Sorcha wraps her arms around her waist. “I know. I just can’t help but feel like I’m ruining both our lives. Maybe I could have figured something else out or another way to pay down Da’s debt. It’s like I just gave up and took the easy way out. That’s not who I am.”

  In two steps, I close the distance between us and palm her cheeks. “The easy way out? Are you kidding? You’re going to be marrying into the Donnelly family. Nothing about us is easy. We are all stubborn, loud, opinionated, and possess a fiery temper when provoked. While we haven’t had too much trouble in the last few months—aside from Campbell—we’re not without our enemies. I’m not trying to scare you, because you’ll be well-protected, but there is a small level of risk being one of us. So, while you’re safe, it’s not always easy.”

  Sorcha’s eyes track over my face until she finally nods. “I don’t mean to appear ungrateful for your help. Although if we’re comparing stubbornness, then I think I’ll fit right in with your family.”

  I snort and pull her in for a hug. Something I’ve done hundreds of times over the last five years. Except, I’m not sure if it’s the fact we’re standing in our driveway or the knowledge that tonight, we’ll be sharing a bed, but this hug feels different. From the crush of Sorcha’s breasts against my chest to the fragrance of her shampoo, there’s so much…more. I cough and release her.

  “All right, let’s get these bags inside and get everyone situated. Da invited us to join him and Nora for dinner tonight if you’re up for it.”

  “That would be nice. I think we’ll all appreciate a home-cooked meal. Especially one I don’t have to cook.” She chuckles.

  “If there’s one thing that Nora lives for, it is to feed everyone. She’s a fantastic cook and an even better baker. Apparently she’s attempting to teach Imogen a few recipes.” I mock-shudder and sling the boys’ bags over my shoulder and grab Sorcha’s suitcase. “All I can say is I’m glad Campbell is her guinea pig and not us. From what Nora says, the lessons aren’t going well. But my sister is as stubborn as the rest of us and determined to learn how to make one meal before she calls it quits.”

  “I’d love to meet her.” She brings out Aisling’s luggage, and I close the door.

  “I’ll ask her to stop by. Same with Caitlín. I also spoke to Lucia. She said to give her a call if you need help with getting the kids enrolled in school. Her oldest son is around Aisling’s age.”

  “You’ve thought of everything haven’t you?” Sorcha walks beside me toward the house.

  “Probably not everything. Just whatever I can to make life easier for you. I know between losing your Da and now this, things have been hard. Aren’t friends supposed to be there for you when times are tough? To help you get through them?” I pause at the door and glance at her expectantly.

  She huffs out a short laugh. “I think you’ve gone above and beyond a regular friendship.”

  “What can I say? I’m an overachiever.”

  “And so humble,” Sorcha deadpans.

  I wink and open the door for her. It’s like I told her. Everything is going to be fine.

  CHAPTER 14

  Sorcha

  All day I’ve been trying not to have a panic attack. Aidan’s brother Finn, his Da—I have to remember to call him Carrick—and Nora have been wonderful. They’re far more down-to-earth than I expected them to be. Carrick, especially, considering who he is. I appreciate how Finn has befriended the boys.

  “I think that’s everything.” Aidan surveys Carson’s room and the boxes that the men he hired finished delivering a short time ago. “Go ahead and start unpacking and putting things wherever you want them.”

  Kellen’s already doing the same in his room. The boys are over the moon that they have their own. It’s the first time ever. Although, I suspect tonight, and maybe a few more nights after, they’ll both wind up together in one room or the other. At least until they get used to having their own space.

  Aidan’s hand goes to my lower back as we head down the hallway and then the stairs. He’s always been affectionate, but today it’s like he’s taking every opportunity he can to touch me. Little brushes across my arm here. Soft caresses of my fingers there. Every time he puts his hand on my back the heat that sears through me grows hotter. It’s enough to drive me insane. Has he always touched me this much?

  “Breathe,” he whispers in my ear, his hot breath tickling the shell.

  “I’m breathing.”

  “You’re ten seconds from a freak out.”

  I gasp. “Excuse me, it’s at least five minutes away.”

  Aidan laughs. “Whether it’s ten seconds or five minutes, it’s too soon. Talk to me. What’s freaking you out?”

  How do I tell him that I had no idea he planned on us sleeping in the same room? Kellen, Carson, and Aisling were all given their own and yet, each time, my only thought was “where’s mine?”. Maybe I’m jumping to conclusions.

  “I’m not freaking out,” I insist. “I’m just thinking.”

  “About?”

  I hesitate. “Our sleeping arrangements. Everyone has gotten their own room except me.”

  Aidan stops in the middle of the hallway and his gaze meets mine. He studies me for a second. “We’re getting married. Where else would you sleep but with me?”

  My pulse races at the thought of lying in the same bed as him night after night. Of him leaning over to kiss me. A kiss that quickly flares into more. Already I can picture growing even more attached and then my heart breaking.

  “But it’s not real.” I try one more desperate attempt. The lie is bitter on my tongue.

  “It’s real to me.”

  I swear my heart stops beating altogether. “What do you mean?”

  He steps closer and threads his fingers between mine. “I’ll admit that when I blurted out to Campbell you were my fiancée, it was strictly to fuck with him. But I’ve gotten used to the idea of us being married. You’re going to be my wife. Whether it’s tomorrow, next month, or next year.”

  Aidan scans my face. “We might not be starting out with the ideal marriage, but that doesn’t mean it’s not real.”

  Except he’s not the one who has to worry about his heart. “Why can’t we just stay engaged forever?”

  There’s a flash of emotion in his eyes. “Would it really be that bad being married to me?”

  “Yes.” I jerk from Aidan’s grip and turn away. Hands clasp behind my neck, I face him again with a heavy sigh. “No. I don’t know.”

  “I see.” He takes a step away from me. “I’ll move into one of the rooms upstairs, then, so you can still be near Aisling.”

  “Aidan, no.” I reach out, but he dodges me. Dread swirls in my stomach.

  “It’s fine. I understand. You don’t have to worry about anything.” He walks away.

  With that sick sensation growing, I follow him through the large living area he told me he and his brother share. Finn is gone and Aisling must still be in her room organizing all her drawing supplies. He continues into his bedroom and opens the closet. The one he re-organized just so I’d have room to put my clothes in there as well.

  I hate this. He’s never walked away from me in the middle of a conversation before. Already the engagement is ruining things between us. What’s the marriage going to do to it? Why are you fighting this so hard? Didn’t I just tell myself that this is happening and I’d need to figure out how to make it work?

  Besides, what woman in their right mind would turn Aidan down? He’s funny. God, is he funny. No one makes me laugh like he does. He’s sweet and kind to the kids. There’s no one more reliable and trustworthy than him—minor lying about his identity aside. Him being rich doesn’t hurt. And the man is gorgeous.

  But, he’s also stubborn and often inflexible when he puts his mind to something. There might additionally be the small fact that he’s a criminal and is part of a whole family of criminals.

  He take a bunch of jeans out—still on the hanger—and lays them on the bed. He adds shirts to the pile.

  “Aidan, will you please stop?”

  He completely ignores me as he sets a stack of boxer briefs on the bed. Then he turns toward the bathroom and my anger blows. I grab the first thing I can reach and throw it at his back. The soft wad of—oh god—underwear hits him between the shoulder blades and drops to the floor. But he stops and slowly turns around. He tips his head down—his gaze flicking to the black fabric lying there—lifts it, and arches an eyebrow.

  “Did you just throw a pair of underwear at me?”

  I fist my hips. “Yes, because you were being a dick.”

  “Me? I’m pretty sure there is only one dick”—he pauses, darts a quick glance down, and then glares at me—“okay, two dicks in this room, and one of them can’t talk.”

  There’s a stunned silence that lingers for several beats until I burst out laughing. “Oh my god, you did not just say that?”

  Finally, Aidan smiles. The ickiness inside me dissipates. But then I get serious.

  “You’re right. I was being a dick. I’m sorry. And I’m sorry for throwing something at you.” I extend the olive branch and make the first move this time. Closing the distance, I hug him. “Please don’t move out of here.”

  At first he remains tense, but then he puts his arms around me and sighs. “You know I have a hard time saying no to you, even when I should.”

  “I know. Ignore me, okay? I’m just being weird.” I breathe in the scent of detergent and Aidan’s cologne. “I don’t want to fight with you.”

  “I don’t want to fight with you, either. But I also don’t want you to be miserable.”

  I lean my head back to stare up at him. “I’m not miserable. Not at all.”

  Before my brain can send a warning signal, I come up on tiptoes and press my lips to his. It’s a mad compulsion. One I’m going to regret in a minute. But for this brief second, I ignore the screaming voice yelling that I just made a huge mistake. Aidan’s hold tightens on me and he moves to deepen the kiss, but it’s like a tether yanks him, because in a heartbeat he’s nearly pushing me away from him.

  “I’m sorry,” I rush to say. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

  He shakes his head. “No, I’m the one who’s sorry. I think I’m giving you mixed signals.”

  There’s a visceral thud in my chest. “Mixed signals?”

  “I’m making such a huge deal about you not wanting to share a room since we’re getting married, but I also don’t want to ruin our friendship with messy emotions.”

  “Messy emotions?” I can barely get the words out. “You just said this marriage is real to you. Which means I need to start thinking of it as real, too, and the last I checked real meant kissing and being intimate. Real means I assume you hadn’t planned on living a celibate life, and I know you well enough to know that you wouldn’t cheat on me.”

  Aidan’s cheeks turn a deep red and he won’t meet my eyes. I swallow down my uncertainty.

  “You wouldn’t”—I have to take a breath before I can even continue—“you wouldn’t cheat on me. Would you?”

  “No,” he says a little too quickly. “I just…I guess I didn’t think that far ahead either. Thought maybe we could get married without worrying about more than that.”

  I’m so busy processing his words that it takes a second before I respond. “By ‘more than that’ I’m going to assume you mean that I won’t do something so completely and utterly stupid as fall in love with you? We get married and have sex, but don’t let those messy emotions get in the way. So it’s real to you as long as I don’t catch feelings. Got it.”

  This time, it’s me who walks away. Only Aidan doesn’t follow. Which is a good thing, because I’ll say something I’ll regret. I should go check on Aisling, but I need to be by myself for a little bit. Alone time has been virtually non-existent for me since Da died. Even before then I spent most of every day of the last five years helping him with both the pub and the kids. He’d been so lost after Mum was gone. When was the last time I did something that was solely for me?

  I make my way through the house and out the front door. Maybe some fresh air will do me good. I explore the estate, starting with the back. I take a seat at the round table and stare out over the landscape. Aidan had been right about the view. I bet the sunset is spectacular. There’s an adorable cottage more than halfway down the slope along a level section. Maybe I could stay there?

  A door opens behind me. I brace myself and turn in my seat. Except it’s not Aidan. Instead, Carrick steps out. “Mind if I join you?”

  What, am I going to tell him no? “Please do.”

  He closes the distance and sits perpendicular to me, but turns toward to the sprawling lawn to stare out at it as well. “Everyone settled?”

  “They’re getting there. Thank you for giving the boys their own room. You didn’t need to do that.”

  “What’s the sense of having this large of a house if everyone doesn’t get to have their own space?”

  I suppose that’s true.

  Carrick finally faces me. “My son’s lucky to have you.”

  Excuse me?

  “He’s different around you. More focused. Centered.”

  “What do you mean?” I lean forward and rest my forearms on the table. He has me curious.

  “Cian is the oldest. He’s the one who will take over our organization when I’m gone. It’s what he was born to do. He knows what his place is and he’s preparing for it. Finn has always had a knack for business and numbers. It’s why I put him in charge of the casino. He’s the only person I trust with my money. With our family’s money.” He pauses briefly. “Then there’s Aidan. Despite his creative talent, he somehow manages to coast along, rudderless, without any specific direction. He’s brilliant, but he doesn’t have the patience for things like managing the books or looking after any of our other businesses or being in charge of it all. There’s always been this restless energy surrounding him. Like there’s something he’s missing out on in life, but can’t find it.”

  It’s fascinating how Carrick sees his son, because that’s nothing like what he’s shown me.

  “I can tell I’ve surprised you,” he notes.

  “Yes, because I’ve never seen Aidan anything but calm and focused.”

  He stands. “I find that interesting.”

  Before I can respond, he walks toward the house, but he pauses at the door. “It doesn’t matter what proof Campbell asked for regarding your engagement. Aidan would have figured out another way to pay off the debt and protect you and your family’s pub that didn’t force you into marrying him.”

  He goes inside.

  What does he mean by that? Is he saying that I can call off the engagement? Or is he saying there’s another reason Aidan is going through with the wedding?

  CHAPTER 15

  Aidan

  Thank god this day is almost over. Of course, there’s still the question of Sorcha and the shit show from earlier. I’m forcing the confrontation by not moving to another room and waiting in here for her to show up. She ignored me during dinner and instead focused all her attention on the kids and how they liked their rooms and how they spent their day. Of course, they were all more than happy to dominate the conversation. Kellen and Carson disappeared upstairs right afterward and Sorcha has been in Aisling’s room getting her settled.

  It was nice to see Da and Nora so happy. He’s never come out and said it, but Cian, Finn, and I are all aware of how much he would love for us to give him grandchildren. Imagine me being the first. I doubt any of them expected that to happen.

  Other than at dinner, I haven’t seen her since our argument. Maybe it’s cowardice, but I gave her her space. Because you know what an ass you were. Jesus, how could I have been so stupid to think she wouldn’t have been hurt by my words? My only excuse is fear.

  There’s a soft knock on the door. I open it to find her standing there.

  “Can I come in?”

  I step back to let her pass. The coconut scent of her shampoo follows. I’ve been smelling it off and on all day. Or maybe that’s just wishful thinking. She stops in the middle of the room and pivots to face me.

  “We need to talk,” she states point blank.

  “I know. Have a seat.” I gesture to the overstuffed chair at the desk.

  Sorcha sinks down into it and swipes her hands down her thighs. She’s looking everywhere but at me. “I’ll go first before I lose my nerve.”

  I sit on the corner of the bed facing her. “I’m listening.”

  “I’m not sorry I kissed you. If this marriage is going to be real, then it’s going to be real,” she states firmly. “But you need to know that there are going to be messy emotions.”

  I wince, because I deserve that.

  “Maybe you can separate sex from emotions, but I don’t know that I can. Especially with you.” Sorcha finally meets my eyes. “There’s a chance I could fall in love with you. No, there’s a good chance I will fall in love with you. You’re my best friend. You’re the first person I want to talk to when something happens, good or bad. I’ve never wanted to screw that up, so, in my head, I’ve reminded myself that you’re unavailable. Forever. That what we have is better than nothing and I refused to give that up.

  “I’m also selfish enough to not share you with another woman, so be warned. If we’re doing this, you have to swear on everything you hold dear you won’t cheat on me. Ever,” Sorcha’s voice hardens. “There are no such thing as mixed signals. You’re either in this for real or you’re not.”

  Can I live with that? With the possibility that no matter what I do, I’m probably going to break her heart. “I’m not saying this to hurt you, but you need to know that I can’t promise I’ll fall in love with you.”

  She swallows and nods. “I understand that. But, I also want you to do something for me.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Don’t completely rule out the possibility.”

  My brow creases. “The possibility for what?”