“Nothing. You’re just really into this. I think you asked more questions than I did.”

  “I told you that if I’m in the way, you–”

  “No, it’s good,” Larissa interrupted her. “Harlow, your brain works differently than mine, and you think of questions I wouldn’t have. You’re also really good with people. I’m all right, I guess, but I just want to get to science right away, you know? Learn about all the things I can to make the paper or the book better. You manage to bring out even more out of the conversation because you’re almost like a friend they’re just sharing their story with. It’s really helpful.”

  “It is?” Harlow asked.

  “Yes, especially because you seem to be good at asking the questions. Like you asked that one about the stress of the proposal. I’m guessing that was for my benefit.”

  “I’m always fascinated by proposals, honestly,” Harlow replied as she threw their trash into the can by the door.

  “You are? I didn’t know that. Why?”

  “The same reason we got tonight from Maia. She told us she knew one-hundred-percent that Winter would say yes right up until the moment she got down on both knees, held out the ring, and asked her. Then, she freaked the hell out and rambled because she worried that she wouldn’t. They’d been together for years at that point, they lived together, had talked about getting married and what they both wanted, but she still worried. Is that because of the whole stress hormone thing?”

  “Possibly,” Larissa replied and slung her bag over her shoulder. “Fight or flight, right?”

  “You think everyone feels that way? It’s what I’ve heard whenever I’ve heard about people proposing. Not that I’ve heard a lot of people talking about it, but you hear about it if you do. They knew until they didn’t. So, is that the cortisol and adrenaline making them scared?”

  “It’s a huge decision, so it definitely makes hormones like that go a little crazy in some people. Maia said she was fine until she was already on her knees, but I bet other people don’t make it that far. They have the ring in a pocket or something and talk themselves out of it. Probably fear-induced stress.”

  “Yeah, it’s fascinating.” Harlow shook her head. “She knew Winter would say yes, but then, she didn’t. For a split second, she thought about standing up and shoving the ring back into her pocket.”

  “But she didn’t, and they’re married now. She was able to get over the fear and the stress and ask her future wife that very important question.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Can I ask you something?” Larissa asked.

  “Um… Okay,” she said, worried that Larissa was about to ask her how she’d propose to someone.

  Considering she had only ever pictured doing that with Larissa herself and not any of the women she’d been in serious relationships with, she really didn’t want to answer it.

  “I know why you left school back then, but why didn’t you ever go back? For real. I know you got a job, and that’s what you thought all college was for back in the day, but you only had one year left, and you really seem to love this stuff. You switched from psych to poly sci, but you never seemed to like political science, and you’ve always been interested in what I’m working on.”

  “That has more to do with you and I being friends and me just making conversation than–”

  “No, it doesn’t,” Larissa argued. “You like it, Harlow. I know this isn’t exactly a school setting and is for some book I’m working on, but I can tell you’re really enjoying it. You like it more than you’re willing to admit, for some reason.”

  “I left for a girl, and yeah, we didn’t work out, but we traveled around the country for a whole year, stayed in crappy hotels and a van for a while, and I had fun. I learned things about myself, took odd jobs to afford things, and got away from school. When I came back, I didn’t want to be in some classroom. I was ready for the world, Larissa.”

  “But you’re not twenty-two anymore. You have really never thought about going back?”

  “Not really, no.”

  “You said work is only okay and you’re bored.”

  “Yes. So?” Harlow asked and pulled open the door for them to leave.

  “You’re about as high up as you can get there, right?”

  “Yes, Larissa. But a degree won’t change that. We’re not growing as a company.”

  “It could help you at a different company.”

  “You really think I should go back to school at thirty-two to maybe get a new job?”

  “I think you should do whatever makes you happy, but you seem to be happy doing this stuff with me. Maybe some of your credits would still be good. You might have to go an extra year or something, but it could be worth it. And I can help. I happen to be getting a Ph.D. there, with a doctor for a sister who has been working her way up in the faculty since birth, I think. You could get back into psych if you wanted. You left in good standing.”

  “I don’t think so,” she replied. “But I’ll let you know if I change my mind, okay? Chinese food now?”

  Larissa nodded and gave her a smile.

  After a pretty quiet dinner, Larissa went to type up her notes, so Harlow headed into her bedroom to find a phone number she had moved from one phone to the other for a while before her phone could do that for her. She knew she hadn’t called her in at least six or seven years, and she wasn’t sure she should now, but she dialed anyway.

  “Hello?”

  “Kacey?”

  “Yeah. Who’s this?”

  “Harlow.”

  “Oh, shit. Harlow? I didn’t recognize your voice.”

  “Or my number?”

  “Yeah, sorry. We haven’t talked in forever. What’s up?”

  “Sorry, I know it’s a little out of the blue. I just thought I’d call and see how you’re doing.”

  “Me? Your girlfriend from, like, ten years ago?”

  “We were friends, too.”

  “Sure. You called a few times after we broke up, and I called a few times after that, but then, nothing.”

  “We both got busy.”

  “Well, that and my then-girlfriend didn’t like that I was talking to my ex, so that played a part in me not calling you back that last time.”

  “I get it,” Harlow said and flopped back on her pillows. “So, how are you?”

  “I’m good.”

  “Yeah? Good.”

  “Want to tell me why you’re really calling? Since I don’t think it’s because you randomly got the idea to call me out of nowhere.”

  “I was just thinking about that year earlier today, so I thought I’d give you a call and see how you were. That’s all.”

  “Well, I’m good. Married now. One kid. A dog. A house I probably can’t afford. A job. The whole thing. You?”

  “Yeah,” Harlow said without knowing why.

  Kacey laughed and asked, “Yeah to what? All of that?”

  “None of it. Well, I do have a job, I guess, but nothing else.”

  “No? What about Larissa?”

  “What about her?” she asked, suddenly very interested.

  “You didn’t marry her?”

  “No.”

  “Did she marry someone else?”

  “No, she’s still single, like me.”

  “And you’re still in love with her?”

  “Yes,” she admitted and sighed.

  “Did you ever tell her?”

  “No.”

  “Why not? God, Harlow! Tell the girl already.”

  “Hey, I didn’t call you for a lecture.” She laughed a bit.

  “You and I broke up because of her. Hell, we left because of her.”

  “Huh?”

  “Harlow, I graduated before you.”

  “Yes. So?”

  “I didn’t want to get a job and the whole thing just yet, so I planned this trip around the country where I’d just chill and have fun until I join the real world. I was going to break up with you before I left.”

  “What? What the fuck, Kacey?”

  “I didn’t think you’d go with me if I asked because you were in love with her. That hurt for more than one reason. I could see it. Everyone could. But you were my girlfriend. I asked you just to see if you’d say yes, honestly. When you did, it was like, ‘Okay. Maybe she does want me and not Larissa. Maybe I’d been wrong the whole time, and this could work.’ We had a whole year together out there, and it was a blast, but the whole time, you called and talked to her and seemed to laugh more with her than you ever did with me, and I worried that when we got back, you’d still be in love with her. I was right, so it had to be over.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

  “It hurt back then, but I’m all good now. I’ve got an amazing life. And I don’t regret taking that trip with you. We had so much fun. It was like you were what I needed then, and maybe I was a little of what you needed then, too.”

  “You were, Kacey.”

  “Then, that’s a good thing, and we can both think back on that trip and know we have a lot of good memories.”

  “Yeah, we do. I don’t regret any of my time with you.”

  “Tell me something, Harlow. You’re both single?”

  “Yes.”

  “And you’re still not brave enough to tell her how you feel?”

  “She held my hand when I had to take my mom in for cancer treatments, Kacey. My mom’s okay now, by the way, but she wasn’t for a while, and Larissa was there. She held my hand and told me everything would be okay, and I believed her. She’s been there with me through my whole adult life. If I tell her, and she doesn’t feel the same way, it will change everything, and I guess I’d rather have her in my life and not be with her how I want than risk that change.”

  “I get it, Harlow. And I haven’t seen you in a long time, so I’m not the right person to be telling you about this, but what happens when you have to watch her walk down the aisle toward someone else, while you’re standing up there as her maid of honor or something? I can’t imagine that’s going to feel very good. And things will change for you two then, right?”

  “I know,” Harlow said and heard a knock at her door. “Hey, I’ve got to go, but we should talk more.”

  “Sure. Just let me tell my wife that the girl I ran around the country with for a year when we were in our early twenties wants to start talking to me again.” Kacey laughed. “She’ll love that idea, I bet.”

  “Fine. I’ll talk to you or not, then. How’s that?”

  “Good luck, Harlow,” Kacey replied. “I mean that.”

  “Thanks,” she said and hung up. “Come in.”

  “Hey. You okay?” Larissa asked, peaking in.

  “I’m good. I was just on the phone. What’s up?”

  “Want to come out and watch a movie with me?”

  “Are you going to be working or actually watching?”

  “Watching,” Larissa said with a smile.

  “Okay. Then, I’ll be right there.”

  “I’m going to change into PJs. Meet you out there,” Larissa told her.

  Harlow just nodded and sighed again.

  CHAPTER 13

  Larissa stared at her laptop screen and reread the email. The next couple they were going to interview tonight needed to move the meeting. It would throw the schedule off a bit, but she checked the room reservation system and was able to make the change. Doing these interviews remotely was a possibility, but so many people had volunteered to meet, and she knew it would be better to see them in person to get a real feel for them. She hadn’t started writing the actual book yet, but her outline was beginning to take shape, which was progress. Of course, her dissertation file was still sitting on her desktop, untouched. The goal had been for her to finish it by the end of the semester since her advisor had only given her one semester off from a teaching load, which was part of her program, but as it was, she couldn’t see that happening, and she only had herself to blame.

  “Hey, I’ll be back in a little bit,” Harlow told her when she made her way out to the living room, where Larissa was working on the sofa.

  “Where are you going?”

  “Oh, nowhere. Just out.”

  “A date?” she asked.

  “No, not a date.” Harlow chuckled as she grabbed her keys. “It’s one in the afternoon.”

  “It could be a lunch date or a coffee date.”

  “It’s not a date, Larissa.”

  “Okay,” she replied and waited.

  “Fine. It’s an apartment.”

  “You’re going to check out an apartment?”

  “Yeah, I made an appointment for two.”

  “It’s one.”

  “I know.”

  “It takes an hour to get there? Where are you thinking about moving, Harlow?”

  “It’s forty-five minutes away. I’m planning to get there early.”

  “Forty-five minutes?!”

  “It’s closer to my office,” Harlow said and crossed her arms over her chest. “I should be back around four. If you want to grab dinner or something, text me.”

  “I could go with you,” she offered.

  “You want to check out this apartment with me?”

  “I could be a second set of eyes, yes.”

  “For a one-bedroom apartment with one bathroom?”

  “Never mind. You’re right.”

  She shook her head and looked down at her computer.

  “I didn’t think you’d have the time. That’s why I didn’t ask. I know you’re busy. And they had a slot open today, so I was able to book the appointment this morning after they had a cancellation.”

  “Where are you moving that they can only squeeze you in if there’s a cancellation?”

  “It’s a new building about ten minutes from my work. I drive by it to get here, and I saw signs up that they had units. I looked them up, but they do viewings by appointment only. They look really nice from the outside and in the pictures. I know you’re letting me crash here, but I need my own place.”

  “Have I been giving you the impression that I need you to move out?” she asked and closed her computer.

  “You haven’t. You never do.” Harlow shook her head and slipped her keys into her pocket. “You always tell me I can stay as long as I want, but I still need my own place. I’m ready. I’ve got stuff in storage that I’d like to see again, and like I said, they could fit me in today.”

  “Do you want me to go? If you don’t, that’s fine. I only want to go if you want me to.”

  Harlow hesitated but nodded and said, “Sure. Let’s go. We can check it out and maybe look up another place nearby to see if they’ll let me look around without an appointment. Then, we can just grab dinner and bring it here. Sound good?”

  “Okay. Yeah. Let me put my shoes on, and we’ll go.”

  ◆◆◆

  It took forty-five minutes, like Harlow had said it would, but that was in no traffic at all, which meant that on the weekdays, it would easily take over an hour to see one another. Considering she had gotten so used to Harlow being around already, Larissa hated the idea of her not being in the next room or even about fifteen minutes away, which was how long it had taken her to get to Harlow’s place or vice versa before the breakup. It had also been twenty-six minutes in traffic, usually, but this would be harder and would give them less time together. This would be the farthest apart they had lived from one another since meeting each other, outside of Harlow’s trip in college. Larissa chewed on that thought and why it was bothering her so much as they went inside.

  They’d both grown up around the university they would later attend, so trips back home during college had been less than an hour, and Harlow had moved closer to Larissa once she had gotten back from her yearlong trip. That trip hadn’t stopped being at the forefront of Larissa’s mind since it had come up again the other day after their last interview with Maia and Winter. Larissa had never cared that Harlow hadn’t graduated. That had been Harlow’s choice, and she’d always respected it, but it had still been strange to her. Harlow had been one year away from graduating with a degree in political science when her girlfriend of not-all-that-long, who’d been about to graduate herself, had asked Harlow to travel with her.

  She’d expected Harlow to say no. The two of them had actually been talking about getting a place together off-campus. She’d been struggling with grad school at that point, not leaving her apartment or the library for more than running errands, and Harlow had needed a roommate to save money on rent, so they’d started talking about how it would be nice for Larissa to have her around more and help her have some fun and for Harlow because Larissa could foot most of the bill thanks to her parents. Harlow hadn’t been happy about that because, as she had told Larissa then, she had too much pride for handouts, but Larissa had worked up a spreadsheet showing that she would still be paying her share or paying in different ways, like doing the cooking for them, since Larissa hadn’t ever been good at that.

  Instead, Larissa had sat down to watch a movie with her one night, and Harlow had told her that she would be leaving and that she’d already started packing. Larissa had been able to pivot her plans easily enough, but she’d missed her. Harlow had been gone for almost twelve months to the day and hadn’t even come back for the holidays. Yes, they had talked on the phone, but it hadn’t been the same. That had been the longest amount of time they’d ever spent apart. Even when Harlow had been in a relationship and living with someone else, they’d still made time for each other, but with Larissa’s need to finish both a book she couldn’t get out of her mind, her actual dissertation that mattered for her degree, and Harlow possibly moving over an hour away and likely getting into another relationship soon in addition to being busy with her own job, things would get harder.

  “What do you think?” Harlow asked her once they were inside the unit. “Nice, huh?” She hurried into the somewhat spacious kitchen. “Check out the new appliances.”

  “All brand-new,” the leasing agent said. “Stainless steel everything. Easy to keep clean. The building is only a year old, and you would be the first tenant in this unit since we just finished with this half of the property. We’ve got a lot of people interested. This area is really booming,” he added to his sales pitch.