I slowly pulled away from him. “You know what happened to your friend wasn’t your fault, Zak.”

  He drew in a breath and then slowly let it out. “It was my party,” he whispered. “I didn’t know half the people I’d invited. I’d put it out on social media and thought I was Billy fucking big bollocks, inviting a bunch of dickheads to my parents’ big house while they were on holiday.” His eyes fluttered closed as he exhaled slowly. “If I hadn’t had that party, Maddy, then Ruby wouldn’t have gone through what she did. What she’s still going through.” He exhaled heavily. “Thinking about that night is why I don’t sleep well. Why I take random midnight drives in my mum’s car.”

  Stroking my hand down his face, I looked him directly in the eye. “Zak, you weren’t to know. There’s only one person to blame, and it’s the boy who spiked her. It was not your fault. All you did was hold a party, so give yourself a break. Please, babe.”

  His handsome face crumpled, and my throat prickled with emotion. I hated that he felt the pressure of blame when he didn’t need to.

  “She’s so different, Mads,” he whispered.

  I inhaled, breathing in his heady cinnamon scent and leaned closer to him. “And that really isn’t on you.”

  Giving him a soft kiss, I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tight, hoping that he would eventually give himself a break—that he knew how much I supported him. How I would always be there for him if he needed me.

  “Fancy something to eat yet?” he asked me, stroking a hand down my hair.

  I considered it for a moment and realised that my headache had subsided, and I actually felt hungry.

  “Yes, that sounds good. Although, I don’t know what I want.”

  Zak narrowed his eyes on me. “You don’t know what you want? Are you actually my girlfriend?”

  “Yes,” I giggled. “Why?”

  “Because you should know exactly what you want to eat.” He nibbled at my jaw with his fingers digging into my hip. “What is our food?”

  I could feel him growing hard beneath me, and while any other time I would be racing him up to my bedroom, I was still feeling a little too delicate for that. As Zak’s mouth moved to my neck, I almost felt like I could give an equal contribution to sex, but my stomach growled and something sharp tapped my temple to remind me I would be less than useless.

  “Chicken nuggets,” I whispered as I dropped my head back to give him better access to my neck. “I’m hungry for chicken nuggets.”

  Zak smiled against my lips and gave my bum a squeeze. “There’s my girlfriend. I knew that she was in there somewhere.” Like some sort of sexy book hero, he stood with me still in his lap and carried me to the door, his mouth on mine the whole time.

  “You know, you’re very lovely,” I told him.

  Chuckling, he hoisted me further up his body and nipped my ear before whispering, “And so are you. Very, very lovely. Now let’s get chicken nuggets.”

  And my hangover subsided just a little bit more.

  Chapter Forty-Nine

  Will

  Maddy was in bed after a trip out to get food with Zak hadn’t gone too well. Apparently, she’d felt fine while she ate her chicken nuggets and drank her chocolate milkshake, but as soon as they’d got back in Zak’s car, she’d thrown up in a carrier bag. Good on Zak, I say, for having the brains to put a couple in the dashboard of his mum’s Mini.

  It did mean, however, that Maya and I were alone, and not spending it with my daughter and her boyfriend as we’d planned.

  “She’s okay,” Maya said giving me a smile as she came into the kitchen. “Says she just wants to sleep, so we should eat without her.”

  I stopped chopping onions, pausing to drop a kiss to Maya’s forehead as she wound an arm around my waist.

  “Thanks for checking on her.”

  “Don’t be silly, it’s my pleasure.” She reached for a piece of pepper that I’d already cut up. “She does look sorry for herself.”

  My shoulders stiffened. “God knows how much vodka Ana put in her drink if she’s still feeling rough.”

  I turned back to the onions for the salad that I was making, thinking that if I concentrated on that, I wouldn’t lose my temper.

  As I chopped, Maya must have sensed that I was feeling uptight because she leaned forward and turned up the speaker which was playing some random music on Spotify.

  “I love this song,” she said, reaching for the knife in my hand and gently prising it from my fingers. “Dance with me.”

  Laughing, I shook my head. “I only dance when I’ve had few beers.”

  “Well, you’ve had a few swigs of that beer,” she said with a flirty smile and a shrug. “So?”

  “Okay,” I told her, because I would do anything for her. “Let’s go.”

  The music was slow and smoky, and the guy singing had a raspy voice that sounded like it came from too much booze and cigarettes. As he sang about Tennessee Whiskey, Maya led me by the hand into the middle of the kitchen. When she stood opposite me, so close I could smell her body lotion, I took control and pulled her against my chest. With one of my hands on her hip, I took hers and linked our fingers together, bringing it to my chest.

  “Who’s singing?” I asked, rocking us slowly from side to side.

  “Chris Stapleton,” Maya replied, laying her head on my chest. “It’s one of my favourite songs.”

  “Country & Western girl, are you?”

  “Hmm maybe. What about you?”

  “Never listened to it that much, but this,” I pulled her closer as the guy sang about his woman being sweeter than strawberry wine, “I like.”

  Our bodies swayed in time to the music, just looking into each other’s eyes, not smiling yet, somehow, I knew it would be obvious to anyone watching that we were happy. That we were falling into something incredible.

  I’d never felt that way about someone before. Like I was lost in her. How beautiful she was, how funny she was, how smart she was. How she was just her. Everything about Maya could quite easily become an obsession to me. Time apart was too long, time together too short and it had all happened so quickly.

  The only other time I’d had similar feelings, they had hit me in my chest like a punch. That had been the moment I set eyes on my Maddy. While my love for my daughter was instant and unconditional, I knew that my feelings for Maya were growing into something just as huge. She’d brought so many different emotions and feelings out in me, and I relished every single one of them.

  When her lips parted on a small sigh, her eyes shimmered and it was then that I knew exactly what had happened. Every feeling I had about her were ingredients. From the moment we’d met, I’d been adding a different one until I had the final, complete recipe.

  “Maya,” I whispered, hoping she could hear me over the thud, thud, thud of my heart.

  She didn’t say anything but nodded. A silent agreement that we were both in the same place. That maybe we were too scared to say the words just yet, but we both knew what they were.

  “Good to know.” And then I kissed her. A kiss that made it clear what the possibilities were. Where we were heading and that we would be doing it together. Despite my childhood, I’d had a good life with good things happening in it, but now I was moving on to better things, all because of her.

  As the song on the speaker changed to Michael Gray’s The Weekend, we tried to continue our dance but soon gave up trying to sway to the quicker beat. Determined not to be beaten Maya shrugged and started to bounce around. She grabbed both my hands, encouraging me to join in, but I shook my head and tried to pull away.

  “Ah, come on, Will, I’ve seen your moves at Charlie’s wedding. I know you’ve got this.”

  There was no point me denying it, and besides, her joy was infectious, so how could I not. Soon we were both jumping around like we were at the best party ever, not making a salad in my kitchen. As each song ended we carried on dancing, changing our style to the beat of the music and loving every single moment.

  When we finally ran out of breath, we clung to each other laughing and I wondered whether, if I looked inside myself, I’d see my heart was actually glowing.

  Chapter Fifty

  Maddy

  Walking along the corridor towards our study session, my stomach was doing nervous back flips. It was going to be the first time I’d seen Ana since the party, and I was hopeful that I’d persuaded Zak to let me deal with her.

  “Stop complaining,” I told him over my shoulder.

  “I haven’t said anything,” Zak complained.

  “I know but I can hear you thinking it.”

  “Well, if you ask me⁠—”

  “Zak,” I whipped around, interrupting him. “We talked about this.”

  When he pouted, I wanted to kiss him, he looked so cute, but he needed to know that it was my decision where Ana was concerned.

  “Okay,” he finally said, throwing his hands into the air. “I’ll keep quiet.”

  Giving him a tight smile, I continued walking. I knew he was following because I could hear him muttering behind me. His accent was more pronounced when he was angry, which was maddening. I loved his accent, it made me feel all squishy inside, so I hated that it was sounding all sexy while I was trying to be mad at him.

  Pushing through the door, Ana was the first person I saw. She was sitting at the desk opposite the door and picking at her fingernails. There were a couple of text books on the desk in front of her, but they were closed. I knew that she was purposefully ignoring everyone while still taking in everything that was going on around her. It was the tilt of her head and the slight upturn of her lips that told me as much.

  “Please don’t let her totally off the hook,” Zak said close to my ear. “I get that you want to deal with it, but make sure she realises how wrong she was. How dangerous it was.”

  I took a moment to exhale and then nodded. “I will.”

  Zak gave my hand a squeeze. “I’ll go and sit over with Liam.”

  As I walked to Ana, she glanced up for just a couple of seconds, barely acknowledging me, before going back to examining her nails.

  “Can I sit next to you?” I asked her, already pulling out a chair.

  “Surprised you want to, but yeah, I suppose so.”

  My back stiffened because I knew if it was me, I’d be begging her for forgiveness. Evidently, Ana didn’t feel the same level of remorse. Sitting down I cleared my throat, trying to give her a cue to say something, but she just sighed and reached for one of her text books. As she thumbed through it, she started to hum and bob her head, pausing on certain pages every now and again. We sat there for ten minutes, and still she said nothing. With each passing second of silence, I was getting more and more angry. Finally, I couldn’t stand it any longer.

  “You know I was still really ill last night.”

  Slowly, her head lifted, and she stared at me with a raised eyebrow. “You’re not the first person to get pissed and puke, Maddy.” She looked over to where Zak was sitting with Liam. “Did he tell you that you should feel violated?”

  “No,” I snapped. “Not at all. He’s angry because it was dangerous, and he was worried about me. Liam is too.”

  “Oh, for God’s sake.” She rolled her eyes. “They’ve been your boyfriend’s for about two minutes. Sticking their bloody noses in. It was a joke, that’s all.”

  “But we could have ended up with alcohol poisoning, you put so much in.”

  “I didn’t,” she scoffed. “It’s not my fault you can’t take your booze or know when your cider isn’t just cider.”

  “You really don’t think you’ve done anything wrong, do you?” She shrugged, making me shake my head in incredulity. “What the hell is the matter with you, Ana? We’re you’re friends. We helped you with your mum.”

  “I know.” She leaned closer as the door opened and Miss Rubin, one of our teachers walked in. “And I’m grateful for that, but it was a bloody joke, and I’m sorry I made you sick, okay?”

  I would have believed her apology if she hadn’t been looking over my shoulder in the direction of Liam and Zak. If she hadn’t then chewed on the inside of her mouth and looked bored. However, at the end of the day, she was my best friend, and I was determined we weren’t going to fall into a habit of not talking or being bitchy to each other.

  “Listen, we’re all going to London at the weekend to a party. It’s one of Zak’s friend’s and he says we can all go. Do you fancy it? We’re staying at Zak’s uncle’s house.” At first, Zak and I had disagreed about whether to include Ana in the invite. When we’d talked about what she was going through with her mum and dad, he eventually agreed that she deserved a second chance.

  “I’ll check with my mum.” That was all she said. No thank you or I appreciate it, seeing as I was a bitch at the last party we went to. She just picked her book up and went back to reading it.

  It crossed my mind whether to get up and move over to Zak and Liam, but when Miss Rubin called for us all to be quiet and start studying, I decided to stay where I was. I just hoped that the next party we all went to was a hell of a lot less drama.

  “How are you feeling?” Liv asked, pulling me into a tight hug. “Em told me about what Ana did. I hope you gave her shit for it. Honestly, it’s just not what you do. I mean, she’s like your best friend.” A few inches shorter than her, I was smothered by her chest.

  “I’m okay, Liv. Honestly I’m fine, can you let me go.” She held me tighter. “Okay Liv, I’m tapping out now.” I smacked her back and groaned.

  “Oh, sorry.” She pushed me to arm’s length and looked me up and down. “You do look a bit sickly.”

  “It was two days ago, Liv!”

  Zak and Liam snorted a laugh behind me, so I twisted around and gave them a glare.

  “She does, doesn’t she?” Liv said to them. “Don’t you think she’s the same colour as that top I wore last week, you know, the one I wore with the navy leggings.” She looked at the boys expectantly, but they both just stared blankly. Liv rolled her eyes and turned back to me. “Anyway, you don’t look right, and I hope you gave her a bollocking.”

  “Yeah,” I muttered. “I did.” I’d already had a conversation with Zak, and he’d just raised an eyebrow when I’d told him what Ana had said.

  “I’m so glad I didn’t come to the party,” Liv continued. “I am not good with sick. Anyway, what’s happening with our trip to London.”

  We both turned to face Zak, looking at him expectantly.

  “We’re going to get the nine-fifteen train on Saturday morning and stay at my Uncle Mark’s house, which is a ten minute walk away from the party, and also just fifteen minutes from where I used to live. Then we’ll get the train back on Sunday after we’ve been into the city, and I’ll take you to a few of the tourist places.

  Liv clapped her hands together and jumped up and down on the spot. “Can we go to Harrods? They do this amazing perfume that you can’t buy anywhere else. Not that I can afford it, but I could spray loads on for the party.”

  “Your uncle doesn’t mind us all staying there?” I asked.

  Zak shook his head. “He’s pretty cool. He’s my dad’s youngest brother. He and his girlfriend are going on a skiing holiday, so he said we could stay there. With a few rules.”

  “No sharing beds?” Liam asked, looking pained.

  “Who do you want to share a bed with?” Liv asked crossing her arms over her chest and smirking at him. “Emma by any chance?”

  We all whipped our gaze to Liam and his red cheeks. He pushed his hands into his pockets and looked anywhere but at us.

  “Why are you acting like it’s not happening?” I asked him. “Like we don’t all know about you both.”

  “Exactly,” Liv cried and then leaned closer. “I heard you finger banged her in her hallway.”

  “I heard it was in her vagina,” Zak muttered.

  “Zak!” I elbowed him the ribs but could hardly stop the laugh from bursting out. “That’s bad.”

  Zak shrugged and looked at Liam for confirmation. “What?” Liam asked with a shrug.

  Zak stared at him again until Liam sighed. “Oh, for fuck’s sake I am not talking about it with you three.”

  “If he won’t discuss what he and his girlfriend are doing, he must like her,” I suggested.

  “She’s not my girlfriend.”

  “So what is she?” Liv asked. “If you finger banged her, then why is she not your girlfriend.”

  “I didn’t say I fin… I’m not talking about this. I told you.” He stooped down to pick up his backpack and then walked off.

  “Where’s he going?” Zak asked, pouting. “We were supposed to be going to town for lunch and to pick up a new game.”

  “Ah, poor baby. Never mind I’ll keep you company.” I patted his arm. “As long as you get me chicken nuggets for my lunch.”

  A huge smile beamed over his face as he grabbed my hand, pulling me to him and kissing me hard. As I stood on tiptoe to get better contact, Zak slapped his hand against my bum giving it a squeeze.

  “Please,” Liv groaned behind us. “Can you not. We have London outfits to discuss.”

  Zak groaned against my mouth. “Go and have lunch with Liv and discuss London outfits, whatever they are.”

  “But my nuggets.”

  Another kiss and another bum squeeze. “I’ll bring them back for you.”

  “Will you.”

  “Of course I will. For you, anything.”

  “God I love…” I almost said it. Even as a throw away comment, it felt too much. “Love chicken nuggets.”

  “I know.” He wiggled his eyebrows and gave me a grin that made me want to push my thighs together. “Believe me I know.”

  As he raced away to try and find Liam, Liv started to laugh.

  “What?” I asked turning away from gazing at Zak.

  “You two are so damn cute. And he so wanted to say it back.”

  “Say what back?” I felt heat rise up my neck, hoping she hadn’t realised what I nearly said.