Panic started to churn inside as he turned and began to leave. “Kenan!” I called.

  He turned back. “Yeah?”

  “Can we just talk? I just, I don’t, I don’t think you’re ready for this.”

  His eyes shuttered, and then he was gone. I didn’t try to stop him.

  For hours that night after he left, I kept picking up my phone and contemplating what I could say. I never mustered up the courage to call or text. I also kept praying he would call me and say that he had overreacted and knew we needed a little more time. Right?

  He never called. The weekend passed with radio silence between us.

  I went into the office early Monday, hoping to see him there. His office was dark.

  At some point later in the morning, I had to check with Rhys about something. I refused to ask him where Kenan was.

  Finally, later in the afternoon, when there was still no sign of Kenan in the office, I asked Tish if she happened to know where he was. I played it off like I needed to ask him about something.

  She looked up. “Yeah, he took an unexpected trip to Willow Brook with Blake. They’re doing some planning for the production and distribution area there. Blake was going to go on his own, but Kenan offered to go with him. You know those two. They’re always better together.”

  “Oh,” was all I could manage.

  “I’m surprised he hasn’t texted you about it,” she said lightly.

  I pasted a polite smile on my face and hoped it seemed normal. “Just a busy day and I lost track. I texted him, but if they were flying, he probably hasn’t had a chance to reply yet.” That was a total lie, but I didn’t want to let on that something was amiss between us.

  Her phone rang, and she took the call, giving me an apologetic smile.

  I told myself that was for the best. Kenan was out of town for a few days. I didn’t need to deal with running into him at work. We could get back to normal somehow.

  Except I missed him. He wasn’t texting me at all, and I hated it.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Kenan

  I leaned back into the couch cushions at Archer’s house. My cousin glanced over with a tired smile. “It’s good to sit down for a few minutes. Getting this place up and running has been a ton of work.” Archer’s gaze shifted to Blake as he sat beside me. “I have a lot of respect for what you’ve been handling.”

  Blake let out a dry chuckle. “I just picked up the reins of what was already established. You guys”—he gestured between Archer and Chase—“are doing all the stuff that was in place when I stepped in. On the upside, we won’t have to spend a small fortune upgrading all the equipment like I did.”

  “David has been incredibly helpful,” Archer said.

  “Can we give him a bonus or something?” Chase asked.

  “I already planned that for the end of the year,” Blake replied. “He’s traveled here a lot.”

  “It’s a really good thing he’s stepped down from handling chef duties,” I said.

  “I can’t even imagine doing this without his help,” Chase said.

  “We’re all grateful David found Fiona. If he wasn’t happy with her, he would’ve insisted on continuing to run the kitchen at Fireweed Winery and somehow tried to help with this,” I commented.

  “How is Fiona?” Archer asked, addressing his question to Blake.

  Blake’s smile was warm. “She’s great, really great.”

  I was getting accustomed to him being head over heels in love with Fiona, but I was still surprised at how easily he had adjusted. Like me, Blake had been committed to not being committed. Until Fiona.

  I nudged Blake lightly with my elbow as I rolled my eyes. “She’s doing a fantastic job with the restaurant. David’s thrilled with her, and we all know how difficult he is to please when it comes to the kitchen at the restaurant. Blake can’t really be objective because he’s totally whipped.”

  Chase and Archer laughed just as Phoebe came through the front door. “Hey, guys!” she called over.

  Archer stood and walked across the living room to meet her near the entryway. He gave her a lingering kiss. As they stepped apart, she glanced over. “There’s pizza in the car. I forgot to bring it in.”

  “How many boxes?” I asked as I stood.

  “Four large pizzas. There are four of you, so I figure maybe that’ll be enough,” she teased as she walked over.

  Archer was opening the front door. “Do you need help?” I asked as I followed him over.

  “There are groceries, too,” Phoebe called from behind us.

  Archer caught my eye. “Yes, please.”

  A while later, we were sitting in the living room with the pizza boxes on the coffee table as we all served ourselves. Phoebe had gone to take a shower.

  “Is she still doing the hotshot firefighting thing?” I asked Archer as I selected a slice of pizza and slid it onto my plate.

  He finished chewing a bite and nodded. “She just fills in sometimes. I know she loves it, but I worry. It’s a risky job.” His brow furrowed as he shrugged. “You know what I mean,” he added, glancing at Chase.

  Chase was also a hotshot firefighter. While he was picking up work with Fireweed Industries with Archer here, he still did on-call work for the local firefighter crew in town.

  “Not gonna argue that it’s a risky job,” Chase said. “But you know Phoebe. She’s as steady as you can get out in the field.”

  “I know,” Archer said. “I’m trying not to tell her what to do.”

  “You know that won’t work out,” I offered with a chuckle. “Maybe I don’t know Phoebe as well as you, but if you tell her what to do, she’ll do the opposite.”

  Archer took a bite of his pizza. After another moment, he added, “She knows I worry, which is why she’s only doing it on call.”

  We fell into an easy conversation, getting the update on Chase’s new family. He had recently married and had a baby unexpectedly, but he seemed to have grabbed that chance with both hands.

  At one point, he glanced over, addressing Blake, “So you’re an instant stepfather. How are you feeling about that?”

  Blake set his empty plate down and took a swallow from his beer. He looked thoughtful as he lowered the bottle. “If you had told me, even a few months before I met Fiona, that this would be my life, I would’ve laughed. But it doesn’t freak me out at all. I love Fiona. Lia is part of the package. We’re pretty fresh, so we’re taking it on pace, but I’m ready.”

  “It’s funny how that happens, isn’t it?” Chase mused.

  “That’s one way to put it,” I offered dryly as I glanced his way. “You didn’t ever expect to see Hallie again and now you have a toddler with her. Kind of blows my mind.”

  “It still blows my mind,” Chase replied with a chuckle. “But I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

  I felt the tension tighten across my shoulders and shifted them to ease it away.

  “What about you? Are you getting serious with anyone?” Archer prompted, his tone light and easy.

  I opened my mouth to make light of it, but I couldn’t even crack a joke. I felt his gaze on me and took a slow breath, trying to loosen the tension banded around my chest now.

  “Hey, you okay?” Archer asked. “I kind of figured you’d say hell no, and that would be that.”

  I glanced from Blake to Archer to Chase, three men I trusted completely. “I kind of made a mess of things,” I finally said.

  “What happened?” Chase asked.

  I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees as I tunneled my hands through my hair before straightening and letting them fall to my knees. “You guys know Quinn?”

  “Of course,” Archer replied. “She heads up the legal department for our main offices. You’ve gotten pretty tight since you both moved back to Fireweed Harbor.”

  With three pairs of gazes on me expectantly, I felt uncertain how to explain. Blake appeared to take pity on me and chimed in, “I asked him years ago if there was anything between him and Quinn. He swore up and down, backward, forward, and sideways, that there was no way, never, no how. I knew better. I would just like some credit for being right for once.” Blake cuffed me playfully on the shoulder.

  Chase chuckled. “Ah, I see. Are you worried you’re going to mess your friendship up? Is that the issue?”

  “Pretty sure I already fucked that up.” I let out a sigh. “Here’s the catch: she wants a family, and this is important to her, but I’ve told her for years I never wanted kids.”

  “So that’s a deal-breaker?” Chase prompted.

  “I don’t want it to be,” I said. “Honestly, it scares me. But when I think about it, it’s something I want with her.” I looked among them. “I love my family, all of you. But then—” I glanced at Blake. “Shit was fucked up for us. It’s better now. We’re all grown up, and we’re all tight, but I worry.”

  Blake held my gaze steadily. “You’d make a great father,” he said.

  “But I don’t think Quinn believes it. How do I convince her?”

  As I looked around the room, Chase studied me. “For different reasons, my childhood was fucked up. I never wanted to get serious and thought I didn’t want kids. Obviously, that changed. Now, I can’t imagine life without my family.”

  “How do I convince Quinn I can do this?”

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Kenan

  The following morning, Chase had invited me over for coffee. Hallie handed me a mug, asking, “Do you want a bagel? We have fresh bagels, and I made some cream cheese with our smoked salmon left over from last summer.”

  “I can’t say no to that,” I teased. “Sounds amazing.”

  Hallie lifted her hands to tighten her ponytail, her hazel eyes twinkling with her smile. “It is good. I’ll toast one for you with Chase’s.”

  Chase came walking into the kitchen with their toddler sound asleep on his shoulder.

  “How’s Danny doing?” I took a swallow of my coffee as he sat down at the table across from me.

  “Good. He’s already played for over an hour, and now he’s tired again,” Chase said with a grin.

  Hallie chuckled as she tapped the button on their toaster. A moment later, she handed Chase a mug of coffee, gesturing to the center of the table. “Cream is right there.”

  Chase grinned up at her, replying, “Thank you. Now, lean down so I can kiss you. If I move too much, we’ll wake Danny.”

  He gave her a lingering kiss when she bent down to meet him. Although my sibling relationship with Chase was newer because we had only discovered him a few years ago, I knew him well enough to know that this was a surprise. He was married with a child and content with his situation. He was a good guy, and I was happy for him and Hallie.

  “Want to hold a sleeping almost three-year-old?” Chase asked. He reached with one hand to add some cream to his coffee, adding, “You become an expert at doing things with one hand after you have a baby.”

  I chuckled. “I’m sure you do. I’ll take him if you’d like.”

  Chase took a swallow from his coffee, and then stood, carefully passing the sound asleep bundle of my nephew to me. Danny didn’t even wake as I shifted him in my arms. He formed himself into a comma over my shoulder, entirely comfortable within a second or two.

  Chase sat back down, removing the towel he’d laid over his shoulder. “Do I need that?” I asked.

  He flashed a grin. “No. He’s very routine. He usually wakes up raring to go. After running us ragged for an hour or so, he naps for a while.”

  Hallie approached the table with two plates with toasted bagels, setting them down and returning a moment later with a bowl of smoked salmon cream cheese as she sat down.

  “You’re not having one?” I prompted.

  “I already had one. Do you want me to get yours ready?” She waggled her eyebrows as she gestured toward Danny on my shoulder.

  I grinned. “I could test my skills at the one-handed thing, but I’m not sure how I’m going to pull off getting the cream cheese on the bagel.”

  Hallie quickly spread cream cheese on both sides of the toasted bagel for me. After my first bite, I let out a satisfied moan. “That is some good smoked salmon.”

  “We smoked it ourselves,” Chase said. “It’s my dad’s brining recipe. He swears by it. You know how it is in Alaska. Everybody has their expert recommendation. Do you guys smoke your own salmon?”

  “We sure do. My mother has her own recipes. I’m always open to trying new things. Email me your recipe. Speaking of salmon, we should go dipnetting again next summer.”

  Chase nodded. “We always go. You just tell me when you’ll be over this way, and we’ll make it happen.”

  Dipnetting was a favorite local activity in Alaska. While it was lots of fun, it was a subsistence fishery for residents only. For some, the salmon got them through the winter with pounds and pounds of healthy, lean protein.

  There were a few options of where to go in Alaska, and you had to pick one. Glancing at Chase, I asked, “Do you always do the Kenai River run?”

  “I’ve done the China Poot fishery and the Kasilof River, but the salmon are the largest in the Kenai River, so it’s my preference.”

  “Same here. I wish we could do them all, but since we have to pick one, that’s my first choice,” I agreed.

  We finished eating, and Hallie left for work, leaving me and Chase at the house with Danny. “Do you all do daycare, or are you on duty today?”

  “It’s winter, so I don’t have as much work, and she’s busy with the holiday season. We mostly swap out schedules, but when we’re both busy, we have family to help out.”

  Before Hallie left, they had put Danny down to finish his nap in the living room. He was within view of where we were seated in the kitchen.

  “You seem to have settled right into this marriage and kid thing,” I commented.

  Chase chuckled, his gaze sobering. “You know, if you had asked me about it even a few months before this all went down, I would’ve told you no way, no how. But I love it. It helps that I love Hallie. Don’t get me wrong, I was slightly terrified at the prospect when I found out she was pregnant and would keep the baby. I think things work out the way they’re supposed to.” He studied me for a moment. “I’m not saying you should have kids, but I think you’d make a good father. It sure seems like you love Quinn.”

  I took an unsteady breath. Anxiety slithered down my spine, and my heart tumbled unsteadily in my chest. I did love Quinn. I just didn’t want to fail.

  “I wish I knew what to do.”

  “Maybe it would help if you think about how you’d feel if you don’t go for it,” Chase suggested.

  “What do you mean?”

  “When I started to panic after I found out Hallie was having a baby and I was falling for her, sometimes I tried to imagine how I would feel if I didn’t take the chance. That was more terrifying. How would you feel if Quinn had a baby on her own or if she was with someone else?”

  I stared at Chase as a sense of panic seized me inside. “Oh fuck,” I muttered.

  “Didn’t mean to scare you, but it’s a way to think about any choice. You’ve obviously known Quinn longer than I knew Hallie before we were together. In the time we’ve been together, I’ve definitely learned that the underlying friendship is really fucking important. You don’t just have to love each other; you have to like each other. Because the day-to-day shit can be hard. Life on its own can be hard. If you have someone you care about, and you’re decent and there for each other when the logistic challenges of life slap you in the face, you’re in a much better place. That’s a foundation you can build on. Maybe I haven’t known you forever, but I get the sense Quinn means a lot more to you than just a friend. Maybe thinking about it that way will help you figure out what you want.”

  After I left Chase’s house, my mind kept spinning on that question. If I took the path that didn’t include life with Quinn, a sense of bleakness gusted through me.

  Maybe I had my answer, but I still wasn’t sure Quinn had faith in me.

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Kenan

  Blake and I flew back to Fireweed Harbor, and I told myself I didn’t have to rush this. As I drove into the office one morning, the holiday spirit was in full swing in Fireweed Harbor with holiday lights glittering in the snowy darkness. Quinn and I had seen each other once since I got back. We had played it off casually, like everything was fine with us. Except my heart ached and my pulse raced.

  Every time I considered Chase’s thought exercise, it nearly sent me into a panic. Because the idea of Quinn having a baby by herself—or even worse, actually meeting someone else and getting serious—was something I could hardly bear. My thoughts shied away from the idea like a wild pony.

  Yet I was still smarting from the fact that I didn’t feel like she believed in me enough to reconsider, to grow. Maybe I had been uncertain about being a father and taking that leap—not just with her but with anyone. She’d been so quick to dismiss me, saying she didn’t think I was ready because of what I’d said before. It hurt a lot. I also wondered if she didn’t have faith in me as a partner. That burned.

  I stopped by Rhys’s office one afternoon after he had texted me. When I popped in, Quinn stood beside his desk, holding a file folder against her chest. She looked over at me, smiling tightly. “Hey, Kenan,” she said.

  Her voice sounded casual, but I heard the underlying thread of tension woven into it.

  “Hey,” I replied.

  She glanced back over at Rhys. “I’ll follow up. I need to swing by to check in with my parents about something at their office. I’m sure I’ll see you tomorrow.”