“Fuck yeah!” Tyler throws an arm around my shoulders. “We’re getting fucked up tonight!” With a quick glance at Brian and Coach, he schools his expression dramatically. “I mean, we’re going to go out and have a very tame and appropriate celebration of our guy and his unlikely touchdown.”

  Brian snorts out a laugh. “Ty, I’ve known you since you were born, and you have never done anything tame a single day in your life. Go have fun. Just know that if I have to get up to bail anyone out of jail, Liv is going to be pissed, and she’s way scarier than I am.”

  “And I’m the scariest of all.” Coach gives us a stern glance. “Don’t be fucking stupid, and anyone who falls asleep during film tomorrow is doing fifty-fortys until you forget the word hungover exists. Be in the locker room in five minutes. Lowry and Ellicott, you’re on post-game media.”

  “Ten-four, Coach.” Drew gives him a mock salute and Coach rolls his eyes, giving us a curt nod before heading off the field.

  “I’m heading out too. Gotta do all the things and get home to my wife. Fucking amazing play, Cam.” Brian leans over and wraps Maddy in a hug before heading off with a wave.

  “Okay, now that the grown-ups are gone, Cavo. Nine p.m. I’ll handle the VIP shit.” Tyler gives us a wicked grin. “You coming, Mads?”

  Maddy rolls her eyes. “When have you ever known me to set foot in a club?”

  Drew shakes his head. “That’s weak sauce. There’s a first time for everything. You’re on the team, Maddy girl. You have to come. We’re fucking celebrating.”

  When he tosses me a sly grin, I realize he’s wingmaning me, making sure Maddy comes out tonight because he knows without me having to say a word exactly how I’m hoping this night ends.

  I really have great taste in best friends.

  Maddy looks at me for a beat. “Don’t you have kids to go home to?”

  I shake my head. “They’re sleeping at my mom’s.”

  “Please come, Maddy.” Tyler gives her a pleading look. “Please, please, please, please, pretty, pretty please? I’ll text Soph and get her to come too. It won’t be the same without you.”

  Shifting slightly to the left, I graze my hand over hers again, and she sucks in a quiet breath, but when she doesn’t do anything to move away, I know I’ve got her. “What do you say, Maddy?”

  When she looks at me, I can tell she understands I’m asking her about a lot more than just a team night out to celebrate a win.

  She searches my face for a beat before nodding slowly.

  “Okay.”

  The single word is final and heavy with meaning, and anticipation hums between us as we accept without words what we both already know.

  It’s happening.

  Tonight.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  MADDY

  “Holy shitballs, you look amazing.” Emmy grins from her perch on my bed, a giant bag of Skittles in her lap. She has one eye on me and one eye on the candy, where she’s meticulously separating the red Skittles from the rest of the pack and tossing them in a bowl.

  “I can’t believe you’re making me wear this,” I grumble as I tug down the hem of the deep purple dress. The very short, very tight dress.

  “Stop tugging on it,” Maya orders, flopping down on the bed next to Emmy. “That dress was made for you, and you look so freaking hot in it I need to fan myself.”

  “It was made for you,” I say, digging through my jewelry box in search of the hammered silver bangles Sophie’s mom gave me for my last birthday. “You’re two inches taller than I am, which means this dress is two inches too short for me, and I’m a former hockey player with a former hockey player ass.” Shoving the bracelets on my wrist, I spin around. “Which means the dress is too fucking short.”

  “We’re going to a club, Maddy baby. Two inches too short is the perfect length. And your ass is spectacular.” Sophie practically skips out of my bathroom wearing a bright pink dress that’s tighter and inches shorter than mine. Her brown hair curls wildly and tumbles down her back, and I would cut off a limb right now for just a tiny slice of her outgoing personality. Or her confidence that she’s not going to end up with her ass hanging out of the bottom of her dress.

  Instead, I have a dress that’s a wardrobe malfunction waiting to happen, a strapless bra that’s so uncomfortable I want to tear it off and burn it in protest, and an attack of stress hives.

  “This is a bad fucking idea,” I mutter, taking a long sip from the water bottle on my dresser and staring with disdain at the shoes Maya brought over for me to wear. Shoes I’ll probably fall out of and break an ankle, which means I’ll be spending the night in the emergency room instead of in Cam Lowry’s bed.

  Cam’s bed. Holy hell.

  Did I mention the stress hives?

  “This isn’t about the dress, is it?” Caitlin asks from her perch on the couch that sits along one wall of my bedroom. She reaches out and takes my hand, tugging me gently until I’m sitting next to her.

  Sarah takes my other side and wraps an arm around my shoulders. “Talk to us, Mads. Something’s up. You’re angsting hard, and you never do that. Plus, you haven’t eaten a single M&M, and you just drank actual water.”

  “I did?” I glance around the room, and my eyes land on the water bottle on my dresser. “Shit,” I mutter, covering my face with my hands. “I’m a mess. But, like, not in my usual, fun way. In more of the, I have no idea what I’m doing, and I may be about to make a major mistake way.”

  “It’s Cam, right?” Emmy sets her Skittles aside and scoots to the edge of the bed so she’s closer to the couch. Maya follows, and Sophie plops down on Emmy’s other side so all six of us sit in a circle of sorts. “You’ve been acting weird since you got home from the game.”

  With the exception of Maya, no one knows what happened in my parents’ house a few weeks ago. Or that Cam and I have been existing in a kind of limbo ever since. A limbo that is deliciously sexy one day and terrifying another when the ramifications of what we’re doing hit me. What it might mean for my career. For my life. Suddenly, I feel like if I don’t unload it all, I might just explode.

  And these women are my women.

  Lifting my head up, I nod, taking a deep breath. And then I tell them everything.

  “Oh my god,” Sarah cackles. “That is queen behavior, Maddy. Complete and utter queen behavior.”

  “Which part?” I say dryly. “The part where I dry humped the guy against a wall in my parents’ house or the part where my mom and Liv caught us when Cam literally had a wet spot on the front of his pants? Which part of that would you consider queen behavior?”

  “All of it,” Emmy says with a nod. “First of all, dry humping is a lost art, and I think there should be more of it, not less.”

  “Second that.” Sophie raises her hand like she’s bidding at an auction. “I mean, all that delicious muscle pinning you against a wall and grinding into you?” She shivers dramatically. “So hot. I wish a sexy football player would pin me to a wall.”

  Maya gives her a wicked grin. “I’m sure that could be arranged. I bet Tyler would volunteer as tribute if you found the guts to ask.”

  “Shut up,” Sophie mumbles, her face turning bright red.

  I drop my head back against the cushions, suddenly assaulted by images of that night. “It was,” I mutter. “It was so fucking hot, you guys. And he wasn’t embarrassed or anything. Instead, he just pulled me closer to him and got all possessive right in front of my mom and Liv. What am I even supposed to do with that?”

  “What do you want to do?” Caitlin asks, her voice steady and curious and her expression open, like she’s ready to accept whatever answer I give her. She may be prickly sometimes, but when it comes to the people she loves, she’ll go to the ends of the earth. I feel a rush of love for her, for all of them, as I look around our little circle.

  My friends aren’t going to judge me for feeling like I’ll die if I don’t have Cam’s hands on me before this night is over. They won’t tell me I’m wrong for being hesitant to make that happen because of what it might mean for my career. They won’t tell me I’m crazy for falling a little in love with two kids who don’t belong to me. Or that I’m setting myself up for heartbreak with the man.

  They’ll just be here, holding space for me in any way I need them to, and just seeing them gathered around me makes me feel powerful.

  Like I could scale a building or lift a car.

  Like I can admit that I have big, important feelings for the man who makes me feel everything.

  Like I could do anything, as long as I have them with me.

  I really have no idea how anyone gets through life without girlfriends on their side.

  And with that thought in my head, I give them my simplest truth.

  “I want him. I have since that first night. When I cut through everything else, it’s really not that complicated at all.”

  “But…” Maya says, and I smile because of all of my friends, she’s the one who knows me best.

  “But I can’t cut through everything else, because that everything else is my life. My career. My family.”

  “What are you afraid of?” Emmy asks, grabbing a bag of M&M’s and tossing it to me. “Like, when you strip everything else away, what are you really, truly afraid of?”

  I tear open the M&M’s, eating a couple while I consider her question. “I’m afraid of what happens when it gets out that I’m dating a player. It’s an ethical fiasco.”

  “But you’re not treating him, right?” Sarah asks. “Someone else on your team is. It can’t be an ethics violation if he’s not actually your patient.”

  I shake my head, letting the chocolate soothe me. “It doesn’t matter that I’m not actually doing anything wrong. And it doesn’t matter that the team is playing better since I joined the staff than they have in years. That’s the kind of nuance the media doesn’t have the capacity to convey. Instead, they’ll breathlessly report that the Renegades’ brand new team psychologist, who is the niece of the general manager and who also happens to be a woman, is sleeping with a player. Are women smart enough to be psychologists? Are they even allowed to go to grad school? Can lady brains understand sports? Details at eleven.” I blow out a breath, throwing myself dramatically back against the cushions.

  I glance around the circle and see understanding on all my friends’ faces. They are all smart, accomplished women who have had to deal with their share of assholery from inferior men, so I know they get it. And yet. “Say it.” I turn to Sophie, who keeps opening her mouth and closing it like she has something to add but isn’t sure she should.

  She shrugs and reaches over, grabbing some of my M&M’s. “Fuck all of them is what I want to say. Seriously, screw every single narrow-minded asshole who tells you that you didn’t earn this job. Who wants to take whatever is between you and Cam and turn it into something sordid. You know Brian will have your back, and this entire family will fight anyone who comes for you.”

  “I don’t want him to have to have my back this way,” I say suddenly, realizing the utter truth of it. “If someone who wasn’t related to him had this job and slept with a player, he’d toss her out on her ass. I don’t want to put him in the position to have to make a different choice for me because I’m related to him.”

  “But you are related to him.” Maya leans back, her hands planted on the bed. “And he’s going to think differently about you because of it. That’s just the way it goes in this family. It would be different if you were doing something legitimately wrong, Mads, but you’re not. You said it yourself. It’s perception, and perception can fuck right off. If you asked Brian, I know he would say the same thing.”

  “She’s right.” Caitlin lays a hand over mine. “You shouldn’t have to choose, Mads. You should get to have both if both is what you want. You can have the great love and the big career, and you’re the only one who gets to decide how those things go together. Don’t tell me the world doesn’t work that way,” she says, holding up a hand when I open my mouth to protest, her face fierce. “This time, when you’re ready, it’s going to work exactly that way. For you, we’re going to make fucking sure of it.”

  “Fucking right we are.” Emmy reaches across and takes my other hand. “No one fucks around with our girl. With any of our girls,” she says, looking around at everyone.

  “God, I feel like I could run through a wall right now.” Maya reaches for the bag of popcorn on my nightstand and digs in.

  “Right?” Sarah grins, stealing the popcorn away from Maya. “Maybe we should just say fuck it and go join a coven or something. Why even are there men anyway? We do just fine on our own.”

  Sophie slides a glance in my direction. “I mean, I’m pretty sure Maddy would disagree. What with all the love and fabulous fucking and everything.”

  “I’m not in love with him,” I say quickly. Too quickly, probably.

  “Okay.” Sophie pats my leg as if to say Sure, sweetie. “You might not be in love with him, but that man is head over heels for you. I saw the way he looked at you.”

  “Looked at me when?” I think back, trying to remember when Sophie might have seen Cam and me together.

  “I was at the game, remember? You walked up to him on the field after his touchdown and handed him your phone for some reason. The cameras were on him, so it was on the jumbotron. He looked at you like you were the only woman in the entire world. It was so hot I may have had a tiny orgasm. Wait!” She reaches back and grabs her phone from the other side of my bed. “I took a picture of the jumbotron because the game was already over so I figured that shot wouldn’t have made it to TV.”

  “You did what?” I ask sharply, dread curling in my stomach at the thought of what everyone might have seen on that jumbotron.

  Sophie just gives me an unabashed grin and hands the phone to Maya, whose eyes widen as she looks between the screen and me before silently giving the phone to Emmy. And it goes like that. Each of my friends look at the phone and then stare at me until I’m ten seconds away from shrieking and stomping my foot like a toddler having a tantrum. By the time Caitlin takes the phone and lets out a low whistle, I lose my cool completely.

  “Give me the fucking phone!” I order, holding a hand out to Caitlin.

  She hands it over without a word, and when I look down, my heart catapults into my throat, because on the screen is a picture of me standing in front of Cam, who is holding my phone. It’s grainy since Sophie took it from the jumbotron, but the look in Cam’s eyes is as clear to me as if he was standing in front of me right now. He’s looking at me like I’m his reason for everything, and I’m starting to believe that he might be mine, too.

  “Oh, holy shit,” I mumble, my eyes glued to the screen.

  “You called his kids for him, didn’t you?” Sarah asks.

  I nod, looking up from the phone. “He told me they weren’t coming to the game. When he scored, I knew it was a huge moment for him, and I thought he might want to talk to them. I have Riley’s number. She texts me sometimes. It’s just…” I pause, collecting my thoughts. “He’s lost a lot. His wife. His kids’ mom. A lifetime of memories they aren’t going to get to make with her. And despite that, he’s an amazing dad, and they are such good kids. I didn’t want them to miss out on making this memory together. All three of them deserve that.”

  Caitlin squeezes my hand, and when I look over at her, I know she understands. They all do. “You know what it’s like to miss out on making memories,” she says carefully. “You didn’t want that for them.”

  I take a deep breath, willing my emotions down, if for no other reason than I already did my makeup and my smoky eye is on point. “I understand what it’s like to be lost, and I also know what it feels like to be found. He’s this amazing guy, you know? He loves his kids so much, and he’s so worried about being enough for them when he’s actually everything. I guess I just wanted to make sure that all three of them had that moment.” I shake my head, trying to get my thoughts in order. “It’s complicated.”

  “It’s not,” Maya says. “I swear I’m not minimizing the potential publicity or how you feel about making sure no one thinks you didn’t earn this job on your own merits. Those are really important things, and we’ll handle them. But your feelings about Cam? About his kids? That’s not complicated at all. I can see it all over your face, Mads. You care about all three of them.”

  I take a minute to let Maya’s words sink in. Then I think about Cam. The way he looks at me. The way he makes me feel. The way I’m drawn to him. How I have been since the very first night. The way his kids have worked their way into my heart. And I realize Maya is right. That part isn’t complicated at all. “I do. They’re all important to me.” I look at each of my friends. “He’s important to me.”

  “What do you want to do, Mads?” Caitlin asks again.

  “I want to do him,” I say with a grin, feeling some of the weight I’ve been carrying lift with the knowledge that I can give us tonight, and we can figure out the rest later. “I mean, I want him, too. In every way. But god, I think if I don’t end up back in his bed tonight, I’ll throw a fit.”

  “The sex was really that good?” Sarah asks.

  “Sar, there literally are no words. Like, words do not exist in the English language to describe how good it was. I think I landed in another dimension.”

  “Fuck yes!” Sophie jumps up from the bed. “Let’s go get you that man.”

  “More lip gloss,” Maya orders, standing too. “Eyeliner touchup. And you better be wearing your good underwear under that dress. If you’re going to fuck the football player, you do it wearing the good underwear.”

  “I’m no amateur,” I say with a sly smile and a little thrill, because there may be a shit ton of stuff to figure out, but tonight, I’m going to tuck all of that away and do exactly what Sophie says. I’m going to get that man. “I’m wearing no underwear at all.”

  “Sarah was right. Absolute queen behavior.” Emmy grins at me and stands, pulling me up from the couch. “And I wasn’t lying earlier when I said you look amazing. Cam is going to swallow his fucking tongue.”