The worst part of it all was I loved him. It terrified me because it would be easier to imagine doing this parenting thing with him just as friends because then I wouldn’t expect more. I wouldn’t want more.

  I set my phone down, leaning my face into my hands and letting out a groan. My eyes pricked with tears, but I refused to give in to them. I wasn’t going to get through this by crying over it.

  I’d walked into this mess myself. I could walk myself out of it. I straightened and let my hands fall to the counter.

  Now, I wanted more. I wanted Kenan and the whole package.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Quinn

  Wednesday rolled around, and Kenan texted me.

  Kenan: Locals’ night at the winery tonight?

  I studied that text for way too long. We’d probably sent the same text to each other hundreds of times before. Nothing about it was remarkable. I didn’t doubt that hundreds of friends in our small town sent some variation of the same text. Locals’ night at Fireweed Winery was a favorite local event.

  Kenan and I often met there. It was casual and easy, and many of our friends would be there.

  I took a slow breath, willing my heartbeat, which was galloping out of control, to slow the hell down. This was no big deal. I lifted my phone and tapped out my reply.

  Me: Sure. Meet you there.

  I set my phone down, telling myself to focus on work. I always had plenty to do. Maybe a minute had passed when my phone vibrated. I told myself I didn’t have to look right away, but I was already reaching for my phone. Sliding it closer, I tapped on the screen.

  Kenan: I’ll meet you at the office. I’ll be by at the end of the day anyway. I have to check in with Rhys about something.

  Me: OK. See you when you get here.

  This time, I silenced my phone. I didn’t need to wonder when he might text again. I even tucked my phone into my purse and zipped the side pocket shut for good measure. These were the measures I was taking to inoculate myself against the temptation to see when Kenan might text again.

  We hadn’t discussed it, and I doubted we ever would, but our old habit of occasionally texting each other silly memes during the day had stopped. I missed it. It felt like we were being too careful with each other. Another reminder that maybe this was all a huge, heartbreaking mistake.

  It was later in the day, late enough that Kenan was probably somewhere in the building. He didn’t have a regular schedule. Rhys was prone to show up early and stay late. Although his schedule was a little better since he had fallen in love.

  Kenan had a fairly unorthodox schedule. He worked a lot, but in his role as the catchall for odds and ends, he might be out at the garage handling equipment issues for the business, stopping by the winery to check in with Blake about matters at the distribution warehouse, or coming in to the actual office.

  I’d never wondered what he did during the days. I did now. I wondered why he was stopping by to meet with Rhys. Although we coordinated when needed, I didn’t know everything he did. Lately, I wondered what he was doing all the freaking time. When might I see him again? That was always the question.

  I saved a document on my computer and made a quick phone call to my mother. She had asked me to look at the schedule for a trip she wanted to plan for her and my father. She was giving him a surprise trip for his birthday. They were going to take a cruise from Alaska down to the coast of Mexico.

  She answered on the first ring. “Hi, Quinn!”

  “Hey, Mom. Just following up. I looked at the schedule you sent and think it looks great. Dad will love it. Do you all need me to cover anything while you’re gone?”

  I could hear the smile in her voice when she replied, “I’m sure your dad will fuss about it, but as it is, we’re not working full-time now. We can dial back. Danielle will field anything that comes up in a pinch. I’m sure your father will want you to say that you’ll cover anything that comes up, so be prepared to do that. I’ve got it all set so you won’t need to do a thing.”

  I laughed softly. “Mom, you know I don’t mind.”

  “I know, but you work enough as it is. You handle the most challenging part of our practice at Fireweed Industries.”

  “So when is this trip happening?”

  “In March. I figure we’ll both be sick of winter by then. Mud season will be coming up. Speaking of winter, we’re doing Thanksgiving with the Cannons this year, as usual.”

  A sense of anxiety tightened inside. We usually did Thanksgiving with the Cannons. There was absolutely nothing out of the ordinary about that. Except everything felt loaded with Kenan.

  “I assumed,” I replied lightly. “Is Thanksgiving already upon us?” I glanced at my desk calendar, my brain noting that it was next Thursday. “Are we doing the tree at the house on the Friday after?”

  That was another tradition. My mother liked to decorate the tree the day after Thanksgiving. Ever since I was a little girl, we decorated a tall blue spruce tree in my parents’ front yard.

  “Of course. Although, I was going to ask you if you thought Kenan wouldn’t mind coming to help,” she replied.

  “I’m sure he’ll help. Is everything okay?”

  My mother’s soft sigh filtered through the line. “Well, your father is not as young as he once was. I’m a little worried about him getting up on the ladder to do all those lights. If Kenan could help, I’d love it.”

  “Of course. That makes sense. Dad’s probably going to have an opinion about that, you know.”

  “Just have Kenan come over. We won’t make it a thing, and Kenan can help,” she insisted.

  “Because denial is always helpful,” I teased.

  “Thanks for asking Kenan. He’s a tactful man.”

  “Are you going to locals’ night tonight?” I asked.

  “I’m not sure. We’ll see.”

  “Well, if you’re there, I’ll be there. Love you, Mom.”

  We ended our call, and I tucked my phone back into my purse. I stood and headed to the bathroom before I got ready to leave. My office was a few doors down from Rhys’s. As I approached his door, I saw it was slightly ajar and heard Kenan’s voice. I would’ve recognized it anyway, but now, when I heard the sound of it, my pulse lunged ahead.

  I wasn’t eavesdropping, not on purpose. Or that was what I tried to tell myself as my footsteps slowed. Rhys asked, “Well, how do you feel about it?”

  “I don’t know,” Kenan replied with an unsteady sigh. I could practically picture him running his hand through his hair. “I just don’t know if I’m ready. I’m afraid I’ll fuck it up.”

  My stride quickened, and I couldn’t get past that doorway fast enough into the bathroom. All the while, I was trying to walk quietly so no one noticed I was in the hallway. Kenan had to be talking about us.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Kenan

  “Hey, Mom,” I said as I leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.

  She smiled up at me and slid her hand through my elbow and squeezed. “Hi, dear. How are you?”

  “Pretty good. And you?”

  My mother squeezed my elbow again. “I’m going to Seattle for the weekend. Cathy has a work trip there, and I’ll be able to see Matthew for the whole weekend.”

  Matthew was our surprise nephew, the one none of us knew about. Cathy had dated or rather had a situationship with Jake and Rhys in college. She hadn’t told anyone she got pregnant. Jake was the father. She would probably never admit it, but we all presumed she eventually found out our family had money and decided to come clean.

  For our mother, it was bittersweet. Matthew looked so much like Jake. Cathy lived in California and brought Matthew up at least once a year. Our mother tried to visit several times a year.

  “That is excellent. Give him a big hug from Uncle Kenan,” I replied.

  My mother chuckled and released my elbow after one more squeeze. She was instantly drawn into a conversation with the town’s police chief, Mike, and Fiona’s mother. As far as I could tell, they were dating and trying to pretend they weren’t.

  Blake appeared at my side, clapping me on the shoulder. “Hey, man, how’s it going?”

  “Pretty good. Is Fiona in the kitchen tonight?”

  His eyes were warm as he nodded. “Of course.”

  Lia appeared hand in hand with Haven. As soon as she saw me, she dropped Haven’s hand and launched at me. I caught her in my arms and lifted her high in the air, giving her a quick spin before setting her back on the ground. “Hey, Miss Lia! Are you all having dinner tonight?”

  Lia nodded. “And Blake’s driving, so he can’t have anything to drink.”

  Blake chuckled as Haven grinned down at her before looking toward me and offering, “Hey, Kenan.”

  I dipped my chin in acknowledgment. “Is he allowed to have water?” I asked as I looked back down at Lia.

  She contemplated this as she tapped her toe on the floor and rested a hand on her hip. “Yes,” she announced after a moment.

  Just then, I felt a prickle race up my spine. I didn’t even know how I knew, but I knew Quinn had just approached. We had walked over together a few minutes earlier. She had seemed a little off. I wanted to chalk it up to our argument, but it felt like something more.

  Haven was saying something. “I was just dropping Lia off. Rhys and I are headed home. Our babysitter needs to go home soon. I’m going to walk over to meet him at his office. Good night, all,” she said with a wave.

  I waved just as Quinn stopped beside me. “Hey again,” I said, smiling down at her. My heart kicked a little faster against my ribs. When she smiled, it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Is everything okay?” I asked.

  “Of course,” she said quickly.

  I wanted to press, but Blake interjected, and Adam appeared. The conversation carried on, and I managed to hold up my end. I let my gaze drift around the space. Christmas decorations were up with lights strung above the bar, and clusters of spruce boughs with bright red bows were mounted in intervals on the walls. Locals’ night next week would be an early Thanksgiving for the town. We coordinated with a local nonprofit to offer a free dinner earlier in the day to families in need and gave away turkeys until they ran out.

  My mother had mentioned we were having Thanksgiving with Quinn’s family. Our families had had Thanksgiving together since we were little kids, so it was nothing unusual. But lately, everything with Quinn had a new thread of tension woven through it. My mind spun back to my conversation about an hour ago with Rhys. I had confided in him that Quinn wanted to have a baby. I even admitted to falling in love with Quinn, but I was afraid I couldn’t be the one she needed.

  He told me it was never simple and that he had more faith in me than I had in myself.

  At some point during the hour or so that I was there, a group of us went into the restaurant for dinner. I sat beside Adam, with Quinn on my other side. While eating, a casual friend, Melanie, paused by the table. Melanie had grown up in Fireweed Harbor. She and I had something like a friends-with-benefits arrangement for a while, but it had petered out when it became clear she wanted something more.

  She’d been the one to break it off. She was happily engaged now and expecting a baby.

  “When’s the baby due?” Tessa asked with a wink as she smiled over at her.

  “Three months. I still can’t believe how fast the time has gone by.” Melanie smoothed her hand over her belly.

  “Here’s hoping the rest of your pregnancy remains uneventful,” Tessa said as she held up her bottle of mead, toasting Melanie in the air.

  Melanie smiled. “Thank you.”

  It was a nothing interaction, or so I thought. Until I glanced down and saw the look in Quinn’s eyes. Her mouth was tight at the corners, and something about her gaze was almost wistful.

  Thanksgiving Day

  * * *

  “I’m so full!” McKenna said as she closed the dishwasher.

  “Isn’t that expected on Thanksgiving?” Rhys teased. He hung the dish towel over the oven door handle before turning and leaning his hips against the counter.

  “Definitely expected,” I replied.

  The hum of voices from the dining room at my mother’s house carried into the kitchen. I glanced around, experiencing a sense of warmth. All my siblings were here, and it felt good to be together. My eyes were drawn toward the archway between the kitchen and dining area when Quinn walked past, disappearing down the hallway. I presumed she was going to the bathroom.

  I wasn’t thinking when I turned and followed her as McKenna said something to Griffin. The doorway to the bathroom down that hall was closed. I waited across from it, stuffing my hands in my pockets and leaning my head against the wall.

  As soon as I heard the toilet flush and the water running in the sink, my heart started pounding in anticipation. Quinn had been here for hours with her parents, and we hadn’t had a second alone.

  She stepped out of the bathroom, her eyes widening when she saw me. “Hey,” I said.

  “Hey.” Her eyes darted down the hallway toward the dining room.

  “Don’t worry. Just wondering if I can come over tonight.”

  I saw her shoulders rise as she took a quick breath in. “Sure.”

  “Great, then I’ll see you later.”

  She started to walk down the hall before turning back quickly. “My mom wants to know if you can come over tomorrow when we hang the lights on the tree in front of my parents’ house. She’s worried about my dad getting on the ladder.” Quinn’s lips twisted to the side with a wry smile. “She somehow wants it to be all casual so my dad doesn’t notice that you’re doing all the work on the ladder.”

  I chuckled. “Understood. Of course I’ll help. What time should I plan to go over?”

  “We usually do it in the afternoon. Maybe three?”

  “I’ll be there.”

  I wanted to pull her close and kiss her, but I knew that wouldn’t fly. Anybody could come down this hallway at any second.

  “I’ll see you later,” I said, keeping my tone low.

  She nodded before she whisked away, hurrying down the short hallway and disappearing out of sight.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Quinn

  I absolutely shouldn’t have had another night with Kenan. I wanted far too much, and I didn’t know what to do about it. Despite the doubts bouncing around in my mind, I savored every second with him, especially the mornings.

  Waking up with Kenan was a special kind of heaven. He was warm and strong. I loved when he curled around me. I woke up, feeling his muscled chest against my shoulder blades and the subtle crinkly feel of his chest hair against my skin. Not once in my life had I ever thought about the way a man’s chest hair felt.

  Kenan was almost sweetly sensual in the morning. He would kiss me lazily, sometimes he would tease me to a climax in bed, and other times we would shower together.

  This morning, he’d offered to make breakfast, pointing out that it was the day after Thanksgiving and almost everything was closed. He made me waffles and bacon. I told myself I needed to tell him I had something to do so we didn’t spend the whole day together before we went to my parents’ house. Except I didn’t want him to leave.

  Hours later, Kenan tactfully handled all of the lights on the upper portion of the tree in the yard. My heart twisted in my chest when I looked up, and he called down to my father, “Like this?”

  If my father noticed that Kenan took over all the ladder work for the day, he went along with it because Kenan made it easy. It was all good. I still kept turning over in my mind the conversation I’d overheard in Rhys’s office.

  Kenan drove me back to my place. When he stopped in the front, he turned off his car and glanced over. “Can I come in?”

  “Of course.” A sense of trepidation slipped through me. I didn’t know what was on his mind, but it seemed like he wanted to talk.

  When we got inside, I asked if he wanted any leftovers. As our families usually did, we had divvied up the leftovers from Thanksgiving. There was always more than enough to go around.

  Kenan shook his head. “Thanks for asking, but I’m still full from the turkey sandwiches your mom made.” He leaned his hands on the counter, his eyes on mine.

  “What is it?” I asked. My belly wobbled with anxiety.

  He pressed his tongue into the side of his cheek, his eyes dipping down to the counter and then back up. “Let me be the one.”

  “Huh?”

  “Let’s do this for real. We were already going to see how things work for us. If you really want to have a baby, I want to be the father.”

  “Wha-a-a-a-t?” I sputtered.

  Something flickered in his eyes, but he straightened, lifted his chin, and squared his shoulders. “Let me be the one. For you. For our baby. I love you, Quinn.”

  My pulse stuttered, and then my heart felt as if it was soaring skyward with a rush of joy, almost like a thunderclap inside of my chest.

  I still couldn’t catch up. “Are you… are you—” I stuttered again before forcing myself to pause and take a slow breath. “Kenan, I love you too, but I don’t want you to do something you never wanted to do just because I want it. That seems like a recipe for disaster. I don’t handle a lot of family law, but you know my cousin does. There’s nothing worse than people going along with having a kid when they don’t want one.”

  Kenan held my gaze for a long moment. “Quinn, I’ve thought about this. I promise you. I want this. With you.”

  I didn’t realize I was shaking my head until he pushed back from the counter, jamming his hands in his pockets. “Wow. You have that little fucking faith in me. You know what? Let’s forget about this before we make it worse. If you ever think you can believe in me, let me know.”