“Do you want to have anal sex?” I blurt out not even responding to his last comment. Smooth.

  His head is tilted back, resting against the back of the couch and a surge of pride moves through me because damn, maybe I did take it out of him. He turns his head to look at me. “Ummm, right now?”

  “In general.”

  “I would not be opposed to fucking your tight little ass, Shay,” he says in a way that sounds like of course I do, just give me a second.

  “I just…haven’t ever, so…you’ll need to be careful…gentle…slow.” I give him a nod and a point of my finger. “Just an FYI.”

  He smiles. “Noted. Anything else?”

  “That I haven’t done?” He nods again. “Like what?” He doesn’t say anything. “No threesomes. Or sex tapes!” I add, my voice going up an octave. “God knows, I can’t replicate what Kim did. I don’t have the energy.” I laugh rubbing a hand over my eyes.

  “You really think I’d share you with anyone? I’d lose my fucking shit. I could never share you.” His lips form a straight line. “Fair on the sex tape, though I feel like that has something to do with you not trusting me, but I understand.”

  “No…I just…”

  “I get it.”

  “Do you?”

  “Yeah, you’re not like other women I’ve dated. Every decision you make potentially affects the rest of your life. I respect that.”

  “Dated?” The word blares in my head like a neon light.

  “What would you like to call this? Don’t say fucking because you and I both know it’s more than that.”

  “Well, we are fucking,” I tease.

  “Shay Celeste.” His voice is low yet even but I can hear the irritation.

  I smirk at the use of my middle name. “Yes, Daddy?”

  He can’t stop smiling in response and he moves to position me onto his lap. “Answer me.”

  “Well, I would say that.” His lips bite my nipple through my shirt and my bra and I let out a sound that’s part moan, part whine. “Are you saying you want to be my boyfriend?”

  “Do you want me to be your boyfriend?”

  “Yes,” I whisper as I push my lips to his.

  He grunts and accepts my lips, kissing me like we’re sealing the deal on our new relationship. His tongue licks into my mouth, coaxing mine into his and we kiss like old lovers that have been doing it for years. His hands are on my face, mine playing with the hair at the nape of his neck, and I move around in his lap, feeling his dick harden beneath me. He lets out a guttural groan and I pull back, remembering my unanswered question.

  I narrow my eyes. “You still haven’t said how many women you’ve been with.”

  He clears his throat and part of me wonders, is he nervous? “I had a busy start to my early twenties.”

  “Ugh.” I scoff, hearing the underlying meaning. “You men are all the same.”

  “Don’t.” He glowers at me and grips my face.

  “You’d be about ready to lose your shit if my number was any higher than two before you. Don’t be a hypocrite.”

  “I’m not a hypocrite. I’m a caveman. There’s a difference. And for the record, since meeting you my number is much closer to yours.”

  “Oh?”

  “Since Simone and I broke up, the number is far less.” I blink my eyes as if to say, well? He sighs. “Five.”

  “Including me?” He nods. “Well, that’s not bad.”

  “Glad I have your approval,” he says sarcastically.

  “Don’t be like that, I just mean I’m glad you’re not a manwhore,” I tease. I tilt my head to the side. “Was it bad, when you and Simone broke up?”

  “I don’t think break-ups are ever really good.”

  “I just mean was it amicable?”

  He sighs in a way that alerts me that maybe it wasn’t amicable and he doesn’t want to talk about it. “I guess. Like I said, she wanted kids and when I told her I wasn’t open to them right then, it didn’t go over that well. She felt like she was wasting her time and that I was too intense. I worried too much about her safety, especially while I was away. It was just not the right time for me to have a girlfriend.”

  I frown, thinking about what we decided just minutes ago. “And now?” I ask and I hate that I did. Hate that I sound like the needy girl who needs a man to tell her she’s different and this is different from the woman that came before her, but how is this different?

  Other than the fact that he’s on my payroll. I internally cringe at the thought.

  “Now what?”

  “You said it wasn’t the right time to have a girlfriend then but now…? You’re doing the same thing you were doing then.” I’m still in his lap and I try to move while we continue what seems to be turning into an uncomfortable conversation, but he squeezes my hips to keep me in place.

  “How do you want me to answer that?” He narrows his eyes but they’re still soft like he knows what I’m asking and he doesn’t want to say the wrong thing. He lets out a breath when I don’t respond. “I don’t know what this is between us. I like the way it feels. How we feel.” His hand reaches up to my cheek and rubs it gently. “I won’t hurt you, Shay.” He’s quiet for a moment before he speaks again. “Do you trust me?”

  I nod, instantly because frankly, I do. Even if there comes a time that he and I aren’t here, I know he won’t hurt me. I know it will be because the timing isn’t right or it just couldn’t work not because we couldn’t work.

  “Can that be enough for now?” he asks and I can hear the unsaid question lurking beneath. I don’t know where this can go but can we just figure it out as we go?

  “Yes.” A smile pulls at his lips and then they are on mine kissing me like he wants a round two of what we did in the bathtub despite the fact that he said I needed to rest.

  “For what it’s worth,” he says as he pulls away from my lips, “my feelings for you are different than I’ve had for anyone else and I admit that what Paxton said has crossed my mind. I mean look at you.” He gives me a sad smile and I know where this is going and I hate that he’s about to put me on this pedestal that makes him feel like he’s not good enough for me. “He’s not completely wrong. There are plenty of times when I haven’t felt good enough,” he shrugs. “Plenty of times where I feel like I failed someone. I would hate if I failed you or couldn’t give you what you needed.”

  I hear the self-loathing in his words and I can’t believe anyone has made him feel this way. I climb onto his lap and hold his face in my hands forcing him to look at me. “Look, I know it can be tough to be with someone like me. I know I can be a little high maintenance and a little spoiled. But at the end of the day, I’m still just a woman and what people see out there isn’t the same person you see. You’ve never failed me before and I don’t think you will now. You are good enough for me Damian. You might even be the best person for me.”

  Damian followed me closely for the next few days. I had a fitting, where he sat literally outside the room while I tried on clothes from every designer under the sun as we planned out what I was going to wear all season. I even tried to entice him more than once to join me in the dressing room. But discretion or whatever.

  I had an afternoon at the spa with Veronica because I desperately needed a massage after what happened, a meeting with my trainer, a spin class all with him no more than a few feet away. I’ll admit even I think he’s overdoing it a little and maybe being a little intense, but whenever we get back to my house, he fucks me so long and just as intensely that I haven’t broached the subject. I know what happened really shook him up. Hell, it shook me up. And he’s just being extra vigilant. I’m sure once he realizes that it really was just an accident and no one is out to hurt me, he’ll relax. For now, I’m enjoying all the extra attention particularly on my pussy.

  “Are you listening to me?” I blink out of the daze I’m in by staring at the man in question behind my dark Dolce and Gabbana sunglasses and turn my focus to Veronica who’s sitting on the other side of the table. Veronica and I are having a boozy lunch after a meeting this morning with the producers. She dragged me out after and ordered us a bottle of our favorite rosé the second we sat down.

  Veronica pushes her sunglasses into her hair and tucks a strand behind her ears before taking another sip of her drink. “I’ve never seen you like this.” She turns her head slightly to look over her shoulder at the man she’s about to talk about. He’s not close enough to hear us, but I assume she’s checking to see if he’s moved closer. “Even with Paxton, you weren’t this…” she looks up in the air as if she’s looking for the word, “sprung.”

  “Sprung? Come on.” I don’t remove my sunglasses because one look in my eyes will confirm Veronica’s theory.

  I’m falling for Damian really fast and really hard.

  I pick up my fork and begin picking through my salad in hopes I can avoid more of her questions but I doubt it when I see the huge smile that makes her eyes sparkle with mischief. “It’s good seeing you happy.” She leans back in her chair and crosses her legs.

  “Thanks, V.” I smile and she lets out a sigh that is laced with questions and opinions.

  “But…”

  “Oh, here we go.”

  “I’m just wondering where this is going?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You just got out of a very long-term relationship that the world doesn’t even know has ended yet, and now you’re jumping into…this? If it’s just sex that’s one thing, but I know you.” She leans forward and lowers her voice. “And the way you’re looking at him and the way you’re acting, this is not just sex for you and I don’t want you to get hurt.”

  “Damian wouldn’t hurt me,” I respond.

  “Okay, maybe not but realizing that this can’t work long term and ending it, would still hurt you even if it wasn’t on his terms.” She picks up a chip from the plate and moves it through the fresh tableside guacamole.

  “Who said it can’t work long term?”

  “No one.” She shrugs. “But how long are you planning to fly under the radar with this? What’s going on with Paxton? I know you said you’re done pretending, but nothing has come out yet, and all it takes is one picture, one time and then you’re forced to go public and I just…are you thinking about going public with this? Does he even want to? Have you guys talked about all of this?”

  “Not…really.”

  “Okay, well, these are conversations you need to have. Maybe even with your PR team,” she says.

  “We aren’t doing anything in public, V.” My thoughts float back to the gala when we were very alone in a public restroom with his hard body pressed against mine and my panties in his pocket. I look past Veronica again and see him staring straight at me. Even with his sunglasses, I can feel his eyes on me. On my chest. On my legs that are on display based on how I’m sitting.

  “Yeah, now it’s easy because you’re not shooting and you’re more accessible to each other. When you’re having sixteen-hour days and you hear me and Derek going at it in the adjacent dressing room, your vagina might think differently.” She puts her hands under her chin and flutters her eyelashes. I don’t respond and she shrugs. “I’m not telling you what to do or what not to do.”

  The telltale sound of my phone letting me know that news about me has broken interrupts our conversation and I’m wondering if it’s the news of the crash on set. I’m surprised nothing leaked up until now but I assume that’s all it is when I see Damian stand and move closer to our table. I frown, wondering what’s wrong when I open my phone to see the alert staring at me. A picture of me and Paxton with a line between us like a picture being torn in half indicating a breakup. “Fuck,” I whisper, just as the sound of a bunch of cameras begin to click around me.

  We are sitting outside and now all of a sudden, the area feels so much smaller as a group of paparazzi is standing just beyond the perimeter of the restaurant snapping photos of me and Veronica through the metal gate. Damian has his back to me, standing as much as he can in front of me to block the cameras but there’s only so much he can do while we’re out in the open.

  “Sources close to the former couple say Paxton Copeland and Shay Eastwood have called it quits,” Veronica quickly reads. She reads it faster than I can even process and I almost choke when I get to the part about him cheating on me with multiple women. “Oh my god.” Veronica’s eyes find mine.

  My mouth drops open thinking about how this leaked and then Damian is at my table, staring at me with a look that says it’s time to go.

  My phone buzzes with a text and I’m almost afraid to look when I see his words.

  Cooper: My office. Now.

  “What the hell happened? This was not the plan.” The head of my PR team, Gabe Watson paces the length of Cooper’s office like a caged animal, his thumbs furiously tapping on his phone. “We talked about this, you knew what a messy breakup would do. Did you tell someone? Who knew about this?”

  I frown because who the hell is he talking to?

  “Okay enough!” I slam my hand down on Cooper’s desk. Cooper leans back in his chair, his index finger over his mouth which is his tell that he’s just as pissed off about all of this as I am. My lawyer, Mark Gibbs, who took over my account after my father passed away, is here as well despite the fact that he didn’t really need to be but he was my dad’s best friend and has taken a more personal investment in my career.

  “Shay, we had a plan, and now we’re two weeks away from Emmy nominations and you start filming LA Dreams in a few days. This is not the press we wanted for you right now.” Gabe pulls his eyes from his screen and looks at me.

  “AND? What does that have to do with anything? If I’m getting nominated, I’m getting nominated. Breaking up with my asshole boyfriend really shouldn’t make a difference. This was all a ruse to keep Paxton looking cute for Oscar nomination season when it shouldn’t have mattered.” I cross my arms over my chest. “He cheated on me.” I shake my head. “And you asking me who I told is ridiculous when he slept with god knows how many women.” Gabe’s eyes widen, because even though it was reported, I know he’s not well-versed on this part of the story. “That’s right. It wasn’t just who I caught him with. There were many women. Any one of them could have told someone. I told Veronica and Jeremy, and Derek probably figured it out because Paxton showed up to the bar we were at last week and tried to corner me into talking to him and my friends picked up on it. He wasn’t playing by the rules you put in place.” I scoff. “And honestly, I don’t owe you any explanations. This isn’t my fault or my problem, and if you think I’m going along with some bullshit story that he apologized and I took him back, the answer is no.” I pick at my cuticles showcasing how bored I am with this conversation. Paxton has done nothing over the past few weeks but hurt me and piss me off and I’m done playing nice. I want to move on.

  Preferably with the man sitting in the waiting room potentially a little jealous over the idea that even after this, Paxton and I still may not be over in everyone’s eyes.

  “Listen, as far as I’m concerned, I think this breakup is good for her if Paxton is going to be whoring around Hollywood. And as far as Paxton is concerned, he’ll be okay. People forgave Brad Pitt.” Cooper shrugs as he takes a sip of his coffee that I’m sure is spiked with something in response to this chaos.

  I snort. “Paxton isn’t as fine or as good of an actor as Brad Pitt.”

  “Are you prepared to make a statement?” Gabe asks with a deep sigh.

  I nod. “Been ready. How soon can I do it?”

  Moments later, we’re heading out of the conference room, Cooper talking a mile a minute about my first press tour for the show, but I’m not paying attention. I’m working on a social media post. “Hold on a second, let me give you something,” he says, breaking me out of my train of thought of wishing Paxton well in everything he does in the future. I look up to see he’s talking to Damian who’s seated in his usual spot on the couch, leaning back with one finger resting above his top lip and his jaw tight. His eyes avoid me and more importantly, my legs that are still on display.

  “What?” I look up at Cooper as he hands Damian a file and I look back and forth between them as I reach for the folder. Damian holds it out of reach and I frown.

  “More?” Damian asks, and he looks worried about whatever there’s potentially more of.

  “What is that?” I ask. Damian and Cooper share a look and I look back and forth between them. “Okay, someone start talking.” My voice is laced with irritation.

  “It’s just—” Cooper starts when Damian cuts him off.

  “No.” Damian gives him a look that I know means not to test him. His posture tenses and his sharp jaw is taut. All I want to do is climb into his arms and pepper kisses along it until he relaxes. After he tells me what the hell is going on.

  “She has a right to know,” Cooper says.

  “KNOW WHAT?” I stomp and Damian turns his attention to me, raising an eyebrow like he’s not going to entertain my outburst. Yeah, we’ll see.

  “I’ll tell her.”

  “Tell me what?” I ask as soon as we’re in the car alone. I’m seated in the back, again, as he drives us to my house.

  “There’s just been…some letters.”

  I roll my eyes, knowing what he means. “That’s all? I always get letters.” His eyes find mine in the rearview mirror.

  “These are different.”

  “How so?”

  “They knew about you and Paxton before this leaked. Said that they knew he wasn’t good for you and now that you’re over you two can be together. They’re also typed, not handwritten, which is not what we’re used to seeing. It may be nothing but there have been a few and all within the past week or so, I just want to be careful.”

  I lean forward between the two front seats. “You’re so tense.” I rub my hand down his arm gently and squeeze his bicep, feeling his muscle through his button-down shirt and suit jacket. “Is there anything I can do to fix that?”

  He side-eyes me and doesn’t even crack a smile. “Put your seatbelt on.”