At some point along the way, my phone beeps and I look at it strangely, wondering when I got my phone back from Mason.

  Mia: She’s in the room. They have her on oxygen and a heart monitor, but we’re still waiting for the tests to come back.

  Oxygen? A heart monitor? Oh God.

  Me: Is she awake? Has she talked to you?

  My phone beeps almost instantly.

  Mia: I’m sorry, no. The doctor said that her body is under a lot of stress and she’ll probably fade in and out quite a bit.

  Me: Let me know if anything changes.

  The next few hours are the longest of my life. Although they creep by at a snail’s pace, Mason somehow manages to make a five-hour trip in a little less than four hours. When the car screeches to a halt, I bolt out the door before Mason even has time to shift into park. I can hear him running after me, but there is no way I’m slowing down. The doors open automatically and the woman at the front desk smiles when I run in, then her eyes quickly widen. “ICU?”

  “Fifth floor. Take the elevator up and then turn left.” She’s shouting the directions at me because I’m already running toward the stairs. Fuck the elevator. I bound up the steps, two at a time, and when I reach the fifth floor, I shove through the door and fly down the hall, looking for anyone that might be able to help me.

  “Levi!” Turning around, I find Mia, Benny and Luke walking out of a room.

  “Is she in there?” I jog over to them, but Mia shakes her head.

  “This is just the waiting room.” I follow the three of them in the room and Luke immediately starts pacing, his hands planted firmly on the top of his head.

  “Any news? Where is she at? Can I go see her?” I ask. Mason strides into the room, heaving and out of breath.

  “We haven’t even seen her,” Luke growls. “We’ve been sitting in this goddamn room for the past five fucking hours, waiting to hear something . . . anything.”

  “But Mia, you made it sound like . . .” She shakes her head and my words trail off.

  “I didn’t get to see her, Levi. The nurse just came to give us an update. The ICU has really strange visiting hours and we have to wait another two hours before we can see her. And even then, we can only go in one at a time.”

  “Fuck that.” I dig my phone out of my pocket, thankful that my best friend’s fiancé is a doctor here at the hospital. And right now, Tyson might be the only one who can help.

  Me: Are you working tonight?

  I slouch into a seat and breathe in for what feels like the first time since I found my phone. My knee is bouncing furiously. I need to see her and hold her and tell her I love her. I need to see with my own two eyes that she’s okay and that she’s still here. My phone vibrates in my hand and everyone stops to stare at me.

  Tyson: Yup. What’s up?

  Me: I need you to get me into the ICU. It’s Laney.

  His reply is almost instantaneous.

  Tyson: I’ll see what I can do. Give me ten minutes. Where are you at?

  Me: ICU waiting room. HURRY.

  “Well—?” Luke’s broken face is looking at me like I hold the key to all of life’s answers.

  “Tyson is working tonight. I’m hoping he can pull some strings and get us in there earlier, or at least find out some more information. Did the doctors come down and tell you anything else? Anything at all?”

  Luke falls into the chair next to me. “Just that they know she has pneumonia. To be honest, I didn’t understand all the medical garbage the doctor was throwing at us. But I understood that they are still waiting on some of the blood work to come back. She didn’t look good, Levi. She was so limp and lifeless in my arms, and I—” His words break on a deep sob before he stands up and walks out of the room.

  “Levi!” My head snaps up at the sound of Harley’s voice as she runs in the room. I stand up in time for her plow into me, and I hold onto her with everything that I have. Her arms wrap tightly around my neck. “Tyson called me. I got here as fast as I could. What’s going on? Have you seen her? Have you gotten to talk to her?”

  Her words hit me like a ton of bricks when I realize for the first time that I never said goodbye to her this morning. Sure, I told I loved her, but she was asleep. I didn’t get to kiss her one last time or tell her that she means the world to me. What if I don’t get to tell her that? What if something happens and the last thing I said to her was, ‘Now’s not the time for jokes, Lane.’ Gripping Harley’s shoulders, I pull her away from me, panic now in full bloom. “I need to see her, Harley. Now. I need to see her now.”

  “Tyson is talking to the doctor and he’s going to get you back there, I promise. Just give him a couple of minutes.”

  “I don’t have a couple of minutes,” I plead, needing her to understand how important this is to me. “What if she—?”

  Just then, Tyson walks into the room with another doctor at his side. Luke comes in right behind them and we all crowd together.

  “Levi, this is Dr. Byers. He’s been overseeing Laney’s care in the ICU. Dr. Byers, this is Laney’s fiancé, Levi, and her brother, Luke.” Warmth rushes through me. I want that. More than anything, I want to be Laney’s fiancé. Dr. Byers reaches a hand out to me and then Luke.

  “You’ve already been informed that Laney has pneumonia?” We all nod in unison. “Okay, good. Although we’re still waiting for some blood work to come back, I believe that Laney may be septic.”

  “What does that mean?” I ask.

  “Sepsis is a complication of an infection—in this case, pneumonia—and the fact that Laney’s immune system is already weak from her chemotherapy puts her at even greater risk. As soon as we find anything out, I’ll be sure and let you know right away. But for now, we’re just going to watch her closely. Her oxygen level dropped quite low a little while ago, but we were able to stabilize her.”

  “Is she going to be okay?” Luke asks, his eyes filling with tears.

  The look on Dr. Byers’ face softens. “It’s obvious your sister is a strong woman, and I can assure you that we are doing absolutely everything we can. But sepsis can be a life-threatening condition and Laney is very weak right now.”

  “Is she awake?” I ask, desperately needing to see her.

  “No, she’s not. And when she does wake up, she may be extremely drowsy and slightly incoherent, so please don’t be alarmed. But I can assure you that she is comfortable.”

  “Can we see her?” I ask, knowing full well that if he says no, I’ll probably do something that could land me in jail. Dr. Byers turns to Tyson and they exchange a look.

  “The visiting hours in the ICU are strict for very specific reasons, but I’m aware that you all haven’t been able to see Laney since she came in so we’re going to make an exception. Just one person at a time, make sure you wash your hands and if you feel even the slightest bit sick, please do not go in there. Laney is our number one priority right now, and we don’t want to expose her to anything that may further complicate her situation.” We all nod in agreement. “Perfect. Who would like to go in first?”

  Luke and I both look at each other. Please, I mouth, not being able to recall a time when I’ve been as desperate as I am right now. We’re both dying to see the one woman we both love more than anything in this world, but I don’t waver. There is no way in the world I’m not going in there first, and Luke must see the determination in my eyes because he drops his head in resignation.

  “Go. You go first,” he says, his chin quivering. When he looks up at me with a steady stream of tears running down his cheeks, I take him by the shoulders and pull him in for a tight hug.

  “Thank you,” I whisper, knowing how much it’s hurting him to not be with his sister. His arm comes around my back, and he pats it twice and nods. I pull back and look at him, trying so hard to convey just how much this means to me. “Thank you,” I whisper one last time before Tyson leads me toward the ICU . . . toward Laney.

  Tyson waves his badge and the doors open. The space is quiet, the lights are dim, and several nurses are sitting in front of a row of monitors. I’m led across the room and Tyson stops in front of one of the doors. “Levi,” he says, clearing his throat. “You need to be prepared. They’ve got her hooked up to a lot of machines, but they’re all helping her.”

  “Please, just let me see her,” I beg. Tyson purses his lips and sighs before pushing the door open.

  “I’ll be out here if you need me,” he says, then shuts the door behind him. My eyes instantly fill with tears when I see Laney’s tiny fragile body lying in the middle of the bed with a white sheet tucked around her. My chest aches and I swallow hard as I move toward her. Both of her arms are resting at her sides and her head is propped up on a pillow. She looks so peaceful.

  My Laney.

  Clear tubing is wrapped around her head and positioned inside her nose. Several wires lead from one of the machines and disappear under the neck of her gown. She has an IV in her left hand, which is connected to bags of clear fluid hanging from an IV pole. I don’t bother to look at what they’re giving her because I won’t know what it is anyway, but I make a mental note to ask the nurse later. A small square apparatus is attached to her middle finger and the wire from it disappears under her covers. The room is eerily quiet minus the steady beep emanating from one of the monitors and the faint sound of oxygen as it enter Laney’s nose.

  I spot a chair off to the side and I pick it up, moving it as close to her bed as I can without disturbing anything that she’s hooked up to. I sit down and take her tiny hand in mine. It’s so cold and feels so . . . lifeless. And that’s all it takes. I bury my face into the side of her hip, her hand clenched between mine, and I bawl. “Wake up, baby. Please wake up,” I sob, desperately wanting to feel her fingers curl around my hand.

  Why didn’t I wake her up before I left this morning? What if I never get to feel her fingers run through my hair or hear her tinkling laughter when I touch her in just the right spot? What if I never get to propose and watch her walk down the aisle? I want to hear her say ‘I do.’ I want a life with her, a family with her . . . I just want her.

  Everything hits me all at once. The reality of the situation is like a punch to the gut when I think about all of the things that I never got to say or do—all of the things that the two of us will miss out on if she’s taken away from me. The tears continue to flow as my chest heaves and I attempt to suck in air between sobs.

  She is my life. I can’t exist if she doesn’t exist.

  Please God. Please don’t take her away from me.

  Pushing up from the chair, I pepper kisses across her beautiful face. “I love you, Laney. Please wake up. Please. I need you, baby.” My lips land on hers and I kiss her softly, hating the stillness of her mouth beneath mine. “Please, baby,” I mumble, my lips brushing against hers.

  I fall back into the chair, her hand still firmly in mine, and I continue to cry as I watch her chest rise and fall with each shallow breath. As I look up at her beautiful face, I see her eyelids flutter and I jump from my chair, placing a gentle hand on her cheek. “Laney, sweetheart, can you hear me?” Her lids bob heavily before finally staying cracked open. “I love you. I love you so much,” I tell her, tears flowing uncontrollably down my flushed cheeks. The side of her mouth ticks up just a fraction as though she’s trying to smile, and her fingers twitch against mine. “Don’t move, okay. Just relax.” I nuzzle my face into the side of her neck. “I’m so scared, baby. So scared. Please don’t leave me.” Bringing my face back to hers, I kiss her softly several times, and it doesn’t matter that she can’t kiss me back because her eyes are open and she’s looking at me. Right now, that’s all I need. “You’re the love of my life, Laney. I’m sorry I left this morning, and I’m sorry I didn’t wake you up.” A tear falls from the corner of her eye and disappears in the pillowcase, and then another and another. I wipe them away the best I can. “Please don’t cry. You’re going to be okay.” My voice breaks as emotions build up in my throat.

  “Love you,” she croaks, her voice raw and gritty.

  “I love you too, baby. So much.” She nods, and her lids drift shut before bobbing open once again. “This is forever, Laney. Promise me this is forever,” I beg, wanting to hear her say the words, needing to know she isn’t going to leave me. Her eyes squeeze shut and several more tears fall. When she opens her eyes up again, and those hazel orbs find mine, they’re full of more love than some people see in a lifetime.

  “I will love you forever, Levi.” Her voice breaks and her body shakes as she begins to cough. A feeling of dread settles deep in my stomach and I press the call button. Within seconds, a nurse rushes into the room and starts checking Laney. Her coughing stops and I sigh in relief, thankful that I was able to talk to her before she drifts back to sleep.

  One of the machines starts beeping loudly and I look up at the monitor, trying to figure out what’s going on. Three other nurses push into the room, shoving me to the side, all of them hovering around Laney, their hands moving too fast for me to see what they’re doing. The beeping gets louder and my heart starts slamming inside of my chest, adrenaline and fear pumping through my veins.

  “What’s wrong? What’s going on? Is she okay?” I push into their huddled circle and see one of them pull Laney’s oxygen tubing out of her nose and replace it with a mask.

  “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.” The beeping sound seems to be getting even louder, and one of the lines on the monitor is flashing red. Panic sets in.

  “No,” I argue, trying to get closer to Laney. “What’s going on? Please tell me what’s happening,” I beg, only to be shoved back further by one of the nurses. Why won’t they tell me what’s wrong? The beeping stops, replaced by a long steady tone, and everything around me ceases to exist . . . everything except Laney. My breath catches in my throat at the same time a sharp pain rips through the center of my chest. Lunging forward, I reach for her—any part of her—only to come up empty when I’m shoved to the side.

  Please, God. No!

  My stomach tenses, my heartbeat thrashes in my ears and my body shakes as adrenaline pumps through my veins.

  NO! No no no. This isn’t happening.

  I can’t lose her.

  The only thing I can think about is getting closer to Laney. I weave frantically through the room, trying to see past the wall of nurses. I have to see her. I have to help her. Everything around me is moving at warp speed, and my mind is struggling to keep up with the shrill sound of the alarm and the nurses yelling out orders. I’ll do anything—sacrifice anything—for her to be okay.

  ”No!” I yell, pushing my way forward again, desperate to see her and hold her and tell her I love her. A set of strong arms lock around my chest, and I fight but I can’t seem to break free. My whole life is lying in that bed. She can’t leave me. “Laney!” I yell, continuing to struggle. “Let me go. I need to see her. Let me go!” I’m begging, yelling and cursing at Tyson. “Let me go. Laney, I’m here. Laney!” My body is yanked into the hallway and when the heavy door slams in my face, my body sags to the floor as my entire world shatters around me.

  One Year Later

  MY FEET ARE DANGLING precariously outside the edge of the plane. The wind is rushing by so fast that I can’t hear a damn thing—but that’s okay, I don’t need to hear anything. Right now, there is only one thing I need and that’s to jump out of this airplane so I can check another thing off of Laney’s list. I’ve made it my mission to complete her bucket list, and I won’t stop until each and every last thing is accomplished.

  One year ago, my life and everything I thought I knew about it changed in a matter of seconds. In that very moment, I vowed to live my life to the absolute fullest. I swore to live every single day like it’s my last, because we never truly know how much time we have left on this earth. I want to enjoy my time. I want to take chances. And someday when my time here is up, I want to die knowing that I wouldn’t change a single thing about how I lived my life.

  “Are you ready?” Phillip is jumping tandem with me today, and he understands the motivation behind why I’m doing this.

  “Hell yes, I’m ready,” I yell back so he can hear me over the noise.

  “Do you want to have a little extra fun when you jump?” I turn my head to look back at him and he nods, giving me a thumbs-up.

  “I have no idea what that means, but sure. Why the hell not?” My nerves are fried. As much as I want to do this, I can’t believe I’m doing this. I’m jumping out of a fucking plane at nearly 13,000 feet above the ground. This is crazy.

  Phillip slides us into position and I look back, giving the other passenger in the plane a thumbs-up. She smiles and waves, and before I can even smile back, I’m rolling head over ass into the sky. Everything around me is whirling by and I have absolutely no sense of direction—it’s the greatest feeling in the entire world and now I know what the ‘extra fun’ is.

  Somehow by the grace of God, Phillip manages to straighten us out and all I see is blue. The wind is rushing past us, but surprisingly I don’t feel like I’m falling. My eyes bounce around, trying to take in everything that I can. There’s no good way to describe this because the sights I see and the sensations I feel are all-consuming. My mouth is agape at the fantastic view before me.

  Suddenly, we’re upright and everything around me is quiet. The rushing wind has slowed to a dull hum, and I notice that the instructor has pulled our chute. My eyes focus on the varied shades of green and brown patches below that seem to be getting bigger as we continue to float toward the large white banner that‘s starting to come into focus. The bold red letters stand out perfectly, and my excitement turns into pure giddiness as I think of what’s about to happen.

  “You ready for this?” Phillip hollers.

  “Absolutely.” A large smile is plastered to my face and he starts in on the familiar directions to prepare me for our landing. My feet are extended in front of me and the receivers are jogging toward us as we swoop in and sail into a steady walk. “Yes!” I yell, wanting nothing more than to go back up and do it all over again. But that will have to wait because right now I have something a little bit bigger than skydiving to get ready for.