“I can’t fuck you, Wren. I won’t,” he said, ripping his mouth away from mine. He urged me off him before getting up from the chair.

  My tone was urgent. “What are you doing?”

  “You can’t do that to me anymore. The grinding thing.” He ran his hand through his hair.

  “Why?”

  “Why?” He rubbed over his lips. “Because I’m about to lose it.”

  “That’s what I want,” I panted.

  He walked toward me and backed me against his desk. “You wouldn’t be ready for me right now if I really lost control.”

  Dax shoved a bunch of things to the side just before my ass landed against the desk. He lifted me, propping me up on it, and spread my legs apart as I lay back. He slid my panties down, practically ripping them, and positioned his head between my legs. The next thing I knew, his mouth was on me, his tongue lapping at my clit. The contact sent shockwaves through my body—the hottest, wettest ecstasy I’d ever felt. Pure, drunken adrenaline.

  “When I said I was starving earlier—this is what I was referring to.” He groaned.

  Everything turned hazy as I writhed under him. I was transported somewhere else as his tongue explored my flesh, applying just the right amount of pressure. His low grunts vibrated through my body as I pressed myself against him.

  Is this a dream? Because it couldn’t be real. Dax Moody didn’t have his mouth between my legs. He wasn’t groaning as his tongue probed me, devouring me like I was his last meal.

  My body fell all the way back as he slid me closer to him, spreading my legs wider and burying his whole face deeper. For a man who was hesitant to have me touch him, he was certainly not holding back right now. And I was thankful.

  The room spun as I began to climax. It was the fastest I’d come in my life. As the muscles between my legs contracted, I gripped his hair and pressed his mouth harder against me. This almost felt like two orgasms in a row.

  As I began to come down, he slid his tongue back and forth over my clit, as if to lick away the last remnants of what he’d done. He kissed gently upward, stopping on my abdomen. He breathed over the skin there as I lay limp for the longest time.

  I eventually pushed myself up and hopped down from the desk, dropping to my knees to undo his belt. His pants could barely contain his erection. I wanted to taste him, too—give him even half the pleasure he’d given me.

  But he placed his hand on my wrist, stopping me. A cold reality seeped in. It reminded me of when he’d grabbed my wrist that day on the massage table when I’d wanted to kiss him. He once again proved he was the one in control as he put an abrupt end to things.

  Dax wiped the back of his hand along his mouth. “You need to go.”

  Dax

  In the days following my encounter with Wren in my office, I went back and forth between beating myself up for my actions and getting off on replaying them in my head.

  I went down on Rafe’s sister.

  I went down on Rafe’s sister and loved every second of it.

  Of all the women in the world, that’s who I’d chosen.

  I was a sick fuck.

  But she was the only woman I’d wanted from almost the moment I met her.

  This madness needed to stop.

  I’d just be going about my day, and then I’d remember how her flesh felt against my mouth, the way she tasted. I’d somehow justified it because I was the one pleasuring her, as if that meant I hadn’t taken something I wasn’t entitled to. But giving, not taking, somehow made what I’d done less unforgivable.

  And then I’d practically kicked her out of my office. It had been so easy to imagine fucking her against the wall or on my desk. I’d been ready to explode, seconds away from burying myself inside of her. I suspected she would’ve let me do whatever I wanted. Because it was what she wanted. That scared the shit out of me. It might have seemed like I lost control when I went down on her, but I’d been absolutely aware of my limitations every second of the way. I’d made a clear decision the moment I lifted her onto my desk to give into temptation, but also not to let things go beyond giving her oral sex.

  She probably took my telling her to leave as a rejection. But she couldn’t have imagined how much I wanted her, all the things I wanted to do to her, the things I wanted her to do to me. I was more determined than ever, though, to stop anything else from happening before it was too late.

  I needed to do something drastic. And that was going to start today.

  • • •

  One full week after the encounter, Wren still hadn’t initiated contact. And I hadn’t reached out to her. I knew she had to come around eventually since she’d want to see Rafe. But for now, I appreciated the space her absence afforded me.

  Tonight was the first time in a while that I had plans to go out. My mission was to do my best to forget about Wren and this dilemma for one evening. Every year, Shannon threw a big New Orleans-themed party for her birthday. That was the perfect place to bring Keely, a woman I’d met on a dating app. I’d decided I needed to push myself to start dating again. That was the only thing I could come up with to distract me from what had happened with Wren.

  Although it felt a little like penance, dating seemed like a logical idea. So did asking Keely to meet me at Shannon’s party Friday night so things would remain casual in the event I wasn’t feeling it. There would be lots of people around, so it seemed perfectly noncommittal.

  As I stood across from my date that evening, the jury remained out. Keely was attractive enough, nice enough. But as I’d expected going into this, everything felt forced. Despite being here at this party, I couldn’t seem to get Wren out of my head. At least Keely and I would have a good time at Shannon’s, no matter what, even if the chemistry between us wasn’t there. Rafe was here, too, and had disappeared into Shannon’s TV room to play video games with Shannon’s son, Bobby Jr., who was home from college for the occasion.

  Redheaded Keely and I got to know each other a bit by the buffet table, which featured gumbo, beignets, and a mish-mash of other New Orleans-themed food.

  As we noshed, Keely told me all about her position as an occupational therapist for the Boston schools, while I spoke a bit about my job and my appreciation for Shannon and all she did for Rafe and me.

  At one point, my eyes wandered across the room, and I thought I was seeing things. Unfortunately, I wasn’t.

  She’s here?

  Right after Wren’s eyes met mine, they turned to Keely.

  “What the hell is Wren doing here?”

  I didn’t realize I’d said that aloud until Shannon answered from behind me.

  “I invited her.”

  “How come you didn’t tell me she was coming?”

  Understandably confused, Shannon shrugged. “I didn’t think you’d have an issue with it.”

  “I’m sorry.” I shook my head. “You’re right. I don’t.”

  “Who’s Wren?” Keely asked.

  “She’s…” Right in front of my face.

  Wren’s expression was serious as she stood before me.

  Feigning a smile that probably looked like I’d been forced to eat dick, I said, “Hey, you.”

  She let out a tense breath. “Fancy meeting you here.”

  “Yeah. I didn’t realize you’d be here.” I swallowed.

  “Where’s that guy you’re seeing?” Shannon asked. “I told you to feel free to bring a guest.”

  “Sam and I aren’t seeing each other anymore.”

  “Really?” I said.

  “Yeah.” She turned to me. “I developed feelings for someone else. And I didn’t think it was fair to waste his time anymore.”

  I swallowed hard.

  She then turned to Keely. “Are you Dax’s date?”

  “Yes.”

  Wren nodded. “You must be Adriana?”

  Ugh.

  “No, I’m Keely.” She looked over at me. “Who’s Adriana?”

  “Sorry. I guess I can’t keep track,” Wren said. She abruptly walked away.

  Shit. What have I done?

  “Who is that girl?” Keely asked.

  “She’s a friend,” I answered, my eyes still fixed on Wren’s back as she disappeared into the kitchen. “Will you excuse me a moment?”

  When I walked into the kitchen, Wren was leaning against the counter with her hand on her chest as if she needed it to contain her heart.

  I felt like absolute shit. “Wren…”

  “Don’t say anything.” She walked over to the water cooler and grabbed a paper cup. “You don’t owe me an explanation.”

  “Yes, I do. I would’ve never brought a date if I knew you’d be here.”

  “You’re dating now? I thought you only fucked women. Well, any woman but me, apparently—you just fuck me with your tongue,” she seethed. “Now, a week later, you’re dating someone new? You seem to have moved on pretty quickly from whatever happened between us.”

  “What happened between us is precisely why I brought her.”

  She shook her head slowly. “I was looking forward to seeing you here tonight. I feel like such a fucking idiot.”

  My stomach was in knots. “I’m not proud of the decision I made the other night with you. So I forced myself to find a distraction because I badly need one. I don’t…” I took a moment to catch my breath. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “Well, you just did.”

  We both looked over to find Shannon in the kitchen. She’d likely heard everything.

  “I’m sorry, Shannon,” Wren said. “I have to leave.”

  “No worries, honey.” Shannon glared at me, looking both confused and disappointed.

  We watched as Wren stormed out of the kitchen. Shannon followed me back out to the living room. Keely had disappeared from her spot by the buffet table.

  “Where’s Keely?” I asked, though I wasn’t really concerned about it now.

  “She left. That’s what I came into the kitchen to tell you. Wanna tell me what the hell is going on?”

  Thank God Rafe was still in the TV room and hadn’t witnessed this awkwardness. That could’ve been disastrous.

  “You haven’t figured it out?” I asked.

  “No, I have. I just want you to know you can talk to me. And I’m sorry if I caused a problem by inviting Wren.”

  “No, you didn’t. It was fine.” I looked toward the door. “I need to go find her.”

  “I take it you don’t mean Keely.”

  “No.”

  “Go.” She waved me off. “Rafe is fine here with us.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes, I’m sure.”

  “I owe you one,” I said as I headed toward the door.

  “Just add it to the tab,” Shannon joked.

  I rushed out, and as soon as I hit the cold air outside, I took out my phone and texted Wren.

  Dax: Where are you? We need to talk.

  A few minutes passed, and I began to doubt she was going to respond. But then a text finally came in.

  Wren: I’m heading home.

  Dax: Can you meet me at my house? Or I can come to wherever you are. Whatever you prefer.

  When she didn’t answer after a full minute, I typed again.

  Dax: You don’t owe me anything, but I’d really appreciate the opportunity to better explain my actions.

  The dots moved around for a while before she finally answered.

  Wren: Fine.

  Her car was parked in front of my house when I pulled up. She got out and rubbed her hands over her arms.

  “It’s cold,” I said. “Let’s get you inside.” My heart nearly stopped, though, when I noticed she was sniffling. “Are you crying?”

  “I’m feeling very emotional tonight, and before your head gets all big, it’s not for the reason you think.”

  Rushing to the door, I opened it. “What’s going on, Wren?”

  She followed me inside. “I went to the party to tell you something important. And seeing you there with her rattled me.”

  I’d been so shocked earlier that I hadn’t fully appreciated how goddamn stunning Wren looked in the emerald green dress she wore. It had subtle sparkles and fit her perfect little body to a tee. Her blue eyes shined under the lights in my foyer. She took my breath away.

  “Come here.” I pulled her into my arms, the only thing that felt right. Taking a deep breath of her scent, I spoke into her hair, “I’m sorry. I’ve been doing everything in my power to forget what happened between us. I can’t forgive myself for my weakness. I thought if I could just force myself to take that woman out tonight, maybe I could somehow shift the direction of my life and pretend I hadn’t royally fucked up with you. I never imagined you’d be there.” I wanted to stay here in this spot with her wrapped in my arms, but she pulled away.

  “It wasn’t like you looked at me and made my legs magically open, Dax. I wanted it, too. I wanted more… But you told me to leave before that could happen. So stop blaming yourself for what we did. It is what it is.”

  Her words made me feel a little better, but I didn’t deserve a shred of the peace of mind she offered.

  “What do you need to tell me?” I asked.

  Her chest heaved. “I found out today that I got the teaching position in France.”

  Perhaps excitement should have been my first reaction. Instead, my stomach sank. “What?” I feigned happiness. “You did? That’s…great, right?”

  “It’s a two-year contract.”

  Two years? “They make you commit to that?”

  “Well, no one’s going to arrest me if I’m unhappy and want to leave. But I sign a two-year contract, during which I’m not supposed to leave or go work for another school.”

  This is really happening. She’s leaving. A mix of panic and relief bombarded me. My mouth opened and closed a few times. “I don’t even know what to say. I guess we knew this could happen, but it still seems a little surreal. This is what you want, isn’t it?”

  She wiped the corner of her eye. “It’s funny… I thought I did. Until I actually got it. Now I’m kind of freaking out.”

  “Why?”

  “I’m excited about the prospect of travel, but I don’t want to leave my dad. I don’t want to leave Rafe,” she whispered. “Or you.”

  My chest hurt. “You’re gonna take it, though, right?”

  She looked at her feet a moment. “I think so, yeah.”

  Good. This was good, right? I should’ve been relieved that she wasn’t going to let anything between us sway her decision. The feeling in my chest certainly wasn’t relief, though. It felt like I’d been gutted.

  But I wasn’t going to keep her from something she’d always dreamed of—traveling overseas. And now she’d have the chance to live there for a while, something I hadn’t done myself. Not only would this be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, but it would give her much-needed space from me. That felt more imperative than ever.

  “I feel lost, torn between two different sets of feelings...happiness and sadness,” she said.

  Yeah, I can relate. “Well, I’m glad you realize turning this down isn’t an option. You’re gonna be scared. Leaving what you know is gonna feel foreign. But you won’t regret it.”

  What she said next surprised me.

  “I want to tell him, Dax.”

  It took me a second to understand. “You want to tell Rafe the truth?”

  She nodded. “Not right now, but before I leave. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about this. By the time I come back, he’s going to be almost sixteen. I don’t want him going all that time not knowing. It will give him more context for why I need to keep in touch with him while I’m away. I feel like he’s in a better place now and can handle it. What do you think?”

  I rubbed the scruff on my chin as I processed that. I couldn’t think of a reason not to tell him, especially since he’d been doing so much better over the past month.

  “I think you’re right. If your gut is telling you this is the right time, I think we should tell him.”

  “I’m glad you agree.”

  I nodded. I just had no idea how he was going to react. I sucked some air in. “When do you leave?”

  “They want me there by June first. I’ll probably leave at the end of May to get acclimated to the area. I would be teaching a summer program initially and then going right into the main fall semester after that.”

  Less than three months. That hit me like a sucker punch.

  “I’ll let you decide when you feel the time is right to have the conversation,” I said.

  “I was gonna tell him a couple of weeks before I leave. So that way there’s some time where I’m still here, if he has questions.”

  “I’ll support you in whatever decision you make. And Shannon and I will be here for him if it takes him some time to process.”

  Wren stared into my eyes. “We need to talk about us, too.”

  A rock settled in my stomach.

  “I haven’t been able to think of anything but you in a week and a half,” she confessed.

  Rather than admit I’d had the same problem, I asked, “When did you end things with Sam?”

  “I don’t even know that there was anything to end because we weren’t exclusive. But I went to see him right after I left your office that night.”

  I nodded, hating myself for the trace of sick pride I felt upon hearing that—as if I were the Cunnilingus King, ruining her for all other men.

  “After what I experienced with you, I knew I had to act,” she continued. “It made no sense to string him along anymore. If I took anything away from what happened with us, it’s that I deserve to feel that kind of fire with someone. Even if you and I can’t be together, you showed me what it’s like. And I definitely didn’t have that experience with Sam.” She looked into my eyes. “It wasn’t just what you did to me on your desk. It’s how I feel every minute I’m with you, Dax. Even if we’re just talking. I…”

  Her words trailed off, but she didn’t have to explain further. I knew exactly what she meant. I took a few steps closer. “I know because you saw me with a woman tonight, you think I don’t care about what happened between us. But it’s just the opposite. I feel every bit of what you do, if not more.”