“But did you kill her?”

  What? I blinked. “No. Of course not. She died in a car accident. Why would you ask that?”

  He continued to stare straight ahead. “Because I killed mine.”

  My breath left me. “What are you talking about?” Maren had died of a brain aneurysm, so I couldn’t begin to fathom why Rafe would say such a thing.

  He began to tremble.

  I placed my hand on his knee. “Rafe, you can tell me anything. Why did you say that?”

  He turned to look at me. “The morning she died, I told her I hated her. I was being really mean because I was mad that she’d grounded me for something I did. The last thing I said to her was, ‘I hate you.’ Then she went to work, and she died.” He buried his head in his hands. “I didn’t mean to do it. But when I told her I hated her, it did something. I just know it.”

  He started to bawl into his hands. I felt profound sadness as I embraced him. How would I get him to understand he was wrong? Ultimately, I knew it was going to take more than me.

  “Rafe, it doesn’t work that way. You can’t kill someone with words. You didn’t even mean what you said.”

  He pulled away from me. “But what if she believed it?”

  “People say things all the time when they’re angry. Adults know that kids don’t mean things like that when they say them. We know better.”

  We sat in silence for a moment.

  “Is that why you went quiet?” I asked. “Because you believed your words could harm people?”

  He wiped his eyes as he nodded.

  My heart ached for him. “I can understand how you might’ve drawn that conclusion, Rafe. It was really bad timing. But it’s not true.”

  “How do I know you’re right?”

  “You don’t. But you have to have faith. And it might take time for you to believe it. Have you told your therapist about this?”

  He shook his head. “No. I’ve only told you.”

  I sighed. “Thank you for opening up to me. But you need to let your therapist know, too, okay? You need to hear the truth from more than just me. I promise you didn’t do anything wrong. Your mom wouldn’t want you to feel guilty about it for the rest of your life, either. Your therapist will be able to explain that better than I can.”

  His hazel eyes glowed in the sunlight as he ran a hand through his rough curls. “What if I never believe what you’re saying? What if I always believe it’s my fault? No matter what you or my therapist says?”

  “Belief is a choice. You can choose to believe you didn’t harm your mom. You can build confidence in that choice until believing becomes knowing. That’s what your therapist can help you with. But she can’t help you if she doesn’t have this vital piece of information.”

  He kept nodding. “Okay. I’ll tell her.”

  I placed my hand gently on his arm. “Can I tell Dax about this? I know you don’t open up to him a lot. Would it be easier if I filled him in so he can make sure you get the help you need?”

  Rafe paused. “Yeah. That would be easier. I don’t want to repeat this—not to him.”

  “Okay.” I rustled his hair. “You’re going to be okay. I promise.” I took a deep breath, feeling grateful that he’d felt comfortable enough to make that admission.

  More and more, I felt like the time was coming for me to tell him the truth about me. But we weren’t there yet.

  • • •

  The following day, I sat across from Dax in his office. The view of the city from his window was spectacular. But my eyes were mainly focused on Dax as he pulled on his hair after I’d given him the news.

  “Oh my God. This fucking explains so much, Wren.”

  I’d gone to see him in the middle of the workday so I could tell him about my talk with Rafe. Dax had to work late yesterday after Rafe and I returned from our outing. So I’d texted this morning to ask if I could meet him today because this was a conversation that couldn’t wait any longer and needed to be in person.

  “Magical thinking can be dangerous,” I said. “All of this time you assumed he wasn’t talking to you because he hated you. He was probably just afraid of his own words, unsure of what they were capable of.”

  Dax spun his watch around his wrist as he stared out the window. “That’s scary to think he believed he’d said something that caused her death.” He turned to me. “I can’t thank you enough for getting him to talk about this.”

  I shrugged. “I didn’t do much at all. I just told him I’d lost my mother at a young age, too. That sort of opened the door. I didn’t see it coming.”

  “He’s been comfortable with you for a while. You have that effect on people. If it weren’t for you, I’m not sure he would’ve ever told me this. He has a connection with you that he probably can’t understand because there’s no explanation for it. It’s innate.”

  That warmed my heart. “Well, whatever the reason, I’m glad the truth came out,” I said.

  “He told you it was okay to tell me?”

  “Yes. I cleared it with him first.”

  Dax returned to his desk and tapped his pen. “I’m gonna call his therapist right now. Fill her in.”

  “Good idea.” I nodded. “Anyway, I’d better get going and let you do that. I’m sure you also have to get back to work.”

  “Unfortunately, I do.” He looked down at the stacks of papers on his desk. “I’ve got this deadline, and I’ll be here through tonight. Shannon is staying late to keep Rafe company until I can get home. He’s technically old enough to stay by himself, but I don’t like him to be alone for long stretches, you know?”

  “I don’t blame you.”

  He tapped his pen again. “What are you up to the rest of the afternoon?”

  “I’m off today. I’m meeting Sam for dinner downtown. Not doing much before that.”

  Dax opened his mouth as if he might say something, but then stopped. He seemed to think better of it.

  Instead, he nodded and said, “Have fun.”

  • • •

  Sam and I were finishing up dinner at Beantown Beerworks when my phone chimed. I looked down to find a text from Dax.

  Dax: Thank you again for taking the time to come see me today. I had a long talk with Rafe’s therapist who’s working on a new cognitive behavioral strategy. Also, you left your scarf on the chair in my office. I can take it home with me tonight if you want. You can pick it up the next time you’re at the house. Let me know.

  “Who’s that?” Sam asked.

  I looked up. “Dax.”

  He stopped chewing. “What does he want?”

  I put my phone down. “I left my scarf at his office today.”

  “What were you doing at his office?”

  “We needed to talk about Rafe.”

  He wiped his mouth. “Everything okay?”

  “Yes. I just needed to fill him in on a conversation Rafe and I had pertaining to his mom, something that helped explain why he’s stayed silent for so long.”

  “So you went over to his office in the middle of the workday? It couldn’t wait?”

  My tone turned a little abrasive. “No, it couldn’t wait. It was important. He had some time to meet with me, so I went.”

  Sam went quiet after that and seemed preoccupied for the rest of our meal. More and more, I knew I was just biding my time with him, and I shouldn’t be stringing him along. I needed to end things. It wasn’t fair to keep him around as a distraction from my desire for someone else. The only consolation was that I’d never promised Sam exclusivity. My heart certainly wasn’t exclusively his.

  Since Sam had taken the train to meet me, we went our separate ways after dinner. I headed toward the Orange Line train while he took the Blue Line back to his house in Winthrop.

  I finally responded to Dax’s text as I waited for the subway.

  Wren: Are you still at the office?

  Dax: Yeah. For about another hour.

  Wren: Do you mind if I come grab my scarf before you leave?

  Dax: Of course not. I’ll be here.

  Wren: Cool. Thanks. Your office is on my way home.

  Two stops later, I got off at the station closest to Dax’s building and walked the two blocks over.

  After taking the elevator to the twentieth level, I noticed the lights were off in most of the offices on Dax’s floor.

  His door was slightly ajar.

  “Knock, knock,” I said before opening.

  Dax tossed his glasses aside. “Hey.”

  “Did I almost get a glimpse of the old-man glasses?”

  “Shit, yeah.” He smiled. “I’ve needed my reading glasses for all this freaking paperwork.”

  Even though his eyes were red, he still looked as handsome as ever.

  “You look tired,” I said.

  “Is that another way of saying I look like shit?”

  “You could never look like shit,” I answered.

  “I’m so wiped, Wren. And on top of that, I can’t stop thinking about Rafe.”

  “That’s understandable. But he’s on his way to getting better. That should provide some solace.”

  He rubbed his eyes. His stress was palpable. I couldn’t help wanting to do what I do best—relieve some of it. “Close your eyes and take a deep breath,” I suggested.

  He did as I said. I walked behind him and began to massage his shoulders.

  “You don’t need to do that,” he said in a low voice.

  “It’s on the house.”

  While this was nothing like my typical massage, I could still feel his body calming in response to my hands working his upper back. A long breath escaped him as he surrendered.

  Dax hung his head forward and fully relaxed. “I forgot how fucking good it feels to be massaged by you,” he murmured.

  “You should’ve kept the façade going longer then,” I teased. “Think of how many massages you could’ve had.”

  His body tensed.

  I squeezed his shoulders harder. “I’m just kidding, Moody. Relax.”

  He exhaled, and once again let me do my thing. Of course, we were both getting something out of this. I’d missed touching him, and this was the only appropriate excuse I had. His arousing smell was overpowering.

  After several minutes of working his shoulders and back, I forced myself to stop. While I didn’t want to cease the contact, there was only so much I could do while he was seated and clothed. And honestly, I was burning up. Apparently, I was incapable of maintaining any semblance of professionalism when it came to this man.

  “Thank you,” he said. “That felt amazing.”

  I cleared my throat and walked back to the other side of the room. “You said you’re almost done with work?”

  “For tonight. I think so.”

  Lifting my scarf off the chair, I said, “Let me just grab this and get out of your way.”

  “Stay for a minute,” he insisted. “Don’t rush out.”

  That’s what I was hoping you’d say. “Okay.” I smiled, settling into the seat across from him.

  “Did you have a nice dinner?” he asked.

  “Yeah. The food was really good.”

  He licked the corner of his mouth. “I’m starving.”

  “You want me to pick you up something and bring it back here?”

  “That’s sweet of you, but it’s okay. I’ll get something on the way home. Where did you eat?”

  “Sam and I went to Beantown Beerworks.”

  He fidgeted with his watch. “Are you and Sam…getting serious?”

  Was this the question he’d wanted to ask earlier? While I knew things with Sam weren’t going to last, I didn’t want to come right out and say that, since it kind of pleased me that Dax seemed invested, perhaps jealous.

  “We’re not exclusive. So, no.”

  “Really. Is that your choice or his?”

  “A serious relationship is not what I’m looking for right now.”

  “You only want something casual?”

  “I’m not having sex with him, either, if that’s what you mean by casual.” Ugh. Not sure why I blurted that out.

  “I wasn’t fishing for that. But it’s certainly…interesting.”

  “Why?”

  “Why?” He scratched his chin. “I perhaps wrongly assumed that if you were spending regular time with someone…”

  “You assumed I’m easy?” I teased.

  His eyes narrowed. “Not at all. That’s not what I meant.”

  “If I’m not sure I want something, I don’t do it just to please someone else. When you really want something, you know it. You don’t have to second guess.”

  He leaned back in his chair and examined my face. “You’re not attracted to him…”

  I decided to stop playing coy and just be honest. “With Sam… Honestly, I’ve enjoyed his company. But there’s something missing, both physically and mentally. And I need to address it.”

  “You deserve to have it all. Never settle.”

  I couldn’t help myself as I tilted my head. “Why do you settle?”

  He started messing with his watch again. “You’re talking about Adriana?”

  “Yeah, unless there are more of them.”

  “No.” He pretended to rub lint off his shirt. Then he looked up at me. “There’s no one else. And like I told you, I haven’t seen Adriana.”

  “Good.”

  He arched a brow. “That makes you happy?”

  My pulse raced. “I don’t even know her, but somehow I know she doesn’t deserve you. She shouldn’t have to chase you down like she does. She sounded desperate in that text. You should want her so much that she doesn’t have to do that. I’m sure she’s very beautiful and all that.”

  He paused a moment. “She’s got nothing on you.”

  I shivered. That gave me the confidence to say, “She’s got nothing on me? She’s gotten to have you in a way I can’t. That’s a big thing she has on me.”

  He closed his eyes a moment and groaned. “Fuck, Wren.”

  “Anyway, you didn’t answer me. Why do you settle?”

  “Because…” He sighed. “Sometimes you just need a release without complications. But I agree that it’s more enticing when something isn’t easy. When it’s unattainable.” He stared into my eyes. “That’s my fucking problem right now.”

  I felt the energy shift in his dark office.

  “I think we have the same problem,” I whispered.

  He stared at me, and I could sense his walls starting to crumble. What he said next confirmed it.

  “I told you I’ve been preoccupied because of Rafe and work. That’s true. But I also haven’t been able to stop thinking about you…since the other night. That’s also part of why I can’t focus.”

  My heart galloped. “Because of my story?”

  “Hearing everything you’ve been through really had an effect on me, but it’s more than that.”

  “Like…” I prodded.

  “Like smelling you all over my bed the past several days. It’s messed with my head. It’s finally wearing off.”

  “Thinking about me is wearing off?”

  “No. Your smell in my bed. I wish thinking about you was wearing off.” He sighed deeply. “I don’t know why I’m telling you this. It’s inappropriate. I must be losing my mind.”

  My temperature rose. “Well, since we’re being honest… I’ll admit that I left my scarf here on purpose. I wanted an excuse to see you again. If you hadn’t called me back, I was going to contact you so I could come get it.”

  “Shit.” He looked up at the ceiling and laughed angrily. “This has to stop.”

  “Yeah, I suppose it does. Because nothing can happen between us. Yet you still think about me. What does that tell you?”

  His eyes met mine again. “That I’m fucking selfish.”

  “No. It should tell you that we can only control so much. We can control actions but not feelings or desires. You can’t help what you want.”

  “My priority needs to be Rafe. Regardless of what I want.”

  “Do you know what I want?”

  He swallowed. “What?”

  I took a moment to catch my breath. “You don’t know? I thought I’d made it painfully obvious…to the point of making a damn fool of myself over and over.”

  He leaned into his knees and didn’t say anything for the longest time, just rubbed his temples. Then he stood up, walked over to close the door, and turned the lock. After that he walked over to the window and stared out.

  “What are you doing?” I asked.

  He turned his head toward me. “Trying hard not to take you on my desk right now.”

  My heart pounded as he returned to his seat. My insides felt like they were about to explode. Taking a leap of faith, I walked over and sat on his lap, wrapping my legs around him. His breathing quickened, and I felt the heat of his cock awakening through his trousers as it throbbed beneath me.

  “I’m going to fucking hell,” he whispered.

  “I’ll see you there.”

  I waited. No way was I moving in to kiss him this time. I would never make that mistake again. If he wanted it, he was going to have to take it. I just stared into his eyes, an open invitation.

  His eyes burned into mine. “You said you’re jealous because Adriana’s had me and you haven’t.” He swallowed. “You’ve fucking had me from the moment you first touched me. I haven’t so much as thought about anyone else. I don’t know how to make it stop.” He wrapped his hands around my cheeks and brought me to his mouth. A groan escaped him, and I saw stars as the starvation I’d been managing for so long finally ended.

  His kiss felt different than any other. The firmness. The wet hunger. The commanding way he held my face, the intensity of our breaths, the way his tongue circled mine rhythmically. Nothing else in the world mattered besides having his mouth on me, breathing in every bit of him, drowning in his taste. And when his tongue pushed deeper inside my mouth, it wasn’t gentle. If the movement of his tongue was any indication, sex with Dax would be next-level.

  “You’re fucking perfect,” he muttered over my lips.

  I began to grind over him, the sensation so intense that I could’ve come at any moment if I’d let myself.