"What's wrong?"

  He frowned at that. "Who said anything was wrong? I came to see my talented fiancée. Is there a crime against that?"

  There was that word again. Fiancée. When he said it, I couldn’t help but start to pretend that it was real. We were together but certainly not getting married. The whole situation was dangerous territory. "I guess not. What do you want for dinner? I'm starving. I could tear up some curry right about now."

  He rocked back on his heels. "Sure. Whatever you want."

  "Okay, come on," I said as I took his hand. "You might as well tell me what's bugging you. Your being quiet weirds me out. I’m used to you either ordering me around or flirting. This whole quiet, subdued thing really isn't working for me."

  We walked out of the auditorium, and he dragged me to the courtyard, which was nearly deserted. "I wanted to give you something."

  "Okay?" Anxiety had my stomach knotting into a tight ball.

  He pulled out an envelope from his pocket, handing it to me.

  Carefully, I opened it, then scanned the scientific jargon and the words negative farther down the page. "What is this?"

  Xander sighed heavily and shoved one hand in his pocket, the other one scrubbing down his face. "After everything I told you, I can only guess my history worries you a little. So, I went and got myself tested a couple of days ago. Clearly, I'm no virgin, but,” he shrugged, "maybe this wipes my slate clean a little."

  Warmth bloomed in my chest and spread through my body as the knot in my gut loosened. "I don’t need you to be a virgin. Those skills of yours come in pretty handy."

  The sexy grin was back. "Want to clarify which skills in particular you find useful?"

  I shook my head. "Thank you for this."

  He licked his lips. "We're sort of in new territory here. I haven’t had a relationship in a long time."

  I understood his hesitation, and I had some of my own. I wanted him too. But could I trust someone like him? Too handsome, too rich, with too many secrets. But he’d already proven he was a better man than Ryan. Maybe it was time to take a chance.

  "I guess we start slow." I licked my lips nervously. “But this is a beautiful gesture. And I guess I’ll match it with one of my own and tell you I’m on the pill.”

  His pupils dilated, and he groaned. “You can’t tell me something like that when we’re in public. It makes me want to drag you off to the nearest semi-private room and sink into you bare.”

  My brow arched. “So much for going slow.”

  He leaned his head back. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I can wait until we get home.”

  “Your restraint is remarkable.”

  Laughing, he slung an arm over my shoulder. “So, is this a bad time to mention that my mother wants to meet you?"

  My steps faltered. "What? Your mother? Oh hell. She’ll know that we’re not actually engaged. Mothers have a sixth sense about these things.”

  He shook his head. "You don’t have to lie to her. I told her the situation. Or at least most of it. But she won’t get off my case until I present you."

  "Xander, I dunno. I—”

  "You'll meet her, and then she’ll back off. Please?"

  With one uttered word, I knew I couldn't deny him. "Why do I have the feeling that I’m going to regret this?”

  Imani

  The doorman greeted me with his usual cheery smile and Yorkshire accent. I still could barely make out the, "How are you, love?" But I smiled and answered with a distracted hello.

  When the elevator dinged and opened at the penthouse level, I saw that Alistair waited for me outside our front door.

  "A-Alistair, what are you doing here?"

  He shook his head. "I didn't believe you actually lived here. When he commits to something, he really commits. I’ll give him that much. Tell me, what's the plan? You stay ‘engaged’ for a couple of months, then you have a dust-up and it’s Splitsville?"

  Heat suffused my face. That was exactly the plan. "I don’t know what you’re talking about. I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

  "I must say, you are certainly committed to the ruse. I'm sure Xander's reported prowess in the sack has something to do with it. He knows how to fuck women into a stupor. How does it feel to be one of many?"

  Jutting my chin out, I glared at him. “Like I said, it’s time for you to go.” Quickly assessing the situation, I knew the elevator was my best bet to get away from him.

  "I think I'll wait for Xander inside."

  "I don’t think that's going to happen, Alistair. You and I both know how Xander feels about you. And frankly, you shouldn't be here. Isn't he at the office anyway?"

  Alistair strode to me, standing directly in my path, blocking any access I had to the flat. I stood my ground and tipped my head up so our gazes would meet. I recognized the gesture. It was one of dominance, designed to make me cower.

  Directors used it to convey who the aggressor was without actually stating it. "You need to back up about five feet, Alistair. I don't like being crowded.”

  His brows snapped down, and he looked confused for a moment but then backed up a couple of feet. Not far enough, as far as I was concerned, but it would do for now. Rolling my shoulders, I asked, "Do you have a message for Xander? Or would you like to wait downstairs for him to come home?"

  "Do you even know the kind of man you agreed to marry? Do you know what he’s capable of? The things he's done?"

  He was going there? After what he’d done? "What about the things you’re capable of? I know what you did to him. Your presence here is inappropriate. You need to go." He took a step toward me again and this time, I backed up toward the elevator.

  "You think this is fucking inappropriate? Imagine how I felt when he killed my father. And he's walking around free and clear for that. He robbed me of a parent."

  My anger spiked. "Is that how you see it? What about what your father robbed him of. What you robbed him of?"

  Again, Alistair staggered back.

  "Yeah, that's right, he told me what you did to him. You could have helped him, but you didn't. You could have made all the difference, and you might still even have your father alive. But instead of aiding a helpless child, you held him down for your sick, psycho of a father. And then you tormented him as an adult. You're despicable. You went after his fiancée, and you deliberately ruined his world."

  His face contorted with anger, and he lunged for me again. With a finger pointed in my face, each word he spoke was punctuated by spittle. "You don’t know anything about my father. He was a great man. Shut your fucking whore mouth."

  I squared my shoulders then wiped the spittle off my face. "First of all, say it, don’t spray it. Secondly, I'm not a whore. I'm a woman who recognizes that you need help." Behind me, I frantically pressed the call button.

  But this time he didn't back off. "I did Christie a favor when I warned her off. You're just too dumb to see what he is, who he is. Is it his skills in bed you’re so enamored with? Or have those been greatly exaggerated?"

  The next words tumbled out of my mouth before I could remember not to antagonize the crazy man. "Your wife should know, shouldn't she?"

  His hands snapped around my neck so quickly I had no time to react. Immediately, the pressure blocked my airflow and I fought back, kicking my legs out as I clawed at his hands, but he was too strong.

  “What the fuck did you say about my wife?”

  Shit. You’ve done it now. “Nothing. I didn’t say a thing.”

  He squeezed harder as he tried to pull me in tighter, his stale tobacco and gin breath making the bile churn in my gut. “That’s what I get for marrying a whore. I knew, you know, how she was. When Xander told me, I knew it was true, but I didn’t want to believe it. Well, he took my whore. Now I’m going to take his.”

  Everyone always thinks when panic sets in everything starts going at laser speed. But for me, my world slowed to a crawl, as if I could experience the space even between heartbeats. The space between each breath. I could feel it all as my brain sluggishly responded to the call for fight or flight.

  Even the sweat popping out on my skin was slow to arrive, but when it did, it was first a flash of prickly heat then like someone had slapped a cold wet rag against my bare skin.

  “You don’t want to do this.”

  “You’re right. I don’t want to. But I will. If for no other reason than to tell him that I’ve been here. I’m sorry, but he won’t want you afterward. I hope you’ve saved whatever he’s been paying you, because he’ll be done with you. You won’t be worth anything to him. You’ll be no better than those whores he frequents.”

  Fucking direct hit. His words hurt more than his grip did. There was no way in hell I was letting him know how close his words hit to home. Once I was no longer a novelty, would Xander be rid of me? Once he knew the secrets I kept, would he still want me?

  Pain lanced through me. Time to get with the program. In the whole fight or flight response choice, I wanted flight. I desperately wanted flight. But I didn’t have that option.

  I had no way out. I’d mouthed off to someone who was, in essence, a psychopath, or at the very least extremely disturbed, and I hadn’t planned my exit. You know better. Always have your exits mapped out.

  But what was done was done. I could stand here, afraid, unable to move, or I could fight. I could refuse to let someone like him win. I might not make it out of this scenario alive, but I’d take a piece of his ass with me.

  Let’s err on the living through this side of the fight though, shall we?

  When he still wouldn’t release me, I swung out with my free arm. I knew my target, and it wasn’t what most would think of. So, when he predictably moved backward out of the way of contact, the meaty open palm of my hand made contact with his ear.

  His loud howl of pain as he released me to clutch his ear stunned me momentarily. I took a second too long to move. When I did, he grabbed me again, this time putting my throat in a chokehold.

  “You know, I didn’t see any pleasure in it before. But I’ve changed my mind. I’m going to enjoy hurting you.”

  I knew two things. The first being I had seconds to get out of this. The second being I could buy more time by turning my head into the crook of his elbow.

  The only problem was that I couldn’t remember enough of the rest of the defense move I was attempting, so all I managed to do was ineffectively tug at his arm. I mewled as the real fear set in.

  “Shh, shhh, shh. Don’t go all ineffectual on me now. I liked it better when you fought. Gives me something to work with. If you go all close your eyes and think of England on me, then I’m not only going to hurt you, I’m going to scar you.”

  He wanted to scare me. And it was working. I fought harder, even as the wave of dizziness took hold. I breathlessly spat out, “Eat a bowl of dicks.”

  “There we go. Now that’s the spirit.”

  The elevator dinged, and when the doors slid open, Alistair shoved me forward. I stumbled but didn't fall, instead hitting a wall of muscle. I was spun around quickly and settled into the furthest point of the elevator.

  The next thing I knew, Xander had his fist jammed against Alistair’s nose. His head snapped back, his hands flying to his face to stem the blood flow.

  Xander's movements were so quick that Alistair barely had a chance to recover.

  And Xander was not only quick, he was deadly. I slid to my butt and wrapped my arms around myself, squeezing into a tight little ball.

  Completely ineffective and not any help at all. Forget kicking any kind of ass. Forget taking names. Hell, I was giving mine to anyone who wanted it. I was the exact opposite of badassery.

  As I watched him, I understood just how deadly Xander could be after he delivered a knee to Alistair’s midsection. Then, when the man doubled over, Xander hooked his thumbs into his eye sockets, forcing his head up and exposing his throat. Then he delivered a quick punch directly to the trachea.

  Alistair collapsed in a heap at Xander's feet, clawing at his throat and wheezing.

  Xander whirled on me. "Are you hurt?"

  I dragged in gulps of air and shook my head. "I— I don’t think so."

  He approached me slowly, his hands out in front of him. "I'm sorry. This is my fault. I made him resign from the trust, and he flipped. I should have anticipated something like this."

  I pushed to my feet before stumbling into his arms. His touch was gentle as he held me close. I let myself fall into his embrace and relaxed into his hold. But out of the corner of my vision I saw Alistair crawling toward the stairwell. "Xander. He's getting away."

  He whirled around but didn’t release me. “Let him go. You’re the one I’m worried about right now. He’ll get what’s coming his way.”

  "I'm okay. I swear. Can we just go inside?"

  "Right." He held my face gingerly "I’m so, so sorry. I never would have forgiven myself if anything had happened to you."

  "I'm okay." If only that was true. Every time I blinked I could see Alistair with his arm around my throat.

  Two hours later, after the police had come and gone, Xander settled me on the couch with tea and wrapped his arms around me. I automatically curled into his warmth. This was exactly where I belonged. He held me tight and whispered apologies as he kissed my temple. It wasn’t long before I drifted off to sleep in his arms.

  I wasn’t sure what it was, perhaps Xander shifting to a more comfortable position on the couch, but something woke me. His voice was soft. “I know you were supposed to move out soon, but with Alistair out there, I want you to stay here until the police have him, okay? I won’t forgive myself if something happens to you.”

  I tried to ignore the pang of disappointment. I wanted him to want me for the sake of wanting me. Not because he felt obligated. “Xander—“

  “Please, Imani. I— I need you to stay here.”

  Was this his way of keeping me close? Did he want me the way I wanted him? “Okay.”

  I could feel the tension ebb out of his shoulders. “Good.”

  Imani

  Hours after he’d taken me to bed, soft morning light filtered into his bedroom, rousing me out of a deep sleep. But sudden thrashing in the bed had me wide-awake.

  "No. No, don’t hurt me." The voice was so soft and frightened I thought it was a movie. But I forced my heavy lids open. Xander lay next to me, tossing fitfully. He was having another nightmare. "Wake up, Xander. Wake up."

  "I’m begging you. Please don’t."

  I couldn’t reconcile the helpless voice with the man who clearly knew how to kill someone. I’d been terrified of the violence in him earlier. But instinctively, I knew he would never turn it on me. Unlike Ryan. He'd known how to not just incapacitate Alistair but how to kill him. If he had wanted to, he could have.

  I wrapped my arms around the man I'd started to care about and shushed him, just like he had me, soothing him back to sleep. Was Alistair right? Was he a ticking time bomb? Was he a danger to me? No. He wouldn’t hurt you. But he'd already proven he was capable of anything.

  10

  Imani

  "Thanks for hanging out with me today."

  I slanted Lex a glance. "I know this is a babysitting gig for you. You have no real desire to come to rehearsal. You know, you really don’t have to do all this. I'll be fine. It's not like the police aren’t on the lookout for Alistair."

  Lex crossed his arms. "Let's just say that you're precious to Xander. And he'd rather keep you close until they find Alistair. So while he's gone, consider me your armed guard."

  "You realize this is ridiculous, right?"

  He shrugged. "He'd do it for me. Hell, he has done it for me."

  I studied him for a minute. He was so like Xander in a lot of ways. Their eyes, their bone structure. It was easy to tell they were brothers. "Do you mind if I ask you something personal?"

  He leaned back in his chair. "Okay."

  "I know I'm way overstepping here, but I need to know how to help him better. I care about him, but I have no idea how to do that. He shuts down if I even so much as suggest he talk to someone."

  "Let me guess— He says he's fine. The nightmares don't mean anything and he's dealing with it."

  I nodded. "Yeah. That sounds about right." I blew a stray strand of hair out of my face.

  Lex sat forward in his seat, his elbows on his knees. "He had it bad. So did I, but Xan, he had it worse. Much worse. He has cause to hate Alistair. Really good fucking cause. And I want to see that asshole burn as much as the next bloke, but my concern is primarily for Xander and what carrying around that hate is doing to him. I've been after him for years to talk to someone. Sometimes he relents and goes, but it doesn’t last long. He insists he can take care of himself."

  Shivering and rubbing my hands up and down my arms, I said, "I just want to help him."

  Alexi’s smile was slow, tipping up slightly at the corners. "You’re doing it. He's already more open than he’s ever been."

  "I dunno about that. He keeps saying he feels like he's losing control around me."

  "And for Xander, that could be a good thing. He spiraled out of control a few years ago. Took a while to get him back together again. But he's determined not to go back to that so he holds on tight to control, sometimes too tightly, trying to force things to go the way he wants when what he should be doing is talking through it.”

  “I don’t understand how I can possibly be helping him.”

  “You make him feel what it's like to really care about something again. Love someone again. It makes him crazy. And it should. It’s part of life. He thinks living is battening down the hatches, but it’s not. He's got to let go to really live."

  I stared at him in shock. "He doesn’t love me."

  Alexi cocked his head. "I wouldn't be so sure about that. You care about him, and he could use that. He's certainly not the easiest person in the world to love."

  The real question was, could I help him?