I’m bawling. For my mistakes. For wishing I could leave. For wishing we never moved here. For wishing we never lost mom. I want to take back everything and erase this undying pain.

  Garver is holding me against him on the shower floor, the stream of water pouring from the spigot soaking his clothes, though he says nothing. He lets me shed everything I’m feeling in this moment. My tears might fill a river and drown me deep within, but Garver would somehow find a way to save me. He continues to stick around even after I’ve said I want nothing to do with him. He just won’t let go.

  The temperature change of the water is the only thing that brings me out of my collapse. Goose bumps cover my naked skin, and my body shivers. Garver gives me a reverent glare, his mysterious eyes like beacons to my soul. I know I need to get up out of the shower, but I can’t seem to find the strength or energy. Everything hurts. My body hurts. My brain hurts. My heart hurts.

  I. Hurt.

  Our eyes lock. My tears stop coming. The only sound is the falling water and our heavy breathing. Then something happens. Garver’s kiss is deliberate. This kind of closeness comes with heavy feelings, and uncontrolled urges. The cooler water is no longer noticeable. Every part of me feels like it’s sweating. His growing desire is displayed the second he sheds his wet clothing and stands naked in front of me. The hunger in his eyes grabs at my heart, and with my pain and current fears I let myself fall. Our kisses are fast, rough, and awaken every aching part of me. He lifts me and pushes my bare back against the shower wall. The cold tile causes my nipples to harden and the space between my legs begs for what’s to come. In this unhinged state, I’m not worried about being naked or Garver taking advantage of me. I need this distraction. It’s not about our relationship status. It’s about forgetting for just a little while. When it’s over he kisses me passionately. His mouth remains close to mine, his eyes closed. “I don’t want to lose you.” When he pulls me to stand and then lifts me in his arms, I fall into the hold. I’m not in the position to reply. I can’t. My heart and my mind are in two places. What I do know is that I love him, even after everything, I still love him.

  Garver places me on his bed and pulls the covers overtop of me before I’m able to do it myself. He kisses the top of my head as my eyes are closing, and then my body lets go and I fall asleep.

  I wake up to commotion coming from the floor above me. Frank’s voice is evident, but I don’t recognize the others. I find getting out of bed to be difficult. Every muscle in my body feels strained. A full glass of water sits on the bedside table along with a note.

  Soph,

  You’re right about everything. I did this. I let this happen and for that I am sorry. I can see it in your eyes that you may never forgive me, and because of that I can’t forgive myself. Frank has taken good care of me, and maybe he loves me like I’m his son. I’ve never felt like I fit anywhere until you came into my life. I was selfish to keep things from you. My fear of losing you caused me to make bad decisions.

  The only way to make things right is to prove to you that I can fix this. Please don’t try to come after me. I won’t be back until I have answers, until I bring your dad home.

  I’ve never loved anyone like I love you. Please know that much is true.

  Garver

  First and foremost, I have to throw on some clothes. By the time I make it up the steps I already know it’s too late. Frank is standing in the kitchen, Kathy at the table, and two familiar police officers face them. Remaining on the counter with a pen to its side, another note from Garver. While the officers take in my disheveled appearance, I glance at Garver’s handwriting and message.

  Frank and Kathy,

  I haven’t given you enough credit for taking me in and raising me. Thank you for the life you provided. I haven’t ever said it, but I love you guys. You made me the man I am. You’re my real parents. I appreciate you and I’m sorry I’ve always tried to pull away. I guess I felt like you were forced to care for me, instead of seeing all of the ways you loved me like I was your own.

  Every single person I care about ends up hurt. I can’t sit around and watch Sophie lose the last family member she has left. Please keep her safe. Don’t show this to her. Just make sure she knows I did everything in my power to make things right.

  She helped me see how much good there is in my life. She showed me I wasn’t alone in this world and that I had to open my heart up to the possibility that I wasn’t a burden on you both. I owe her everything.

  If I don’t return or something bad happens to me please tell the boys I love them and they can have anything in my room.

  Love Garver

  My stomach twists until I feel nauseous and need to sit down. This can’t be real, but as my gaze casts about the room I realize the police are here because Garver is in danger.

  I’m unable to control the tears that stream down my cheeks. My body still doesn’t feel right so I know barreling out of here will only make things worse. I’m incapable of helping. All of my fears triple while I fabricate the worst scenarios I can imagine.

  Kathy comes over and places her hands on my shoulders. “We have everyone out looking for him, Sophie. Garver will be okay.”

  Her words only cut deeper, because we all know they may not be true.

  “What if it’s too late?” I ask in a whimper.

  An officer cuts in. “Ma’am, we’re doing everything in our power to find Mr. Brauns, as well as your father.”

  My fists slam onto the table top. “It’s not enough!”

  All eyes are set on me, nonetheless, not a single person has anything to protest or add. They know I’m right. They know all their efforts could be hopeless.

  “We should all be out there looking instead of standing in this kitchen doing nothing. Please. I’m begging all of you. Take me to look for them. Maybe there’s something you’re missing that I’ll notice. At the least, take me to my house and let me get some of my personal things.”

  My desperate pleas fill the room, while my audience deliberate in silence. I swear I can hear the crickets outside while I await an answer.

  Everyone glares at me with disdain.

  Frank and Kathy are doing that thing couples do. They’re making faces like they can read each other’s minds. If I wasn’t so nervous I’d snicker.

  Frank breaks the quiet. “I’ll take you over to the house if you promise to stay by me at all times and make it quick. These officers have enough on their plate tonight. They don’t need to worry about us.”

  I nod. “I can agree with that. Can we go now?” I’m ready to jet out of the house without shoes. My adrenaline pumps like a train on a decline. My impatience is obvious. I’m tapping my fingernails on the table, my knee shakes to the rhythm of a jackhammer. These people are probably thinking I belong in an institution. First, I’m swearing my house is haunted. Then, I’m accusing my boyfriend of being a crazy murderer. Now, I’m ready to knock down anyone in my way of finding him and my father.

  Yep, I’ve lost it. I’m officially having a nervous breakdown.

  One of the officers stops us from leaving the kitchen. “I hate to put a damper on your plans, but we can’t let you go anywhere near that house without being accompanied by an officer. At this time we need to look out for your safety.”

  “My safety?” I counter. “What about Garver?”

  “Mr. Brauns could have been coerced into writing those letters by Mr. Collinswood. We don’t know if the two are in contact and...”

  Frank slams his fist on the table as he leans on it for support. “I’ll be Goddamned if you think my boy has anything to do with this. That boy is nothing but a victim in this. You do what you need to do, but we’re going to take a look around ourselves whether you tag along or not.”

  The officer holds up his palm facing Frank. “Sir, I meant no harm. We’re following protocol.”

  “My son,” he begins. All I hear is him referring to Garver as his own. If only he were here to hear it with his own ears. It would mean everything. “He would never do this. Not only is he a victim, but he’s also in love with this young lady. He risked his own life to save her. The fact that you’re still confusing him as a suspect insults me. His family may have a checkered past, but Garver has been raised in a home full of love. He’s only ever wanted to be accepted. There’s not a single sinister bone in his body. If you can’t respect that you need to leave this house and carry on with your fucking ridiculous theories elsewhere. In the meantime, I’ll be out looking for my boy.” By the time he finishes his face is red and full of fury. Frank has reached his limit of patience. He places his hand on my shoulder and we amble out of the room without another explanation.

  It’s not until we’re in the confines of his Black Ford F-150 pick-up when he speaks again. “I’m sorry you had to hear that, Sophie. This town has had it out for anyone related to the Collinswoods for as long as I can remember. Garver’s grandfather burned a lot of bridges and the rest of the family was just as spineless. They never did a decent thing to earn respect around here. It’s a damn shame too. Garver was just a young buck when he came to live with us. He’s as innocent and kind hearted as they come. To suspect him of this callousness is blasphemous. A damn shame.”

  I reach over and touch Frank on the arm. I can’t admit that I’ve suspected him to be guilty, or that my faith in him has been in question for a while. Right now, all I see is a father who is desperate to find his son before something terrible can happen. “He’s going to be okay. We’ll find him.”

  The truck barrels down the road as the two officers approach their own vehicles to follow behind. I keep my gaze on the side mirror watching them. No more words are spoken between us until we’re sitting out front of the Collinswood estate.

  It appears desolate even with the marked police vehicles parked out front. The lights are out inside and it’s so creepy as the sun sets that the hair on my arms stand. A chill overcomes me as I step out and take in the monstrous home I’m about to enter. Something about it makes me uneasy. Just standing outside feels wrong, like we’re trespassing on someone else’s property.

  Frank’s jingling keys capture my attention. “The police have had someone stationed here since everything started. There’s been no movement or sightings to report.”

  I nod, though it doesn’t resonate what it could mean for my dad. My only thought is going inside and seeing him sitting there waiting for me. Maybe it’s just some childish fabrication in my mind. Maybe it’s the last remaining ounce of hope I have left. My heartstrings are pulling me toward the front door. Footfalls sound behind me, though I refuse to see if they’re from Frank. I get to the last step and open the screen door. It creaks as the old hinges open wide to allow entry.

  A familiar musty smell draws me in. It’s how I would describe what our old vacation house smelled like when we’d first arrive and remove the furniture coverings. Dust motes would fill the air until Mom gave it all a good vacuuming.

  This house doesn’t remind me of her often. It’s been the opposite really. There’s nothing here except the memories we hold with us. She’s never been in these rooms. We never heard her voice or saw her smiling face. She never ever got to argue with me about bad teenage choices, not in this house.

  This house has taught me to appreciate the little things. It made me realize that family isn’t about what you have, but who you have. It’s not even about blood. Dad and I came here for a new beginning. We were essentially running from the pain of our past. I never wanted to be here, but if I could just find my dad I swear I’d stay forever if it meant having a do-over. I’d stop complaining and accept what can’t be changed. I’d be more understanding, especially toward him. I’d want him to know I’m proud of him for working through it.

  I’m suddenly caught off guard by an officer darting around the side of the house. I capture him in one window, then another from the side. He’s hauling ass as if something is going on. It’s not until I make it back outside that I start to have an inkling about what could be happening. My eyes burn as the thoughts toss daggers toward my aching heart. A faint smell is reminiscent of my time held captive in the shack. My eyes cast over the yard and beyond to the barn. The house is blocking most of it. No movement. It’s eerily silent, but the smell is obvious and can’t be mistaken..

  Frank startles me when his hand firmly grips my shoulder. “You okay? The officers are going to check it out first. Let them do their jobs.”

  I’m trying to be patient. It’s important that I remain where I am in case it’s dangerous, though the thought of being the hero somehow still reverberates in my mind.

  We can hear the officers saying something to each other. Another cruiser pulls up and they’re running toward the backyard, while we stand there waiting for some sort of explanation. After a few moments Frank is tired of not having answers. He points to his truck. “Get back inside for a minute, Sophie. I’m going to take a walk around the perimeter and see if we can get some information. Please don’t get any ideas. Stay where I know you’re safe.”

  I want to argue, but one quick glance at the officers and I know it’s a losing battle. One is on his phone while running to the trunk of his cruiser. He’s pulling out an extinguisher. Seconds later he’s back around the house.

  Back in the truck, I focus on the sounds, cracking the door so it’s a couple inches ajar. There are muffled frantic voices coming from where the smoke lingers. From this angle it’s suspected to be the barn. If I had the energy I’d run with them even against their orders. I need to know if my dad is in danger. I’m staring at where I last saw people. The sirens in the distance are getting closer. One of the officers must have called this in.

  It’s impossible to avoid worrying. I’m about to jump from the vehicle when I see someone step out the front door of my supposedly locked home. It’s Garver. My feet hit the ground before I even know I’m ambling in his direction. It’s not until we’re feet apart when he pulls a gun from the waistband of his pants. “We don’t have much time. I need you to do as I say, Sophie.”

  This is shocking, absolutely unacceptable and I’m at a loss for what to think with this assaulting behavior. My hands immediately rise in defense. “What’re you doing, Garver? Oh my God, I don’t understand. Where did you get that and why are you pointing it at me.”

  He shoves it closer in a way that’s shaky and inexperienced. Our eyes meet for the first time. The reddened state of his face, bloodshot eyes, overcast with tears that refuse to fall, tell me something is terribly wrong here. “Get in the house before I have to do something I don’t want to do.” He grabs me from the hem of my shirt and yanks me toward the house. I feel the barrel of the gun pointed into my back and it’s only seconds before I’m pleading, briskly sauntering toward the front porch. My hands remain in the air, the gun shoved into my back. “Why are you doing this?” I plea while reaching the steps. We both hear voices from the side of the house, and before I’m able to call for help, his voice is close to my ear. “Make a sound and your dad dies. Keep going. We don’t have much time left before the people return.”

  My brain is going into overdrive. My father is still alive according to his statement. Furthermore, Garver is holding me at gunpoint, forcing me to go into the house while everyone else is preoccupied by the smoke coming from the barn.

  “I don’t understand why you’re doing this. Was everything a lie?”

  “Lying is easier than the truth. That’s all you need to know.”

  The bitter reality of this is making my head spin, my stomach knot, and my body weak. At any moment I could drop to my knees. Contemplating what is about to happen only causes more strain. “So, everything was a lie?”

  “Shut up and keep walking. It’s better this way, Soph. I’m no good for you. I never was.” His voice is broken, shaky and somewhat hoarse. It reminds me of a young boy starting puberty with its inconsistent tone.

  “I don’t know what’s happened, but this isn’t you.”

  His reply is forceful. “No talking.”

  I should be scared, at least for the situation. I’m more pissed off. I’m hurt and angry he’s done this to me after saying he would fix things. How is this fixing anything? This makes no sense at all. Where did he even get a gun? Why would he think he needs to point it at me? What has he done?

  “Why are we going in the house?”

  Nothing

  “Garver please?” I request in an almost whisper. “Frank and I came here to find you, to save you from getting hurt. Why are you forcing me to do this? Is someone putting you up to this?”

  He shoves me again in the back to walk faster. “I can’t be helped.”

  “You won’t hurt me.”

  “I have to do this.” He locks the door behind us and proceeds to lead me by the arm up the stairs. I can hear movement and someone speaking as we approach my bedroom. It’s not until we enter when the truth begins to reveal itself.

  For the first time I come face to face with Garreth. His features are similar to Garver, but in an older way. His hair is a bit shorter and less wavy. His eyes are narrower, maybe because his brows seem permanently furrowed.

  He surveys me up and down, an extra-long glare leaving a bad taste in my mouth.

  Panic stricken, I say the first thing that pops into my head. “The police are outside. It’s only a matter of time before they realize you're here.”

  “That’s where you’re wrong. The house is locked up. It’s been bombarded with police for days. That’s the problem with the good ole boys around here. They’re not as thorough as one might think. They came inside twice, and never thought to check closets or the attic and especially the cellar. Ain’t that some kindergarten shit? I could have had a dozen dead bodies in here and they didn’t check the closets. Fucking worthless! A child could do better policing, that’s why I knew this was the perfect location for all of this to happen. Did you know this was once a house without electricity? They used to have to keep all of their cold storage in a man-made pantry underground. It’s been boarded up for decades, and was never in the original blueprints or updates with the county office, but it’s still there. There’s even a well down there, so deep no one would ever be able to get down and find a body.”