At any rate, it was working for Nydia and Vol. She tuned in on the lady’s side of the waltz, which was not complicated, and Vol responded to the man’s side. They moved well enough together. They got through the first dance flawlessly.

  Vinia was dancing with Prince Ion. Nydia remembered that the girl’s other talent was telekinesis. She was actually making Ion’s legs move so that they could dance together, despite his paralysis.

  Then the mixing began. A couple cut in on them, the lady taking Vol, the man Nydia. She found she could continue doing the steps well enough, now that she had some practice in them. “I am just an anonymous worker,” the man told her, “but you are a stunning creature.”

  “I’m a nymph,” she replied. “All appearance, little substance.”

  He shook his head. “I know the difference. You’re a woman.” Evidently so.

  As they danced, Nydia tried to keep an eye on Vol. He seemed to be handling it too. That was a relief. There was no loneliness here.

  Then she saw Ecstasy dancing with others. She was as beautiful in motion as in person. It was as if a cloud of brilliance surrounded her. She was much in demand, and clearly enjoying it. Oakley was showing not a trace of jealousy; he had enabled her to achieve her dream of being lovely and popular by pointing out the obvious: to use a figurine herself.

  And Santo with Noe, back in her girl form. They danced wonderfully together, which was perhaps no surprise, as they knew each other so well. They were putting on their normal-couple show, though the citizens knew that was the limit of it.

  Until Lilith cut in. Noe yielded gracefully, having been warned. She retired to the sideline and watched, a faint smile hovering near her face.

  Lilith’s outfit was, of course, part of her demon substance, maybe a variation of ectoplasm, answering to her preference of the moment. It faded out where Santo touched her, so that his arm rested against her bare back. When she did a twirl, the material across her bosom flashed translucent, showing most evocative flesh beneath. Her skirt flung out, but that hardly mattered, because it, too, flashed translucent, showing marvelously formed thighs and evocatively flexing posterior. Panties flashed brightly. Nearby men started freaking out, having to be snapped back to attention by their annoyed partners, only to freak again.

  Except for Santo. He danced blithely on, unaffected. Lilith was increasingly frustrated, trying wilder flashes to no effect, despite the carnage elsewhere in the hall. At one point she was completely nude, with an exaggerated shape, but she might as well have been swaddled in a thick wool coat for all the effect it had at close range. The smile caught up to Noe’s mouth and prospered there as the dance finished, with the demoness looking somewhat wild-eyed and weathered, and the hall resembling a bombed city inhabited only by outraged women staring at their fallen men.

  Lilith gave it up as a bad job, plainly irritated by what might have been her first seductive failure in generations. Noe resumed dancing with Santo. Now a trace of the smile touched him also. He had known what the demoness was up to, and perhaps enjoyed demonstrating his immunity to her charms. He had looked at everything and been bored. He truly was not into women as romantic or sexual objects. That made his association with Noe more significant, as he obviously valued her.

  The next dance was a different type, with couples mostly facing each other, slightly apart, gyrating in place. Queen Demesne joined in with Grossclout. Then she beckoned to Lilith, who took her place. This time, she did not even try to freak out her partner, knowing infinitely better. Neither did Grossclout try to intimidate her, ditto. A smile circulated around the women. The demoness had been put in her place.

  As the dance concluded, Eartha spoke to Nydia. “Rob is picking up on something we perhaps need to know about,” she murmured. “There is a deep distress in Thanx they are not telling us about.”

  “Our fault?” Nydia asked, alarmed.

  “No. They don’t want to bother us with it, so are pretending all is well. It isn’t.”

  Noletta was near. Nydia turned to her. “Something’s wrong. What does your future vision indicate?”

  The nymph focused. “We are on the way to Andromeda Galaxy. We seem to be okay.”

  “Suppose we stay here another day?”

  Noletta focused again. “There seems to be mischief. We’re okay, but those around us are in panic. I can’t tell why.”

  Nydia beckoned Vinia. “There’s a problem. What do your colored paths indicate?”

  The girl focused. “The whole area is turning red. We need to be out of here.”

  “Is there a green path?”

  “Um, yes.” She looked up. “It leads right to Apoca.”

  Who had her own powers and understanding. “Stay here, all. I will talk privately with Apoca.” Nydia crossed the hall to where the Lips queen sat with her husband.

  Apoca looked up as Nydia approached. Her hair turned red. “Bleep! You’re catching on.”

  Nydia sat in the chair next to her. “Only to the fact that something is wrong. Please, tell me what. Why is it being concealed from us?”

  “Your mission is essential. We don’t want to delay you or distract you with something that need not concern you.”

  “We are already concerned. Is there anything we can do?”

  Apoca sighed. “I really don’t see what. That’s part of why we prefer to leave you out of it.”

  This continued to be curious. “But there might be something?”

  “There might be. But you need to be on your way.”

  “Tell me the essence so I can judge.”

  “Thanx may be destroyed.”

  Nydia suppressed her dismay. Their experience with the Queendom had been slight so far, but she already valued it, and was sure the others did too. Good folk were here. “Suppose we get in a private room and you tell the members of the Quest about it? Then we can decide whether to try to help, if we can, or simply get out of your hair.”

  The queen nodded, her hair going plaid. “That’s fair.” She stood and spoke to Nolan, the Prince of the Naga. “Cover for me, dear. I have to tell the Quest.”

  He nodded. “It would be marvelous if they could help, though I don’t see how.”

  “This way.” Apoca walked toward a door Nydia hadn’t noticed before. “Don’t let them make a scene. Not all citizens are aware yet. In fact, only a few of those in the know are here, deliberately.”

  “Got it.” Nydia returned to the others. “We will gather quietly in that chamber with Queen Apoca. There is serious business afoot.”

  “There sure is,” Vinia said. “There are red paths all around.”

  They filtered in, two by two, without attracting attention. Santo and Noe were nearby, but hesitated. Nydia signaled them to come along. If they were joining the Quest, they belonged.

  Soon they were all seated in the room, facing Apoca. She started in without preamble, her hair flashing a welcoming green. “You may have noticed how busy Queen Demesne is, and how she lacked personnel to handle visitors, so she had to do it herself. The Queendom of Thanx is threatened with extinction, not by any attack of her neighbors, who are similarly threatened, but by an outside force.” Her hair turned blue. “I must use, excuse the term, science, to explain. There are two tectonic plates to our east and west that seem to be at war with each other.” She smiled grimly. “These are not exactly dinner plates. They are huge sheets of rock upon which the Land of Xanth rests. When they move, the earth shakes. They are pushing at each other, striving for competitive dominance. Unfortunately, the Queendom happens to be right between them. When they push too hard, the land will buckle, forming new mountains, as has happened elsewhere in the past, when other plates collided. Everything we have built will be destroyed. Yes, we can hastily move elsewhere, before the crisis peaks, pardon the pun, but there are complications. The rest of Xanth is mostly settled, and evacuees may not be completely welcomed. When the Queendom was established, the neighboring kingdoms immediately invaded. They won’t be kind to refugees. We would have to rebuild everything. The ardors of travel will be stressful. So we prefer to remain here. But we don’t know how to stop the plates. Already the tension of that pressure is causing fires to break out, floods to occur, and terrible windstorms. It’s all we can do, cooperating with the kingdoms, to contain their damage.” She allowed half a pause, her hair turning gray. “Any feasible suggestions are welcome.”

  Flame stood. “I can quell the fires, at least as long as I am here.”

  Flood stood. “I can abate the flooding similarly.”

  Aery stood. “I can still the winds.”

  Eartha stood. “I am the Element of Earth. I have been quelling those two juvenile plates for eons, but the moment my attention wanders, Tek and Tonik are at it again. Now that I have joined the Quest, and I am not watching as closely, they feel free to misbehave. I can stop them, but I must go to Andromeda Galaxy, and that will free them to resume their rivalry. They can’t be abolished because they are the foundation of Xanth. I regret I do not have a viable suggestion.” She sat back down.

  Moonroe stood. “I have a question, Lips queen. You speak of plates. Are there cups, knives, forks, spoons, or other utensils?”

  Apoca plainly was not amused, her hair turning orange for annoyance. “Not that we know of.”

  Moonroe was unfazed. “My thought is this: if the plates are male, the other meal utensils may be female. They might represent a fair distraction, so the plates would no longer feel the need to contest for land.” He glanced at Aery. “I can attest that a female can distract and calm a male when she tries.”

  “Obviously,” Oakley agreed, glancing at Ecstasy, who smiled.

  Apoca was taken aback, her hair flashing assorted colors. “I happen to know that female power over males. But where would we ever find suitable tableware for such plates?”

  Vol stood. “I have stores of every kind of tableware that has ever been lost. The problem is how to get it to the buried plates.”

  Santo stood. “I can make tunnels for them to use for access. That is my talent.”

  Could this actually work? That depended on the plates. Nydia was afraid it was not enough. “Knives and forks are not very expressive on their own.”

  “Spoons would be better,” Noe said. “They are obviously female, with their curves.”

  “You have a wand,” Oakley said to Nydia, “which can animate as a young woman. Could you prevail on her to teach the utensils how? The spoons how to spoon, as it were?”

  That was so far-fetched it seemed ludicrous. But what choice did she have? She brought out the wand. “Wanda, we need your help. Please animate so we can talk.” She set it down on an empty chair, uncertain that there would be a response. They had, after all, pretty much abducted her and made her perform involuntarily. She could be angry.

  Wanda appeared, black of hair and eye, lovely in her disguise. “I heard everything. I can do it. What’s in it for me?”

  So they could bargain. Wanda was no longer playing the almost-echo game. “Your freedom, after the Quest is done. I can return you to the house where we found you.”

  “That’s not enough.”

  “What do you want?”

  “A male, one who knows my nature and accepts me as I am. Your Questers all got partners. I want one too.”

  “But you are illusion!”

  “Conjure me into a figurine. Then I’ll be physical.”

  “Obviously,” Oakley said.

  Nydia felt her jaw trying to drop. She fought it back into place. “Uh, Ecstasy?” Could she craft figurines while being a figurine herself?

  “Coming up.” Ecstasy reached into the air and hauled out a blob of ectoplasm. Soon she had it shaped into a duplicate of Wanda, like a twin sister. She could indeed do it, and her artistry remained excellent.

  “Perfect,” Wanda said. She turned to Nydia. “Now do me.”

  Bemused, Nydia reached into her and grasped her essence, the wand. The illusion of Wanda disappeared. “I conjure you into this host,” Nydia said.

  She felt the wand go. She no longer held it. Oops! Had this experiment destroyed it?

  The figurine animated. “Thank you,” Wanda said. “This makes me real in a manner I never was before. I can actually touch and be touched, not just wielded. I even have a brain, and can think for myself. That’s awesome.” She smiled. “Now let me try my power on some spoons.”

  “But the wand is gone,” Nydia protested.

  “You forget I am the wand.”

  Oh. Was this making sense?

  Wanda turned to Vol. “Spoon, please.”

  Vol lifted one hand. An ornate spoon appeared in it, surely an antique. He handed it to Wanda.

  She held it up. “Clothe yourself,” she said to it.

  The air around the spoon shimmered and formed into a fair woman with a small but pretty head, small bosom, narrow waist, and a large pelvis. Spoon shaped, of course. She looked down at herself, then formed classic clothing that further enhanced her proportions. It was working!

  “We want you to fascinate a big plate,” Wanda said to her.

  “But I am good for only one thing: eating,” the illusion woman protested.

  All three nymphs (Nerine still counting herself as one) smiled reminiscently. How could they ever have accepted such a notion? It was sheer male propaganda. Neither was a spoon limited to utensilizing.

  “He won’t be interested in eating. Just let him look at you. Dance for him. Dish it out. Tease him with your silvery beauty.”

  The image looked at herself. “I could do that, as long as he doesn’t actually touch me.”

  “He has no hands,” Eartha said. “Just an awareness of your presence. That should suffice. Males can study females indefinitely.”

  “At least, they do in Mundania,” Ecstasy said. “They call it pornography.”

  “But I don’t know where he is, or how to reach him.”

  Wanda looked at Santo. He smiled. “One tunnel coming up.” He focused and a hole appeared before him, slanting down under the floor and nearby wall. “The plate is at the other end. All you have to do is get in range and hold his attention.”

  “I can do that,” the spoon said, wiggling her evocative midsection with a scooping motion. “I will flash panties. He’ll never take his attention off me.” She walked into the tunnel and soon was gone.

  “Another spoon,” Wanda said.

  Vol produced it. They went through the same procedure, and soon another illusory lady was walking down another tunnel, toward the other plate. They followed with several more spoons for each plate so that there would be variety, as males tended to like that. The plates would never think of quarreling with each other again.

  “Now,” Moonroe said. “Your turn, Wanda. You want a man who understands and accepts you as you are. How about a knife?”

  “A dull utensil? I can do better than that.”

  “I was thinking of a fancy carving knife, quite sharp. Vol surely has a fine collection.”

  Vol raised his hand. It held an ornate blade whose handle resembled a handsome man. “This was owned and used by a great hunter. It has surely seen much of interest.”

  Wanda gazed at it, impressed.

  “Conjure it as you did the spoons,” Moonroe said. “If you don’t like it, abolish it.”

  She considered half a moment. Then she decided. She took the blade and held it in her hand. “Clothe yourself,” she said.

  A man formed around the knife. He slid from her hand and stood before her, tall and well-favored. “Well, hello, lovely lady.”

  Wanda was clearly impressed. “You do know my nature, and yours?”

  “Of course I know. But I can’t touch you, lest the illusion dissipate.”

  Wanda turned to Ecstasy. “Already on it,” the woman said as she pulled ectoplasm from the air. Soon she had a figurine exactly emulating the knife man.

  Wanda gestured. “Enter the statuette,” she said.

  The illusion took one step into the figurine. Then, tangible, he took hold of Wanda and kissed her. “Let’s get to a more private place. I have significant things to tell you.” Surely more than that!

  “Yes,” she breathed, clearly delighted. They departed together.

  “I confess to being impressed by the incidental magic,” Apoca said, “but will this ploy actually stop the plates?”

  Rob gestured toward the closed door. “News on that front approaches.”

  There was an imperious knock. “Come in,” Apoca called.

  It was her husband, Prince Nolan Naga. “Word from the field. The plate pressure has eased!”

  Apoca looked at Nydia. “Even more impressed!” She was gone.

  Nydia sat down, impressed herself. Had they really thus simply solved the Queendom’s problem? By providing pun distractions for the rogue plates? That seemed too easy. But in Xanth, the pun was king. Time would tell. Favorably, she ardently hoped.

  She looked at Noletta. “What’s your verdict?”

  “We are on the way to Galaxy Andromeda. There seems to be no more panic.”

  “Most paths are green now,” Vinia said.

  “I believe this team is working well together,” Oakley said.

  “Obviously,” several others replied, laughing.

  They retired to their suites. “That was a nice thing you did for Wanda,” Nydia told Vol. “It seems that she was another lonely person, for all that I had thought she was just a tool.”