That didn’t sit right with me. She was leaving for two years, and no one was going to see her off? No fucking way.

  “I’ll take you.”

  She blinked. “Are you sure?”

  “Of course. Traffic can be a bitch at that time with everyone heading into the city to go out on Saturday night, so I’ll come over to your place a little early. We’ll get you to the airport in plenty of time.”

  She looked like she was ready to cry. “That means a lot, Moody. Thank you.”

  “Believe me, after everything? It’s the least I can do.”

  Wren

  On the Friday evening before my departure day, my emotions were all over the place. I tried to bury them by putting all of my energy into packing.

  Dax was working late, so he wasn’t home when I arrived at his house to say goodbye to Rafe.

  Shannon answered the door.

  “Hey, Shannon.” I hugged her.

  She squeezed me. “I sure am gonna miss you, Wren. It won’t be the same.”

  “I’m gonna miss you, too.” I knelt to pet Winston, and he rolled onto his side for me to rub his belly. “And figures, this guy is finally starting to like me right when I have to leave. I’ll miss you the most, you fluffernutter.”

  Shannon always looked like she was holding back saying something. She knew about Dax and me, so it was always a little awkward around her. But I was glad Dax had her as a sounding board, happy that she was someone he could trust and talk to.

  I looked toward the stairs. “Is Rafe in his room?”

  “Yeah. He knows you’re coming to say goodbye.”

  I headed upstairs and knocked on Rafe’s door, which was open.

  He removed his earbuds. “Hey.”

  The room smelled like Cheetos and sweaty socks. I moved some notebooks to the side and sat at the edge of his bed. “How are you?”

  He shrugged. “Okay…”

  “I can’t believe I have to say goodbye to you tonight.”

  He frowned. “I know.”

  “We’re gonna talk on Zoom a lot, okay? I’ll turn my camera around some of the time and show you France. It’ll be like you’re there with me.”

  “That’ll be cool.”

  “Are you sure you’re okay?” I asked him.

  He shrugged, his expression sullen. “I guess. It just sucks that you’re leaving.”

  “I know,” I whispered.

  “When do you come back?”

  “Well, I don’t have an exact day. I don’t know how I’ll feel in two years, but I’m pretty sure I’ll be coming home the first chance I get. So maybe around two years from next week? Mark your calendar now.” I smiled. “I hope it’s okay that I asked my dad to come visit you for me from time to time, since I can’t be here in person.”

  “That’s fine. Your dad’s nice.”

  “Promise me you’ll be good for Dax. He’s trying. I know you don’t always get along with him, but he cares so much about you.”

  “He’s alright,” Rafe muttered.

  I chuckled. Yeah, he is.

  I looked over at a sketch on his desk. I couldn’t believe my eyes. He’d drawn the spitting image of Dax in pencil.

  I went over to it, lifting the paper. “Did you do this?”

  “Yeah.”

  The angular jaw, the perfect nose, the magnetic eyes… It was spot on.

  “Rafe, this is unbelievable.”

  He tried to downplay it. “It’s okay, I guess.”

  “How did I not realize you could draw like this?”

  “I don’t show many people.”

  “Dax has never seen this?”

  “No.”

  “You need to show him.”

  “No way. I don’t want him to know I drew him.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because it’s creepy.”

  “It’s not creepy at all.”

  “I’ve drawn you, too.”

  My mouth curved into a smile. “No way. Can I see?”

  He walked over to his desk and opened a folder that contained drawings of several people, many of whom I assumed were classmates. Then he turned to a sketch of me. Just like the one of Dax, it was strikingly lifelike. It was like looking in the mirror.

  “Oh my God. You’ve got to let me have this. I want to put it in a frame and hang it in my apartment in France.”

  He shrugged. “Take it, if you want.”

  I looked through all of the illustrations. There was even one of Shannon. Then I returned to my favorite—the one of Dax. I looked back and forth between that one and the drawing of me, feeling overwhelmed with love. Once again, doubts about leaving crept in. Everything I loved was here. Rafe. My dad. Dax.

  Dax.

  I loved Dax. I knew it in my heart, but this was the first time I’d admitted it to myself.

  I held up the drawing of Dax. “Can I have this one, too?”

  “Why would you want that?” he asked.

  Fair question. “I just think it’s really good.”

  “Yeah. Okay. Whatever. Just don’t show it to him.”

  “I won’t.” I tucked the two drawings into an empty manila folder Rafe had laying on his desk.

  I sat again on the edge of his bed. “I think we should have a regular time every week to talk. What’s good for you?”

  “I have to check my schedule.”

  “Are you serious?”

  “No.” He laughed.

  I loved this kid. He’d come such a long way—from not talking at all to a total ball buster.

  After spending two hours hanging out with him, I finally hugged my brother goodbye, one of the hardest things I’d ever done. My gut told me this was only the tip of the iceberg, though; and tomorrow would be even harder.

  • • •

  Nothing could’ve prepared me for how I felt the following afternoon—the day of my departure. After a long and tearful goodbye with my father before he left for New Hampshire this morning, I’d been alone and basically panicking.

  All of my stuff was packed, but I felt frozen and unable to perform simple tasks. Case in point, I’d taken off my toenail polish last night and had spent forty-five minutes of precious time today trying to decide on a new color. Then when I finally selected one, my hands were trembling, so I couldn’t even paint my toes. Thank goodness I didn’t have any more packing to do in this state of mind. I would’ve never finished.

  My phone rang. It was Dax.

  “Hey,” I burst into tears upon answering.

  “Hey, I—” He paused. “Are you crying?”

  The phone shook in my hands. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me, Dax. I’m freaking out.”

  “Take a deep breath.”

  “I’ve been unable to make the simplest decisions, ever since I said goodbye to my dad.” I sniffled. “And have I mentioned I’ve never even flown before? Now is not the opportune time to discover I have a fear of flying.”

  He stepped right into action. “I’ll come over now. Okay?”

  “Yes,” I said without hesitation, as if he’d thrown me a life raft.

  “I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”

  I hung up and cried even harder. I slid to the ground and sat in the same spot against the wall until the doorbell rang.

  I forced myself up to answer the door.

  The sight of Dax standing there made my heart flutter.

  “C’mere,” he said, taking me into his strong arms.

  “I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” I cried.

  Dax caressed my hair. “You’re scared. That’s all.” He pulled back to look at me. “Despite your fear, you do want this, right?”

  I want it, but I want you more. I nodded. “I do want it. I just wasn’t expecting it to feel like this.”

  He looked down, noticing droplets of red paint on a couple of my toes—my attempt at a pedicure.

  His eyes went wide. “Is your toe bleeding?”

  “No. I tried to paint my toenails, but my hands were shaking so I couldn’t finish.”

  “Where’s the nail polish?”

  “In my room.”

  He took my hand and led me up the stairs. “Come on.”

  Dazed and confused, I followed him into my bedroom. He spotted the nail polish on my desk and grabbed it.

  “Lie down,” he said.

  I sat on my bed and leaned against the headboard. Dax sat farther down the bed with his back against the wall at my feet. He pulled my legs over his and opened the bottle. I watched in awe as he carefully began painting my toes. It was the most tender, precious thing anyone had ever done for me.

  “Have you ever done this before?” I asked.

  “Never.” He smiled.

  “You’re not bad.”

  “Well, when you open your spa someday and need a manicurist, you can let me know.” He winked.

  “That would be a sight for sore eyes.” I laughed—the first time I’d laughed all day. “Thank you for coming to my rescue, Moody.”

  He painted a few more strokes. “I’m not gonna lie. I’ve been struggling all morning, too.”

  “Yeah,” I whispered.

  The rest of the painting session was quiet. I sat back, trying to tame my nerves while watching this beautiful man concentrate.

  After finishing my last nail, he closed the bottle and blew on my toes. It was adorable and made me love him even more—though I couldn’t tell him that. He then massaged the balls of my feet.

  “Is this a role reversal, you massaging me?”

  “Just trying to calm you down.”

  “It feels good. Thank you.”

  He kneaded the bottom of my foot. “You’re all packed and ready to go?”

  “Yeah. Thankfully I had the foresight to get it done early, given how scatterbrained I feel right now.”

  He applied a bit more pressure. “You have the right to feel however you feel.”

  “Like my heart is being ripped out?”

  “Even that.” He stopped massaging and looked up at me. I could see the sadness in his expression.

  “I can see it in your eyes, Moody. Even if you’re trying to be tough about this, your eyes don’t lie. And honestly, I can feel it. I can feel how much you don’t want me to go, even if you can’t say it. I think it’s why I’m so fucked up. I’m sorry. I know I’m supposed to be strong and not talk about us anymore…”

  He shook his head. “It’s okay. Say what you want.”

  I might’ve taken that liberty a little too far, but I took him at his word.

  “I want to feel you inside me,” I murmured. “It’s all I want.”

  He shut his eyes as if my words stung.

  It wasn’t fair of me to have blurted that when I damn well knew why we couldn’t go there. But I couldn’t hold it in. I ached for him. If this was the last moment of our secret, I had to let him know. My voice was barely audible. “I’m sorry.”

  “No. Don’t be. You’ve apologized enough for an issue that’s not yours to bear alone. There’s nothing more I want…” He hesitated. “…than to be inside of you right now. I want you so fucking much it hurts.”

  “What if we give in just this once? Then never speak of it again once I leave. He’ll never have to know.”

  He let out a slightly angry laugh. “That would be the death of me.”

  I thought it was going to end there, but then he spoke again.

  “But pretty sure I’m willing to die if it means getting to have you even once.” His eyes burned into mine as his chest rose and fell.

  When his words actually registered, every inch of my body became engulfed in arousal. Any further analytical thinking I might have done ended the moment he lifted me onto him, wrapping his arms around me and kissing me with everything he had.

  “I’ve never needed anything more than I need you right now, Wren.”

  This is really happening.

  He flipped me around to lie under him. My body was on fire. I’d dreamed so many times of being in this position, pinned beneath him. Gripping his hair, I pulled him into my body, and he pressed his lips to mine. We fell into a passionate kiss, breaths ragged, limbs writhing, totally lost in each other with no fucks left to give.

  I wrapped my legs around his back as he pressed his cock against my clit through his jeans, grinding against me as I bucked my hips.

  “Fuck me, Dax,” I begged. “Please. I need you inside me.”

  He nodded. “Not gonna stop it this time.”

  A second later, I felt his hand slide my pants down before he lowered my panties. I worked to unbuckle his belt as fast as humanly possible and pushed his jeans lower. He suddenly froze as he panted against my neck. “I don’t have anything, Wren.”

  I reached over to my side-table drawer and fumbled around until I found one of the condoms that had been in there for…let’s just say, a long time. I’d certainly learned from my past mistakes and always had condoms in my possession, even if I wasn’t currently sexually active. You never knew when you’d need them.

  “I’ve got you,” I said, handing him the condom.

  I watched with great interest as he took it and ripped the package open before sliding it over his engorged cock.

  He hovered over me. “Promise you won’t hate me for this.”

  My eyes must have looked like daggers. “I’ll hate you if you stop.”

  He lowered himself down. “I’m so fucking weak,” he groaned before spreading my legs and sinking inside. It burned as he stretched me. But no amount of fleeting pain could surpass the intense pleasure of feeling him enter me. He closed his eyes briefly the moment he was balls deep. Then he began moving in and out, fucking me rhythmically the way I’d always dreamed about. And it was ecstasy. I had no idea just how badly I’d needed it until he was actually inside me. Now I couldn’t imagine how I was planning to have lived life without ever having experienced this.

  “Please don’t stop,” I begged when he paused.

  “I just need a second,” he gasped.

  I watched his face as he tried to compose himself and regain control.

  A few moments later, he resumed thrusting, harder than before. The bed kept banging against the wall, and he looked into my eyes the entire time. I loved it. I wasn’t used to that during sex. It seemed like he was trying to see inside my soul, maybe needing to burn this experience into his memory.

  Because this was the first and last time. We both knew it. That fact was just as unnerving as it was beautiful.

  His thick cock filled me in a way I’d never been filled before. I pulsed around him, digging my teeth into his shoulder as I struggled to contain my orgasm; I was ready to explode at any moment.

  “You’re incredible,” he muttered as he moved his cock out slowly before thrusting all the way in again. “I wish I could stay inside you forever, but I need to come, Wren.”

  “Fuck me as hard as you can, one last time before you let go.”

  “You sure?” He panted.

  “Yes. I want to feel you tomorrow when we’re not together anymore.”

  Dax smiled over my lips and took my words to heart as he sped up his movements, pounding into me with even greater force. I’d never been fucked so hard; I thought the bed might break. Each raspy breath that escaped him matched the rhythm of his thrusts, and every nerve ending in my body tingled. I struggled to prolong this for as long as possible, yet I screamed in pleasure at one point, so close to losing it. He must have thought he’d hurt me.

  He slowed. “Are you okay?”

  “Yes.”

  “Am I being too rough?”

  “No. Keep going. Don’t stop.”

  I kissed him harder and gripped his hair, never wanting to let him go, dreading the end of this. But the clock was ticking. There wouldn’t be time for an encore.

  “I love you. I love you. I love you,” I thought to myself with each thrust. And then I just couldn’t hold it in. My eyes widened as I felt my orgasm beginning to ricochet through me. Dax must have felt it, too, because his body shook shortly thereafter, as if he’d been waiting for the moment he could let go. I felt the heat of his cum fill me through the condom, and he pumped into me with greater force, pushing out the remainder of his load as he groaned, his voice echoing through my room—a beautiful sound I’d never forget.

  It would haunt me forever.

  Dax

  The guilt I’d expected never came as I lay next to her. I kept waiting for regret to seep in, too, but no part of me regretted what just happened. No part of me wished I could take it back. Lying here felt like the aftermath of a beautiful storm, where you might have been expecting destruction, but instead there was nothing but the sun peeking out again—a deep appreciation for what I’d experienced.

  I did wish she wasn’t leaving, that I could hold her until the sun went down tonight and never let her go. But nope, not guilt. Maybe it would come later, and I would deal with it then.

  “You look lost in thought,” she said, running her fingers through my hair. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah. I am.” I kissed her neck. “You?”

  “I’m remarkably calm,” she said. “It seems you were what I needed all along.”

  “I know the feeling.” I leaned in to kiss her, cherishing the feel of her naked body pressed against mine. “I’ll never forget this.”

  She ran her finger along my chin. “You know what I realized?”

  “What?”

  “I never played for you. I promised I would before I left.” She slipped out from under the covers.

  I admired her beautiful body as she walked to the corner of the room and took her cello out of the case. She pulled up a chair and positioned herself behind the instrument.

  I sat up, leaning against the headboard. “Well, this is certainly not how I’d imagined it, but you won’t hear me complaining.”

  She launched into “The Swan,” the song she knew was my favorite. As always, I became lost in the hypnotic trance of her musical talent. Her playing naked, just for me, was beautiful—another part of this day I’d never forget. It was quite literally our swan song.