“We should take some shots,” Derek says, trying to break through the tension.

  “We should absolutely not take some shots until everyone is on the same page,” I say looking at Jeremy. “We are getting married this season, J. I am not going to be going back and forth with you about this for the next three months while we are supposed to be disgustingly in love. I won’t be able to handle it, and the writers will kill me if I go to them and ask for me to break off our engagement or leave you at the altar in the series’ freaking finale. The producers are taking notice that our chemistry is off so I need you to get on board or we are going to have a lot of long nights of reshoots.”

  Veronica groans. “Please guys, you remember what it’s like when we aren’t on good terms,” she says pointing between herself and Derek.

  “I’m fine,” Jeremy says.

  “No, you’re being unsupportive and judgmental and frankly a pain in my ass,” I snap.

  “Because I don’t think you’re thinking this through.”

  “Thinking what through? I’m in love with Damian. We’re together. That’s it! That’s the tweet!” I yell and I look at Derek. “You know what, I will take a shot.”

  “That’s my girl.” Derek points at me, before going to the bar cart I’d rolled out when we came outside.

  “You and I both know that it’s not that simple. When you two go public, everything changes,” Jeremy argues. “Are you ready for them to go digging into your past?” He looks at Damian. “Because they’ll have a lot of questions about your first wife you were still married to a year ago,” he snaps.

  Derek drops a shot glass and it clatters against the cart. “Fuck,” he grumbles as he tries to clean up the spilled tequila. Veronica chokes on her drink and her eyes snap to Jeremy. “Excuse me?!” Her eyes snap to my shocked ones. “His what?”

  “What?” I look at Jeremy and then at Damian. “What?” I shake my head. “Jeremy, what the actual fuck?”

  I haven’t spoken and it’s because fury is raging through me. I shoot Jeremy a glare and despite the look of contrition that I’m sure is for Shay’s benefit, I know he’s feeling smug by her reaction, meaning that I hadn’t told her.

  I knew this was a conversation I needed to have with Shay, but for Jeremy to explode this all over her due to jealousy and resentment over the fact that we’re together enrages me. I’ve never been more certain that he has feelings for her, and this shit ends now.

  “Shay—” Jeremy starts and she puts a hand up silencing him and turns her gaze to me with wide brown eyes that are looking at me curiously. They don’t seem sad but confused and maybe a little angry.

  “Inside,” she says standing up and I follow behind her. I don’t know what I’m walking into when she closes the door to the patio behind her and crosses her arms.

  “You’ve been married? You said you’ve never been in love, that you didn’t want to get married! That’s why you broke up with Simone! You lied to my face!” She says all of this within the span of a few seconds, her voice getting progressively louder and more excited with each statement.

  “I wasn’t married to Simone.”

  “Oh, that makes it better? Who? When?”

  I let out a sigh. “It’s not what you’re thinking. I was not in love with her. I’ve never been in love until I met you. It wasn’t romantic.” I hear Veronica yelling on the patio and I’m surprised that I have somewhat of an ally in her because she sounds like she’s letting Jeremy have it.

  I grab Shay’s hand and gently move her away from the door and I’m grateful she at least lets me touch her. I lead her down the hallway towards her office and shut the glass French doors behind us before guiding her to the couch. I sit on the coffee table in front of her and stroke her knees gently. “Do you trust me?”

  “I did. What is going on, Damian?”

  I did. Those words sting like shit.

  “About six years ago, after Simone and I broke up and a little before I met you, a friend of mine—my best friend’s fiancée to be more specific, was diagnosed with cancer. My best friend, Rob, was killed in combat while we were overseas and,” I sigh as the pain of losing him resurfaces. “I promised him I would look out for her.” A tear rolls down her face and I reach out to wipe under her eyes. “I felt somewhat responsible for what happened for a long time.” I wince. “I tried and I just…there was an explosion.” The words get caught in my throat and it’s as if I’m back there again. It’s been almost ten years and I can still be transported back to that moment when I lost my best friend like it’s real time. Shay climbs into my lap and wraps her arms around me tightly and I’m grateful for the comfort.

  “Why didn’t you tell me any of this?” she whispers against my neck. Her lips touch my skin as she speaks and the small touch of her lips on me calms my nerves.

  I swallow, wanting to get out of the headspace of the haunting and painful memories. “I was going to tell you, baby. Believe me. I didn’t anticipate anyone beating me to it.” Anger floods me and I can’t believe that motherfucker did this.

  How did he even find out? Did he have someone look into this?

  “She had lost her job and her insurance lapsed…” I sigh. “I couldn’t watch her die.”

  “Have you ever been involved with her…romantically?”

  “Never,” I tell her. I know this situation may be difficult to take in but I can ease these fears because I’ve never touched her. “We were married on paper so she could have access to my medical coverage. That’s it. She’s in remission and ended up getting a new job and we got divorced last year.” She pulls back and moves out of my lap and I already miss the comfort of her body pressed against mine. “Tell me you believe me. I didn’t love her. It wasn’t romantic.”

  She leans back against the couch and rubs her forehead. “I believe you, Damian, but it doesn’t explain why you didn’t tell me this. I would have understood. It makes me wonder what else you’re keeping from me. You’re such a mystery and now I feel like there’s so much I don’t know about you. You had a wife for the majority of the time I’ve known you and I had no idea.”

  “Because it didn’t mean anything. I only talked to her about how she was doing and that was even few and far between. She had a strong support system and I’m across the country. I never even saw her.”

  She stands up and gives me a hard look that lets me know she’s pissed. “That’s not the point, Damian.”

  “What reason would I have had to tell you then?”

  She narrows her eyes. “You could have told me when things changed between us.”

  “I was planning to.”

  “Easy to say that now.” She snaps back.

  “Baby, it’s been three weeks.”

  “You told me you love me.”

  “More than anything,” I respond and I see her hard eyes soften slightly at those words.

  “And yet, you kept this from me. Something I should know!”

  “You’re right, which is why I had every intention of telling you. I was going to tell you everything. My marriage to Heather is tied up in a lot of baggage that I don’t discuss freely. It’s attached to demons I spent years in therapy exorcizing.”

  She stands up and begins pacing the room, something I know she does when she’s worked up and can’t sit still. “Damian, is there anything else I need to know? Anything that could come up? Something that paparazzi or gossip rags could find? A secret child somewhere?”

  I shake my head. “No. Anything else I would want to tell you would be things that are more personal.”

  She doesn’t say anything, she just leans against her desk, staring at the floor. I stand from the coffee table and make my way towards her and pull her into my arms. She lets me hug her and I begin to rub her back.

  “Are we okay?” I murmur in her ear, fearing the worst. Maybe she feels betrayed or like I’ve lied to her. That she’s triggered by all the lies Paxton told her and this is too much that I’m another man that’s lied to her even by omission.

  She nods. “I don’t like being blindsided. I don’t like secrets.” When her eyes meet mine, they’re watery and like the color of caramel, and if she wasn’t upset, I’d comment on how beautiful they look highlighted by her tears. “And I know it’s irrational to feel jealous but the fact that you’ve been married before is fucking me up a little.”

  “I’m sorry. Please don’t hate me.”

  “I could never hate you,” she whispers. “I love you.” She twists her mouth and lets out a breath. “But I just feel like we jumped into this and I don’t know anything about you.” She pulls out of my grasp and I already hate the wall she’s putting up between us. “Let’s just get through tonight and we can talk.”

  “Maybe it would be best if you continued the night with your friends and I went back to the guesthouse.”

  “What? No. The whole point was to get to know my friends better.” She shakes her head and pinches her brows together.

  “So, I’m supposed to deal with your asshole co-star now? Who’s another problem by the way. He did this vindictive shit because he has feelings for you, Shay, and he’s trying to drive a wedge between you and me.”

  She can’t actually think I’m going back in there to pretend everything is fine. That he hadn’t tried to ruin my relationship with her.

  “I’ll admit, I don’t like the way he went about it but he does not have feelings for me.”

  “You can’t be serious.”

  “He doesn’t!” she says with a stomp of her foot and I’d actually think it was adorable if this were any other conversation.

  “How do you know?”

  “I’ve known him for years and Derek said he doesn’t. He would know!”

  “You’ve known me for years and you had no idea about my feelings for you. Men can mask their feelings, though he’s really god damn obvious about his.”

  “Fine. I’ll tell him to leave. Happy?”

  “No, Shay. Nothing about this makes me happy. Which is why I said this was a line I didn’t want to cross.”

  “It’s impossible to not cross this line! What do you expect to be the bodyguard that just fucks me behind closed doors?” she snaps.

  “We are more than that and I resent the implication that you’re just a fuck to me. That we are just a fuck to each other.” I glower at her, because fuck that.

  “Can we be more if you’re not willing to be with me out there as well?” She points to the window.

  I don’t say anything because I don’t know what to say. This is exactly what I was worried about. Trying to find that line when it’s become so blurry. “I’m not suggesting we hide it, but we could be private about our relationship.”

  “So, that’s a no on taking me to the Emmys then, got it.” She shakes her head with an eye roll. “Whatever.”

  There’s a knock on the door and Shay snaps her gaze to the sound of the door opening and Veronica popping her head inside. Concerned blue eyes find Shay as she crosses the room and wraps an arm around her shoulder. “I told Jeremy to go. He was being a tool. Derek said he had a few drinks before he got here but like SO?” She looks at me and then back to Shay. “Do you want Derek and I to go too?”

  “I don’t care,” she says and pulls away from her.

  “Damian, can you give us a minute?” Veronica asks and I nod, grateful for the time away from Shay so maybe she will calm down a little. I know she’s angry and rightfully so, on some things.

  I make my way out of her office and out the front door and I’m grateful that Jeremy didn’t linger because I can’t be responsible for what I say to that asshole. I slam the door to my house behind me with such force, the house rattles and a few books tip over on my bookshelf. As much as I want to have a drink, I’m not sure when Shay will want to talk and I don’t want to be intoxicated and say something I regret.

  Minutes later, there’s a knock on the door and my subconscious is already convinced it’s Shay when I open it. Irritation washes over me when I see Derek standing at the front door with a bottle of beer in his hand holding it out for me. “Thought you could use this.”

  I don’t take it from him because I’m not about to let him think we are friends when I’m not sure if he was in on Jeremy’s fucking ambush. I close the door behind me, as I sign that I’m not letting him in and stand on my porch with my arms crossed.

  He’s shorter than Jeremy and therefore shorter than me and not as built but still looks like he’s spent some time in the gym. He has jet-black hair and hazel eyes and I remember Shay saying that he’s the heartthrob of the show despite Jeremy being her co-star.

  “I had nothing to do with that,” he tells me.

  “Why should I believe that?”

  “Because Veronica would have my balls if I did anything to hurt Shay and believe me, she had Jeremy’s balls,” he says and I’m inclined to believe him because I do think he cares about Veronica. From my perspective, it seems the “off again” parts of their relationship are her idea and not his.

  “Is she okay?” I nod towards the house. I’m not sure if she’s upset or angry, crying or yelling and it’s driving me crazy that there’s so much distance between us.

  “I don’t know. Shay and Veronica are still in her office. I didn’t hear any crying but,” he shrugs, “you sure you’re ready for all this drama?” He chuckles.

  “There wasn’t any until your friend caused it.”

  “It would have come out.”

  “I would have told her first. Cooper and her team aren’t even aware that we are together. We keep our relationship behind closed doors. Jeremy went digging because he’s jealous and he wanted to cause a problem.”

  “I think he’s just worried about her.”

  “You actually buy that? Tell me something. What would you do if Veronica started dating some other guy?”

  “That’s different. Veronica and I are in a relationship.” He snorts. “Or whatever the fuck. You know what I’m saying. Jeremy and Shay have never been together in any capacity.”

  “That doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to be or he doesn’t have feelings for her. I see everything, Derek. More specifically I see everything in regards to her.”

  He scratches his jaw and looks towards the house. “I get what you’re saying, I do, and J was out of line for airing your dirty laundry like that.”

  “It’s not even dirty laundry. I married my deceased best friend’s fiancée to give her health insurance. He died in combat, she got sick, that was it. We divorced when she got better and got her own coverage.”

  “Well, fuck,” he says, taking a sip of his beer. “You really are that noble.”

  “Did he even bother to find out the details when he was attempting to dig up dirt?” I ask him.

  He shrugs. “I don’t know. I don’t even know if he knows all of that. Veronica didn’t ask for the details. She just called him an asshole for unleashing that on her and said he needed to leave.”

  “I love her,” I tell him. “This is difficult enough to navigate right now without her feeling like her friends are turning on her or judging her.”

  “I don’t judge her. We’ve been through a lot together. The four of us,” he says. “We’ve spent eighty percent of the last six years together. Long nights and vacations and all the ups and downs of life.”

  “And I like that Shay has people that have her back but there’s a difference between that and what Jeremy just did today. She is still an adult capable of making her own decisions. And I’m not some random guy. I’ve been here. I’ve been through a lot with her too.”

  I didn’t go back to the main house for the rest of the night. I stayed in my guesthouse to give Shay some space. She didn’t call or text me so I took that to mean she was fine with my decision. It’s nearing one in the morning and I’m sitting on my couch, having just gone through a new stack of mail when my phone beeps indicating someone opened her front door, and then a few moments later there is a knock on my door.

  I open it and she’s standing there, dressed in one of my t-shirts and a pair of joggers. Her eyes are slightly hazy like maybe she’s cried or maybe she’s intoxicated. She walks by me without a word and I close the door. I follow behind her and watch as she pulls her pants off and slides under my covers.

  I pull off my shirt and my pants and slide in next to her and pull her against my chest, pressing my mouth to her neck.

  “You didn’t come back over,” she says sadly.

  “I didn’t think you wanted me to.”

  “I always want to be near you.”

  Well, that’s a good sign. Maybe she’s not that angry.

  “I’m sorry,” I tell her. When she turns around so we are face to face, I can see the defeat all over her perfect features lit by the glow of the light on my nightstand. She sits up, pulls her hair to one side, and begins to play with the ends of it. “What is it, baby?”

  “I feel like I’m in the dark.” She blinks her eyes a few times. “You’re usually my light but…not knowing that you were married before feels big even if you didn’t love her. It makes me feel like we took a lot of steps back. Like you telling me you love me somehow means less than it did before.”

  “It doesn’t.” I shake my head and sit up so we are face to face. “I love you, Shay. Only you.”

  “I’m not jealous,” she says instantly.

  “I know,” I tell her and I believe that. I don’t think she’s jealous of Heather. She shouldn’t be. There really was nothing there.

  “That doesn’t mean I love the fact that you’ve been married before, but I’m not jealous.” She twists her mouth and looks away before turning back to look at me a moment later. “Did you ever think about marrying Simone?”

  “Maybe,” I tell her honestly. “In an abstract thought when I was thinking about the future, but I think it was more the idea of marriage that I knew I wanted in the future. Not necessarily with her. I also wasn’t interested in marriage then, which is one of the reasons we parted, like I told you.” A chuckle leaves me as I think about how Simone would have reacted if I told her I was going to start protecting Shay Eastwood. “She would not have liked me being your bodyguard.”