Reaching over, I place my hand over his knee and offer a quick smile when he turns with a glance. I’m shocked he’s confessed this, but I also know today is a huge step for him. I don’t think I’ve ever felt closer to Garver than I do right in this moment. “We aren’t going to do that to you. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. No one deserves it.”

  He scoffs. “Yeah, I know you mean it, but it remains a concern when everyone else has let me down.”

  “What about Frank? He’s been good to you.”

  “Frank feels obligated, there’s a difference.”

  My head shaking, I counter. “You’re not giving him enough credit. He cares about you.”

  “He was friends with my father. It’s an obligation. Trust me. Maybe he cares in some ways, but I’m more of a burden. He’s got his own family to worry about. Taking me on causes problems in his marriage and with his own children.”

  Garver has mentioned this before, usually when Frank gets annoyed with him at work. Maybe I don’t pay enough attention to my surroundings. I’ve always thought they had a good relationship. Perhaps my persistent push for answers has backfired and left me blind to what’s in front of me.

  Garver fears being abandoned.

  How sad!

  The hospital is nearly an hour away, tucked within the confines of the next town closest to ours. The parking lot is sectioned for employees, emergency ambulances, and visitors. It’s not until we check in with the front desk attendant that we’re asked for identification and then provided with special badges we have to have visible at all times. Garver takes my hand as we pad to the elevator. He hits the button for level eight and I immediately notice it’s a restricted area with security. A guard is standing waiting when the doors open. He checks our badges and leads us to the nurse’s station where we check in with them first. They recognize Garver and greet him accordingly, giving him a brief update of no new progress. While I ingest the prognosis, he simply nods as if he’s done it each time he visits. Avoiding the inevitable, I keep my hundreds of questions to myself. It’s not the time or place to throw them out on the table. This is a huge step for our relationship and I won’t do anything to deter it from happening.

  This hospital level isn’t how I pictured it to be, and certainly not like they are portrayed on television. If they have padded walls, I’m not seeing any.

  We enter into a room with an automatic lock that fastens as the door shuts behind us. The loud metal door clicks and a red light illuminates in a rectangular box above the door. To the right, there’s a call button to alert the nurses with a keypad and speaker. The buzz of the overhead lights is the only constant sound. There’s a standard bed with no foot or headboard. The bedding is stark white. It smells like rubbing alcohol, and aside from a styrofoam cup with a lid and straw on a serving tray, there’s nothing personal. A large window casts more natural brightness at the furthest end of the room, and in front sits a rocking chair with a person poised within. Garver takes me by the hand again and leads me toward it. He clears his throat just in case the loud door didn’t get her attention.

  My palms feel clammy and I’m suddenly sweating. It’s like I’m in a place I’m not invited. I’d like nothing more than to high tail it out of this place before being noticed.

  Garver squats beside the chair leaving me to stand. He touches his mom on the arm but nothing happens. Her eyes are open but they’re empty of recognition.

  He speaks softly. “Mom, it’s me. There’s someone I’d like you to meet. Her name is Sophie.”

  Nothing happens. He turns and winks at me. “Some days are better than others. Every once in a while she’ll respond with something. Usually it’s single words that don’t really have much meaning. Lately she’s been having episodes so they’ve increased her medication.”

  “How long will she have to stay here?” I still don’t understand the complexity of the situation.”

  “Honestly, I don’t think she will ever recover. She doesn’t make progress. This is how she lives. The doctors say she will probably be like this for the rest of her life.”

  Again, I don’t want to pry. “I’m sorry Garver.”

  Stepping in front of the window, I look at his mother for the first time. She’s wearing what appears to be scrubs, and even those hospital-issued fuzzy non-slip socks cover her feet. She has very long dark hair that someone took the time to brush. Her mousy eyes are pools of emptiness. Long natural eyelashes shade them from the world. Her lips are flat and hard-pressed. There is a slight resemblance between them, but only if you look hard enough, otherwise they could be strangers. I bring my eyes down until they’re staring into hers, as if it makes a difference. Honestly, I’m just trying to make an effort for Garver. “It’s very nice to meet you. I care for your son so much. He’s been staying with us, helping out my father...”

  I’m unable to finish speaking, because she suddenly comes to life, spitting out something repeatedly. “Garreth. Garreth. Not Garreth. Not Garreth.”

  I back away from the woman, who hasn’t moved an inch, but somehow is so worked up the yelling becomes louder. “Garreth! Garreth.”

  I’m looking to Garver and him back at me.

  “Mom, it’s me, Garver. It’s visitation day. Don’t you want to see me? Please calm down, it’s Garver.”

  She’s still calling out. “Not Garreth. Not Garreth. Not Garreth.”

  He backs me away from the woman and presses the call button for the attending nurse to assist. She’s in the room within seconds, a male nurse following behind. Before I’m able to understand, we’re being forced out of the room. She’s still screaming as we exit and the door closes.

  Garver leans his head against the brick wall and slams his fist into it just above. “Damn. I should’ve known.”

  Trying to comfort him, I bring my hand up and touch his back. “Is it because of me?”

  “No. You didn’t do anything. I’m sorry you had to see that. Every once in a while she gets vocal. The medication is supposed to suppress the episodes but lately she’s been having them more and more. That’s why I make it a point to visit every Sunday. I always thought she was at her calmest when we were together. Again, I’m sorry. It’s a big deal to be able to visit her here. I’m only allowed one day and it’s always supervised within the confines of her room. I had to get permission to bring you with me. I should’ve suspected this would end terribly. Sorry if this all freaked you out. She’s not exactly the kind of mom people like to meet.”

  “It’s okay. Thank you for bringing me.” I am freaked out. Like, I’m literally shaking as I respond. Something feels off about this whole visit. People are watching us like we’re going to steal medications or something. He’s obviously uptight, but it comes across different than I’m used to. We stand in silence for a few beats before he moves abruptly.

  “We should go.” This time he doesn’t hold my hand as we head toward the elevators. The security guard hits the button and sees us inside. It’s not until we’re stepping on when I notice a sign posted on the wall.

  A Division of Virginia Correctional Facilities.

  What. The. Hell.

  Chapter 17

  We’re back in Dad’s truck before he says anything else. His reply sort of happens expectedly as we are leaving the parking lot. I’ve been waiting for a further explanation, more like holding it in so I don’t go all crazy on him. “Soph, I want to tell you everything, believe me I do, but today was a lot and I wish it could’ve gone better. The short story, she’s never going to get better or be released. My mother is a warden of the state. She lost her mind and did things that came with serious repercussions. That’s why I said I basically lost both parents. My mom is equivalent to being dead. Even if doctors were able to fix her, she’ll never be released.”

  His confession concerns me. My first thought is how I don’t want my father knowing this new information. My second thought regards the reasoning for her breakdown that led to such punishments.

  Feeling as though I’m walking on eggshells, I choose not to ask him to elaborate, at least not right now. Whatever she did to be in that place is done and over with. It hurts her son greatly, and after what we just witnessed it’s not fair to push. He’s given me a little of his past, and if I want more, I need to be patient. She’s like a vegetable, her catatonic state so unnerving it made me uncomfortable.

  I can tell his mood is melancholy. Some of the songs he usually sings come on yet the volume remains low. His expressionless stare remains straight on the road while avoiding conversation. My phone becomes my only distraction for the remainder of the trip. Of course, curiosity killed this kitten. I couldn’t resist but to search for his mother’s name.

  I figured I would sift through others with the same name. What I don’t expect is what comes up when I hit enter.

  Meredith Brauns Guilty

  Meredith Brauns, nee Collinswood, was found guilty on March 14th of the murder of her husband Christopher Brauns. Jury delivered this verdict after a month long trial.

  The death of Christopher Brauns occurred at their residence, the Collinswood Manor, in the Town of Herald Heights last summer.

  Police were dispatched to a domestic disturbance, only to arrive and find Brauns dead on arrival. Meredith Brauns was immediately detained where medical professionals noted a catatonic state. Further diagnosis were performed while awaiting trial where she was found to be mentally unstable. The mental disorder defense, is an excuse in a criminal case arguing that the defendant is not responsible for his or her actions due to an episodic or persistent psychiatric disease at the time of the criminal act.

  Collinswood, a descendant of one of three founding families in this town, was ordered to spend her entire twenty-five year incarceration at the Herald Hospital for the criminal insane.

  I. Can’t. Breathe.

  This. Can’t. Be. Real.

  Quickly reading over the article a second time, I ponder on the name Collinswood Brauns. Garver is a Brauns. His mother is the person this article is about. Garver is one of the only living Collinswood kin. I’m literally panicking. I’m shaking, my heart pounding like a hand drum in a midnight séance. I need to get away from him, from this boyfriend imposter, who has been feeding me lies since the first day we met. I need to jump out of the vehicle before he figures out I know the truth. For the first time I’m frightened of what he’ll do to me. Did he gouge out my eyes in those pictures? Has it been Garver all along?

  Verging on an ear-piercing scream, his hand comes to rest palm open on my knee. He opens and closes it like a wave in order to get me to intertwine my fingers with his. I hesitate. My eyes dart to the door as I consider escape. His voice causes a jolt of irrational fear. “Thank you for coming with me today. It means the world to me. I’ve been wanting to tell you something important, but I couldn’t do it until I was ready.”

  This is where he’s going to confess. He’s going to take us to the shack, confess everything and then kill me, starting with my eyes. Flashes of those ruined photographs of me linger. A constant reminder that he’s been playing me for months. He’s used me. He slept with me again and again. He was the person watching me this whole entire time.

  My stomach twists at the thought, but at the same time I fight to keep my composure. He could come unhinged if I react in a negative manner. If he knows I’m onto him it could be worse for me.

  I conjure the best semi-amused grin. “You can trust me, Garver.” Too bad I no longer trust you, you lying piece of shit. If only I could have ended the sentence that way. My facial expression changes as I await his explanation. I’m more annoyed now, playing his little puppet until I know I’m able to be free of him. As soon as I’m able to speak to my father, Garver will be taken away in handcuffs. Since he’s never threatened me before, I know I’m safe as long as I play the unknowing girlfriend.

  Just a little bit longer.

  “You need to understand that what I’m about to tell you I’ve never told anyone else before. I’ve never felt like I could trust anyone the way I do you, Soph. I want to share everything with you.”

  Since I’m desperate for the truth, I grip his hand and offer kind words. “You can tell me anything.” I need him to say it. I want the truth to siphon out of his lying lips so I have so many reasons to ruin his existence. This sucks. It hurts deep down inside. My heart burns as the thoughts simmer.

  “Soph,” he starts.

  This is it. This is where he confesses that his lying ass was watching me the whole time, making me think evil spirits were out to get me. He made me fear my surroundings. He made me a victim.

  “I love you,” he continues. “I know I should have said it sooner, but I didn’t want to lead you on if it wasn’t real. Plus you kept talking about leaving town, so I didn’t want to get my heart broken. I don’t know what it is about you, but you make everything about my life, and my past, better. Living with you is just a bonus. I love being with you. I love holding you and knowing you’re mine, even if you don’t feel the same way about me yet. I needed to get it off my chest. You need to know how much I appreciate you giving me a chance.”

  Oh my God! He’s saying all the right things, everything I’ve longed to hear from him, but it’s absolutely too late. It has to be a lie. Pure bullshit. What does he think this will accomplish? Will it excuse everything else he’s keeping from me? Does he expect me to believe he loves me when he gouged out my eyes in every photograph? My head is spinning, and I’m about to implode.

  Unsure of what to do, I look toward the passing forest, flutters of light pad against my face. I can feel his eyes on me, though I refuse to reciprocate. I’m half between boiling, and having an emotional breakdown. Flooded with fear, I bring myself to say what he needs to hear. “You can tell me anything, Garver, because,” this next part requires me to turn and face him, “I love you too.”

  It’s not a total lie. I’ve felt every part of love with Garver, except the person I love is a big fat inconsiderate liar, which actually means I don’t know him enough to love him. Right now all I’m thinking about is getting out of this terrifying situation.

  His smile emanates as he squeezes my hand tightly. “I never thought someone would love me again.”

  The way he says it makes my stupid ass feel sorry for him. I have to accept that maybe half of what I know could in fact be true. It’s the unraveling secrets that have caused me to consider Garver is out to hurt me. I keep seeing those photographs with my eyes scratched out. Does that seem like someone who loves me? It’s more like he wishes a quick death on me. Maybe he’s driving us to an old well to throw me down.

  My stomach is so knotted I feel bile rising in my throat. The acidic taste causes me to swallow it back down just as we hit a bumpy part of the road that keeps the nausea continual.

  How is it possible to pity this guy? Am I partly pleased that it wasn’t a complete stranger collecting my things and watching my most intimate actions? In order for me to be okay with being this close to him, without wanting to jump out of a moving vehicle, I’m going to have to give him one more opportunity to lay it all out for me.

  “Garver, since we’re having this breakthrough of communication between us, which I’m ecstatic over, would you mind telling me what happened to your mom? I feel so bad for her, seeing her like that, all I wanted to do was hug her and tell her she’d get better, but you say she won’t. I just don’t understand how someone can be normal and then mentally break. It’s so unfortunate for not only your mom, but mostly you. She wasn’t able to be there for you the way you need her. If anyone can relate to losing a mom it’s me, I guess that’s why I want to know. What happened that was so bad you’re afraid to trust me?”

  This warrants Garver to pull over to the shoulder and place the vehicle into the parked position. He lightly pounds his fists on the top of the steering wheel, his nostrils flaring, but not like he’s about to hurt me, it’s more like frustration. “It’s never been about trusting you, Soph. It’s more about what I’ll lose.”

  “You assume you’ll lose,” I offer.

  “No, I’m one-hundred percent positive I will lose everything, and because of that I’m apprehensive. We have a good thing. You came to town and finally I wasn’t being judged for my imperfect family drama. It was just me and you. You needed someone to protect you, and I jumped in to take the job. I needed to, because I’d been alone for so long that I’m not sure how much longer I could exist in the shadows of what used to be my life. Things are so much worse than I’ve led on. Frank and his wife do what they can. They’ve been trying to take care of me since I was a kid. Even before they took my mom away things weren’t perfect. My parents always spoke of this great relationship, but I honestly can’t remember a time where they weren’t fighting, both physically and emotionally destroying one another.” Him pulling over only makes my unease grow. I’m searching for strength to keep the knowledge of bad things to myself for now. It’s tough when he’s declaring his love for me, and I swear he means it with every fiber of his being, but he’s lied since day one so why would this be any different? Maybe he’s that good at it. Maybe I’m too naive to see what’s been right in front of me all along.