“But it shows only a few seconds, not the context,” Noletta protested. “That’s like a single jigsaw puzzle piece out of place, almost useless to see the big picture.”

  “True. You need to ascertain how to make it more useful.”

  Noletta was silent, not satisfied but not knowing how to make anything of it.

  “Let me see if I have this straight,” Nydia said grimly, hardly half a wit mollified. “You want a soulless, talentless protagonist, so she can be anonymous?”

  “Exactly. I’m glad to see that the Stein is working, providing you at least a token bit of wit.”

  Was that an insult or merely his normal arrogance? “Anonymous from what?”

  “The perpetrator.”

  “The perpetrator of what?”

  “Some background,” the Magician said. “Recently there has been a plague of the elements. Fires are raging, waters are flooding, storms are blowing away whole villages, and the ground is quaking so violently in some areas that forests are being decimated. Something is angering the elements, and that something has to be a capital D Demon, proof against my talent of Information. We are allied with the Demon Chaos, who is more than capable of nullifying any other influence, including that of a Demon, but he can’t act when the Demon is unknown. Your job, should you elect to accept it, is to locate that identity.”

  Had she misheard? “We have a choice?”

  “You do. This requires your active support. There may be danger.”

  “Suppose we decline?”

  “Then you will be free to return to the Retreat.”

  “And be good for only one thing!”

  “True. Most nymphs are satisfied with that. So are their consorts. Once you return there, you will have no memory of this visit or this operation.”

  Nydia shuddered. Now at last she understood Why. There was horrendous mischief in Xanth, that maybe only they were equipped to handle because they were beneath notice. Get that understanding Wiped? Let Xanth suffer because they lacked the incentive to tackle the problem? Because it fell outside what they were supposed to be good for? That notion was painful. “We have glimpsed the outer realm of Xanth. We don’t want to go back to lascivious ignorance.”

  “But I’m not at all sure I want to tackle the challenges of greater Xanth,” Noletta said. “There are all kinds of dangers we don’t face in the Retreat.”

  “You are ugly nymphs,” Humfrey told them bluntly. “Surreptitiously changing the title of your story does not change the reality.”

  So he knew about that. He truly was the Magician of Information.

  “We’re not ugly,” Noletta argued. “We’re made in the image of all nymphs, which is lovely.”

  “One of you now has high intelligence,” he said. “That’s a potent no-no for a nymph, making her attitude ugly.” Nydia froze; he was scoring on her. “Another has magically messed hair; since hair is the only quick way to tell nymphs apart, that makes her ugly.” Nerine froze, similarly scored on. “The third has a magic talent. No proper nymph has one. That makes her ugly in her nature.” And Noletta froze.

  “Are you determined to insult us?” Nydia demanded.

  “By no means. I am establishing that you are no longer qualified as nymphs. But you can be beautiful as real people. For example, intelligence can be a significant asset to an appealing woman.”

  Nydia glanced at the others. It was clear that none of them wanted to continue as nymphs. “You have made your point, Magician,” she said tightly.

  He didn’t even bother to look at her. His gaze was on the giant book, which was evidently more interesting than mere nymphs could ever be. “Then you are ready for the mission.”

  “Ready to attempt it, at any rate. What do we get if we succeed?”

  “Souls and real lives.”

  Nydia froze again, as did the others. Suddenly they knew that this was the ultimate reward. Ordinary existence as real people, complete with souls! Oh, yes, they wanted it, now that they knew it was an option.

  But that was in the future. There were intervening details. “We don’t even know where all the mischief is.”

  “That is why you will need another Companion.”

  “How can another Companion help? What we need is Information.”

  “Her name is Wyvinia, but she goes by Vinia. She is Prince Ion’s fiancee. She is fourteen years old.”

  “She’s a child? I thought you said she is a prince’s fiancee.”

  “When she comes of age, they will marry. She was the protagonist two novels ago, and a significant character in the last one. She is experienced, as you three are not, and she is not a suppressed demoness. She has two talents.”

  “Two? I never heard of that!”

  He didn’t bother to grimace. “Of course you haven’t. You have lived a sheltered, ignorant life.”

  Nydia was beginning to appreciate why his wives called him Himself. He lacked certain social graces that even sheltered, ignorant nymphs could appreciate. But that was neither here nor there, though it was tantalizingly close. “What two talents?”

  “Contact telekinesis is the open one. Among other things, she helps her boyfriend walk by moving his nonfunctional legs for him. The more important hidden one is to see the paths of the near future.”

  Nydia knew those abilities could be potent. “Where do we find this two-talented prodigy?”

  “At the Queendom of Thanx.”

  “The what?”

  “Most countries are kingdoms, organized and run by men. This one, which is really Xanth spelled backward to the extent feasible, is run by women, with the men merely supportive. The child Woe Betide knows its location.”

  There was something about that Queendom that Nydia liked. The women were in charge! This adventure was already becoming more interesting.

  “We will go there tomorrow,” Nydia decided, as night had closed in about the castle. The setting of the sun had warned them that the end of the day was nigh. It always knew. Maybe because nigh was just one letter away from night.

  Wira reappeared. “Your room is ready.” Woe Betide was with her, looking satisfied. Evidently Sofia had known how to entertain a child. Could she have actually made sock sorting interesting?

  Just like that, they were guests of the castle? Nydia saw that the Good Magician had already tuned them out as he contemplated the book.

  They followed Wira out and down a hall to what turned out to be a pleasant suite. It had three beds and a small child’s crib, and there was a private room for the dread natural functions.

  “Oh!” Noletta exclaimed as she entered.

  Uh-oh. “You have a problem?”

  “This is the room I saw in my vision of the future. I recognize the furniture.”

  Oh. “That does make sense. It’s good to confirm that your talent is accurate, minor as it may be.”

  There was a sound as of a low canine howl. They looked, and there was no animal, merely an alcove with windows looking out over the exterior landscape. Then Nydia got the pun: “A bay window.” They groaned, coming to appreciate puns as the inferior humor they were.

  A nearby picture on the wall smiled. The image turned out to be of Good Magician Humfrey when he was a young man, a quarter way handsome. He was evidently amused by their discovery of the baying window. Surely harmless, but Nydia wondered why there should be an animated picture here. Vanity, or to spy on guests?

  Nydia thought of something. “Have you checked your talent recently?” she asked Noletta.

  “I’ve been so distracted by what’s happening now, I haven’t thought of it. I can’t afford to tune in on the future when the present is so busy. But I’ll check it now.” She focused. “Oh my ever-bleeping life! That can’t be.”

  Nerine was curious. “What can’t be?”

  “We are kissing a woman! Not incidentally. It’s maybe romantic.”

  Nydia had a problem with this. “We may be good for only One Thing, but that’s just with a man.”

  “Maybe we can change it with a decision.”

  But Nydia was cautious. “Kissing a woman won’t kill us. Maybe it’s the only way she communicates. We don’t want to change our future whimsically. We’ve got enough on our minds without pointlessly complicating it. Let’s find out what’s going on when we get there. If we don’t like it, then we can change it.”

  “Okay,” Noletta said uncertainly.

  Nydia hoped there would be some reasonable explanation. Certainly she would never voluntarily do the One Thing with a woman.

  They returned to their appreciation of the room, putting the disquieting vision of the future as far from their minds as possible.

  They had hardly settled in before Wira reappeared. Nydia had not been paying attention as she faded out. “Dinner is served,” she announced. “You will join Sofia and me, as Humfrey is busy elsewhere tonight.”

  Suddenly Nydia was hungry. That seemed to be a consequence of becoming real: they had to eat often, even though it led to functions. Obviously real life was far from perfect.

  The meal turned out to be sumptuous, with assorted pot pies in the shape of iron pots, boot rear to drink, and eye scream in the form of screaming eyeballs for dessert. The demon child loved that, even though she didn’t need to eat.

  “Are you going to tell us your history?” Woe Betide asked Wira.

  “If you wish.” She glanced at the nymphs, who nodded together. They knew so little about outer Xanth that they were glad to hear anyone’s history.

  “It is simple enough. I was delivered in the year 1052. It is now 1124, so chronologically I am seventy-two years old. I was a burden on my family, so was put to sleep at age sixteen, in 1068, until Humfrey’s son Hugo woke me in 1090. Then I was youthened twenty-two years, so as to be younger than Hugo, and married him. I have been helping around the castle ever since.”

  “She gives the castle continuity,” Sofia said. “We wives come and go, but Wira remains. Humfrey really depends on her.”

  “Why isn’t Hugo here?” Noletta asked.

  Wira smiled sadly. “He has become a background character. If he is ever needed in the foreground, he will reappear. I miss him.”

  Nydia realized that being real could have its liabilities beyond functions. Was that destined to be their own fate, even if they made it to reality? To become essentially nothing?

  “Perhaps you misunderstand,” Sofia said. “Background characters still exist. They have their own minor adventures. They simply are not summoned to appear in the recorded stories unless there is some reason. Many of them prefer it that way. Being a Protagonist or a Companion can get stressful.”

  Nydia was coming to appreciate that too.

  In due course they returned to their room. They were tired, another complication of reality, and soon were in their beds and sound asleep.

  In the morning, as they stirred into wakefulness, a wandering thought landed on Nydia. Thoughts did that, yet another aspect of her becoming real. “We followed an enchanted path to get here,” she said. “But I’m not sure there’ll be one leading to Thanx. There could be danger along the way.”

  “There sure could be,” Woe agreed. “Monsters love the waypaths. Metria likes to tease them, pretending to be a delicious helpless maiden, then disappearing just as their teeth close on her so that they strike sparks. It makes them so mad!”

  “But we really are delicious maidens.”

  The child nodded. “I guess you’ll have to be careful.”

  “Very careful,” Nerine said. “Not just of monsters, I think. Of men who see us as nymphs.”

  “Excellent point,” Nydia agreed. “We now have better things to do than be constantly chased and celebrated by men.”

  “But how do we stop them?” Noletta asked. “Aren’t men pretty much like fauns, wanting only one thing?”

  Nydia spot researched in her template. “Pretty much, for the most part. But we have a defense: our new panties. We can flash them to freak out any pushy men.”

  “Can we? I’d like to verify that.”

  Noletta’s natural skepticism seemed warranted. “We should test our panties,” Nydia agreed.

  “How? I don’t want to be ravished by a passing man before I discover my panties don’t work.”

  That was a problem. They needed to verify panties before putting themselves at risk. But how, with no ordinary men on the premises?

  Then she got a flash inspiration that briefly lighted the room. “The picture!”

  “The what?” Nerine asked.

  Nydia walked to the picture of Young Humfrey. Its eyes tracked her approach with a certain faun-like interest. “Take a good glimpse of this,” she told it. Then she turned around, hoisted her skirt, and flashed it with her iridescent panties.

  “Wow,” Noletta breathed.

  Nydia looked. The face on the picture was frozen, the eyes no longer tracking anything. They were two patches of iridescence. It had freaked out. “It seems they do work.”

  “Maybe when I’m grown,” Woe said, “I’ll understand why just seeing cloth makes a man freak. I find it boring.”

  “It’s special magic,” Nerine explained.

  “In fact, this whole castle is boring, except for Sofia. I don’t know why Metria is so interested in it.”

  “Adults lead dull lives,” Nerine said, with the gist of a smile.

  Nydia remembered something else. She looked at Noletta, who was now trying on a new dress from the clothes closet. “Have you checked a day ahead? The Good Magician told you to use your talent.”

  “Yes. I saw us kissing a woman, remember?”

  “But the future can change, even with a thought.”

  “That’s right! I forgot that aspect. I’ll look again.” She concentrated—and screamed. “EEEEEEEEEE!!” It was no cute teasing sound to tempt a faun. It had so many E’s in it they could hardly be counted, and they were all capitals. This was utter horror.

  “What is it?” Nydia asked, alarmed.

  “There’s nothing!” the nymph exclaimed breathlessly. “Nothing at all!”

  “Have you lost your talent?”

  “No! I have it. But the other end is blank. There’s nothing there.”

  Nydia focused her intelligence. “This answers the description of a termination somewhere between here and there. As if a monster ate you.”

  “Yes,” Noletta agreed shudderingly.

  “And if you’re gone, chances are the rest of us are too.”

  “Yes,” Nerine said, tuning in on the horror.

  Nydia battened down her burgeoning panic. “Let me try an experiment. Let’s say we are traveling a path, and come to a fork. We take the right-side path. That leads us to the hungry monster, and we are doomed. Now let’s make a decision: when we come to that fork, we will take the left-side path. What do you see?”

  Noletta’s face shifted into wonder. “The picture’s back! We’re in another bedroom like this one, but more feminine.”

  “A bedroom in the Queendom of Thanx.”

  “It must be.”

  “That means we made it safely there,” Nerine said, relieved.

  “Because we changed our route,” Nydia agreed. “Suddenly I’m seeing that this supposedly minor talent she won from the troll may be far more useful than we thought. The Good Magician told her to use it. He wasn’t fooling. The scene is in the future. We’re here in the present. We can change it! That may have just saved our lives.”

  “Wow,” Noletta said faintly.

  “Let’s zero in on it. We want to be sure to make the best use of it. Let’s try something else. Like returning to the Retreat.”

  “But we don’t want to do that,” Noletta protested.

  “Indeed we don’t. But this is just practice. A thought experiment. Let’s go back there.”

  “I guess,” Nerine agreed uncertainly.

  “There’s our decision. Noletta, what do you see now?”

  The nymph focused. “I’m there. A faun has just caught me. He’s throwing me down on the ground. I’m screaming cutely, egging him on. He—” She hesitated. “The picture just went blank. I mean, it’s there, but there are no details, just grayed out sections.”

  “Because a child is listening,” Nydia said. “The Adult Conspiracy is bleeping it out.”

  “Blip!” Woe Betide swore. She had of course hoped to get a glimpse.

  “One more,” Nydia said. “Let’s follow the enchanted paths to go visit Castle Roogna.”

  “Okay.” Noletta focused. “We’re still on the trail, in the morning. I’m washing up in the nearby pond, my clothing on the bank. There are cherry pie plants growing beside the water, and fresh milkweed bottles. I see something at the farthest corner of my eye. A furtive motion. I think a man is hiding in the brush nearby, trying to sneak a peek.”

  “They do,” Woe said wisely. “They like to glimpse bare women. Can’t think why. Metria would moon him, but he wouldn’t mind.”

  “No, it would just bring him in for a bleeped out session.”

  “And she would dissipate into smoke just as he took hold of her,” Noletta said with a certain private satisfaction. Her independence was almost visibly expanding.

  “I think we’ve verified the talent,” Nydia said. “The left fork it is.”

  Then it was time for breakfast, before they set out for the Queendom. Nydia was increasingly satisfied. Now they knew how to proceed safely, proof against both monsters and men. That was a phenomenal comfort.

  Chapter 3

  Quest

  They exited the castle, nodded to the moat monster, walked across the bridge spanning the moat, and found a pleasant avenue leading to the enchanted path network. Woe Betide’s crib floated beside them as she napped. A sign said castle roogna with an arrow. That was the capital of Xanth, not anything they wanted to mess with now. Another sign said zombie castle with a similar arrow in the opposite direction. No, they weren’t into zombies! A third said gap chasm. With its awful dragon? No thank you. A fourth said good magician’s castle. They laughed; the arrow pointed back the way they had come.