“I can’t. Larissa just texted that she’s on her way home and is bringing pizza.”

  “Ah…”

  “No, it’s not like that. I’m not choosing her over–”

  “Harlow, you’ll always choose her over everyone else.” Alicia shrugged her shoulders. “And when you finally realize that that means something very important, maybe you’ll actually tell her how you feel and take whatever consequences, good or bad, come with that.”

  ◆◆◆

  “Hey,” she said when she walked in the door and saw Larissa sitting on the couch with her computer in her lap.

  “Hey. Pizza is on the table.”

  “Cool. Thanks,” she replied. “I’m just going to change first. Be right back.”

  Larissa looked up at her then and said, “Right. You’re… wearing the same thing you wore to the party. Have a good time?”

  “It was a work thing, so not really. I feel like I need a shower, too, though. Mind if I take ten minutes and come back out, or did you eat already?”

  “No, I waited for you. It’s probably cold already. Want me to toss it in the oven for a few minutes?”

  “That would be great. Thank you. I’ll be right back.”

  She hurried into the bedroom, tossed her dirty clothes into the laundry basket Larissa had bought just for her a while ago, and grabbed clothes to put on after her shower. Then, she checked the hallway, and seeing no Larissa, she scurried naked into the guest bathroom, clean clothes in her hands, and hopped into the shower once the water was warm.

  She’d had a weird night where she had gone to her old apartment that she used to share with Alicia and slept on the couch Alicia had bought just for that apartment. They hadn’t gone shopping together, but Harlow hadn’t really cared about the furniture, so she had let Alicia pick most of it out. When she’d woken up in the middle of the night to the conversation outside the door, and then the door had opened, she’d known Alicia had someone out there with her. She’d waited for the jealousy to take over, but it hadn’t. It never came. She wasn’t jealous at all that Alicia was already dating again. She couldn’t be. Harlow had been the primary reason they didn’t work out. Her feelings for another woman had always been in the way, and that wasn’t Alicia’s fault. She deserved to be happy.

  When Alicia had woken that morning around nine and asked Harlow if she wanted coffee, Harlow had said yes, and they had talked like old friends. They’d joked about some of the fun times they’d had with each other, including a camping trip where Alicia had really struggled because she had to pee outside. It had been the first time in a very long time that they had been able to have a conversation without tension, and they’d gone to lunch together after that.

  Harlow had planned on leaving after lunch, but they’d gone for a walk and kept talking. Larissa had come up, but it had mostly just been Alicia telling her how she knew that they weren’t right for one another anymore. Harlow had agreed, and they’d gone back to what was now Alicia’s place. Harlow had planned to say goodbye again, but they’d started talking about some of the things Harlow had taken that Alicia had wanted to keep and vice versa, and they’d ended that conversation with Alicia questioning her about a suede jacket that Harlow hadn’t seen in months.

  Now, she was back at Larissa’s, turning down dinner with Alicia after having a really nice day with her because she had missed Larissa. It had only been twenty-four hours or so since she’d last seen her, but she’d missed her, and as much as she wished she could be brave and tell Larissa how she felt, she knew she couldn’t. At least, she couldn’t tonight, after the long night and day she’d just had with her ex.

  “How was work?” she asked when she walked out into the living room with still-wet hair.

  “Fine. I got done early and went to the library.”

  “Early? Why?” she asked and sat down next to Larissa on the couch.

  “Janine said I could go. We weren’t busy. One customer in about four hours.”

  “People just don’t go to bookstores anymore, do they?”

  “Some do, but to the bigger ones with cafés and a larger selection. Janine thinks she’s going to be laid off next week.”

  “She does? Why?”

  Harlow turned to face her.

  “The owner has been on a six-month cruise. Before she left, things had been better. It was why she hired a manager in the first place, and when she left, she put Janine in charge of more. Now, she’s coming back, and we go hours without a customer buying anything. So, it’s likely that she’s back for good and will let at least someone go. She has four employees, including me and Janine. Since she’s the only full-time employee, it makes sense that she’d be the first one to go. She gets benefits and is paid more, and if the owner is there, she doesn’t need anyone to manage what she can do herself. Anyway, it’s just a guess, but we talked about it, and she let me go home early, probably to help save on payroll.”

  “Are you going to lose your job?” Harlow asked.

  “I don’t know. I could. Janine doesn’t think so, though. I’m the only part-time employee that actually likes books, I think.” Larissa joked. “The other two are college students, who care more about their phones than their jobs, according to Janine.”

  “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say Janine’s name so much in one conversation.” Harlow chuckled.

  “Oh. Am I?” Larissa asked. “Yeah, I guess that would make sense.”

  “Why?”

  “She asked me out today, wanting to get a drink tonight. I said no, obviously, but that’s probably why I’m saying her name so much.”

  Harlow’s heart felt like it physically fell into her stomach. Not like it metaphorically did, but like it was now located at the bottom of her stomach, having fallen like a brick, leaving her with an aching stomach and heart.

  “She asked you out?”

  “Yes.”

  “She’s your boss.”

  “Yes, but not really. It’s not some giant corporation. It’s a tiny bookstore. And she’s about my age, I think; probably a couple of years younger. Maybe your age, actually. Anyway, she told me she’s liked me for a while, and since she’s likely losing her job soon anyway, she wanted to take her chance. She was nice about it, not creepy.” Larissa laughed a little.

  “And you said no?”

  “I told her I have too much going on to date right now, which is true. She was good with that, and it won’t be a big thing, I don’t think.” Larissa closed her laptop and turned to her. “So, how was your day?”

  “My day?” she asked and ran a hand through her hair. “Um… Fine. No one asked me out.”

  “No?”

  “No, I was with Alicia.”

  “Alicia?”

  “Yeah, I stayed at her place last night.”

  “Oh,” Larissa replied and turned her face toward the blank TV.

  “She called yesterday, asking me about something she’d lost. Then, I was at the party, which was lame, as usual, and I just felt like going somewhere.”

  “Somewhere like an old apartment you shared with an ex-girlfriend?”

  “It was somewhere,” she said and shrugged a shoulder. “Anyway, she was out, so I crashed on the couch. Then, we spent the day together, and it was surprisingly good.”

  “You spent the day with Alicia?”

  “We had lunch and stuff. It was fun.”

  “Good. I’m glad,” Larissa said, still not looking at her. “So, you two are…”

  “Oh, no.” She laughed. “Not getting back together.”

  Larissa turned to her then.

  “We didn’t have sex, Larissa. We just hung out today. It was fun. She was out with friends. I fell asleep on the couch, and she ended up meeting someone. They’re going out next week. When she woke up, we just had coffee and decided to go for lunch after that.”

  “I’m glad you had a good time, then.”

  “I think we’ll end up being friends, which is good. We just don’t work as a couple.”

  “You weren’t here when I woke up this morning, so I figured you…”

  Harlow took her in as Larissa swallowed and shook her head.

  “Gone home with someone?”

  “Yeah. But I like Alicia. I always did. I think it’s good that you’re going to be friends.”

  “Me too,” she agreed.

  “I wanted to talk to you about something else, though, if that’s okay.”

  “What?” she asked.

  “I know you’re looking for a new place and that you’ve already applied for the one we saw together, but I was thinking that you could just stay.”

  “Stay?”

  “Here,” Larissa added.

  “Stay here? For how long?”

  “No, I mean move in. You could just move in here. You don’t have to sign a lease or anything, but we could formalize it somehow, if you want, since I know you’re always on about paying me something for staying in the guest room. The guest room would be officially your room, and we could work the rest out later. That way, you won’t have to move again and pay a ton of money in rent somewhere else. We already know that we live together well, and it would be nice to have you around. You know I’m bad at getting out of the house, and if you aren’t here, there are some days that go by when I don’t see anyone other than people at work, if I’m actually working that day, so I thought it could be a win-win.”

  Harlow sat back against the sofa. She hadn’t expected Larissa to ask her to move in. She’d never had before when Harlow had needed a place to stay. Part of her – the biggest part, of course – wanted to jump at the chance. The smaller part, though – and the smarter one, clearly – knew that if she did move in, she’d end up hurt. Larissa would eventually date someone. Hell, it could be Janine. And now that Harlow had decided not to be with anyone until she could either tell Larissa how she felt once and for all, or get over the feelings of love for her best friend, she knew it would be too hard.

  “I applied for that place,” she said.

  “Yeah, I know.”

  “I should hear back from them tomorrow. They had a lot of applications, like the guy mentioned, so I might not get it, but my credit is pretty good, so there’s a good chance I will. It’s closer to the office.”

  “Oh,” Larissa said. “Right. I know. I thought you might not mind the longer drive if it meant you’d pay a lot less in rent, or nothing at all if–”

  “Lou, I’d pay you rent. I should be paying you something now, but you don’t let me.”

  “You cook,” Larissa replied.

  “And you do my laundry,” Harlow tossed back with a small smile. “I think it’s good for me.”

  “Me doing your laundry?” Larissa asked with a lifted eyebrow.

  “No, me moving into my own place again. It’s a nice apartment.”

  “It is,” Larissa agreed.

  “And it’s closer to the office, so…”

  “Farther from here,” Larissa said.

  “I know. But it’s not like we won’t see each other. It’s only forty-five minutes.”

  “Yeah, I get it. And I want you to have whatever you want. It was just an idea. I thought it might be fun to be real roommates and for you to maybe decorate the guest room how you want. The bed stuff is yours, but everything else is mine.”

  “Can I say thanks, but no thanks?”

  “Of course, you can,” Larissa replied.

  But things were awkward now, and Harlow wondered if they were this awkward when she turned down being roommates, how awkward they’d be if she actually told Larissa how she felt and Larissa didn’t feel the same way.

  CHAPTER 17

  “What are you doing here?” Aggie asked when Larissa walked into her office.

  “I was on campus. Had a meeting. Thought I’d stop by and see if you wanted to grab lunch.”

  “I’m technically in office hours right now, just no one wants to talk to me, it seems. Their test next week is going to be hard, so they really should be here, asking me questions. Want to sit?” Aggie motioned for Larissa to sit in one of the two chairs in front of her desk. “Social psych is the class everyone thinks will be easy until they realize how hard my tests are.”

  “Why are you torturing them?” she asked with a laugh and sat down.

  “For fun. Anyway, how was your meeting?”

  “Good. Yes, before you ask, I’m still behind, but I’m working on it.”

  “You’re an adult. I’m done trying to talk you into finally finishing something you set out to do close to twenty years ago if we count undergrad.”

  “I will finish.”

  “I believe you.”

  “Do you, really?” Larissa asked.

  “You know, it depends on the day. Sometimes, I get a text from you where you’re talking about research or the help you need to get the paper done, and I think she’s really going to finish this thing. Other times, you’re talking to me about some book, and I think she’s never going to finish.”

  “I will.”

  “Okay,” her sister replied. “You don’t have to convince me. Convince yourself there, Larissa.”

  “I’m convinced, thank you very much.”

  “Yeah? Good. How’s everything else going?”

  “Fine, I guess.”

  “You guess?”

  “Nothing new, really. Well, I’ve made progress on the book outline, and we’ve got another interview tonight, but that’s not new, I suppose. Um… I asked Harlow to move in with me.”

  “You did what?” Aggie asked, leaning over her desk.

  “She’s already there, so I thought we could just make it permanent or, at least, official.”

  “Permanent?”

  “Like she’s not just staying with me. That’s what I mean. She’d live there and pay rent.”

  “So, Harlow’s moving in?” Aggie asked and sighed.

  “She said no, actually.”

  “She said no?”

  “Yeah. She’s applied for this apartment and will probably get it. She likes it, and it’s closer to work. Get this: she spent the night at Alicia’s.”

  “Who’s Alicia?”

  “Her ex.”

  “Which one? She has so many, I can’t keep up.”

  “The most recent one,” Larissa replied. “The one she was with before she moved out of the apartment they shared and moved in with me.”

  “She’s staying with you.”

  “That’s what I meant. Anyway, she spent the night with her.”

  “She hooked up with her ex?” Aggie asked.

  “No, she said they just hung out.”

  “She slept over, and they just hung out?”

  “That’s what she said.”

  “Do you believe her?”

  “I don’t know why she’d lie to me about it.”

  Aggie laughed wildly at that, which caught Larissa off guard.

  “What?” she asked, looking at her sister, confused.

  “Nothing.”

  “No, say it.” Larissa leaned forward in her chair. “What were you laughing at?”

  “Nothing. Really. Just that she has more ex-girlfriends than I have students in my social psych class.”

  “It’s not that many,” she argued.

  “How many is it?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Yes, you do. Larissa, how many serious ex-girlfriends has Harlow had? And I’m not talking about first dates that went nowhere, but the women she’s called ‘girlfriend’ since you two met.”

  “Nine,” she replied. “I think.”

  “And you know how many first dates she’s been on, too, don’t you?” Aggie asked, seemingly very interested.

  “No. That would be ridiculous.”

  “I bet she knows how many you’ve been on.”

  “Probably, because it’s so few. Not that hard to count to, like, four.”

  “That’s not the only reason she knows.”

  “She’s my best friend, so, yeah, she knows how many dates I’ve been on.”

  “Larissa… You are the dumbest smart person I know. You’re smarter than me, even though you don’t realize it. You’re probably smarter than the head of our department, and he was a literal Rhodes Scholar.”

  “I am not smarter than you.”

  “Yes, you are,” Aggie stated. “I might be faster at some things, but you’re smarter than me, little sister. There’s just one area you can’t ever seem to figure out, and I’ve tried to wait for you to get there yourself because, as we in psychology know, self-discovery is pretty important, but…” Aggie bit her lower lip.

  “Just say it, Aggie.”

  “Harlow is in love with you.”

  Larissa leaned back in her chair.

  “Maybe it’s because you’re so smart that you don’t see it. They say that a very high IQ can mean a lower EQ, but I don’t know that I buy that for everyone. And I don’t think EQ necessarily means–”

  “She’s not in love with me, Aggie.”

  “Oh, Larissa… Yes, she is. She’s been in love with you since the first moment she laid eyes on you. I’d know; I was there. I saw the whole thing. I’ve watched this whole thing you two have been doing for the past, what, twelve, or is it thirteen years now?”

  “What thing? We haven’t done anything. We’re just–”

  “Idiots in love,” Aggie finished for her. “Just listen to me for a second, okay? Don’t interrupt. I mean it. I’m going to ramble for a second.” Aggie pointed at her. “Harlow has been in at least nine relationships, and none of them have worked out. She keeps moving in with these women, only to end up at your house, where she has a room waiting for her with her own stuff in it. Yes, friends crash with other friends, but I was there the night you two met. I was at that party. I watched her look at you like you hung the damn moon, Larissa. And I love you; you’re my favorite person, outside of my kids – well, sometimes, you’re my actual favorite person because they’re doing something to annoy or piss me off. I even put you over my husband, and I love him, but you’re my sister. I held you when you came home from the hospital. I watched you grow up. I’ve been with you through everything, and I know why you hardly date at all. It’s not because of school. It’s not because you haven’t met the right person yet. It’s because you have, and you haven’t realized it. I will admit: I’m not always Harlow’s number one fan, but that’s mainly because she loves you and hasn’t told you. Coward crap, I’m not a fan of, especially when it involves my sister. So, you two can keep doing this dance where you pretend like it’s not what it is, and you can grow old with other people or alone, but, Larissa, that woman loves you. God, she adores you. She loves taking care of you when you let her. She loves just being in the same damn room with you. She’d sit there silently next to you for hours, and she’s just happy to share space with you. She–”