“Ryan cooked.” Haneul offers this information freely and then points at me. I don’t know why I’m embarrassed now, other than the fear of the cow apron. Both girls turn to me, clearly impressed. “He likes food.”

  “Correction, I love food,” I say.

  I get up and nearly trip when Ah-Ri moves to her feet at the same time.

  “You guys go get everything ready. Jisoo and I will figure out a way to beat your asses at the next song.” Haneul winks.

  Ah-Ri follows me into the kitchen.

  I can hear her stomach rumbling.

  Our kitchen is really modern, and I’m sure she’s looking around and wondering why we get to stay in this nice apartment while she’s at the trainee dorms.

  “So, um, plates are just over there.” I point to one of the cupboards.

  She grabs them in silence, just like the chopsticks and everything else we need from the kitchen. We move around each other how we dance—with barely restrained tension.

  More from her than me.

  Probably because of the kiss.

  Again, my fault.

  “Anything else?” She leans against the counter.

  “Yeah.” I take off my apron, hang it up, and try not to focus on the hat she’s wearing that makes me feel as if Sookie’s claimed her already. “I’m sorry.”

  Her head jerks up. “What?”

  “I’m sorry I was an ass,” I say through clenched teeth. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”

  She thunks me on the head with her finger. “You weren’t.” She sighs. “Thinking.”

  Am I ever thinking these days with her around?

  “Right.” I get the food ready. “We should eat.”

  “Mmm, we should.” Her eyes lock on mine.

  This won’t end well. That’s all I keep thinking as we stand there in silence until Haneul comes in with Jisoo, saying he’s starving his ass off.

  Ah-Ri and I don’t talk for the rest of the time it takes us to eat. I steal glances at her and feel stupid that she’s just carrying on with life as if we never kissed. As if we never fought.

  Maybe that’s why I’m mean.

  I would rather have her anger. At least then she’s giving me attention.

  “I’ll be right back.” I jump up from dinner and grab my phone.

  They don’t have to know.

  She might not ever know.

  I call the store and start making arrangements.

  If all I can do is give her shoes, will it be enough?

  I don’t know.

  But nobody in our new group will have holes in their shoes.

  Not if I can help it.

  I ignore my dad’s call twice before making more arrangements, knowing he’s going to pressure me into giving up the idol life and coming to work with him to keep the whole family dynasty.

  Maybe that’s why Haneul and I get along so well. We both get it. We have dreams, but they don’t align with our fathers’—and never have.

  I just want to create.

  My father wants me to go to university.

  And Haneul’s dad?

  He wants him to pretend to love everyone to make more money.

  I would rather work five part-time jobs.

  I sigh and walk back down the hall, frowning and pausing when I hear hushed voices.

  It’s Haneul, and he’s leaning toward Ah-Ri.

  And she’s smiling!

  What the hell?

  I watch and listen in.

  “You’re doing good,” he compliments.

  Ah-Ri’s head snaps up. “I’m surprised you know how to say nice things to me.”

  He hangs his head and gets in closer. “Look, I was young and immature and terrified of having my first audition kiss with a girl in a room full of producers.”

  Her eyes widen. “That’s why you were an ass?”

  “Yeah,” He laughs. “No excuse. But what’s yours?”

  “Tit for tat?” she offers.

  “If this is going to work, we should bury the hatchet,” Hanuel whispers.

  “I’m still trying to get over the fact that my nemesis from when I was seventeen was an ass because he was nervous.”

  “Boys are stupid,” he says quickly. “Just ask Ryan.”

  Did she just giggle?

  Laugh?

  Touch him?

  I clench my fists as he closes in more. They’re nearly chest to chest.

  “I’m sorry.”

  He apologized? The hell? He’s always insisted she was the worst thorn in his side.

  She pretends as if he hasn’t been the same for her for years. What world did I just get dropped into?

  “Me, too,” she says.

  “That went better than I thought.” His smile is wide. Too wide. Is he fucking flirting with her? Because I don’t like this feeling in my gut. “I really am, and I should have said it sooner. I just felt like an idiot, and then our group took off and…while I know they’re all excuses, I want to do better. With you.” He nods. “Deal?”

  He holds out his hand. She takes it, and then he pulls her closer. I swear on all that’s holy if he kisses her, I’ll end him.

  He doesn’t.

  But it looks like he might want to.

  Or maybe that’s just me.

  He steps back, winks, then walks off.

  I exhale a sigh of relief. When did I start getting so possessive of her? To the point of willing to go to prison.

  My heart’s beating so fast I feel as if I’ve just been put through choreography on top of a workout after a concert.

  I stumble my way down the hall and see her standing there.

  I stop and stare at her. Really stare at her. Every single feeling that I’ve been repressing bubbles to the surface after seeing her with my best friend. After seeing him smile, and her grin back at him. It was easier to keep my feelings buried when I thought they still didn’t like each other. I could easily follow suit. But the minute he confessed things to her, I lost all self-control.

  I’m officially losing it.

  I hang my head as I approach her.

  And then I whisper, “I didn’t kiss you to teach you a lesson.”

  Her head jerks up. “What did you say?”

  The words just tumble out without my permission. I’m trying to think of something else to say that will make it better, but all I can think of is food. She needs sustenance. We all do, and I need to stop thinking about the kissing.

  “Let’s keep eating.”

  I don’t repeat myself. I’m afraid to.

  So, I keep walking.

  Let her solve the equation. I said what I said.

  She’s quiet for the rest of the night.

  And I don’t blame her.

  When Haneul suggests that we start having practices together in a few days, I decline. It has everything to do with my selfishness and nothing to do with the group.

  I’m clearly off to a great start.

  Chapter Eight

  Ah-Ri

  Practice is brutal, and after both Haneul’s and Ryan’s little confessions the night before, I don’t really know what to expect. Especially from Ryan.

  I should have known the devil would show up, and that practice would make me want to fight someone or something.

  Mainly him.

  The next song had some of the hardest choreography I’ve ever dealt with, which is saying something since I’ve been a trainee for a long time. I fell about a million times.

  My ass will likely have bruises larger than my body by the time we’re done, though I have to admit, the choreo is perfect for the fast-paced song.

  “Again,” Ryan says, just as out of breath as I am.

  Guess the whole confession about kissing me is long gone, and we’re back to being mortal enemies now.

  Yay us.

  I start at the top, and Ryan dances next to me. I see our perfect reflections in the mirror and hate how pretty yet sexy he is as he hits every move next to me. His hat flies off, and he doesn’t even go to grab it, just keeps dancing as if his life depends on it. So, I follow suit until I trip over my feet and collide with him.

  He falls back but catches me.

  I grunt, slamming against his chest. “S-sorry.”

  “Shoelaces,” he says, his lips close to mine. “You should tie them.”

  “Wow, good idea, thanks.” I scramble off him and almost burst into tears. They’re my practice shoes, and I just lost like half my shoelace on both of them.

  Going home to my parents and asking for a new pair of sneakers because I’ve lost the laces and have holes forming at the bottom feels shameful, and I don’t have enough money to buy any.

  I look away from Ryan because I’m embarrassed and slowly kick off my shoes. “I dance better barefoot anyway.”

  Yeah, both shoes are done.

  I’ve had them for over five years.

  I have never felt more poor or stupid. I can’t even afford shoes now? In front of the one guy who makes me nervous? Who kisses me? The ex-bully?

  The universe isn’t playing fair. It gives me my dream and then makes me pay for it in tears every single day.

  I slowly put my shoes over in the corner and make my way to the middle of the dance floor.

  Ryan’s silent, staring at me through the mirror. I hate that he sees me now. That he sees the vulnerability.

  The pain.

  The struggle.

  The fight.

  “Okay.” He nods. “Again.”

  We dance for the next hour. I struggle a bit because…yeah, no shoes, but I try hard, and he says nothing, which I guess is a win in my book.

  Thankfully, all I have today is choreography while I learn the next song back at the dorms.

  We finish our dancing, and I suddenly realize that we’re debuting in a few short weeks and don’t even have a name for our group.

  “What? What’s that look?” Ryan laughs.

  I almost swat him. “We don’t even have a name!”

  “Sure we do.” He grins. “It’s MNE or Mine.”

  “Mine? Why Mine?” I ask.

  He leans in and grins. “Because this is ours. This thing we’re doing is different, but it’s going to be ours. Fuck everyone else.”

  I smile for the first time today. “Yeah, fuck ‘em.”

  “Anyone ever tell you how sexy you look when you curse?” he asks.

  My breath hitches.

  The lights suddenly go off in the dance studio.

  “Power outage?” I say.

  “Good timing,” he replies. Leaning in, he pulls me into his arms. We’re both sweaty, and I know I want him to touch me even as I want to push him away because I don’t understand him.

  He stares down at me. “You were a bad idea from the start.”

  “And you were bad from the very beginning.” I lift my chin.

  He lowers his head.

  I go in first.

  I kiss him.

  His tongue invades my mouth the minute our lips touch. I tell myself it’s the adrenaline from working out too hard or maybe just the darkness, but I know it’s him. I cling to his shirt and pull it over his head.

  He doesn’t hesitate at all as he spins me around and presses me against the nearest wall.

  Why do bad ideas always feel so good?

  I moan when he starts trailing kisses down my neck. If we get caught, we’re completely screwed. But I’m willing to risk everything—including my dreams—for just one more taste of him, one more flick of his tongue. His chest heaves as he deepens the kiss.

  The lights flicker back on.

  We break apart so fast you’d think our parents just walked in and announced we had to get married.

  I wipe my mouth.

  He licks his lips.

  I want more.

  “Sorry,” I say.

  “I’m not.” His response is quick, and then he pulls me in for a tight hug. “You did good today. Go home and sleep.”

  I want to rest my head against his shoulder so badly that it physically hurts. Tears sting the backs of my eyes because…why? Why does it have to be him of all people? Why did I have to fall for him? Why am I falling?

  I don’t realize how much I needed the compliment until a tear falls onto his shirt. He says nothing, just holds me tightly and then tenses more when the door opens.

  Shit, it’s over.

  Someone found us touching.

  Scandal awaits.

  Instead, he breathes a sigh of relief and curses.

  I look up and see Sookie watching us, the look in his eyes calculating.

  “Ready?” he asks in English.

  “Almost,” Ryan says and literally turns away from Sookie. He holds me close and then kisses my forehead before releasing me.

  I have zero words.

  Ryan grabs his bag and leaves me alone in the room.

  I crumple to the floor and cry.

  I think I know why but, really, it’s because the bully in my nightmares is the same one I want to dream with.

  His kisses.

  I touch my mouth.

  The door opens again.

  Jisoo walks in with Haneul, and they both drop their bags.

  They frown at me.

  “Are you okay?” Haneul asks.

  Why is everyone being so nice?

  I nod and stand quickly. “Yeah, just a long practice.”

  “And we’re just starting. It’s not even six at night, and I want to nap,” he jokes, his smile falling when I don’t return it. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

  “Yeah.” I stand. “Shaky legs, though. Enjoy this one.”

  “He’s a masochist when it comes to choreography.” Haneul laughs. “Where is Ryan anyway?”

  “Out with Sookie.” I smile. “I think they had plans. And since we’ve been here since six this morning, I’m out.”

  “Go relax,” Haneul says.

  Jisoo waves at me and then comes over to pull me in for a hug, which is random and weird until she whispers in my ear, “It’s okay to like him.”

  I gasp and whisper back while Haneul stretches. “How did you know?”

  She laughs—it’s the first real laugh I’ve heard from her. She braces me with both hands. “How didn’t you know? He watches you all the time.”

  “No.” I shake my head.

  “Yes.” She nods hers. “Just know we’re doing something different here, so if you like him and he likes you, nobody’s going to be weird about it. I know it’s not normal in groups, but…honestly, who cares at this point? This is our last shot. So, if you get love out of it, get it. And if we get to debut, great. Just don’t get caught…”

  “Ah, so easy.” I laugh. “Getting caught.”

  “Hey, some people survive the scandal.”

  “Yeah, and others burn on the internet over and over again,” I say. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

  She nods. “We start group practice in two days. Maybe by then you’ll have it all figured out.”

  “Or I’ll still be confused as hell, kissing a guy I hate.” I shrug.

  She shakes her head and bursts out laughing.

  “What’s so funny?” Haneul asks.

  “TikTok.” Jisoo covers for me. “See ya.”

  I realize how much I really like her in that moment and leave with a smile on my face instead of tears. Then wonder what the hell Sookie and Ryan are really doing.

  Chapter Nine

  Ryan

  I drink way too much with Sookie and somehow end up at Ah-Ri’s dorm, attempting to sneak in. When I’m like, wait, why isn’t the door working right?, I text her.

  Me: Here!

  Ah-Ri: Did we have plans?

  Me: Open the door.

  Minutes later, she’s jerking me inside the room and locking the door as if we’re about to get arrested. I bust up laughing but stop when she shoves me hard in the chest.

  “What the hell are you doing, Ryan?”

  “Seeing you.” I put my hands into my pockets. “It felt like too long since I didn’t get to.”

  She grabs her phone and starts texting furiously.

  “Who are you texting?” I feel rage when I shouldn’t. Just like I feel attraction where I shouldn’t.

  “Haneul,” she says. “You need to get home, sober up, and…oh, yeah, not get caught!”

  “Pleaseeeee.” I stumble toward the small, worn couch. “It’s too late for me to get caught. Besides, can’t I just charm my way out of it? With this?” I smile.

  She glares.

  “Maybe not.” My smile drops. “Just let me crash for tonight. I promise I’ll keep my hands to myself, though my mouth always has other plans.”

  She shrieks.

  Or I think she does. I’m too tired to do anything but lie down and close my eyes.

  The last thing I remember is her saying, “You know you really are an asshole.”

  Can’t argue that.

  For some reason, it makes me laugh as I burrow into the cushions. Her couch smells like her—everything actually smells like her. I like it. Too much.

  Because she somehow feels like the home I haven’t had in a really long time.

  I close my eyes.

  What feels like minutes later, I jerk my eyes open to the sound of an alarm and a pounding headache.

  Oh, yeah, and an angry Ah-Ri standing over me with her arms crossed.

  “Is it morning?” I ask with a groan.

  “How much did you drink?”

  I cover my face with my hands. “Blame Sookie. He just kept going and going and going.”

  “And let me guess, you tried to keep up?” She laughs. “Nice try. That guy can drink anyone under the table. You should know that.”

  “But he’s so younggggggg.” I groan. “He just kept asking me about you, and then I told him we kissed.”

  She slaps a hand over my mouth. “WHAT?”

  My answer comes out extremely muffled.

  She moves her hand.

  “Geez, are you trying to suffocate me?”

  “Depends on what you said.”

  “I told him the truth.” I start to sit up. “That I’m attracted to you and that I kissed you, once out of denial and anger and twice out of need.”

  “Are you still drunk?” She feels my forehead. “Do you have a fever?”

  I slap her hands away. “No, I’m just being honest, but thanks for making me feel better.”

  I start to stand and stumble back.