikes cycling, people running, and various activities going around the park. There isn’t a time of day when you don’t see picnics, various small groups playing sports, and people like us milling around. It won’t be long before winter creeps its cold claws back into our bones, and the parks become hard to enjoy. Those cold days make walks like this harder to fit in, us switching over to my car. I soak in these days when I’m able to walk Riley to school—and the shop—instead of being stuck in a vehicle. There’s nothing like walking the city of Boston when the weather cooperates.

  Riley’s little voice comes through my thoughts, and I give myself a little mental shake to snap out of these daydreams. When I hear her call the coffee shop her “work,” I can’t help my soft snort. Drew looks over, his eyes over where his leg is resting, hiding the smirk I know is there, and I can practically see the remark he wants to jest toward me dancing in his eyes.

  “Don’t you think, Livi?” Riley says.

  I look up from his beautiful eyes and give her my attention, the heat growing on my cheeks. “What was that, bean?”

  “You’re silly,” she starts, giving a bell of giggles after. “Don’t you think my giant would be better at games than you?”

  “Hey now!” I exclaim with mock shock.

  She laughs harder.

  “Why would he be better than me, little miss?”

  “Because he’s a boy. Lewis is a boy, and he’s really good at Mario Kart. I bet Mr. W would be good too, even though he’s real old.”

  “That’s not nice, Riley.”

  “Why? He says it all the time.”

  “She’s got you there,” Drew adds, giving me a wink.

  I narrow my eyes at him, and the two of them laugh.

  “Well, just because he says it doesn’t mean you need to repeat it, Riley.”

  “Okay,” she chirps, then goes back to leaning over Drew’s head. “Did you know I have a TV and some games at work? If you come early today, I can show you how to play, and you can play instead of Livi. She doesn’t like games that much because she always loses. Did you play games when you were little like me?”

  “Not the kind of games you have now. Didn’t have much of that fun stuff when I was little.”

  “Why?”

  “Grew up when there wasn’t tons of those games you play. Most kids were playing outside with sticks and rocks, basketball and baseball. That kind of stuff.”

  She leans up and I watch her face as she ponders his words. She looks at me and gives me a wink. I swear, this girl.

  “Well … we can teach you. You’re a boy, and you’ll be able to beat Livi real quick. She can do other stuff, and we can play. Lewis is my friend at work. He’s really good at games, too. Sometimes, when there aren’t a lot of people there, which is like never, I get to play with Lewis, and he teaches me tricks. Do you know Lewis? Cuz he’s real nice.”

  “You always give me that much to digest, kid?”

  “What is digest?”

  We laugh, and she squints at me.

  “I’ll be there early today,” Drew starts with a gruff grumble, drawing her attention back to him. She doesn’t speak again, content with the fact she got what she wanted, and that’s that. I, however, hear what he isn’t saying. Something is on his mind, and it’s clear as day.

  The walk to her school is silent after that. Not uncomfortable, just the three of us being comfortable enough to afford that silence. The world keeps moving, traffic and sounds of people enjoying the weather whips around us with the gentle breeze.

  “I see my school,” Riley says, interrupting the silence. “My giant, did you know I didn’t like my school at first? I like it now. Even though I want to be at work with Livi and Ella more. It’s not more fun at school than work, but at least I get to do both.”

  “Gotta have balance, bean,” he says.

  “What’s balance?”

  He lifts her off his shoulders when we reach the edge of her school’s property, just before the gate. When her legs clear his head, he gives a little push from his hold, and she’s spinning in the air before he catches her—this time, facing him. He holds her out and away from his body and keeps her face level. She smiles, wonky and toothy full of love for him. He takes it in with a deep breath. The two of them just look at each other, and her little legs start swinging.

  “Balance is knowing how to have what you love while doing what you have to do.”

  “Do you?”

  “Do I what?”

  “Do you get to do what you love, too?” she asks, so much innocence in her question. She doesn’t realize her aunt is close to hyperventilating.

  He looks over at me, just a beat, then back at her. “Hadn’t for a real long time, bean. Hadn’t until recently.”

  “Do you love what you have to do?”

  “Not at all.” This time, his answer is immediate. Not even a sliver of a second seemed to pass.

  “Then you should probably stop doing what you have to do and fix your balance.”

  He grunts out a laugh, no humor in it at all.