“Spencer.”

  “Hello, Hollie.” He has one of the store’s baskets looped over his arm. I catch a glimpse of a frozen dinner and a bagged salad before I snap my gaze back to his. “How are you?”

  Some snarky little part of me wants to snap at him for making small talk after avoiding me all week. Then I remember what Jordy said last night. “I’m fine, thanks. How are you?”

  “I’m well. Sorry I missed your call last night. I phoned early this morning, but hung up when I realized it was far too early to be calling. I hope I didn’t wake you.”

  Well, that explains why he didn’t leave a voicemail. “I always silence my phone overnight.”

  “Smart. I meant to try again, but…got sidetracked.” His eyes move past me and he shifts from foot to foot. “I apologize for avoiding you this week. I’d like to claim it’s because I was busy making travel plans, but I admit I was embarrassed after what happened at your birthday party. I hope I’ll be able to make it up to you when I return from England.”

  “You don’t have to wait that long. If you’re not busy tonight, Jordy and I are hosting an impromptu Christmas dinner at my place. That’s actually why I called you last night—to invite you.”

  His eyes widen. When the surprise clears, he gives me a pained smile. “Oh, that’s…that’s lovely. I appreciate the invitation, but I’m afraid I’m going to have to decline.”

  Not that he owes me an explanation, but I wait a few beats in case he offers one. When he doesn’t, realization hits me like a blow to the stomach: I can’t keep doing this. As much as I like Spencer, I need to get off this roller coaster.

  “Okay, that’s fine.” I cringe at how chirpy my voice sounds. “Well, safe travels and Merry Christmas. I hope you enjoy your time with your family and get everything sorted out. Thanks for everything you’ve done for Jordy; she appreciates it more than you know. I’d better get going, this dinner won’t cook itself. Unfortunately. Ha!” I grip the handle of the grocery cart to keep from smacking myself in the forehead after that embarrassing display of word vomit.

  I can’t pinpoint Spencer’s expression. If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear there was a hint of devastation there. He stammers out a string of words for a moment before snapping his mouth shut and clearing his throat. “I hope we’ll be able to speak while I’m away.”

  I give a helpless little shrug. “Maybe. I guess we’ll see, right?”

  His resigned nod makes me want to burst into tears right here in the frozen vegetable aisle. “Yes, we’ll see. Happy Christmas, Hollie.”

  With a final forced smile, I bolt away without looking back. Thankfully, I was already almost finished shopping, so I mindlessly add the final items to my cart and hurry to the checkout, eager to return to the warm embrace of my home and my chosen family.

  After waiting in line for nearly ten minutes, it takes me ages to load all my purchases on the conveyor belt. I watch my items pile up on the far side, wondering how quickly I can bag stuff before the next person’s purchases come flying down the line. I pay as quickly as possible, then bolt to bag my groceries, wishing I’d taken the time to drive across town to the store where cashiers still bag your items as they go.

  As I’m loading the first set of bags into my shopping cart, Spencer walks by, having used the self-checkout for his few items. He smiles and nods at me as he passes, and I give him a distracted smile in return. Whatever he sees on my face has him backtracking. Without a word, he takes one of my reusable bags and starts methodically adding items to it, reminding me of one of my favorite childhood video games, Tetris.

  “I really appreciate your help,” I tell him as I toss a ten-pound bag of potatoes into my cart. “I’m not used to buying so much.”

  “Glad I could help. Where is Jordy?”

  “At home, cleaning. I know I’ll be glad we split up the tasks when I don’t have to be embarrassed about the state of my floors or the streaky bathroom mirror, but right now I’m definitely wishing I’d brought her with me.” I pause only long enough to suck in a breath before barrelling on. I’m on a roll once more. “I was thinking, since you can’t come today, I’m sure it’d mean a lot to Jordy if you called her before she leaves. I don’t know if you’ll be too busy to squeeze in a visit, but maybe you two could arrange something.”

  I’m aware my words likely sound passive-aggressive. I didn’t necessarily mean for them to be, but at the same time I can’t bring myself to care. I’m hurt and annoyed and confused by Spencer’s behavior, and I’m tired of letting it slide.

  Spencer doesn’t say anything as he carefully sets the last bag in the cart. I throw mine in carelessly, eager to get out of here.

  “I’ll call her tonight,” he says. “Can I help you load all of this into your car?”

  “No, that’s okay, bagging it was the hardest part.” Why am I breathless? Is it hot in here? I should have taken off my coat. I need to get out of here now. “Thanks again for your help. See you around, Spencer.”

  Hurt flashes across his face. He opens his mouth to say something, but closes it with a sigh when his phone rings. I’ve come to hate his phone or, more accurately, whoever has a habit of calling him at the most inconvenient times. I tell him to take the call and wish him a Merry Christmas again before dashing away.

  I push Spencer from my mind as I manhandle my cart out of the store and across the parking lot. The rest of today is going to be incredible; I’m going to do everything in my power to make it so.

  *****

  It’s possible I was slightly off the mark when I told Spencer bagging the groceries was the hardest part. It takes forever to load everything into my trunk and, despite having Jordy’s help when I get home, I end up grumbling to her that I’d better have more defined arm muscles after all this.

  Once all the groceries are inside and we’ve made some headway with unpacking them, I tell Jordy I need a short break for a cup of coffee and something to eat. Once the coffee is brewing, I reach into my purse for my phone. My hand freezes at how empty the inside feels. Panic seizes me when I peer into the purse and discover both my phone and my wallet are missing.

  “You know you had your wallet at the store, because you paid for the groceries, right?” Jordy asks after she questions my alarmed look and I explain what’s going on. “Could your purse have fallen over in the car and stuff spilled out?”

  “I’ll go check.” At the front door, I pause only long enough to shove my feet into my boots. Through the windshield of my car, the weak sunlight illuminates my turquoise phone case under the front passenger-side seat. My legs wobble with relief as I throw the door open and grab the phone, fishing around for my wallet. It’s not there.

  Jordy appears in the front doorway of the house. “Find it?”

  “Just my phone. Can you search the unpacked bags for my wallet? I’m going to check the back and the trunk.”

  Even though I’m only wearing a pullover without a coat, I’m sweating by the time I finish searching for my wallet. It’s nowhere in the car. My mind races with what to do. Call the store and pray someone handed it in? Retrace my steps and hope to find it, which means delaying dinner prep? Forget about searching for it for now and spend god knows how long calling to cancel all my cards?

  “Hollie?”

  I’m in such a daze, the unexpected voice practically makes me leap into the air. I spin around to find Spencer standing a few feet away, his car parked behind mine. I didn’t even hear him pull up, let alone get out of his car.

  He holds up my wallet. “I believe this is yours?”

  I surge forward, stopping a few feet in front of him. “Oh, I could kiss you! Where did you find it?”

  His eyebrows lift at my words and one side of his mouth twitches. “The cashier spotted it on the conveyor belt while I was taking my call. She asked if we were friends since she saw me helping you. I assured her we were, and I’d make sure it was returned to you. I tried calling, but it went to voicemail and I figured you were screening your calls. I couldn’t blame you, honestly.”

  “Wow, there’s a lot to unpack there,” I murmur. “Shoot, unpack! I need to get inside and help Jordy with the rest of the groceries and then get dinner started.”

  “Of course.” He holds out my wallet. Our fingers brush, and I freeze. Spencer closes his other hand around mine, cupping and holding it. I bet we make a weird tableau, both of us frozen with my wallet clasped between our hands, staring at each other.

  Spencer’s searching gaze makes my resolve from earlier crack. I was ready to give up on him, move on, learn to be okay with being friends, but a man doesn’t look at you the way Spencer is looking at me right now if he doesn’t have genuine feelings.

  We simultaneously draw in deep breaths and then speak at the same time.

  “Maybe I could—”

  “Spencer, I think you—”

  We both shake our heads and laugh. His is a soft chuckle while mine sounds slightly crazed. He drops the hand cupping mine and I gently pull my wallet from his fingers.

  “Go ahead,” he says.

  “Are you sure you can’t come for dinner tonight? I’d really like you to be there, and I know Jordy and the others would too. You’re part of our group now, whether you like it or not, and we take that seriously.”

  His sudden, bright smile nearly takes my breath away. “I’d love to come. I was supposed to have one last meeting tonight before I leave town, but I called and told them I’d have to reschedule because I had an important holiday engagement to attend. Then I prayed you’d give me a second chance and issue the invitation again. Although I suppose by now I’m on my third chance where you’re concerned…”

  I wave off his words. “I’m not the type to keep track. Friendship is all about giving more chances, right?”

  “Friendship, yes,” he says slowly. “Hollie, I’m very much interested in—”

  “Hol, are you coming back inside anytime soon?” Jordy calls from the doorway. I swallow a groan at the interruption. I love the kid, but she’s as bad as Spencer’s ever-ringing phone. “Oh, hey, Spencer. Are you here to help with dinner?”

  “Can you use another set of hands?” Spencer asks me. “I’m free for the rest of the day.”

  “How do you feel about peeling ten pounds of potatoes?”

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  My house is full of noise: voices, laughter, Christmas music, the banging of pots and pans in the kitchen. Accompanying the din is a variety of mouthwatering, savory scents. It’s a beautiful, joyful mix that keeps me going despite the weariness that creeps up on me every once in a while.

  After hours of prep, Spencer went home to shower and change, since his clothes—along with his face and hair—were covered in bits and pieces of our prep work. My friends arrived shortly afterward and offered to keep an eye on everything while Jordy and I got ready.

  I’m about to enter the kitchen, freshly showered and dressed, when the doorbell rings. I veer toward the front of the house, calling out to the others that I’ll get it.

  Even though I just saw him an hour ago, a smile overtakes my face at the sight of Spencer standing on the doorstep. The three of us had a blast doing dinner prep; it likely took twice as long as necessary since we kept talking, laughing, and dancing around the kitchen, but I’ve filed those memories away in the ‘Keep Forever’ section of my brain.

  “I stopped to pick up these on my way back,” Spencer says, offering me a box. Through the clear plastic lid, I see a set of a dozen Christmas crackers decorated with holly leaves, berries, and robins. “I thought I’d carry on with the British theme you’ve had going recently.”

  “That’s so thoughtful,” I say, accepting the box from him. “These are beautiful, Spencer. Thank you.”

  “You’re quite welcome. I was wondering if I might—”

  His words are cut off by the arrival of Fergus, who approaches the front door carrying two folding card tables under his arm. “All right, you two?” he asks, which I’ve come to realize is a popular greeting among Brits and Scots. “Louisa rang to ask if I had any sort of extra tables I could bring. I borrowed these from my cousin, Hugh.”

  “You’re a lifesaver, Fergus.” I pull Spencer inside and move us out of the way so Fergus can enter. “I was wondering how all nine of us, plus a feast, were going to fit around my six-seater dining table.”

  “Happy to help.” Fergus kicks off his boots and bends to kiss my cheek. “I have bottles of wine in the back seat of my car if you’d like to bring them in for me. I’ll follow the sound of laughter and find my way with these tables.”

  Spencer waits while I put my boots on and then we head out to Fergus’s car. He gently stops my hand when I reach to open the back door.

  “I know the timing of this isn’t ideal, but I’m afraid if I don’t say it now, I’ll lose my nerve,” Spencer says. Stunned, I nod for him to go on. “You said earlier that friendship is about giving each other chances, and I hope that extends to what I’m about to say.”

  My stomach drops at his words. Before my mind has a chance to get carried away with what he might be about to say, he continues.

  “I don’t only want to be your friend, Hollie. I’ve been trying for weeks to deny my growing feelings for you, but there’s no use. I’m smitten with you. Your big heart, your generosity, your sense of humor, your beautiful smile—all of you. I know my timing is terrible since I’m leaving for several weeks, but I’d like to return to our roots and try messaging each other while I’m away.” He takes a shaky breath and gives me a nervous smile. “And then when I return home, perhaps we could take our relationship beyond friendship. If that’s something you’d be interested in, of course.”

  “It is,” I say immediately. Spencer’s answering smile is tinged with relief. The relief is short-lived when I add, “But I need you to be sure about this, Spencer. I don’t want to keep going back and forth, wondering if we’re just friends or headed for something more. I’m not asking for a commitment right this second because I know that’s unrealistic, but if we’re going to do this, I want to do it for real.”

  “I will,” he promises. “All those weeks ago when I opened our chat on LoveLinks and thought you had blocked me, I was gutted. Chatting with you and getting to know you was a highlight for me. It filled me with hope that I’d finally found something real with someone incredible. Thinking I had missed my chance with you filled me with so much regret, even though it was unavoidable. Meeting you again, especially in such a random way, felt like a miracle, but the timing couldn’t have been worse. Still, I should have done better in conveying my feelings for you and not being so…wishy washy.”

  The way he wrinkles his nose as he says that last part makes me laugh. “None of that matters now,” I tell him. “We can’t go back, but we can start fresh right here and now, and see where things may lead in the future.”

  “I like the sound of that.” His face softens into a smile that makes me forget I’m standing outside in December without a coat on.

  “And I’d really like for you to kiss me right now,” I tell him.

  He takes a step closer and reaches for me, but before we get any further, Wesley’s car pulls into my driveway. As he and Leland climb out, Spencer takes my hand and squeezes it. “To be continued?”

  “I look forward to it.”

  *****

  Dinner is a bit chaotic, but in the best possible way. Hosting this many people is even more work than I anticipated. Much like a ship at sea, I’m nothing without my crew, who jump in to help at every turn. At the end of the meal, filled to the brim with love, gratitude, and delicious food, I decide I like my house like this: full of noise and laughter, music and food. As I help my friends clear the table, I make a promise to myself to host more gatherings in the new year.

  Stella sidles up beside me at the kitchen counter and sets down a stack of plates. “Good call suggesting we wait for a bit before we have dessert. Although with the way Spencer eyed you all through dinner, I think he’s more interested in having you for dessert than anything I brought from Cravings.”

  “Stella McGrath!” I whisper-yell, elbowing her in the arm and swiveling my head around to make sure nobody overheard her.

  She cackles. “Don’t act so scandalized, you were looking at him the same way. What’s going on? Have his mixed signals turned into a green light?”

  I blow out a gusty sigh. “Get the others and meet me in my room, okay?”

  “Ooh, serious,” Stella says, her eyes alight with curiosity.

  I nudge her again, harder this time. She gives me a little shove in return, and then we part ways, both of us laughing under our breath. This is the perfect time for a confab since the guys are occupied with cleanup and Jordy has put yet another Christmas movie on in the living room.

  As soon as the four of us are in my room and Evie has closed the door behind me, I blurt, “Spencer says he’s smitten with me.”

  Three sets of eyes look at me in confusion. Although I suppose, technically, Stella’s expression is more like ‘well, duh’ than confusion.

  “We’ve been dancing around each other for weeks.” I wave for all of them to join me on the bed. “When we started hanging out, we agreed we’d just be friends, at least for now. Spending time with him has been so great, but I developed feelings for him when we were chatting on LoveLinks, and they got stronger every time we saw each other. He kept giving me all these mixed signals, though, and it started messing with my head.”

  “What sort of mixed signals?” Evie asks.

  “Well, like maintaining he wants to be friends but then…kissing me.”

  “Kissing you?” she cries. I flail my arms to shush her. “Why were we not informed about this? Or at least I wasn’t.” She glances around at the others, who all shake their heads, their gazes trained on me.

  “I don’t have a legitimate reason for not telling you,” I say. “I’ve been trying to process my feelings for Spencer, plus everything happening with Jordy. And…there’s more.” When they all simply look at me expectantly, I take a deep breath and forge on. “Spencer invited me to spend Christmas with him in London.”