“I was just so angry,” she said. “I didn’t understand what purpose their deaths served. How did it help anyone or anything to lose two strong, steadfast leaders while we are in the midst of a battle against the worst kind of evil?” She sighed. “So, yes, I guess that’s what happened to me. I attempted to avoid any further pain.” Peri realized she’d been too proud to lay her pain at her Creator’s feet and ask for help in bearing the burden of the alphas’ deaths. “I took the lives of so many, so I don’t have the right to judge.” Her voice strained against the shame she was trying to swallow.

  “We all—”

  “If you say, ‘We all make mistakes,’” Peri cut him off, “I will turn you into—”

  “A turd,” he interrupted. “Yes, I’m well aware. You need to get some new material, Peri.” He chuckled and then added, “What I was going to say before you made your assumption was that we have all judged people unfairly. Whether it’s because we compare ourselves to them and come up lacking or because we take relief in seeing that their transgressions are worse than our own.”

  “Is this a pep talk?” Peri asked. She rubbed her hands together and held them out to the fire. Not because she was cold but simply because the warmth against her skin was pleasant. “If it is, you really need to take a class. Or watch one of those movies full of epic battles where the leader spurs his warriors on to run headlong to their deaths and feel good about doing it.”

  Skender pinched the bridge of his nose. “It’s not a pep talk. It’s just two people who’ve made some really crappy decisions having a conversation. I’m lending a listening ear.”

  Peri scrunched up her face. “Do you mean bonding? We’re bonding?” She could hear the disgust in her voice and tried to tone it down. “It’s not that I don’t want to bond with you because of your past. It’s just, bonding with you or anyone else is not on my to-do list. I mean”—she waved a hand at him and blew out her cheeks with a breath—“if you could see my to-do list and all the repairing I have to do, you’d understand why I cannot add another relationship to the list of already jacked-up friendships.”

  “While I’m glad to see you becoming yourself again”—Skender lowered his legs and picked up a couple of pebbles, rolling them around in his hand—“I kind of liked the stoic, didn’t talk so much, version of Peri.”

  “You’re just giving me another reason for not being that version,” Peri said. “Okay, enough about me. I made a mess of things, ruined some relationships, killed some people, and now I have to do something about it. Let’s move on.” She tapped her chin and looked at Skender. “What we need to talk about is your history, considering I agree with Torion regarding your childhood. Someone had to have altered your memories and used magic on you.

  “Skender, you were essentially a plant by the Order, waiting for decades to be activated when they were ready for you. Your future had been mapped out beforehand, and you didn’t have a clue. You betrayed those you love. You hurt—”

  Skender held up his hand, his eyes glowing, and Peri heard a low growl. “Your pep talks suck, too.”

  “Touché.” Peri nodded. “But what I’m trying to say is that everything you did wasn’t totally your fault. Magic is powerful, Skender. It can make people do things they would normally never do.”

  “That doesn’t change my actions,” Skender argued. “Regardless of why I did those things, they still hurt people, and I am still the one responsible for their pain.”

  “Damn.” Peri huffed. “It’s so annoying when a person you want to dislike has likable qualities.” She tilted her head as if to see him from a different perspective. “Truth be told, the only reason I wanted to dislike you so much was because of how you helped the Order. But now, it’s just because you’re a wolf. It’s not nearly as bad, but it’s still annoying.”

  “For someone who despises my race so much, you sure are quick to offer your help,” Skender pointed out.

  Peri sniffed and settled the robe draped around her. “It would be boring if I liked everyone. And wolves have thick skin. They can handle my snide remarks and not run off with their tails tucked between their legs. Sometimes they even fight back, and that’s when things get really fun.”

  “I don’t think you have to worry about boredom in this world, ever,” Skender said. “There’s too much evil that needs to be dismantled and burned to ash. Speaking of which”—he shifted forward—“now that Tenia’s awake, and you’re, well, not suicidal anymore, it’s time to connect with Fane, Jacque, and the other supernatural leaders. They need to know what’s happened.”

  “I agree, but I’ve been instructed by the warlock queen slash seer sprite that we are not to open the veil of the draheim yet.”

  “Why?”

  Peri rolled her eyes. “If I knew the answer to that question, I would have included it in my statement.”

  “So we’re just supposed to sit here and wait?” Skender’s wolf had risen to the surface again, and his eyes glowed at her.

  “Yes.” Peri nodded. “We wait.”

  “That feels so anticlimactic.” Skender’s shoulders rolled forward as he dropped pebbles carelessly on the ground.

  “Perhaps you should enjoy the anticlimactic reprieve for now,” Peri suggested. “I’ve been to the draheim veil. Jen is on the other side looking way too stabby. Not to mention Jacque, Elle—”

  “I get it, Peri,” Skender snapped. “If I walked through the veil to the human realm right now, I might end up skewered like a pig.”

  Peri pursed her lips. “Hmm, that’s putting it mildly. They really do not like you. And Jen will be first in line to take her retribution out of your hide.”

  “Titus said we wouldn’t let her kill Skender,” Torion said, his voice rough with sleep.

  “How do you know Titus?” Skender turned to look at the fae boy.

  “The angel took me to him.” Torion paused. “Well, she’s actually the creator of the supernaturals, but she looked like an angel.”

  Skender looked back at Peri. “Did you know about this?”

  Peri shrugged. “He might have mentioned it to me, but he didn’t tell me any more than what he just told you. He did basically tell me to stay out of his business.”

  Skender looked back at the boy he claimed as his own. “Was it in a dream that you met him?”

  “It felt like a dream, but it also felt real.” Torion pushed himself up into a sitting position.

  “Why does Titus think you two can keep Jen from killing me?” Skender asked.

  “Because I’m her future son-in-law.”

  And just like that, Peri’s world shifted on its axis, nearly toppling her sideways even though she sat flat on the ground. Her mouth opened and closed several times before she finally shook her head and looked at Torion. “All I can do is give you my condolences.”

  “Peri.” Skender snarled.

  “What?” She blinked innocently. “Someone ought to tell the boy what he’s in for. He’s going to need decades to prepare himself for what he’s facing. And then he’s going to need years of counseling—wait, no.” She pointed at Torion. “He’s going to need a lifetime of counseling because Jen is, well, Jen. And her offspring should have trouble tattooed on her forehead.”

  Tenia stirred, and Skender shot Torion and then Peri a warning look. “Let’s keep this between us for now.”

  “She’s going to find out eventually,” Peri said.

  “I’m well aware of that.” Skender sighed. “But she has enough on her plate. There’s no reason to add more to it until absolutely necessary.”

  A few minutes after Skender finished speaking, Tenia sat up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. She blinked as if trying to get the room to come into focus. “Is it morning already?” She looked between Peri and Skender.

  “Not quite,” Peri answered. “When I returned from my errand, Skender was sitting here staring at the fire as if it held the secrets of the universe. Then Torion woke up. We’ve just been having a chat.”

  “About what?” Tenia scooted closer to Skender until her shoulder pressed against his arm. Torion crawled over his mom, passing in front of the fire, so that he was on the other side of Skender. He leaned against the wolf, just as Tenia did.

  “We can’t leave the draheim realm,” Peri answered. Might as well rip the proverbial Band-Aid off quickly, she thought. “The warlock queen warned we had to remain here. Apparently, if we leave before we’re supposed to, the sky will fall.”

  Tenia arched her brow. “The sky? Will fall?” she said slowly, turning the four words into two questions.

  “Something along those lines,” Peri said, “As much as it pains me to sit around and do nothing. I’ve also learned that when we move before we’re supposed to and take matters into our own hands without considering the consequences, others get hurt.” She dropped her eyes as shame rushed through her veins like boiling water. “I’ve got enough blood on my hands to last an eternity.”

  “Okay,” Tenia said after several tense moments. “I trust Lilly. If she says we need to wait, then we wait. No matter how long that is.”

  Peri didn’t open her eyes. Her body was suddenly tired, and her mind wanted to check out for a bit.

  “Rest, beloved.” She heard Lucian’s voice in her mind. Again, he used the bond that was unique to them because of her fae blood instead of the mate bond. It took a ton of effort to keep him blocked from her mind through the fae bond. And apparently she was too tired to even try. “You are safe. You are loved. I am waiting for you.”

  Peri let his words wash over her and found herself reaching for him through their bond. In her mind’s eye, she pictured his arms wrapped around her and her face buried in his neck. He could protect her from the darkness in the world. Lucian could bear her burden on his strong shoulders. He could walk with her through the fire if only she would let him. “I’m sorry, Lucian.”

  “I know. We’re going to be okay, Perizada. No matter what doubts you’re facing, do not doubt me. You were created for me, and I for you.”

  Peri let sleep take her as she clung to her mate’s words.

  Chapter

  Thirteen

  “I’m beginning to realize that the soul is not simply the whole of a person. The soul is an amalgamation of pieces. As the body has many parts, so does the soul. And just like parts of the body can die, so can parts of the soul. I am biding my time, waiting for the right moment. But while I wait, small pieces of my soul are dying.” ~Kara

  * * *

  “I lived with a girl named Bree in one of my foster homes. She used to burn herself,” Kara told Dyna who was twining Kara’s hair into a long braid.

  “Why did she burn herself?” Reena asked, pausing on her way to the bathroom. The elf was preparing the ritualistic cleansing Kara had undergone every night for the past month. Ludcarab insisted she come to him spotless. The fool didn’t realize he was the one who made her dirty. He was the reason she needed cleansing in the first place.

  “Because the physical pain distracts from the pain inside,” Kara explained, her eyes unfocused. Though there was a mirror in front of her, she didn't see herself. “It hurts less. Although, one time when we talked about it, Bree told me she also did it because it made her feel clean. I didn’t understand at the time. She explained she’d done a project about metals in her science class. During the project, she spoke to a silversmith. One of the things she’d learned was that fire purifies silver. The purification only happened when the silver was plunged into the hottest part of the flame and held for just the right amount of time. Too long in the fire and the silver ruined. Too short and the impurities weren’t removed.”

  “How did the silversmith know when to take the silver out of the fire?” Coya asked.

  “I asked the same question,” Kara replied, remembering Bree’s face. “She said the silversmith told her he knew to take the silver out when he could see his own image in it.”

  “Then how did Bree know when to stop burning herself? She wasn’t metal. She was human flesh.” Coya laid out Kara’s required clothes for the evening.

  Dyna stepped away, finally finished with Kara’s hair. She stood and looked at Coya. “I don’t know. I left the foster home and never saw Bree again.” With a blank expression, Kara walked to the bathroom. She swallowed down the familiar bile that rose in her throat every night during her preparations.

  Reena helped Kara out of her robe and then took the girl’s hand to steady her while Kara stepped into the tub. Once settled, Kara sat motionless as granite while the female elves began their ritualistic chanting. Kara started when she felt a hand on her arm. She turned to see Dyna crouched down next to her. The elf’s eyes were filled with worry, and her voice quavered. “You do not need the fire, Kara,” Dyna said softly. “You are not impure.”

  Kara silently held the elf female’s gaze. What could she say? Dyna wasn’t the one being forced to be with a man she didn’t want. What did she know of purity? How could she possibly understand a single touch of Ludcarab’s hand made Kara feel as if she’d been forcibly submerged into a river of sewage. She could smell the stench on her flesh. It never left her, regardless of all the soap, scrubbing, oils, or anything else the elves used to try and “clean” her. Bree had been on to something. Being bathed in flames seemed like the only viable choice.

  Dyna’s eyes filled with tears. “Can you hold on just a little longer?” she whispered. “Just a little longer.”

  The words triggered a memory–a strawberry blonde girl with more knowledge in her tiny pinky than most people had in their whole brain. “Jewel.” She said the girl’s name out loud. Jewel was her friend—her brave friend who had taught Kara what it meant to hold on. As she thought about Jewel, other faces popped into her mind. “Stella, Anna, and Heather,” Kara said quietly, her heart suddenly feeling lighter. She hadn’t forgotten them, but her mind seemed to have tucked them away somewhere, and it took a trigger to bring them to the forefront.

  “Hold on a little longer, Kara,” Dyna said again. “For yourself and for the people you just mentioned. Hold on.”

  The elf’s voice brought her back to the present and reminded her why she’d thought of Jewel in the first place. Jewel had once told her one of the ways she’d survived Volcan. She’d told Kara, “The difference between a hero and an ordinary person is five minutes. A hero endures and fights five minutes longer.” That was how Jewel survived. And it would be how Kara would survive as well.

  “Okay,” Kara said, her voice barely audible. “A little longer.” She had no idea what she was promising. Not to burn herself? Not to kill herself? Had those things really been what Dyna had seen in Kara’s eyes? Maybe, Kara thought, then shook her head. No. There was no way she would leave this life without taking Ludcarab with her. If she died, then that bastard did, too.

  Kara let her mind slip into the trancelike state she’d mastered over the past month while the elf females continued their ministrations. She could still hear things going on around her and even smell the scents of the oils. But her consciousness, her soul, went somewhere else, somewhere safe where Ludcarab couldn’t touch her.

  As she was led to Ludcarab’s room, her physical feet touched the cold stone floor. But in her mind, her bare feet were tickled by soft grass underneath. The castle walls were gone. Instead, a forest surrounded her. She hurried forward, knowing she would break through the trees any second and he would be waiting in the clearing for her. For a brief second, her breath caught in her lungs. What if he wasn’t there? What if he didn’t want to see her?

  “Kara.” The deep voice she’d grown to love filled her mind. “I’m here.”

  Three steps later, she saw Nick sitting in the same place he always did, staring out over the valley below the hill that was her sanctuary. Kara stopped and took in his features. He kept his hair trimmed so short he was nearly bald. The hairstyle didn’t detract from his good looks; it only added to the mysterious air about him. He had a strong jaw, sensual lips, and eyes so dark it was almost impossible to see the edge of his pupil where the color began. His shoulders were broad and looked as if they could carry the weight of the world without bowing. Everything about Nick radiated masculine dominance. Which translated to safe in her mind. A male this strong could protect her.

  “Are you just going to stand there and stare at me?” he asked, his deep voice playful. His lips didn’t move, yet she still heard him. When she’d asked him how that was possible, he’d told her it was because their souls were one. Kara still wasn’t sure if she believed him.

  “Come sit by me.” Nick patted the grass beside him.

  She walked over and sat down. Kara drew her legs up until her knees were bent, and she wrapped her arms around them. She could feel Nick’s eyes on her, but she didn’t turn to face him. For some reason, when she looked at him, Kara felt like a blubbering schoolgirl attempting to talk to her childhood crush. She found it easier to speak if her eyes focused on something else. “Are you real?” It wasn’t the first time she’d asked him the question. She asked him every time she escaped into her mind.

  “Yes.” He gave the same answer each time. “One day soon, we will meet outside of this place.”

  “You mean outside of my mind?” Kara shivered, and Nick immediately pressed his side against her. The warmth of his body seeped into hers, and the sensation felt so incredibly real that she nearly cried. Her desperation for this reality to be her life, instead of what was happening outside of her mind, was the only thing that gave her any hope.

  “Yes, sweetheart. We will meet again in the real world. Our bond is growing stronger every time you come back to me here. I will be able to find you soon.” Though his words were gentle, she could hear the frustration that filled his voice. He truly cared for her. More than cared for her. Nick loved her. He told her every time she said goodbye before she was sucked back to reality.