“Of falling in love with me.”

  Her words are a gut punch and instantly have me distancing myself emotionally. Love was never supposed to factor into this. It’s a marriage of convenience. A way for me to protect Sorcha. Nothing more. Loving someone gives them power over you. Makes you weak. Bitter. Hateful. All the things my mother was. And I refuse to become like her.

  “Can I have the night to think about it?”

  I can tell she’s disappointed, but she tries to hide it. “I’m probably asking for a lot and springing it all on you, so I guess it’s only fair I give you time to decide.”

  “Do you want me to sleep somewhere else tonight?”

  Sorcha gnaws at the inside of her bottom lip like she always does when she has to make a hard decision. I’ve always thought it was adorable, but this time it’s more meaningful. I’m holding my breath while she decides. She shakes her head.

  “No. I’m sure we can both make it through a night in the same bed unscathed.” I could swear there’s a hint of sarcasm in her tone, but I don’t point it out.

  “Do you want to watch a movie until we’re ready to go to sleep?” It’s always been our thing when I’ve crashed at her flat. We watch a scary movie she picks out and then she spends the entirety of it shielding her eyes against my chest.

  “I think I’m just going to go to bed, if that’s okay? It’s been a long and exhausting day.”

  “Understandable.” I concede. “If you want to use the bathroom first to get ready, I’m going to go take care of a couple things for Da.”

  “Thanks.” Sorcha gets up and I stand as well.

  Because I can’t help myself, I close the distance between us and tug her into my arms. She stiffens for a second, but then relaxes fully against me. The minutes tick by with neither of us releasing the other, until finally she breaks away and closes herself in the bathroom.

  There’s nothing I need to do for Da. It had merely been an excuse to get away and try to make things less awkward between us. Even if we survive this marriage with our friendship intact, I’m not sure it will ever be the same. For some reason, I’m finding it hard to breathe. I walk out of the room and head anywhere but here.

  Of course, I wind up outside Da’s office. The door is slightly ajar and the light’s on. “It’s kind of late for you to be working isn’t it? You should be enjoying your evening with Nora.”

  He glances up and waves me in. “I’m almost finished here and then we were going to read together before bed.”

  “You reading anything good?” I sit in the chair opposite him.

  “Dry, boring stuff about the growth of agriculture in Ireland that you would have zero interest in.” He smirks.

  “You’re right. I’m falling asleep just thinking about it.”

  “So tell me why you’re sitting in here with me instead of with your fiancée? Not that I don’t appreciate the company, but Sorcha’s much prettier to look at than I am,” Da jokes.

  “I think I fucked up.”

  He leans back. “How so?”

  “I thought I was doing the right thing. Protecting Sorcha. Saying she was my fiancée seemed like a simple solution. Then Campbell called my bluff. Now, she’s moved in here and we’re actually getting married. I didn’t plan on it being more than on paper. A front to placate Liam’s demand. But nothing about this is simple.”

  “Loving someone never is.”

  My heart skips a beat and panic rises in my chest. “Sorcha and I are just friends. I don’t love her. Not like that.”

  Da stares quietly at me, his gaze assessing. Then he closes the folder he’d been reading from, stands, and rounds his desk to stand in front of me. “Of all you boys, you have always been my most stubborn. If you didn’t want to do something, you wouldn’t do it. No matter how much you’re threatened or coaxed. Nothing could ever make you do something you didn’t already want to do.”

  He clasps me on the shoulder and walks out of his office. I sit there for several more minutes replaying his words. No, he’s wrong. I’ve never had any plans to marry. I’m not like Cian who, until Nessa, would have married if for nothing more than to produce a few heirs. Or Finn, who has admitted he wants to find a nice woman to settle down with at some point. But only once he’s done fucking his way through every former floor girl who used to work at the casino.

  Marriage has never been for me. Love, especially, has never been for me. I’ve seen what love does to a person, and I want nothing to do with it. Yes, I care about Sorcha, and if I could love anyone, it would be her.

  I make my way back to my bedroom. She’s already in bed, lying on her back and staring up at the ceiling. She glances over at me. At least she’s not pretending to be asleep.

  “Did you get done whatever you needed to do?”

  “I did.”

  “Good.”

  We stare at each other for several awkward seconds, neither of us breaking the silence. Finally, I head for the bathroom. I brush my teeth and strip down to my boxer briefs. Maybe I should have grabbed a pair of lounging pants from my dresser, but it’s too late for that. Besides, Sorcha and I are getting married. We’re going to have to get used to seeing each other without clothes.

  Instantly, images of her naked filter through my head. Not for the first time, either. She’s a beautiful woman with the perfect amount of curves. I’ve imagined Sorcha naked more than once, especially during the early days of our friendship before I decided it wasn’t worth fucking up by sleeping with her. Soon though, we’ll be married and she’ll be in my bed every single night. Available. Gorgeous. And my wife.

  I meet my reflection in the mirror. You’re really going to do this, aren’t you? Her request plays in my head again.

  “Don’t completely rule out the possibility of falling in love with me.”

  Before I left Da’s office, I’d already decided I’m in this for real. I’m just not sure I can do the only thing she asked me to do for her.

  CHAPTER 16

  Sorcha

  I’m not sure I got more than a few hours of sporadic sleep the entire night. More than once I found myself plastered to Aidan’s side, but quickly moved away each time, praying he stayed asleep. I woke up a short time ago, only to discover he’d already left. I’ve been lying here alone since. You’re feeling sorry for yourself. Maybe I am. The stress of the last month hasn’t made it any easier.

  There’s a soft knock on the door.

  “Sorcha, can I come in?” Aisling’s voice filters through it.

  “Of course,” I call out.

  She opens it tentatively and peeks around before coming in and crawling into the bed with me. She hasn’t done this since the week Da died. I tug her close to me and she lays her head on my chest. I stroke my fingers through her hair.

  “Did you sleep okay?”

  Aisling shakes her head slowly. “I miss Da. Do you think he knows where we are?”

  There’s a twinge inside my chest. I kiss her the top of her head. “Of course he does. Remember, he’s always in our hearts, so wherever we go, he goes with us.”

  She tips her chin up and meets my eyes. “You promise?”

  “Promise.”

  Apparently satisfied, she rests back on my chest and is quiet for several minutes. “I miss my fairy forest and twinkle lights, too.”

  “I know you do. I’m sorry for that.”

  “Do you think you can draw me another one in my new room?”

  Considering our stay here may only be temporary, I’m not sure it’s a good idea. “Let me talk to Aidan and I’ll see what I can do.”

  She doesn’t say anything, but she does sniffle. Tears burn my own eyes. Crying doesn’t do any good, so I force them back.

  “Hey.” I tap her shoulder and wait until she tilts her head back to look at me. “Why don’t we get up and go exploring? I found this really neat hedgerow maze yesterday with a cool sculpture in the center. We can take our drawing supplies down there and do some sketching. What do you think?”

  “Okay.” There’s a little more enthusiasm in her tone.

  She moves away from me just as the door opens and Aidan walks in carrying a tray. He pauses at the sight of Aisling. Will he mind she’s in his room?

  “Everything all right?” His gaze bounces between the both of us.

  “Can Sorcha paint me another fairy forest?” she blurts out making me groan.

  “A fairy forest?” He arches an eyebrow.

  I sigh. “In her room back home, I painted the walls and ceiling with trees and flowering bushes with little fairies hidden in the branches and behind blooms. Then at night, I turned on a light that would project glowing stars and other small shapes onto all the surfaces.”

  “That sounds pretty,” Aidan says to Aisling. “I don’t see why you can’t have another one in your new room if Sorcha doesn’t mind doing it.”

  She jumps off the bed and rushes over to throw her arms around his legs. “Thank you, thank you, thank you. I’m going to go tell Kellen and Carson.”

  Without looking back, she runs out of the room. I guess that means we won’t be going exploring together. Aidan chuckles.

  “To be so easily satisfied.” He crosses the room with a bemused smile. “Here, I brought you breakfast.”

  Surprised, I slowly sit up. The blankets pool around my waist. His gaze flicks in the direction of my chest when he sets the tray over my lap, but darts away. Only that brief heated glance has my nipples aching. I refuse to check if they’re hard. If Aidan can ignore it, so can I.

  Finally, I remember my manners. “Thank you. That was sweet.”

  “I can be sweet sometimes.” He almost pouts.

  A small smile pulls at my lips. “Yes, you can.”

  He sits on the edge of the bed with one knee angled toward me and faces in my direction. I squirm a little under the scrutiny.

  “Eat.” He gestures with his chin.

  “You didn’t bring anything for yourself?”

  “I ate earlier.”

  Never one to shy away from food, I lift the lid off the plate. There’s a croissant that smells delicious, along with jam, peanut butter, and a bowl filled with fruit. I pick up my fork and stab a chunk of melon. Sweet juicy flavor bursts over my tongue. “Mmm, this is so good.”

  I glance at Aidan and his eyes are locked on my mouth. My chewing slows and I swallow with a big gulp. Heat swirls around my belly and the ache in my nipples grows. Almost subconsciously, I flick my tongue out to gather some of the flavor left on my lips. His pupils dilate and his nostrils flare before he lifts his gaze to meet mine. There’s a fluttery sensation inside my chest.

  “Okay,” he says in a husky growl.

  “Okay, what?” It’s almost a whisper of sound.

  “I’m in this for real.”

  The fluttering gets faster as does my heartbeat. Isn’t this what I wanted? “Are you sure?”

  “Not really.”

  The flutters come to an abrupt halt. Ouch. “At least you’re honest.”

  Aidan reaches for my hand and threads his fingers through mine, the slight callouses lightly abrading my skin. “I promised I wouldn’t lie to you again.”

  He’s right. I want the truth, even if it isn’t always pleasant. “Thank you.”

  “Why don’t you eat and when you’re done, we’ll head into town. I’ll show you some of the businesses we own and I’ll take you to the casino. Introduce you to Finn.”

  Since we’re really doing this, I should probably meet the rest of Aidan’s family. “Will the kids be okay here?”

  “Of course. Nora will keep them entertained. She’ll have them calling her mhamó before the day is over, mark my words.”

  Aisling never knew any of her grandparents and Kellen and Carson only knew our maternal grand-da. He died right before she was born. All the rest of our grandparents were gone by the time I was fifteen. I would love for the three of them to think of Nora and Carrick as their grandparents. Every kid deserves a grand-da and mhamó who spoils them.

  “I’ll let you finish eating and when you’re ready come find me. I’ll either be out in the common room or in Da’s office.” Aidan stands and leans across the distance between us to brush his lips across mine. He draws back, his eyes track my face, and then he walks out of the room.

  I lift my fingers to my mouth and press them to my lips trying to trap in his touch. God, I’m in so much trouble.

  I run the comb through my hair one last time and then go in search of Aidan. He’s sitting in the common room with the boys who are already at the video games. I’ll let them enjoy their final days of pseudo-vacation, but by Monday, they’re going to be back in school. I’ll make some phone calls when we return from our trip into Dublin.

  Aidan stands and kisses my cheek. “You look good.”

  My cheeks heat. When he said he was all in, I guess he wasn’t kidding.“Thank you.”

  “You ready then?”

  I nod.

  “Where are you going?” Kellen asks, barely taking his eyes off the television and the game displayed on it.

  “Aidan and I are going to town.” It’s on the tip of my tongue to invite them, but I bite it, for once being a little selfish and wanting time alone with…my fiancé. That sounds so weird.

  “Have fun.” He turns his full attention back to the video game.

  That was easy enough.

  “We’ll be back later,” Aidan tells them and they both wave distractedly.

  He and I exchange smiles and leave them to their entertainment. Nora and Aisling are nowhere to be found. My guess is they’re in the kitchen. The weather is mild. Sunlight peeks through the swaying branches of the trees overhead. Aidan and I get buckled in and then we’re on our way.

  “I sat out back for a little while yesterday. You’re right about the view. It’s so pretty out here and reminds me of the area surrounding Burtonport.”

  “Wait until it rains and then clears out. We usually end up with a rainbow that crosses the entire horizon over the field. If the weather holds tonight, we can watch the sunset,” Aidan says.

  When was the last time I had the time to sit around and watch the sun set? At least before Da died. It almost feels wrong to not be busy doing…something. Of course, ever since Aidan planted the idea of opening an art studio in my head, I haven’t been able to let it go. Except there’s so much that goes into one, not the least of which is a lot of money. Of which I have none. I’d had to drop out of my master’s program when my Mum died, so I could always go back and finish that.

  Needing a distraction, I pivot in my seat toward Aidan. “Tell me about this casino of yours.”

  “We bought it from its previous owner several years ago. Caitlín continuously reminds us that she deserves all the credit for the idea. Her Italian brother-in-law’s organization runs a highly successful one in Brooklyn, which is what made her suggest it.”

  I hold up my hand. “Wait. Her ‘Italian brother-in-law’s organization’? Like your father’s organization?”

  Aidan grins like a madman. “Emilio Jacob Ricci is head of the Italian syndicate and the most powerful man in all of Brooklyn. I’m pretty sure Nathan told me he even has the mayor of the city in his pocket.”

  My eyes widen. Good god, they’re all criminals. I rub my hand across my forehead. What have I gotten us into? “Continue. Casino. Crime organizations.”

  His crazy smile turns into a smirk at my unintentional alliteration. “There’s not much more to tell. It was a derelict building that we bought, gutted, and turned into the most lucrative operation in Dublin. It’s obscenely exclusive. Our clientele are extremely wealthy and pay for the privilege of being a member. Finn’s in charge of the day-to-day operations.”

  I’ve never been to a casino before. There’s never been a reason to go. Plus, all of them require a person to be a member. I’ll admit to being curious what it’s like. “What’s it called?”

  “Anamacha Caillte.”

  I gape. “You called your casino ‘Lost Souls’?”

  “All credit for that goes to Cian. He found the irony of it amusing.”

  “Your entire family sounds quite interesting.” That’s about the kindest word I can use.

  Aidan barks out a laugh. “We’re all a bit crazy.”

  “I mean, you said it.”

  “Don’t worry, you’ll get used to us after a while.”

  Oddly, I find that reassuring. They all sound a bit colorful. I admit to being a little excited to meet everyone. Especially Caitlín and Imogen. I hope they like me. I somehow never manage to keep girl friends for long. I’m not sure what that says about me.

  The streets turn more residential and narrow with traffic going only one way, until Aidan parks at a curb in front of a metal signed labeled “Donnelly family only”. There are perks to being the owners, I suppose. We exit the vehicle and approach a brick multi-story building. A narrow section juts out and large letters stacked on top of each other spell out the name of the casino.

  Aidan grabs the door handle, pauses, and glances over at me. He waggles his eyebrows. “You ready for the corruption to begin?”

  I snort. “Bring it on.”

  CHAPTER 17

  Aidan

  Dim lights illuminate the interior of the casino, but it’s mostly covered in shadows. There’s a marked difference between the place during the day when it’s completely silent and when the doors open and the buzz of bets being placed fills the air.

  Sorcha glances around, those eyes of hers soaking everything in. She turns to me once she’s given the place a careful inspection. Her expression is blank and it’s obvious she’s unimpressed. “This is it? Why did I expect it to be gaudy and ostentatious? It looks like a boring business office with a bunch of empty felt-covered tables.”

  I roar with laughter. “Be careful, you might hurt Caitlín’s feelings if she heard you say that. We loosely designed it based on Emilio’s casino, but far less grand. It’s also intentionally made to look like a boardroom. It makes the players feel more like they’re making lucrative business deals instead of gambling away their hard-earned cash.”