“My mom said that when I was born, Aunt Bea was in the hospital room with her. And when I’d arrived, she called Ted and told him. Ted arrived to see me, but he had Ramona with him, and while Ted and Bea held me and counted my fingers and toes, Ramona had a heart-to-heart with my mom.”

  Seth frowned. “That sounds ominous. While she lay there in the hospital bed?”

  “That’s what she says,” Gabby went on. “Ramona told my mother that she loved Ted, and she wasn’t giving him up. She also wasn’t going to hurt him by refusing to let him be in his daughter’s life. But there would be no visits alone. Ramona would be there for it all.”

  “Was she?” Seth asked. “There for all of it, I mean.”

  “No,” Gabby replied. “She must have realized that she could trust Ted, or else seeing me was just too painful for her. Whatever the reason, Ted ended up spending time with me alone most often, but he did stay devoted to his wife, so...it worked out for them.”

  Ted and Ramona had managed to get through the worst disaster that could befall a marriage, all because they loved each other too much to let their union fall apart. They’d soldiered on...

  “Ted really loved her...” Seth said, and turned away, not sure he wanted to share the emotions coursing through him. He grabbed some dishes from the counter and started to load the dishwasher instead.

  “Yeah. And I’m glad. At least my mom hadn’t broken them up.”

  The dishwasher loaded, Seth turned back to Gabby and found her gaze locked on him. Her eyes were filled with conflicting emotion, and she looked pale and vulnerable. She stared at the half-eaten cookie in her hand, then put it on the table in front of her.

  “Are you okay, Gabs?” Seth came back over to the table and pulled out a kitchen chair and sat down next to her. “This is shocking for me... I can’t imagine how much it’s shaken you.”

  “You know, it actually explains some things,” she said quietly. “I put a lot of effort into explaining away our family oddities, but it turns out it was pretty simple, really.”

  He reached out and took her hand in his, running his thumb over her knuckles.

  “But every single man in my life...” Her chin trembled. “Every one of them—they weren’t what I thought. Boyfriends who lied to me, Craig who had an entire family hidden away from me... Ted who was supposed to be my godfather. Hank, who I spent the last twenty-odd years agonizing over because he hadn’t loved me... None of them were who I thought they were.”

  “Except for me,” Seth said quietly.

  “That’s true.” She pulled her hand from his. “You were always a straight shooter. That’s probably why you weren’t my type.”

  Right. She’d never been attracted to him in that way. That shouldn’t sting, but it did. Because he was finding himself feeling all sorts of things he didn’t want to feel toward her these days, and it would be nice if he wasn’t alone.

  “How are you now?” he asked.

  “I feel betrayed.” She shook her head slowly. “I was lied to...a lot. I feel like I don’t even know who I am anymore. I’m a mom now, and that changes everything. But even the stuff that messed me up has turned on its head. I can’t even count on that stuff to stay constant.”

  Gabby laughed bitterly, and Seth smiled.

  “I get it,” he said.

  “You know what I need?” she asked.

  “What?”

  “A day off. I need to just...think.”

  “How about riding?” he asked. “I have the afternoon off tomorrow, and I wanted to get out on horseback in those snowy fields and just...go. I was going to suggest you come with me, anyway. I was thinking it might do us both some good to go out, just the two of us, away from everyone else. Get our friendship back to where it was...before.”

  Gabby met his gaze, her expression brightening. “We have more babysitting offers than we know what to do with. We could make use of one.”

  “Is that a yes?” he asked hopefully.

  “That would be perfect,” she said. “I just need to process a bit, you know?”

  “Yeah, I know.”

  He had to process his own stuff, and he realized wryly that this outing would be like a honeymoon, of sorts. Wasn’t that what honeymoons were all about—a couple taking some time alone to get their balance again after a huge amount of change?

  “I’m going to go to bed,” Gabby said, standing up. “I’m so tired all of a sudden. And maybe I just need some time alone to think this all through.”

  “Okay,” he said. “I get it.”

  Gabby cast him a smile and headed for the stairs. But Seth stayed where he was, sitting in that kitchen that was awash in memories all over again. This home didn’t just belong to the past anymore. It was part of his future with Gabby, too, and he was feeling more excited about that lately. He had a family again. It brought a strange relief mingled with a burden of guilt.

  Getting back to their easy friendship—that might help straighten out his emotions a little bit. He was the one man in Gabby’s life who hadn’t lied to her...and he wanted to keep it that way. He had to get these feelings under control.

  * * *

  “I’M NOT SURE I should be going,” Gabby said, looking over at Seth, who stood by the door, ready to leave. His hat was on his head and he held a pair of leather gloves in one hand.

  “Really?” Seth sighed.

  The problem wasn’t maternal guilt, although she could probably blame her change of heart on that. It was that keeping their friendship intact was incredibly important, and going out alone with him on horseback might not be the best way to make that happen. They’d gone riding together before and it had never been romantic—adventurous and fun, perhaps, but not romantic. He’d been the guy she could count on not to try for more, and she’d really valued that trait in Seth. He’d also been the man who knew her best.

  Living together was changing things between them, though. And it wasn’t just his kisses. It was her. If only Seth were a little less attractive... Last night she’d lain in bed trying to read another chapter of her book, but her thoughts had been filled with him. Not her confusion. Not all the lies she’d been told. Him.

  Gabby was getting attached, falling for her oldest friend in ways that she had no right to. She’d meant it when she told him that she’d step back once he healed from his grief. And he would heal...and he’d fall in love again. She’d be better off with her heart intact so she could give her boys a loving and supportive godfather for the male influence they’d undoubtedly crave.

  But going out riding with him? Her heart wasn’t ready for this...

  “It’ll be fine, Gabby,” Aunt Bea said with a smile. “I’ve really missed the boys since you left. I’ll have a chance to snuggle them again. They’ll be fed and dry when you get back. That’s a promise.”

  “I know, but...” If only that were the problem.

  “Dear.” Bea’s voice firmed and she angled her body away so that Seth couldn’t hear her when she lowered her voice. “Time with your husband alone is a good thing. These boys will only be happier if their parents are happy and solid in their relationship, however you two define that. Now take a deep breath, and go out there and have a date with your husband.”

  “You know this isn’t a regular marriage,” Gabby whispered.

  “I have no idea what your arrangement is after dark,” Bea whispered back. “Nor is that my business. But you’d better be taking care of your friendship if you expect to raise these boys together harmoniously.” Bea met Gabby’s gaze for a moment. “Now go.”

  Gabby sighed. “I hate it when you’re this right.”

  “You’ll survive.” Bea met her smile with one of her own. “Every couple has to learn this lesson. You’ve got to put your relationship first, or all of you will suffer. Go figure things out. You can’t hide from him by doting on your sons.”

  “I’m not hiding!”

  “I’m glad.” Bea nodded. “Have a good time.”

  She was being kicked out of her own home, but Bea had a point. Whatever their arrangement, Gabby and Seth’s friendship was required to maintain it. She couldn’t just run away from uncomfortable feelings, not when she was living with the man. Gabby bent down to kiss her boys’ downy heads once more, and then went to the door, where she stepped into her riding boots.

  “It’ll only be a few hours,” Seth said. “Come on, this will be good for us.”

  She could only hope that it would be.

  They got into a rusted red Chevy truck—one that was used for ranch work—and as they pulled away from the house and turned down the gravel road toward the barn, Gabby glanced over at him.

  “How long since you’ve gone riding?” Seth asked.

  “I went riding last year, before I got pregnant,” she said. With Craig.

  “So it’s high time you got on a horse. There are some trails through the forest that are really beautiful this time of year.” Seth grinned. “It’s time for us to have some fun, Gabs.”

  And there was something about his smile—happy, relaxed—that started to undo a few of the knots inside her, too.

  Seth parked outside the barn and led the way around to the corral, where two saddled horses waited. One was a black stallion, the other a golden-brown mare. The horses’ breath hung in clouds in front of them, and the mare shook her head with a snort as they approached.

  “Do you really think this is a good idea?” Gabby asked.

  Seth held open the gate for her until they were both inside the corral, and then he locked it again.

  “It’s an excellent idea,” he said.

  “I mean, for us—for our balance,” she clarified. Was he feeling what she was feeling? That was what she wanted to know.

  “Out there with family, with an audience,” he said slowly, “we have to keep up appearances. We have to pretend we’re something we aren’t. And I think that getting away from all of that, just being us again, will help.”

  She met his gaze, then licked her lips. “So...you’re feeling like things are off between us, too?”

  “Yeah.” He shrugged. “And I think getting away from it all is the answer. I’d take you on a honeymoon if I could—”

  “That wouldn’t help,” she said with a low laugh.

  “No one else would know. They might just assume we were two good friends,” he said. “We could even pocket the wedding rings until we got back.”

  Gabby looked down at her hand—at the golden band shining in the watery winter sunlight.

  “You know what? Let’s do that,” he said. “Take your ring off.”

  The suggestion sent a thrill through her. “What...now?”

  “For today it’s just us. We’re going riding.” He worked his own wedding ring off his hand and pushed it into his jeans pocket. “There. I feel better already.”

  Gabby felt the smile tickle her lips, and she followed his lead and pulled off her ring. It felt strange to take it off, and she looked at it for a moment before she tucked it into her own pocket, out of sight. He was right—they needed a little vacation from this marriage of theirs.

  “This is Misty,” he said, handing her the mare’s reins. “Now, let’s ride!”

  Seth, on the back of his black stallion, led the way out of the corral and down the gravel road toward the tree line. Gabby’s mount was a gentle animal, and she reached forward to pat the mare’s neck. As she did, she caught sight of her left hand, now bare, and she felt a surprising surge of discomfort.

  She pulled her fingers into a fist and straightened. If she didn’t like the missing wedding ring, then it was probably a good exercise to be without it for a little while. Because that wedding ring was for health insurance, and that was all. She pulled her gloves out of her coat pocket and put them on.

  “I got our Christmas tree down here,” Seth said over his shoulder. “Mr. Ross doesn’t mind. He chops his down from the same area. We plant a few saplings in the summer in the hope of getting the perfect sized Christmas tree in a few years.”

  “Speaking of Christmas, what should I get you?” she asked.

  “Keep it cheap,” he replied with a grin.

  She chuckled. “That might be easier said than done. I don’t know what to get you. I wrapped up some baby clothes to put under the tree for the boys. And that package of new soothers. It’s just nice to get a few packages under there, you know?”

  “What do you want for Christmas?” Seth asked. He slowed down a little as she caught up, and their horses continued side by side.

  “Formula,” she said with a rueful smile.

  “Yeah, we covered that,” he said.

  “I have everything I need, Seth,” she said.

  “People will ask,” he said quietly.

  “Then we’ll tell them we got each other something private, and they’ll assume all sorts of intimate things without us having to be too specific. My name on your insurance is all I could ever want. I’m serious.”

  Seth reined his horse left, through the deep snow toward the trees. He ducked his head when a shower of flakes fell from the branches of an evergreen as he passed beneath it. Gabby tucked her chin down, too, as she followed him, the spray of snow misting her face.

  “I’m getting you a gift,” Seth said, glancing back. His voice was low and gruff. “When people ask what I got my wife, I’m not lying.”

  Maybe she was tired of lies and half-truths, too. “Do you know what I’d really like for Christmas?”

  Seth reined his horse in, and she came up beside him again. Her horse stamped her hooves against the snowy ground and snorted.

  “What do you want?” Seth asked, and those dark eyes met hers with a strange directness.

  “A book of poetry,” she admitted.

  “Yeah?”

  She sort of expected him to laugh, but he didn’t. He just looked at her.

  “In the hospital, when I was sitting in the NICU, I had all this time to kill, and someone had left behind a book of Robert Frost’s poetry. I liked it.”

  “I could do that,” he said softly.

  “So...what do you want, then?” she asked. “I need something specific. I’m too tired to be creative.”

  She also didn’t trust herself to get the tone of the gift right for their relationship, either. She’d get something either too flippant or too intimate. They weren’t ready for gifting—at least she wasn’t.

  “I wanted a picture of you and the boys,” he said, and looked away. “For, um, my wallet.”

  “Really?” she said softly.

  He was serious. Silence stretched between them for a moment, and she reached out and put a hand on his sleeve.

  “I mean...” He looked back. “Yeah. Really. You’re mine...in a way, right? We belong to each other. And I’m their stepdad, and I...” Color crept up in his cheeks.

  He wanted to put a photo of them in his wallet, and the realization was so sweet that she nearly crumbled. No man had ever put a photo of her in his wallet...or even had a picture of her on his desk.

  “Maybe that’s dumb,” he said, when she hadn’t answered.

  “No,” she said quickly. “It’s not. It’s...sweet.”

  “I don’t know how to do this!” He swiveled in his saddle toward her with more energy than she expected. “I don’t know how to be your husband, but not care too much. I don’t know how to be a dad to your boys but not feel something for all four of you!”

  “Feel what?” she breathed, and she closed her fingers over the material of his jacket.

  “I don’t know...protective, I guess. I want to keep you all safe, give you everything you need. I want to...” He stopped and didn’t finish the thought.

  She was about to pull her hand back, but something stopped her. Was it so terrible to have this big cowboy want to protect them? She swallowed, and he put his hand over hers on his arm, pinning her to him.

  “Want to what?” she whispered.

  “I want to kiss you.”

  Her breath caught, and she opened her mouth to say something, but she couldn’t think of anything. He wanted to kiss her... Did he have any idea how often she’d played his kiss over in her mind? His touch, his lips, the way he’d dipped back down and pecked her lips afterward, as if he weren’t quite willing to stop...

  Gabby dropped her gaze. “No rings, remember? Let’s forget that we’re married. Let’s just be us.”

  Because maybe then he wouldn’t want to kiss her, and she could push back the memories of his warm lips, his arms pulling her closer...

  “I am just being me,” he said. “I don’t know how to look at you and the boys and not feel like you’re becoming the reason for every hour I work, the reason why I hurry a bit at the end of the day so I can get home a few minutes sooner...”

  His voice was bare, raspy, honest...and she raised her gaze to meet his once more. Of all the men in her life, Seth was the one she could trust to tell her truth—even when it was hard for him, even when he didn’t know how to put it into words. It was a very attractive quality, she realized in a rush.

  Seth leaned toward her, the saddle creaking with his movement, and he stopped a few inches away from her. His gaze flickered down toward her lips, and before she could think better of it, she tugged at his sleeve and lifted herself up on her stirrups so that her lips met his.

  Her eyes fluttered shut, and for a moment it was just the two of them, the cold rush of winter wind and the warmth of their breath mingling together. When she pulled back, Seth’s gaze was locked on her.

  “Sorry...” she breathed.

  Seth smiled, a faint half smile that tugged up only one side of his mouth. “For what?”

  She felt the heat rise in her face. “I shouldn’t have...”

  “Gabby, we’re feeling something—” Seth sucked in a deep breath. “And it’s not just due to the legalities of our relationship.”