Especially now that I know what Shay feels like.

  She’s submissive in bed in so many ways, letting me do all the things I want to do. She’s eager to please; I can spot a praise kink a mile away and she gets off on it. A lot.

  But she also tells me what she wants and when she wants more and harder and faster. It turns me on that she wants me so much and can’t get enough of me. Even this morning, leaving her bed without being inside her just one more time was more difficult than I’d let on.

  I’ve never been a big cuddler but waking up with her body intertwined with mine, her head resting on my chest like she’d been doing it for years, felt so fucking right.

  I’d woken up feeling content and it wasn’t just because I’d spent the night having the best sex of my life but because of who I’d had it with.

  God, I’m fucked.

  I turn my eyes back to the footage noting everything looks normal. I roll my eyes when I see Veronica pulling up in her Mercedes and letting herself into the house around five.

  I’d also gotten a stack of fan mail from Cooper the other day that he’d wanted me to go through. Typically, that’s a job for her assistant and her publicist but he said there were a few pieces that worried him and asked if I’d take a look. She got a lot of fan mail from adoring and borderline obsessed fans. The only times we took them seriously were when they seemed to have too much information, speaking on things that weren’t reported to the public. There was someone last year that sent pictures that were far too close and inside her gated neighborhood telling her he loved her. I was a nervous fucking wreck until we figured out who it was and filed a restraining order.

  Usually, when we figure out who it is and I personally deliver a restraining order to them, they tend to back off and Shay is none the wiser. The last thing I want is for her to worry or be afraid to live her life. This is what I’m here for; to allow her to live her life while I shield her from anything that could interfere with that. It’s a job I take very seriously.

  I open the unsealed envelope and when I spot the typed words, I’m immediately on edge. Most fan letters come handwritten. Even the ones that are over the top and require me to get involved.

  Shay—

  I know your relationship with Paxton is over.

  I knew he didn’t deserve you.

  I tried to tell you he wasn’t good enough.

  That he would hurt you.

  You ignored my letters!

  No one will ever love you like I do.

  Please let me.

  I’ve been waiting for you. For us!

  I can’t wait until we can be together.

  I grit my teeth thinking about how much this person knows. Could it be someone fucking with her? Trying to scare her? Maybe someone from Paxton’s team in hopes it will send her running back to him in fear?

  No, it couldn’t be that. His team couldn’t be that desperate.

  I clench my hand into a fist already wanting my eyes or my hands on her as I fear the worst. I scratch my jaw as I put it to the side and open another one that I believe to be from the same person. More of the same sentiments. There are four letters in total. All of them typed in the same block font and all referencing the demise of her and Paxton’s relationship.

  I look at the envelopes and all of them are addressed to Cooper’s office and my blood runs cold thinking about the next one showing up here somehow.

  Me: I’m changing the code to the house. Please do not disclose it to Veronica.

  Winter: Okay, I think you’re overreacting though. She’s sorry she scared you! To be fair, she did tell me last week she’d come over early today. I’ve just had other things on my mind :)

  Me: That’s fine. And I’m not saying I don’t trust her, I would just feel better if the only people that had it were the people that absolutely need it.

  Winter: Understood. We are going to leave in about an hour, okay? I’m going to ride with V.

  Me: Okay, I’ll be behind you.

  I want to tell her that I’d feel better driving her myself, but I can’t. I have to be able to separate the role of her bodyguard and the man that she’s sleeping with, and if the two begin to blur together I’ll become an unhinged caveman that won’t let anyone within a mile of her.

  This is exactly why you don’t get involved with your client, Hunt.

  I look down at my phone and see that she’s sent me an emoji with a kiss and I smile wishing that she was in front of me to give her a real one. There isn’t anything else I can do about these letters right now. I don’t even know how long ago they were sent. It’s possible they were sent before Shay even learned of Paxton’s betrayal and he was sending these in hopes that Paxton was cheating on her. Or maybe this person knew before Shay even knew. There are too many unknowns and it’s pissing me off that I have nowhere to start. I type out a message to Cooper.

  Me: Keep an eye out for any other letters.

  Cooper Jennings: You got it. What happened with Paxton last night? Pictures are starting to circulate of you in the middle of them. We and P’s team both tried to buy them but they leaked too fast.

  Me: She’s just over it. She feels like she’s backed into a corner with him and he’s acting like they’re actually together even in private and this isn’t all a ruse.

  Cooper Jennings: Got it. Alright, well we have a call with the head of his PR team later today.

  Me: Get it sorted out.

  I stare at my words and shake my head before I pull up the alerts I have set up for her and sure enough I see the picture of me in the middle of them. From the angle, luckily it doesn’t seem like they’re arguing because I’m more in front of her and the pap wasn’t close enough to get a clear shot of Paxton’s face. The fact that I’m there is why there’s a question. Am I protecting her from him? Did he do something to her? Was I breaking up an argument? All of these are speculation but the questions are out there, and I’m sure Paxton’s team is not pleased with how this looks.

  A knock on my door breaks me out of my thoughts and when I peek out of the window, I see Shay standing there dressed in a black halter mid-length dress and her hair that was previously wet from the shower we took last night, blow-dried and curled. I open the door and she pushes her way inside and then she’s in my arms, wrapped around me like ivy. Her lips connect with mine and I’m reminded of the way she kisses, like she can’t get close enough to me, and I groan at the taste of her toothpaste and the scent of her shampoo and her perfume as my tongue moves against hers.

  “You smell good,” I tell her and she presses her nose into my neck.

  “So do you. We are ready to go but I just wanted to give you a kiss before I can’t for the rest of the day.”

  The thought that I won’t be able to touch her irritates me more than I expected. I set her on her feet and tuck her hair behind her ear.

  “Well, I think I should be able to give you a kiss as well.” She raises an eyebrow knowingly and then I’m on one knee in front of her, raising her dress to her waist revealing a silky black pair of panties. “Hold your dress up,” I command her as I press my lips to the fabric before moving it to the side and sliding my tongue through her slit. I look up and see the look she’s giving me, brown eyes clouded with lust and her mouth slightly open making me want to force her to her knees and push my dick through those full pouty lips again. She must not be wearing a bra because I can see her hard nipples pebbling against the fabric of her dress and god these legs. Legs that I wish could be wrapped around my neck right now. I slide one hand up her leg and squeeze her thigh as the other is still holding her panties to the side.

  “Damian.”

  “Yes, baby.” I lick and suck at her clit, lapping at her and swirling my tongue around the space. “Tell me what you need.”

  “You.” She moans. “I need you.” She groans as she runs her hands through my hair and scores my scalp with her nails.

  I need you, too. I want to tell her but I can’t get the words out.

  I need you safe. Alive. Mine.

  God, I’ve missed being on set.

  I slide my Dior sunglasses to my head and let out a sigh of relief as I push through the door to the LA Dreams set. Returning to the life of Ashley Anderson feels like coming home. I’ve been playing her for almost ten years across two television shows so in many ways, she’s become a part of me. There have been so many instances I had what would Ashley do moments. She has parents, a boyfriend—soon-to-be husband—that adored her, and, quite honestly, the perfect life so I love stepping into her shoes for several months out of the year and getting to pretend everything is fine. Ashley Anderson has her life together, whereas Shay Eastwood feels like a mess half the time.

  “I cannot believe you and Damian,” Veronica says as we make our way down the long hallway lined with headshots of actors and actresses that have worked on this very stage. I drag my fingertips over my six-foot headshot like I always do in hopes that it reminds me that I can do this. I am talented and worthy of being here.

  “You can’t? Miss oh my god he’s so hot for you?” I raise my eyebrow at her.

  “I didn’t think he’d act on it!” I chuckle because neither did I to be honest. “I support this one hundred percent.” She turns around because a lot of times Damian will walk me in to make sure I get settled, but he’s not behind us. I can’t help the smile on my lips thinking about what her support means.

  Are we just sleeping together? Dating? More than that? The idea that I could potentially be falling for Damian hits me hard.

  “When are you calling it off with Pax?”

  “I don’t know. I kind of hope the paparazzi figure out the truth and it’ll end this ruse once and for all. Right now, I have to be careful or else I’m going to come off looking like I betrayed him. Isn’t that ironic?”

  She snorts. “People love you, Shay, they’ll believe you.”

  “They love Paxton too,” I argue as we make it to the set and it seems we are the last to arrive because I see Jeremy and Derek and the rest of our co-stars along with producers and the director. They scream both Veronica’s and my names and surround us pulling us into respective circles, and I’m reminded again how much I love it here. These are my people. People I trust more than most. We’ve been together so long that we know almost everything about each other. These are people that were there when my parents died, when Jeremy ended his long-term relationship, when Veronica’s parents went through their divorce, and when Derek lost his mother. There was something to be said for the people that were there when shit went down.

  “What is going on with you and Paxton?” Denise, one of the executive producers that I’ve known since I was fourteen asks me from over her glasses. “You do not seem like you guys are on good terms?” She reminds me in so many ways of my mother, her gaze warm and simultaneously like I better not lie to her. I wrap my arms around her like I haven’t seen her in years and not the two months since we went on hiatus.

  “A mess,” I tell her honestly because a long time ago, she vowed to take a thousand and one of my secrets to the grave. Though I’m not ready to tell her about Damian. “We’ll talk.”

  Hours later we’ve been to hair and makeup to prepare for pictures when my mind drifts to the man sitting outside waiting for me.

  Me: What are you doing?

  He answers almost instantly.

  Damian: Going through emails, you okay?

  Me: Yes. We are about to start taking promo pics and I was thinking about you. Why didn’t you come in?

  Damian: I thought maybe you’d want some space

  Me: From you? No. And aren’t you supposed to have your eyes on me at all times?

  Damian: I wish. Besides, you don’t normally need me in there while you’re shooting. What’s changed?

  Me: What’s changed? Really!?

  Damian: I mean what’s changed in regards to me being your bodyguard?

  Me: Maybe I WANT your eyes on me at all times.

  Damian: Ah now I get it. I think being near you for no real reason might be against the ground rules.

  Me: Fine :(

  Damian: I’ll see you after.

  I make my way out of my dressing room towards the set, leaving my phone in my room since there is nowhere for me to keep it when Jeremy comes out of his room and gives me a smile.

  “Hey hey.” He’s wearing a perfectly tailored gray Brunello Cucinelli suit; a typical look for the sexy billionaire Ashley’s in love with.

  I gently tug on the green tie that brings out the color of his eyes and give him a smile. “Hey.”

  He wraps a hand around my shoulder as we walk down the hall towards the set. “You good, Shay?” He stops walking, reaching for my hand and stopping me in my tracks.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’ve known you for a long time and I don’t know…” He runs a hand through his hair and shrugs. “Seems like something is off.”

  “Liiike?” I ask as I begin walking backwards because I’m definitely not about to disclose this new revelation with Damian to Jeremy. We’re close but I’m not ready for that.

  He looks around and moves closer to me like he believes I’ve got a secret to tell him. “I don’t know. Everything good with you and Pax? Things seemed weird the other night at Rush.”

  I scoff and roll my eyes hearing his name. “Vault?”

  He nods, hearing our code word. “Vault. You know you can trust me, Shay.”

  “We aren’t together…anymore,” I tell him. “He cheated on me with a thousand different women and I found out.” I wave my hand as if to say et cetera. I begin dancing as I hear the music they’ve turned on for set pictures to get us in the mood trying not to let this conversation bring me down.

  His eyebrows shoot to his hairline. “A thousand? And you’re okay?” I can hear the unspoken part of his question in his voice. How are you okay after three years?

  “I don’t know the exact number but evidently he doesn’t either, so yeah, I’m going to assume it’s a large number.” I scrunch my nose as a vision of them together flashes through my brain. “I caught him in the moment and it kind of just turned me off to it. Like balls deep, J.” I scrunch my nose, thinking about the visual I’ll probably have for the rest of my life.

  He shakes his head. “I’m sorry, Shay.” He reaches for my hand and laces it with his dragging his thumb over my knuckles. I know he’s probably recalling his own experiences with an unfaithful partner. “I’m here if you need to talk.”

  I nod. “Thank you. Just don’t tell anyone. Our PR teams want to keep us together through our award seasons,” I tell him.

  “Vault.” He nods, crossing an X over his heart just as Veronica emerges from her room and skips towards us.

  She knocks her hip with mine and slides between us, linking her arms with mine and Jeremy’s. “Can you believe this is our final season? Six seasons, what a ride. Jeremy, what are you going to do without me and Shay to keep you young, old man?” She chuckles as we make it to the set they’ve set up for our pictures.

  He rolls his eyes. “Fuck off, V. I’m sure you’ll still be sending me a thousand TikToks a day.”

  We’re rounding the fourth hour of pictures. We’ve changed outfits, and hairstyles—namely me—and we’re on our final set of pictures.

  We took a break for lunch and I forced Damian to come inside because I knew he had to be hungry and the spread that the production team puts out is phenomenal. But it was like an equally fun and nerve-wracking game having Damian so close to me amidst so many people that didn’t know something is going on between us. I couldn’t stare at him, he couldn’t stare at me, and the few times our eyes locked, it could be for no more than a second to avoid raising questions. At one point though, I started eating a banana and Damian started coughing out of nowhere.

  I’m going to pay for that later, I’m sure, especially because I don’t even particularly like bananas.

  Damian lingered after lunch and despite the bright lights in my face, I knew he was behind the cameras watching. This wasn’t the first time he’d been on set while I was doing something, but it was the first time since we’d crossed certain lines. It felt different, him being here, like he was watching me through different eyes and it made me feel infinitely sexier.

  The final pictures being taken are of me by myself in front of a green screen that they’ll Photoshop a variety of pictures into for promotion like the LA skyline or the LA Dreams logo. They’re using a fan to give my hair a windblown look so it’s drowning out the sounds of anything besides the faint music still playing. I can’t even really hear Lucas, the director, or any of the executive producers. The sudden banging sounds of something overhead breaks through the hum of the fan, and I resist the urge to look up because I know the cameras are rolling and I don’t want to ruin the shot. It sounds like metal grinding against metal and it’s getting louder so I finally do look up. My eyes widen as I see a light fixture falling and in the split second it takes for it to register that it’s going to land on top of me, I’ve been knocked to the ground out of the way just as it hits the very place I was standing with a loud and very hard crash.

  My heart is beating a million times a minute and when I open my eyes, Damian is on top of me, his eyes wide with shock, like he can’t believe he got to me in time. We are surrounded instantly by everyone on set, and they’re all asking a million questions. I vaguely hear the director screaming, “Who the fuck can tell me what just happened?” but the voices are all being drowned out by the blood rushing to my ears to the beat of my pounding heart.

  I can’t answer if I’m okay or if anything hurts. I think I’m in shock, and then Damian’s voice roars over everyone to be quiet. He sits up, pulling me with him, his eyes still on me like if he looks away, I’ll disappear. I realize my hands are still wrapped around his biceps and I grip them tighter as fear stays wrapped tightly around me.

  “Are you okay?” he asks, his voice laced with concern and his eyes full of worry.