And because he obviously didn’t feel our crazy attraction with the same intensity I did, he had to be my…nothing.

  As I pulled out onto the downtown street, pent-up tears I hadn’t shed for a very long time began flowing down my cheeks like a river.

  I kept driving without looking back, leaving Cooper Montgomery and that damn devastating kiss behind me.

  Cooper

  “I have no idea what I was thinking,” I confessed to my two older brothers the next day—after I’d explained most of what had happened with Torie and how I’d failed a “just friends” relationship with her. “She’s Chase and Wyatt’s younger sister, for fuck’s sake, and a member of Last Hope.”

  I hadn’t mentioned her kidnapping since that was probably something Torie should tell people in her own time.

  Friends! All she needed was a goddamn friend to help her through some of the rough patches she was experiencing, but I hadn’t been able to keep my filthy hands off her. I hadn’t been able to keep my mind off every lustful fantasy I had about Torie, either, dammit!

  Hudson had invited Jax and I over to his place this afternoon since Taylor and Harlow had decided to have lunch and do some wedding shopping for Taylor and Hudson’s wedding this spring or summer.

  The three of us were hanging out on his patio near the beach, drinking a few beers.

  It had been a long time since I’d had a really candid discussion with my brothers. Since I had no idea what to do about Torie, I figured maybe today might be a good day to be a little more open with them.

  Jax shrugged. “It’s not like you can decide who you’re attracted to, Cooper.”

  “Maybe not,” I answered, feeling restless and impatient. “But I should be able to decide on whether or not to act on that attraction.”

  Hudson snorted. “Good luck with that. With the right female, there’s no such thing as a choice. The attraction is too damn overpowering.”

  “Maybe for you two,” I shot back. “I don’t lose my head over a woman. Never have.”

  “Bullshit,” Jax said with a smirk. “You just told us that you lost it. You either did or you didn’t.”

  “Fuck! Okay. I failed to keep her at arm’s length,” I said reluctantly.

  Hudson coughed. “Sounds like you failed at trying not to shove your tongue down her throat until you found her tonsils, too.”

  Jax smirked. “You’ve never completely lost it before because you’ve never met the woman who could break you with a single look. Have you ever considered that maybe Torie could be that Achilles’ heel?”

  “No,” I grumbled. “I gave up on romantic relationships over a year ago. We’re just supposed to be friends. Things just got…a little out of hand.”

  Hell, those words sounded hollow, even to me. It wasn’t like I hadn’t always known I was physically attracted to Torie.

  I saw her, my dick got hard, but I’d been able to control it…until last night.

  I wasn’t even sure what had happened.

  Had I wanted to prove to her that we could keep being friends without the attraction getting in the way, or had I really needed to test it myself?

  Nah! I was man enough to admit that I’d wanted to kiss her, goddammit!

  I wasn’t going to hide behind all that testing bullshit.

  Fuck! Either way, it had been a complete fail. I wanted Torie in a way I’d never experienced before, and in a way that made no damn sense.

  Hudson lifted a brow. “Maybe you should reconsider that friendship decision. It doesn’t sound like it’s working for you. Is that why you’ve been such an asshole? Because you haven’t gotten laid in over a year?”

  Okay, maybe I should have known better than to tell Hudson and Jax that it had been…a while.

  “It’s not like I decided to become a monk,” I replied. “The opportunity just hasn’t come along…recently.”

  Christ! Did my brothers really need to know exactly how long it had been for me?

  No. No, they really did not.

  If they knew too much I’d probably never hear the end of it since I’d given them a hard time about losing their minds over Harlow and Taylor.

  “What happened with Fiona, Coop?” Jax asked in a calm, patient voice that he didn’t use very often. “You haven’t been the same since you two broke up. Maybe I’m wrong, but you never acted like you were madly in love with her.”

  “I don’t think I was,” I confessed. “But I was content.”

  “Contentment isn’t enough for a lifetime commitment,” Hudson commented.

  I shot him a dirty look. “Maybe it’s not for you, but maybe it was for me. Fuck! Forget I said that. You’re right. It wasn’t enough because she didn’t give a damn about me. Just my money and the Montgomery name. That’s the way my relationships always turn out. Unlike you two, I’ve never met a female who gave a shit about me. I’ve never been charming. I’ve never known exactly what to say to a woman to make her happy. My brain doesn’t work that way. I’m just…honest. Which is apparently the same as being boring and unimaginative if you ask any of the women I’ve dated.”

  “Because you weren’t dating the right women,” Hudson replied. “Fiona was a social climber that probably had very few intelligent thoughts in her head. Same with the rest of the women you’ve dated in the past. Have you ever considered that it was their problem and not yours, Coop? That maybe they just weren’t smart enough to see all of your good qualities.”

  Okay, so maybe hearing that theory for a second time made me pause. Hudson was saying the same thing that Chase had told me not long ago.

  I folded my arms over my chest and shot Hudson a dubious look. “I’ve dated quite a few women. Are you trying to tell me that they were all wrong about me being uninspired?”

  “That’s what I’m saying,” Hudson agreed with a nod. “Because they were all the same type of women. Is that an issue with Torie? Surely the two of you can have an intelligent conversation.”

  I shrugged. “I didn’t ask her if she thinks I’m boring and uninspired. We aren’t dating, but she never seems like she’s bored.”

  “Well, maybe you two should date,” Jax suggested. “She’s definitely more your type.”

  “What makes you say that?” I asked curiously.

  I’d never really had a type.

  Jax took a slug of his beer before he answered. “You need a woman you can have an intelligent conversation with, and someone who has some of your same interests. Hell, Fiona didn’t even like to walk outside to get from a building to her car because it messed up her hair. You can’t spend your life with someone like that, Cooper. You were settling, and I have no idea why. There are plenty of women outside of our old social circle, educated women who would love to go out with a guy like you. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re intelligence on steroids, but all that means is that you need a different type of female from the ones you’ve dated in the past. Maybe they did find you boring, but I’m sure those thoughts went both ways. You’ve just never admitted to yourself that those women pretty much left you completely numb.”

  “What do you want, Coop?” Hudson asked bluntly. “Honestly.”

  “Hell, I don’t know,” I answered, feeling frustrated. “Maybe I do want what you two have now—minus the losing my mind part of it. I guess I want a woman to see me instead of just lusting after my money and the Montgomery last name. It’s just never happened for me.”

  As much as I might bitch about how crazy my brothers were about their women, Harlow and Taylor adored my brothers just as much.

  I had to admit that there was something special about those two relationships, and that maybe part of me wanted something…similar.

  “Hudson and I wanted a woman to see us, too, even before we got that. We went through our share of senseless relationships with women who only wanted our money and notoriety,” Jax said in a low, serious tone. “We just never recognized exactly what we wanted until we had it right in front of us, and we still almost managed to fuck things up. Maybe because we never thought we deserved the kind of love we get from Harlow and Taylor. Or maybe we just didn’t understand it at first. Fuck knows, we never saw it growing up, but don’t let your past define your present or your future, Cooper. Fight for what you want and know that if you do, it will be a hell of a lot different than the twisted relationship our parents had.”

  “Obviously, Torie is different from all of the other women you’ve dated,” Hudson mused.

  “That’s putting it mildly,” I informed him. “I have no fucking idea what to do with a woman like her. She actually seems to like being with me. For no reason. She doesn’t need my money or my name. Hell, the Durand name is even more prestigious than ours, but she doesn’t seem like she’s into that social crowd.”

  “So drop the whole I’m-not-looking-for-a-romantic-relationship bullshit. Jesus Christ! I’m surprised you haven’t managed to scare her off with that shit yet,” Hudson instructed. “Give it a real chance with her. If Torie cares, it won’t be because of your money or your name. You’re right. She already has those things, Cooper. She’s obviously just interested in…you.”

  “Maybe that’s the part that actually scares me,” I said, thinking out loud. “What can I offer a woman like Torie who already has everything?”

  Jax shrugged and shot me a grin. “It’s a bitch when you meet a woman who wants nothing to do with your money or your name. There’s not much to give her that would mean anything to her except your heart.”

  “I almost think I’d rather just give her my money and my name,” I grumbled. “You guys know I’m a cynical bastard. I don’t believe in love the same way you do.”

  “It might be safer that way,” Hudson agreed. “But something really worth having means taking the risk. Believe me, if you want a relationship that means something, you have to give more than just your money.”

  “What happens if that woman doesn’t want your heart?” I asked.

  “Then she was the wrong woman,” Jax said simply.

  “Even if I wanted to try to fix things with Torie, I doubt she’d give me that chance after I screwed things up so spectacularly. We were supposed to be building a friendship. I should have never kissed her like that. I just kind of…lost control.”

  Two sets of eyes flew to my face.

  I held up a hand. “Give me a break. I’m not nearly as crazy as you two.”

  Jax chuckled. “Give it time.”

  “It’s not like you can completely ignore each other,” Hudson said. “You’re going to see each other at Last Hope.”

  I ran a frustrated hand through my hair. “I don’t want to pretend like she’s not there anymore,” I admitted. “I don’t think I can. I just don’t know if she really needs a guy who’s that damn attracted to her, either. She…got hurt and hasn’t been all that into dating in the last year or so.”

  Hell, what else could I say?

  “I wonder how you’ll feel if she starts dating someone else,” Jax mused.

  Bastard. He was needling me, and he knew it.

  Unfortunately, it was working.

  Someday, she would completely heal.

  Someday, she would let other men touch her.

  Someday, she would start dating. She was far too amazing and beautiful not to be inundated with guys who wanted to date her.

  I knew with certainty that I’d hate myself for not trying to win her over myself.

  “Stop,” I growled. “I’ve already decided to let Torie choose exactly where this goes. I texted her earlier, and she hasn’t answered me. I’d say her silence speaks volumes.”

  “I’d say she’s pissed,” Hudson countered. “You don’t kiss a woman like that, and then tell her to go away, Coop. Jesus! Did you really expect her to just fall right back into a friendship again after you confused the hell out of her?”

  “I’m not sure what I expected,” I told him. “That kiss practically rocked my entire world. I was within a hair’s breadth of trying to convince her to go home with me, even when I knew that all she needs is a friend right now.”

  Jax chuckled. “Good luck with that struggle. I went through the same damn thing with Harlow. She’d been through hell and back, but the chemistry between us still couldn’t be denied, no matter how much I wanted to ignore it. There are no rules or etiquette for some emotions, Coop. They’re relentless and they’re messy.”

  “I’ve done that very same struggle. You could try apologizing,” Hudson suggested.

  “I could. That’s actually what I tried to do when I texted her, but she didn’t answer,” I told him. “Truthfully, I’m not sure how sorry I really am about what happened. I only regret the way I handled it. I should have been there for Torie instead of pushing her away.”

  Fuck! I really had no idea how to deal with a woman who actually liked me or cared about how I felt.

  “Don’t try to make sense out of what happened,” Jax warned. “You’ll never be able to do it, and your brain will explode. Emotions and reasoning don’t mix very well.”

  “Yeah, I’m starting to understand that,” I said drily.

  “Time is on your side,” Hudson said. “You two will see each other at Last Hope. She’ll eventually talk to you if you’re persistent.”

  I nodded. “I plan on being the steadiest guy she knows in the future.”

  Hudson was right.

  It wasn’t like I’d never see Torie again.

  The problem was, I knew it was going to eat my guts out until I knew she was willing to forgive me for a knee-jerk reaction that never should have happened.

  Torie

  I listened as the two pirates debated whether or not to put a bullet through my brain.

  They were arguing in rapid-fire Spanish, but I understood every single word.

  My body shook with pain and fear, knowing I could very well be living the last seconds of my life.

  Maybe I should be hoping for a quick death at this point.

  I could scarcely draw in enough breath to oxygenate my body because so many of my ribs were broken.

  Honestly, there weren’t many parts of my body that weren’t burning with pain, but I still wanted to live.

  Relief flooded through me as the two men decided that they didn’t want to fire their weapon unless absolutely necessary because it might draw unwanted attention to their presence.

  I wanted to weep with gratitude as I lay there on the forest floor, dirty and bloody from all of my previous beatings.

  My captors were psychopaths who enjoyed watching other people suffer.

  My happiness over my respite lasted all of two minutes, which was exactly the amount of time that passed before I realized that they were going to make sure I was dead or damn close to it before they departed. Even though they weren’t going to shoot me in the head.

  They’d just changed their plan from a bullet through my brain to beating me until I wasn’t breathing instead.

  I closed my eyes before they could see that they were open.

  Maybe I could pretend like I was already dead. Lord knew I had enough injuries for that to be believable.

  Unfortunately, they could tell that I wasn’t dead because I couldn’t control the shaking.

  A few swift kicks to my head stopped the incessant tremors and had me sliding toward darkness…

  I came awake from my nightmare, just like I always did.

  My body bolting upright in bed, and my lungs sucking in a deep breath as I awakened.

  I panted heavily as I assured myself it was just a bad dream.

  It was just an awful nightmare.

  It wasn’t real.

  Unfortunately, I had no luck convincing myself of that because I knew the real truth.

  It was less of a dream and more like a recreation of actual events.

  I just couldn’t seem to stop experiencing the worst of my trauma in the jungle over and over again in my nightmares.

  I reached for my cell phone and took a quick look at the time.

  One o’clock in the morning.

  My hands shook as I considered calling Savannah, but I had no idea what part of the world she was in right now.

  I certainly couldn’t call my brothers since I hadn’t told them that I still had recurring nightmares. They’d been worried enough over the last year. I’d never seen the point in telling them about my persistent nightmares.

  Tears flowed down my cheeks as I flipped to my text messages, and the two words that Cooper had sent earlier caught my eye.

  COOPER: I’m sorry.

  Earlier, those words had angered me because I wasn’t the least bit sorry about what had happened.

  I didn’t regret the most amazing kiss I’d ever experienced in my life, but I had been destroyed that he didn’t feel the same way.

  I knew he’d listen if I needed to talk, and God, I was tired. So tired…

  I’d been fighting the effects of sleep deprivation for so long…

  Before I could stop myself, I fired off a message.

  ME: Are you still awake? I could use someone to talk to right now.

  It didn’t take more than a moment or two to get a response.

  COOPER: I’m here. You okay?

  I shook my head as another tear trickled down my cheek.

  ME: No.

  My phone rang seconds later, and I answered his call immediately.

  “What’s wrong?” Cooper asked, his voice concerned.

  “You have to make me a promise,” I told him in a tremulous voice. “You can’t say a word to my brothers. They don’t know.”

  “I promise,” he replied in a solemn baritone. “I’d never reveal anything you asked me not to talk about.”

  “Nightmares,” I choked out, still disturbed by the vivid images of my dream. “For a while, the bad dreams slowed up a lot, but they started again almost nightly about a month ago. They’re really short, mostly just snippets of the really bad things that happened. Kind of like flashbacks while I’m sleeping. It’s never easy to get back to sleep once it happens.”

  “You’re still upset. You just woke up from one of them,” he guessed.

  “Yeah. It was terrifying. The kidnappers were discussing whether or not to put a bullet in my head. Once they decided not to do it, I realized that they were going to beat me until I was dead instead. Once that started, I woke up. That’s usually the way it happens. Short but terrifying. I know I’m safe once I wake up but it’s really hard to go back to sleep again. I’m really tired, Cooper.”