“Wow, still drunk.” She sighs. “Okay, so I guess we’re going over the next song here in the dorm unless you want to take me home.”

  “Like takeout.” I laugh. “Oh, God, maybe I am still drunk.”

  “Um, yeah.”

  “Bring the chopsticks!” I shout and then add, “I miss spicy rice cakes.”

  “Well, maybe I can grab your card and get all the food on the way to your place without getting us both kicked out of this label and caught.”

  “Onward!” I yell. “Fucking loved that movie. My sister was like my brother…”

  “Okayyyyy.” Ah-Ri helps me up. “Let’s put a hat on you and get out of here. Your apartment had better have security so I can sneak you in.”

  “Basement elevator,” I say, dizzy as hell. “Just walk like normal into the building, go to the basement elevator, and we can go to the penthouse.”

  “Or I can call Haneul.”

  “Or that.” I yawn. “So tired.”

  “I know, big guy. So tired.”

  “Big-dick energy.”

  “You should nap today.” She laughs. “Like for a very long time. And hydrate. I’ll make you some Hangover Soup, all right?

  “I love Hangover Soup,” I say.

  I remember sunglasses, a hat, and sneaking out into the bitter cold before taking a taxi back to my apartment and then getting tucked into bed with a blanket.

  Then music.

  I remember the music.

  She’s working on the wrong song, and I don’t even care because I love her voice. I also smell soup. I get up and toss the blanket to the floor, then walk out to the main living space.

  Ah-Ri has headphones on and keeps singing her part and taking notes. She looks up, and I swear I want to bottle that expression and keep it forever.

  “Hey.” She smiles. “Made you soup.”

  “Marry me,” I grumble.

  “Meh, I have better prospects.” Her smile’s kind.

  “Probably because you make good soup.” I nod. “I respect that.”

  “Still drunk?”

  “No, but going to go kill Sookie later. Wanna join?”

  “I mean, I like him, but I’ve always wondered if I could get away with murder.”

  “Well, on that terrifying note…” I laugh. “Thank you for taking care of me and making sure we didn’t get caught.”

  She shrugs. “All in a day’s work.”

  “You work hard,” I say, walking past her. She needs to know how amazing she is, and I don’t know how to even tell her without getting weird about it. I’m falling fast and hard. The last time that happened, it didn’t end well.

  Maybe that’s my weakness, my thing: falling and then crashing to the ground, waiting for my friends to clean up the mess.

  I think of Haneul and swallow a lump in my throat.

  And then I think about my sister and try to replace that thought with happy things because it’s just so damn depressing.

  The doorbell rings, and I immediately want to rip it out of our building. Ah-Ri freezes on the couch. I shake my head. “It’s fine. Just stay there.”

  I casually walk over to the door and open it.

  My smile’s so big I can’t contain it.

  Shit, perfect timing.

  “Delivery.” The guy wants my signature.

  I’m still smiling when I take the big box into the room and put it on the table.

  Ah-Ri pulls off her headphones. “What’s this? Team uniforms?”

  “Something like that.” I smirk. “Open it.”

  She frowns and then slowly stands to look at the box. “I think I might need a knife with all this tape.”

  “Please.” I roll my eyes and pull the box open. “You just need muscle.”

  “And you need humility. Guess everyone wins today.”

  “Cute. Now, look.” I jerk my head toward the box as she slowly starts to unravel what’s inside.

  Two pairs of shoes for each girl.

  Two athletic outfits for dance practice.

  Ah-Ri’s hands tremble as she grabs the Jordans and looks at them. Brand-new and not cheap, she drops one shoe.

  “Sorry, it’s just…” A tear slides down her cheek. “I was so”—more tears come—“I had no more practice shoes and didn’t want to ask my parents. And—”

  I pull her in for a hug. “It’s okay.”

  “How did you know? I just broke those shoes yesterday.”

  I kiss her on the forehead. “Doesn’t matter. Haneul and I just want to make sure our group looks the best. It’s a totally selfish move on our part, you know.”

  She laughs, nods, then holds out a white Jordan with pink and black on the sides. “Yeah, this is about you then?”

  “Totally.”

  “And the clothes?” she asks.

  “Oh, we ordered in a bigger size because we fully intend to make sure you eat more food.” I wink. “That okay?”

  She drops the shoe.

  Then hugs herself.

  Then collapses onto the couch. “Nobody’s ever given me gifts like this before.”

  “Good.” I join her on the sofa. “Then I get to be the first.”

  She smiles. “Of so many things.”

  “So many,” I agree with a wink. “Now, go feed me soup. I did just buy super badass shoes for you.”

  She bursts out laughing. “Yeah, okay, but just this once.”

  I pull her against me and hug her, then whisper in her ear. “Wear the shoes, and don’t feel guilty. Wear the outfit. Feel beautiful and know your life will change. I promise.”

  “And if it doesn’t?” She’s still against my chest.

  “Then you’ll still have me.”

  “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

  “I’m not,” I say simply. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m kind of attached to my little anti-fan right now.”

  “Because you won’t let go.”

  “No,” I vow. “I won’t.”

  “Soup,” she whispers. “Then songs.”

  “Soup first. Songs later.”

  “And after that?”

  I hesitate, then kiss her forehead again. “We’ll see.”

  Chapter Ten

  Ah-Ri

  I’m still at his apartment.

  We’ve had soup.

  Worked on the song.

  And I know Jisoo and Haneul are gone, working on choreography before we start practicing together next week. Which means we’re completely alone. He’s sober. I’m sober and yet feeling drunk off the smiles he keeps giving me.

  So, I try to focus on our schedule for the debut.

  I start a countdown on my phone.

  Three more weeks.

  That’s not a lot of time.

  I’m not nervous; we’re all pros at this point, and we only have to debut six songs and one music video. But, still, knowing there’s only one co-ed group in existence and we’ll be the second is a lot of pressure.

  I stare at the shoes in the box and try not to smile. I fail. I was so embarrassed about mine, and then he just randomly ordered shoes—which means he did it before all of this, and I just didn’t know.

  Which also means the Tin Man has a heart.

  And an amazing kissing ability.

  My focus is not the best right now. If I’m being honest, it’s been complete shit ever since the shoes and singing for the last few hours with Ryan.

  I try to pretend like it’s not a big deal and that we’re just hanging out, but it feels deeper. Different.

  “This song is hitting differently,” he says a few hours later. “I think we need to fix some lyrics.”

  “Last minute?” I shriek. “I thought everything was set in stone. We literally have to perform this in the next month.”

  He turns and smiles at me. He’s in a fresh black T-shirt and black sweats again with a backward Yankees hat. I love that he’s so casual with me when we work.

  It’s almost sexier than if he were all dressed up, though I know what that looks like, too.

  Shiny lips. Perfect contacts. Hair. Designer clothes.

  Like, damn. This guy on a normal day is otherworldly, but put him in all his stuff, and it’s almost hard to look at him. He’s so pretty and masculine.

  His hair’s getting longer, already touching the nape of his neck.

  Is it weird that I want to pull it?

  Focus.

  Focus!

  “So, what’s wrong with the lyrics?” I clear my throat.

  “They don’t feel as passionate as the dancing.” He stands. “So, like this move goes like this.” He does this crazy hip roll spin thing that has me nearly hypnotized. “But the words don’t feel like they match.” He sighs and tosses his hat onto the couch. “Then the music slows, and it just feels…” He kicks the couch. “Wrong.”

  I think about it and stand. “Maybe it’s not the words but the choreography. Jisoo and Haneul aren’t working on this one today, so maybe we fix that first.”

  He stills and then looks over at me, his brown eyes locking on me, making it hard to breathe. “That’s a good idea.”

  “Okay, then.” I swallow, my throat dry at the way he looks at me now. I can’t explain it, so I just go with it.

  This is work, right?

  “We don’t have a ton of space in here.” I look around at the furniture.

  “C’mon,” he says. “We’ll go to one of the spare bedrooms. There’s really nothing in there since the other guys moved out.”

  His jaw clenches.

  “Is that what happened?” I pry.

  He laughs, but it sounds bitter. We walk toward a random room. “Yeah, well, we hit it pretty big and could have been bigger, but things went downhill when they decided they wanted to do their military service sooner rather than later without telling us. So, yeah, that’s what happened. Then…boom, disbandment that nobody really knows about yet. I’m sure people assume, but…it sucks. It was our first group, Haneul and me. After solo projects, it just felt right, and then the guys made choices without us. One of them had a few acting projects already and wanted to stop touring.”

  I touch his shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

  “I was, too. And now I’m thinking maybe it was for the best.” He’s looking right at me. My stomach does somersaults as he opens the door to the empty room.

  There’s a bed, a desk, and that’s it. The room is pretty sparse, giving us enough space to dance, though it’s still intimate.

  He grabs his phone, turns on the song, and sets it on the desk. “So, let’s figure this out.”

  It feels too intimate, but I listen to the song.

  When it gets slower, we need to make it more…personal.

  I walk up to Ryan and wrap my arms around him. “Maybe we make it more like a ballet.”

  “A ballet?” he asks.

  I nod. “What if you lift me, put me down, and dance with me like it’s a dream? Like we’re in an actual dream during this sequence. Haneul can do the same with Jisoo. And then we’ll come together with the last part of the song and look up since it mentions clouds, and then fall together on the ground staring at them. We can use our arms to do some choreography that matches, and then we just…fall asleep.”

  He says nothing for a while.

  The song plays on repeat.

  Suddenly, I’m taken on a journey as Ryan lightly pushes me back with his fingers. They run down my face, my neck. He turns me around and then lifts me up and over his shoulders, dropping me, spinning me.

  We dance around each other, and it feels so emotional that I start to cry as I think about the lyrics, being in the clouds, in love, wanting something so badly.

  He pulls me against him as the lonely lyrics sound.

  I dance around him.

  It’s as if we were born to dance together.

  I spin again, and he lifts me and turns us both as I slide down his body. And then we’re apart, and I don’t want to be.

  I want him.

  I run at him as he lifts me.

  I fall against him, and we crumple to the floor as if we’re looking up at the stars. He points up. I smile and point, as well. We turn toward each other and smile, and then I’m pulled into him.

  And that’s where I stay.

  His lips lower.

  So close.

  The door opens and closes.

  We don’t move.

  The door to the room opens.

  “Ummmm?” Jisoo says. “Should I leave you two?”

  “We fixed it,” Ryan says. “The choreography.”

  “It’s perfection.” I nod.

  “Thanks to you,” he says. “Get Haneul. We have work to do.”

  We work on the choreography for the next two hours. Both Haneul and Jisoo are obsessed with it, and we soon all have it down.

  “I think this is our first song,” Ryan says after we order food. “It hits differently. I feel it.”

  Jisoo nods. “I did, too.”

  Haneul looks at all of us. “Well, we’re already taking a risk with a co-ed group. Let’s do it.”

  We all nod in agreement and then eat until Haneul’s phone goes off.

  It’s actually the first time in a long time that I don’t start counting the calories before putting the food into my mouth and it feels good. I have Ryan to thank for that; for making me feel braver, and beautiful. For kissing me and feeding me, two things I never knew I needed.

  Frowning, he looks down at it. “It’s our manager.”

  I’ve yet to meet him; not that I care since we aren’t really doing any shows or anything yet.

  Haneul answers it, and I can see his skin visibly pale as he listens.

  When he’s done, he puts the phone down and rasps. “Seems SWT might have a surprise release coming up or something. If we want to release our first single, we probably need to do it in the next week or wait for two months.”

  I jump to my feet. “What? Why?”

  “Because,” Ryan says next to me, “when SWT releases or does anything, it saturates the market. Not just with their music but backlist music and merch, too. We need to be seen, so…”

  “Shit,” Jisoo cusses.

  We all look at her.

  She shrugs. “What? It’s shit. We all know it. And it sucks.”

  “We’ll do the song,” I say. “The one we just did. We’ll do that one first. We can do a teaser MV, right? How long does that take?”

  Ryan runs his hands down his face. “We have the concept already, but we have to get production ready and—”

  “I can do it,” Jisoo suddenly says. “My mom’s dating CEO Siu. I bet I can get them to swing it this week. I’ll ask.”

  Stunned stupid, I just stare at her. “Your mom is dating the CEO of our label?”

  She frowns. “I didn’t think it was necessary to share.”

  Haneul bites back a curse while Ryan laughs. “Anyone want soju?”

  “Cheers.” I join him in laughter. “Looks like we’re doing a teaser MV this week. No pressure. Who the hell is even going to edit that?”

  “Me,” Haneul says. “I’m good. As long as we have the manpower to get a teaser and MV done, I can edit and direct the entire thing.”

  It’s not just risky; it’s unheard of. I mean, other than Stray Kids and a handful of other groups.

  Then again, look at them now. Stray Kids just hit number one on the US billboard charts for their latest album, so maybe this is the right move to make.

  So, I just nod my head and agree.

  And when I go to bed later that night…

  I dream of dancing with the guy who used to taunt my nightmares, only to enter into my dreams.

  Chapter Eleven

  Ryan

  Two Days Later

  Jisoo was actually able to pull it off. We’re doing the dream sequence scene on set for a teaser, and while we’ve been given so much opportunity, the team at FS has been very clear that if we fail in this, we’re done.

  No pressure.

  CEO Siu even comes to our rehearsal before the teaser.

  All of us are in chains.

  The girls are in these angelic fairy costumes, and we look like fallen angels with dark purple wings. All of us are fighting the chains, moving back and forth as we move in sync towards one another.

  We break free and then find our other halves, giving so much more meaning to the name I put in Ah-Ri’s phone weeks ago. The fallen angel, coming to find her. Coming home to the one girl he was supposed to be with all along but was too afraid to take. The minute we touch hands, the stage lights are supposed to brighten, and then we start to dance.

  The girls look like haunted ballerinas, and we look like demons ready to possess them until we start to touch and dance with them. Slowly, the red contacts are removed from our eyes, the crazy hair, and we begin to look more human.

  At the end, it’s just us dancing with them.

  And me trying so hard not to fall even further into this obsession with Ah-Ri.

  I lean in as if I’m going to kiss her, then spin her around, lie down on the fake grass with her, and point at the sky.

  The other two lie down next to us.

  When we finish the teaser and music video, I hear clapping.

  Actual clapping.

  I look up.

  The CEO of the entire label is clapping for us. He nods his head at me and winks. “I hope this works. I really do.”

  “Me, too.” I feel like puking. “Me, too.”

  It takes me a minute to get out of hair and makeup. By then, I’m exhausted, and everyone else has decided to go their separate ways to take a nap.

  Everyone but Ah-Ri.

  I follow her out of the building and watch her get into the van that will take her back to the trainee dorms, even though I know they’re close.

  I follow.

  Like a creeper.

  She gets out of the van and goes into the dorms. I pull my baseball hat down, follow her, and then knock on her door.

  She opens it, frowning.

  I push her back in.

  She throws off my hat. “You scared me to death!”

  “Sorry,” I say. “I was just…wanting some…ramyeon.”

  “And I’m the chef now?” She rolls her eyes and closes the door. “And no ramyeon. You may as well ask for Netflix and chill.”

  “Same thing?” I mean, it sort of is, and my body’s completely on board with it after today. I would love to Netflix and chill or eat ramyeon. God, she’s so pretty it hurts.