“I’m sorry, too.”

  As much as I want to blame Aidan, I also have to blame myself. It isn’t as though him being a member of the mafia had been a secret when we got married. Didn’t I watch a news clip of him being arrested for possessing weapons and attempting to break into Liam’s house? I’d been not naive, but willfully ignorant. My judgment has been clouded by my feelings for him.

  He reaches for me, but I take a step back. His hand drops to his side and pain flashes in his eyes.

  “I love you, Aidan. I do. But I need more time to process all of this. I don’t know if I can be who you want me to be.”

  “I don’t want you to be anyone else,” he says. “I fell in love with this Sorcha, not some imagined version of you.”

  My arms tighten around my waist. “The Sorcha you think you love wants to take my children and run far, far away. She doesn’t want them to have anything to do with gun fights and wars.”

  Aidan moves before I can guess his intent and pulls me in his arms. “Then we’ll go together. The five of us. Start over somewhere as Mr. and Mrs. Broderick. Da will understand.”

  Tears spill from my eyes as I clutch him tightly and bury my face in his chest. The fact he’s willing to leave all this should make me feel better. But it doesn’t. I push away from him and at first he doesn’t release me, but I push harder until he does. “I can’t ask you to do that.”

  “You’re not asking,” he points out.

  “This is your family. Here is where you belong. With them. You wouldn’t be happy living somewhere else. In the end, you’d resent me for taking you away from them.”

  Aidan straightens and a fierce light enters his eyes. “You are my family. You, Kellen, Carson, and Aisling. I belong wherever it is that you are. You’re my wife, Sorcha. I made a vow to you. One I meant with every breath in my body.”

  God, this is killing me. I want nothing more than to ignore what my brain says and only listen to my heart. But I can’t do that.“I’m not saying we’re done. I’m just saying I need time to think before I make any decisions about the future. The future of my kids. Please give it to me.”

  Several seconds pass before resignation settles in his eyes and his shoulders drop in defeat. He takes a small step forehead, presses a kiss to my forehead, and moves back, releasing his hands from mine. “I’ll go sleep in another room tonight.”

  I nod. “Thank you.”

  Aidan walks out without a goodbye and closes the door behind him. My chest burns and I collapse onto the bed burying my hands in my face. Sobs pour from my throat. I grab a pillow to try and stifle them. This is my wedding night. I’m supposed to be spending it making love with my husband again and again all night long. Instead, I sob for what could be hours. The headache that had only slightly eased is back in full force. It’s like someone is taking a jackhammer to my brain. My leg throbs and between the two of them, the pain’s enough to make me want to vomit.

  Once I’ve cried all the tears I’m going to, at least for the moment, I wash my face in the bathroom and climb under the blankets. God, they smell like Aidan. I pull his pillow to me and breathe in his scent. My eyes close and far sooner than I expected, I drift off.

  My eyes fly open and I jackknife up to sitting as my heart pounds. I glance around and it takes a minute for my harsh breathing to calm. I palm my chest to try and slow it. What woke me? Memories of gunfire and faceless demons haunted my sleep. Aisling screamed more than once in the middle of the night. Each time, Aidan was right there, having rushed in from where he slept. Although, other than the time he reached her first, I’m the one she clung to for comfort.

  The pounding is back at the base of my skull and my eyes are gritty like sandpaper. I blink a few times to clear my vision. It’s still and quiet. Judging by the light filtering through the shutters, it’s later than I normally wake up. I throw back the blankets and climb out of the bed for the bathroom. I wash the sleep off my face and get dressed. The bandage over my wound is clean, so at least it’s stopped bleeding. It’s still a bit achy, but nothing like yesterday.

  My rumbling stomach reminds me it’s been since early evening when I last ate. I stop at Aisling’s room first, but she’s not there. I’m not too concerned, yet. Instead of stopping in the kitchen first, I make my way upstairs to check on Kellen and Carson. They’re both sleeping in Kellen’s bed. Still no Aisling. That panicked sensation bubbles up in my stomach and I hurry down the stairs toward the kitchen. As I pass through the dining room, I glance outside and stop.

  Seated at the table is Aidan’s cousin-in-law Lucia. Her gaze is focused out on the sprawling manor landscape. Running around and chasing each other are Aisling and Lucia’s eldest son, Enzo. The pair met yesterday, but hit it off talking about art and drawing. On their heels is her middle son, Eoin. I step outside and Lucia turns her head toward me. She waves and smiles. I cross the patio until I reach her.

  “Good morning.” She tips her head, gesturing toward where the kids are running around. “I thought I’d bring Enzo with me today to maybe provide a much needed distraction. Of course, where Enzo goes, Eoin has to go as well. He idolizes his older brother and follows him everywhere.”

  “That’s kind of you. It will probably do Aisling some good to have something to keep her mind off yesterday.” It’s a sweet gesture, but also a bit confusing. She’s Aidan’s relative, and yes, her son is the same age as Aisling, but we all barely know each other.

  “Did Aidan tell you I used to live in London working at the British Museum?” Lucia asks, her gaze still trained on the kids.

  “No, he didn’t. Just that you work for the National Museum here in Dublin.”

  “I was in London for six years. Hiding.”

  Hiding?

  She finally faces me. “Years ago when I was in my early twenties, I’d been engaged to a young man that was part of our family’s…organization. Aidan probably mentioned that my distant cousin Emilio is married to his cousin Brenna.”

  I shake my head. “No, he didn’t mention that. About you and Emilio being related, I mean. He did tell me that Brenna was married to the most powerful man in Brooklyn.”

  Lucia chuckles. “It’s always funny to hear that, because it sounds great, right? Power. Money. Influence. Who wouldn’t want to be a part of that, right?”

  She’s laughing, but I sense a hint of sarcasm behind it. “It does sound tempting.”

  “It does. And it tempted Michele. He was one of Emilio’s soldiers and wanting to work his way up the ranks. We had our lives all planned out. Until he went on a raid and was killed.” Lucia pauses and swallows. “I’d been devastated. And furious. I hated everything the mafia represented and wanted nothing to do with it. So, I left.”

  “To London.”

  She nods. “To London. I didn’t tell a single soul where I was. I came back a few times over the years. Before I left though I attended a family wedding. One in particular. Where I met this far-too-young-for-me eighteen-year old Irishman who swept me off my feet. We danced and flirted and then I ran away back to London. Three years later, we met again. This time a bit more than flirting happened, but I didn’t discover the consequences of that more than flirting until a few months later.”

  Lucia’s gaze shifts back to the kids. In my head, I do the math. Nathan appears to be around thirty and she around forty. I’m guessing then that Enzo was the result of their more than flirting. Why is she telling me all this? She turns to me again with a sad smile.

  “I was terrified. I’d been running from the mafia and all the danger it represented for years. Then, there I was. Pregnant. The father of my child was in the same kind of organization I’d run away from years earlier. I kept Enzo’s parentage secret for three years. I didn’t even tell my niece, who’s my best friend. I thought it was safer that way. There was no way I was going to allow my son to grow up in danger. I’d already lost one person I’d loved to the violence that comes with being a part of a family like ours. I refused to let my son be killed one day.”

  God, how naive I’ve been. Not once have I ever considered what it might mean for the boys—or Aisling even—to grow up in Aidan’s family’s organization. Yet one more thing he and I need to discuss.

  “Why are you telling me this?” Another thought occurs to me and anger wells up. “Did Aidan put you up to this?”

  Lucia shakes her head and reaches across to clutch my hand. “Not at all, I swear. I’m here on my own because I know you probably weren’t aware of the potential dangers that come with being married to someone like Aidan. And I can only guess at how scared you might be. How you might not want anything to do with the organization. How you might want to run from it. I understand exactly how you feel, because I felt it too. You weren’t born to this life. Nor were the children. I know how terrifying it can be thinking of what could happen, especially after yesterday.”

  I sense there’s more to her visit. “I hear a but in there.”

  She squeezes my hand gently. “Not really. I’m the last person to try and wax poetic about how just because things turned out great for me, they will for you, too. Because, while, yes, my life is great, there is always going to be that little voice in the back of my head that whispers about the dangers my sons face. I just wanted you to know you’re not alone with your fears.”

  My eyes burn. “Thank you. That means so much.”

  “You’re welcome. And if you ever need someone to talk to, give me a call, anytime.”

  We sit out here a while longer while the children play. I’m so glad Aisling is having fun. I’m also really glad Lucia came by. She gave me a lot to mull over.

  CHAPTER 31

  Aidan

  Sitting outside, I breathe in the fresh air that still holds a hint of the rain that’s been hanging around for nearly every one of the past fourteen days. Everyone is still asleep as the sun crests the horizon. Sunrises are always my favorite time of day. I’m not one for omens, despite being Irish, but I can’t help but nurse a small thread of hope that maybe this is a sign of positive things to come.

  It’s been two weeks since Sorcha and I got married.

  And it’s been fourteen days of sleeping apart. Fourteen days of stilted conversations. We’ve kept the children out of school and brought in a home school teacher so they wouldn’t fall behind. They’ve also been talking to a pediatric therapist that specializes in trauma. It’s been a slow process, but the light is finally returning to Aisling’s eyes. The boys rebounded a lot faster. Despite the distance between Sorcha and I, Kellen, Carson, and I have grown closer.

  Behind me, there’s the click of the dining room door opening. I glance over my shoulder and my pulse races as Sorcha, wrapped in a blanket and wearing a pair of slippers, steps out. Even sleepy-eyed with her hair a tangled mess around her shoulders, she’s still the most beautiful woman ever. She heads straight for me, her pace slow, until she takes a seat in the chair next to me. I can’t take my eyes off her. This is the first time we’ve been alone together since our wedding.

  “I’m glad it finally stopped raining,” she says quietly, her gaze turned toward the expansive landscape.

  “Me too.”

  We sit in silence for several minutes. I have so many things to say, but where do I start? I’ll do anything to save my marriage, but I’m not the only one whose decision it is. Every day, I wake up waiting for her to tell me she and the kids are leaving. Fear has been my constant companion.

  “I talked to Lucia a couple weeks ago,” Sorcha finally breaks the quiet.

  “Nathan told me she’d stopped by.” I’d been surprised by the news considering the two had only met once before the wedding, although I’m glad if the women became friends. “Did you have a nice visit?”

  “It was informative.”

  I glance over at her. What does that mean? Finally, Sorcha shifts in the chair so she’s facing me. Her leg has healed well and her signs of concussion have diminished, although she still suffers from occasional headaches. The doctor said they may never go away or, if they do, it could take years.

  “I love you, Aidan.”

  Fuck. My heart plummets, because my brain hears a but behind it. “I love you, too. More than anything.”

  Sorcha nods and smiles, although it’s a bit sad. “I know you do.”

  “But?” I have to gently prod, because if she’s going to break my heart, she might as well get it over with.

  “But I’ve also never been more scared in my entire life as I was during that attack. I’d been worried for the kids. For you. It was the worst feeling I’ve ever had. I don’t ever want to feel that way again. Ever,” she says with a ferocious intensity.

  If only I could promise she won’t. I ache to reach out for her, but I’m not sure if she’ll welcome my touch and I can only afford to be gutted once today. “I wish I could turn back time and make that day disappear like it never even happened.”

  “I don’t,” she says, shocking me. “Up until the insanity hit, it was the happiest day of my life. I got to marry my best friend.”

  “Then I wish I could just make what happened after disappear.”

  “Wouldn’t that be nice?” she chuckles. “It would certainly make people’s lives easier if we could just erase all the bad things that happen.”

  “But we can’t.”

  She shake her head sadly. “No, we can’t. I just wasn’t prepared for what it meant to be married to you. Not only for me, but for the kids. Will the boys be expected to become a part of your family’s organization? What if they don’t want to? Do they even have a choice?”

  “God, no,” I rush to reassure her. “No one would force them to do anything. My grand-da was the ruthless bastard. No one would dare refuse to be initiated into our organization. We were all too afraid of him. But Da isn’t like that. He loves his family and only wants them to be happy wherever their path leads.”

  She nods and some more tension leaves her body.

  I take a deep breath. “What do you want me to do to make you happy, Sorcha?”

  At last, she reaches across and clutches at my hand. “I want you to keep loving me.”

  “Always. I’ll never stop.”

  “Five years ago you saved me from Duncan. Then you saved me again when my mum died. Then my Da. And yet again when Liam’s men showed up to collect Da’s debt. You saved me by marrying me. Everything you’ve done has been to protect me in some way. From the moment we first met.” She breathes in. “I put you up on this pedestal like you were some sort of god to be worshipped. My fierce protector. You had a high standard to maintain. And, I think, when I was hurt and our children could have been hurt, my unrealistic expectations of you made that god-like image I had shatter.”

  I had no idea she’d seen me like that.“I’m sorry I didn’t protect you at our wedding.” I’ll apologize every day for the rest of our lives if that’s what it takes.

  “Here’s the thing I’ve thought about over the last two weeks. It’s not up to you to protect me for the rest of my life. And it’s not fair of me to expect it of you. There’s danger everywhere. I could take the kids away from here, back to Burtonport, and we could get into an accident on the way,” she says. “We could go back to the pub and any one of us could tumble down the stairs. Anything could happen at any time.”

  “You know that I will always do everything in my power to keep you safe,” I swear to her.

  “I know you will. I also know that I can’t live my life in fear that something could happen. That’s no way to live.” Sorcha sighs. “And while the thought of being in danger from your enemies is terrifying, I’d rather be happy with you than miserable without you. The children would be miserable without you.”

  I come to my feet and pull Sorcha with me, dragging her into my arms to hold her close. I’ve missed the feel of her. The smell of her. “These last two weeks have been killing me. I haven’t wanted to put any type of pressure on you or try to influence you one way or another about staying. But know that if you had left, I would have come with you. I would follow you to the ends of the earth and beyond. That’s how much I love you.”

  “I love you, too. I’ve been miserable as well, but Kellen, Carson, and Aisling had to come before any of my selfish needs.” Sorcha lays her head on my chest and squeezes me tightly.

  “They’re our kids. Of course they’re going to come first. I wouldn’t expect otherwise.” I stroke her hair back and kiss the top of her head. “You’re an amazing mother.”

  She laughs, but there’s a hint of self-deprecation. “I have no idea what I’m doing. It’s harder than anything I’ve ever done before.”

  I lean back and cradle her face between my palms. “Does any new mother know what they’re doing? And when it gets hard, you have me. They’re my children now, too. We’re a team, you and me.”

  “I love you,” Sorcha whispers.

  “I love you more.”

  Our lips meet and it’s as though everything has been set right in the world. My wife is here with me and always will be. Our children are safe and I’ll make sure they stay that way. The door opens again and I break the kiss to glance back. Kellen, Carson, and Aisling all spill out, still dressed in their pajamas. I pivot and hold my arm out. The three of them race over and collide with Sorcha and me into a giant group hug.

  “Did she tell you we’re staying?” Kellen asks when we finally let go of each other.

  “She did.” A wide grin splits my face. “You all made me so happy.”

  I drop my smile and crouch down so I’m more level with them. My gaze moves from Kellen to Carson to Aisling. “I’ll do everything I can to protect you. I love the three of you very much.”

  “We love you, too,” Carson says.