“Are you okay? And why are you taking fertility medication?”

  She looked distinctly uncomfortable. I handed the medication over, waiting with tension drawn tight inside.

  “I’m trying to get pregnant,” she finally said. “I want to have a baby. This whole process started before”—she flapped her hand in the air—“this thing with you happened.”

  “And you weren’t going to tell me? Why didn’t you tell me before?”

  “Because. My luck in dating isn’t good. You know that. I’m not getting any younger. I knew if I wanted to have a baby, I should look into the process sooner rather than later. I didn’t tell anyone about it except my doctor. Because it’s private, and I don’t know if it’ll work. I preferred to keep it to myself.” Her tone was pointed and her eyes narrowed as we had a stare down.

  “Well, even if we weren’t having this thing, you could’ve asked me.”

  “Asked you what?” Her voice rose sharply.

  “If you’re going to have a baby, you might as well have a baby with someone you know rather than some random stranger.”

  “You’ve always told me you never wanted kids.”

  Okay, that was true, but I didn’t even want to go there with that right now. I clenched and stretched my jaw open as I spun away, stuffing my hands in my pockets. I paced from the kitchen into the living room and back again. “I just feel like you’re hiding something pretty important from me. Was this what that appointment was about in Juneau?”

  She swallowed and nodded. “I didn’t feel like telling you about it. I’m sorry if that hurts your feelings. Do you suddenly want kids?”

  We stared at each other. Removing my hands from my pockets, I dragged a palm across my cheek in a reflexive, nervous gesture. I distantly noted I was due for a shave.

  “I don’t know,” I said with a shrug.

  Quinn set the medication bottle on the counter. “I don’t want to argue about this, Kenan.”

  I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. When I opened them, I felt a little calmer. “I don’t either. I guess it just freaked me out. You’re my best friend.”

  “You’re my best friend too. Can we just put this on ice for now?”

  I nodded. “Can I stay tonight?”

  She turned back, her eyes widening in surprise. “The night?”

  “Yes.”

  We studied each other for a long moment. I held my breath until she nodded. “Of course.”

  This wasn’t the first time we slept together. We’d spent two nights together on the ferry and another in the hotel. Yet those were all outside of Fireweed Harbor. Somehow, spending the night in her bedroom and in her house felt different. It felt like we took things to another level because this was part of our regular lives. This was where we lived; it was our world.

  The following morning, I ignored the doubts competing for my attention. I didn’t want to think about Quinn doing IVF treatment and potentially getting inseminated with some random stranger’s genetic material. I just couldn’t even go there.

  I kissed her when we woke up together. One kiss led to another. I tugged her into the shower with me and made love to her against the tiled wall. I told myself it was just sex, but my heart knew the truth. When we parted ways, we pretended our argument didn’t linger between us.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Quinn

  Later that afternoon, I left my office. I told Rhys I was meeting at our family’s offices because my father had questions about a contract. My father was mostly retired and didn’t have questions about anything. These days, he did, as he described it, the fun stuff—real estate transactions, weird fishing rights issues, and more. I just needed to get out of my office.

  My feet moved in the direction of Spill the Beans Café. Maybe an afternoon dose of caffeine would clear my thoughts. I still couldn’t get over the look of hurt on Kenan’s face when he realized I hadn’t told him something. I felt guilty even though I knew I had every right not to tell him everything. I hadn’t discussed my choice to look into IVF with anyone because I didn’t know how it would go.

  My heart was still tripping and stumbling over him. What if he maybe wanted kids? What if it was something we could do together? Those were treacherous questions to contemplate.

  A few minutes later, I stood at the counter in the café, and Phyllis smiled over at me. It was midafternoon, a quieter time of day here. “What will it be?”

  “I’ll just take your bold brew.”

  She got a cup ready for me and handed it over. “Anything to eat?”

  I hadn’t even eaten lunch. As if my stomach wanted to answer her, it growled audibly.

  Phyllis waggled her brows. “We’ve got our soup of the day. Today is a salmon bisque. It’s delicious.”

  “I’ll take a bowl of that with some of your bread.”

  “I’m hungry too. Why don’t I join you?” she asked.

  A few minutes later, we sat together at a small table by the windows. She had called out Heather, their newest employee, a girl from high school covering the afternoons, to handle customers. Heather was drawing a Christmas tree in the corner of the chalkboard behind the register counter.

  “Now, let’s get right down to it,” Phyllis said after we had both taken a few spoonfuls of soup.

  “Get down to what?”

  Her brows hitched up. “Something is on your mind. You are probably the least distracted person I know, and you look really distracted. I might even go so far as to say you look worried.”

  “Phyllis, I’m fine,” I insisted.

  She tsk-tsked me. “I’ve known you since you were a baby. Now just tell me the truth.”

  I took a deep breath, realizing Phyllis would be safe to confide in. She could be gossipy but only traded in superficial details that wouldn’t hurt anyone.

  “You are sworn to secrecy before I say a word,” I said, pointing my finger at her.

  Phyllis made the sign of the cross over her chest. “Cross my heart.”

  “Okay…” I quickly spilled the whole story, ending with, “I just figured I have the shittiest luck with relationships, and I don’t want to wait forever. I also don’t want to end up in one of those relationships where I’m doing all the work anyway. Then this whole thing started with Kenan, and I’m pretty sure it’s a mistake. He’s always said he didn’t want kids, and he never even wanted to get serious. It’s not like I don’t understand where he’s coming from.” I let out a sigh.

  Phyllis interjected, “Things weren’t great for them as kids. Their mother is wonderful, but their father died young, and I think she was overwhelmed. Her plate was full, and she didn’t know what was going on. To this day, I know she wishes their father was still here. So many things would’ve been different if he hadn’t passed away.”

  I nodded. “I know. I think—” My words cut off abruptly.

  Because I didn’t really know what to think. I knew Kenan was hurt, but he had told me time and time again he didn’t want a family.

  “I think there’s what Kenan thinks in his head.” She tapped her temple. “And then his emotions. I’ve seen him with his nephew. He’s incredible with him.” She was referring to the unexpected nephew they’d gained when an ex of Jake’s showed up with his son. When paternity testing confirmed his parenthood, Kenan had been great with him, easygoing and supportive, easing his entrance into their family.

  I thought about Kenan’s messy family. There was a lot of love among the siblings, and their bond with their mother had strengthened since the whole sordid story about all that had happened with their grandfather came out. Kenan had told me he barely remembered his father. He had been so young when he passed that memories were faint.

  I knew he carried guilt, feeling like Jake and Rhys bore the brunt of the abusive behavior of their grandfather. I understood why Kenan said he would be the best uncle ever, but that was enough for him.

  These thoughts tumbled through my mind while I sipped my coffee. Phyllis studied me quietly.

  Eventually, she said, “I think Kenan’s afraid. I think he’s always been afraid of falling in love. That’s why he and Blake share that tendency to keep things light. But I also think he’s afraid of really seeing all that he could be. For better or worse, when you’re in a big group of siblings like his, getting lost in the shuffle can be easy. I don’t think he’s lost, but he’s not sure what his role is. After Jake died, Rhys stepped up to be the eldest brother and took care of everything. Blake runs the production and distribution. Adam, as close as he and Kenan are, is considered the brainiest. I don’t know that that’s true, just that he’s really good at math. Kenan is just as smart as Adam is but in a different way. He’s the creative one who thinks on the fly and solves problems. I’m not saying I know what you want, but I think you should give Kenan a chance. You know as well as I do that, given the chance, he would make a very good father and a good partner to anyone. That man is as loyal as they come. You have to believe he can rise to the challenge. I want to convince you that he will, but you have to believe in yourself. You also have to know what’s in your own heart. I had a good marriage, but it wasn’t perfect. Anyone who tells you their marriage was perfect is lying through their teeth, by the way.”

  I snorted at that. “I appreciate your honesty, Phyllis.”

  Just then, Hazel came in from the back, calling over, “I heard that!” She approached our table, nodding vigorously. “There’s a reason we’re best friends and have been since college. She knows I miss my George,” she said, referring to her late husband, “but Lord knows it wasn’t perfect. If he rose from the dead, I’m certain we would argue about something. No matter how much I missed him, that man could drive me nuts. Are you telling Quinn she should give Kenan a chance?”

  Heat flashed into my cheeks. I was about to ask her what she knew when Hazel added, “I don’t know anything, but I’ve seen you two together for years. We always thought you’d make a good couple.”

  “We?!” I squeaked. “Is this something you’ve talked about?”

  Hazel rolled her eyes. “Of course. Plus, I saw his hand on your knee the other day when you were here together.”

  Phyllis glanced up at her. “It’s complicated. Quinn wants to have a baby. Kenan has said for years he didn’t want kids. He’s going to have to figure out he can do both, and she’s going to have to believe it.”

  “Oh my God,” I muttered.

  Hazel studied me, her gaze kind. “It’s never simple. Here’s the funny thing. Some people plan to have babies, then have one and break up because it’s not what they expected. Neither one of us had kids because we didn’t want them. Sometimes I wonder about it, but I’m old enough now that I’ve accepted my choice. Kenan is a good man. No matter what you do, life is complicated and messy, and things change all the time. Just tell him how you feel and see what happens.”

  “How I feel?”

  “Well, you love him, don’t you?”

  My heart carried on beating, strong and steady. I glanced between Phyllis and Hazel. I’d known them for as long as I could remember. They’d opened this coffee shop together after college.

  “I’m just going to have to think about what to do,” I finally said, even though I knew I loved him.

  I just wasn’t ready to say it out loud. When I did say it out loud, I also knew it had to be to Kenan. If I ever scrambled up the nerve.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Kenan

  “Hey, hey,” Blake said as I walked into the kitchen at our mother’s house.

  I grinned over at him. “Hey, yourself.” His stepdaughter, Lia, stood on a stool with an apron with a cat on it tied around her waist as she peered into a mixing bowl and stirred with a giant wooden spoon.

  I stopped beside her. “What are you making there?” I asked as I slid an arm around her shoulders and squeezed lightly.

  “Cookies.” She looked up at me. “It’s hard to stir them.” Her brow crinkled with her concentration as she glanced back down.

  “I have just the trick.” I turned and walked into my mother’s pantry. A moment later, I carried out her stand mixer, which was tucked in a corner.

  Blake looked from the mixer to Lia to me. “Didn’t even know Mom had that.”

  “That’s because I pay better attention than you,” I quipped.

  Lia smiled at me, asking, “What’s that?”

  “A stand mixer. I promise it’ll change your life.”

  A few minutes later, after I had it set up and helped her move the dough into the mixer bowl, I showed her how to work it.

  She squealed with glee when the cookie dough was thoroughly mixed so quickly. “You’re the best!”

  “I thought I was the best,” Blake teased as I helped her scoop spoonfuls of cookie dough onto a baking tray. He met my gaze over the top of her head and winked.

  My heart gave a funny beat in my chest as my mind spun to my conversation with Quinn. I had said I didn’t want kids, but it wasn’t that specifically. Family was incredibly important to me. Yet I had always carried this deep fear that I wouldn’t be enough.

  A little while later, our mother helped Lia check the cookies in the oven. Blake and I sat at the kitchen table, the very table where we often had dinners together as kids. Our grandfather had never lived here. Thank fucking God, or it would’ve ruined the good memories I had. This was our sanctuary.

  I glanced over at Blake, considering him for a moment. “What?” he prompted as he took a swallow of water.

  “Just thinking. Being a father suits you. Did you expect it to be so easy?”

  “Fuck no!” he retorted quickly. “You know as well as I do that I didn’t ever plan to settle down. I didn’t think it was for me.” He paused, his gaze shifting to Lia for a long moment. An intense emotion flickered in his eyes when he brought his attention back to me. “It’s both easier and more difficult than I expected. The love and the commitment and, frankly, the day-to-day shit is the easiest part. The hard part is realizing that you carry the weight of just how much they matter. If something happened to Fiona or Lia, I don’t know what I would do. It might break me at this point. Why do you ask?”

  Although Adam and I were the closest, Blake and I had our own special bond. That was the funny part about being in a cluster of siblings. You had different connections with each of them. For whatever reason, Blake and I shared the role of kind of being the jokers in the family, the ones to smooth things over and snap through a difficult moment with a joke and a laugh. As a result, we also shared the understanding that not everybody took us seriously.

  Rhys carried the mantle of being the oldest sibling and the one expected to step into a leadership role. That had never sat well for Jake. He’d always seemed as if he wanted to shake it off. Rhys accepted the role without hesitation, and it suited him. I knew Blake knew about me and Quinn, at least part of us. I hadn’t admitted to anyone, barely even myself, that I was in love with her. As hurt as I was by the secret she’d kept from me, I knew I couldn’t talk to anyone about it. That was hers.

  “I don’t know,” I finally said. “Things are, uh, I guess, feeling complicated with Quinn. I’m worried I might’ve screwed things up.”

  “Don’t count yourself out,” Blake said, his gaze entirely serious as he leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table. “You’re more than you give yourself credit for. We all have our reasons for being gun-shy about relationships. I’m starting to realize maybe what we all went through only made us stronger. Everybody’s got something to carry. I said it before, and I’ll say it again: even when you were swearing up and down there would never be anything between you and Quinn, I knew you’d make a good couple. Really good. I just think you need to give yourself a chance, as much as her.”

  His words slammed into me so hard it felt as if he’d thumped me right in the chest. The sensation reverberated in my solar plexus.

  Lia approached the table, stopping beside me. “You first,” she said, holding the plate aloft.

  “Ooh, I’m the lucky one today.”

  Blake chuckled. “How come I’m not first?” he teased.

  “Because you didn’t know where the stand mixer was,” Lia replied with a sly grin.

  As soon as I took a cookie off the plate, she rounded the table to Blake. He curled his arms around her shoulders, hugging her close as he dropped a kiss on top of her head. “It’s a good thing Kenan knew where that mixer was. Now we know for the future.”

  “Can we get one at home?” Lia asked.

  Blake chuckled as he lifted a cookie off. “Definitely. I can’t believe I didn’t think of that sooner.”

  “Well, you’re not a chef like Mom,” she pointed out.

  I took a bite of the cookie. It was warm, and the texture was just perfect. I let out a moan, chewing before offering, “These are amazing, Lia. You take after your mom.”

  Fiona happened to walk into the kitchen, glancing over at the table. “I’m not that great at baking. I’m decent, but it’s definitely not my strength.”

  “I’m going to be the baker in the family,” Lia announced.

  There was a sense of comfort and warmth whenever I was with my siblings. I wondered if I wanted that for myself. The tricky thing was, if I could imagine it with anyone, it would be with Quinn.

  Now, I just had to convince her.

  Chapter Thirty

  Quinn

  I idly studied the medication bottle, contemplating when I wanted to start taking them. After that, I walked into my kitchen, sliding my hips onto a stool by the counter and tapping my phone screen. I had a list of profiles to review, potential mystery fathers for a potential mystery child-to-be.

  Every time I logged in to the system to review these, I would only read for a few minutes before logging out, which was exactly what happened again.

  “Fuck you, Kenan,” I whispered.

  This was all his fault. He’d gone and proposed I give him a chance to be the father. Now, he made me want things I’d already let go of. It seemed like such a high bar to find happily ever after with some guy who wasn’t a jerk, some guy where it didn’t mean sex was a total letdown. I knew Kenan had it in him to be an amazing father, but I didn’t think he believed it, so it wouldn’t come to be.