I do, seeing my brother joking with Tyler’s dad, Asher. Caitlin’s parents, Ben and Hallie, sharing a chair in the corner, talking with Caitlin and Maya. Sophie, Emmy, and Sarah laughing at something on Emmy’s phone. Liv helping my grandparents set up dessert in the dining room. Various other cousins sitting in pairs and trios around the room, laughing, talking, and enjoying the warmth and coziness of the holiday.

  My dad squeezes my hand. “You see it, right? The way this family has stretched and grown and opened itself up over and over again throughout the years. It’s loud and chaotic and sometimes a little messy, but that’s family, Maddy. And now, those two kids are ours, because they’re yours.”

  Mine. My heart squeezes again because I like the thought of that.

  But because my brain is a jerk, it immediately serves me up a list of all the reasons this is a terrible idea.

  My mom puts a warm hand on my arm. “It’s okay if you’re not ready yet. It’s okay if you and Cam need some time to figure this out before you shout it out to the world or even just to all the people in this room. But what your dad is saying is, don’t worry that there won’t be a place for you in their family. If you all love each other, there will be, just like there will be space for Cam and his kids in this family, when the time is right. Only you get to decide when that is, and there’s no rush. Just enjoy the fall.” She glances over at my dad again and grins. “It’s the best part.”

  “Fucking right it is.” He tugs my mom closer and wraps an arm around each of us.

  I swallow hard, wondering for the millionth time in my life how I could possibly have gotten this lucky. With these parents. These people. This family. Most likely reading me perfectly, my mom squeezes my arm and starts to say something, but she’s interrupted by Riley, storming over waving her phone, Ethan on her heels.

  “Maddy, we need you!”

  “What’s up?” I ask.

  “Dad’s about to go out for warm-ups and we have to send him a crazy-faced picture.” She rolls her eyes and wrinkles her nose. “Football players are weird. It’s a whole thing.”

  I smile, remembering what Cam told me about this particular tradition. How much it means to him. “You want me to take it?”

  Riley looks at me like I have ten heads. “No, you need to be in it.”

  My mind goes entirely blank for a second, only coming back online when my mom nudges me in the side. “Oh…um….” Pull it together, Maddy. “I thought the tradition was that you and Ethan had to send one of you together.”

  Riley shrugs. “I never asked him if it’s just the picture or the people in it, but I don’t really care. I want you to be in it, and I think my dad would too.” She looks at me with way too much knowing in her eyes for someone as young as she is. I have to force myself not to fidget under her stare.

  “I want you to be in it too,” Ethan says earnestly. “And I’m keeping the jersey on even though it’s a hockey jersey and I usually wear my dad’s on his game days. It’s really cool.” He grins up at me, all messy hair and face flushed from his videogame battle and eyes that are so much like Cam’s.

  “I think we should take it by the trains,” Riley says, referring to the Christmas train set in the entryway that Rachel always sets up every year right before Thanksgiving and leaves up until after New Year’s. “Meet us by the front door!” She turns and trots away, confident that I’m going to follow.

  And I will. I swear. It’s just that my feet are feeling rather glued to the floor at this moment.

  My dad squeezes my hand. “One day at a time,” he says quietly. “Family makes space.”

  “How does she know?” I ask, not expecting an answer. I should have known better.

  “Kids always know,” Dad says. “You did.”

  “He’s right.” Mom takes my hand. “You saw what was between your dad and me before we completely understood what it was, and I suspect that even if Riley hasn’t seen you and Cam together all that much, the little she has seen is enough for her to understand. Sparks practically fly off the two of you, Mads. I saw it even before I caught your little…Halloween interlude.”

  I close my eyes, dropping my head back with a groan. “I thought we agreed not to talk about that.”

  “One hundred percent we do not need to talk about that,” Dad says with a grimace. “I do not need the visual of my baby girl doing…whatever it was you were doing up there.”

  My mom grins and mutters something that sounds a lot like “boxing ring,” and I don’t know what that’s all about but suddenly Jeremy Wright, big bad former hockey player and full-grown adult, is blushing and pinning my mom with a heated stare.

  “Okay, no, ew. No, no, no. Whatever is happening right now needs to not happen. No one needs to see their parents looking at each other that way.”

  My mom shrugs, turning that grin on me. “No parent needs to see her oldest child pressed up against the wall by…”

  “Message received,” I say loudly, rolling my eyes when both my parents laugh. “I can’t even with you two,” I grumble. “I’m leaving. Apparently, I have to go be in a picture.”

  Two minutes later, I’m kneeling between Riley and Ethan in front of my grandma’s train set, laughing and sticking my tongue out while Riley snaps a bunch of selfies to send to Cam. And in that moment, I realize there is literally no place I would rather be.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  CAM

  I’m propping my foot on the bench to tie my cleats when my phone chimes. Standing quickly, I grab it off my locker shelf, smiling as I click on the message from Riley.

  Riley

  [pic of Riley, Ethan, and Maddy sticking their tongues out at the camera]

  I freeze as I stare at the picture on my screen, rubbing a hand over my heart that is suddenly squeezing so tightly in my chest at the image of the woman I love sandwiched between my kids that it’s making it hard to breathe. But before I can collect my thoughts, my phone rings in my hand.

  Riley.

  Wondering if she’s still with Maddy, and suddenly unreasonably desperate to see Maddy’s face, I swipe to answer so quickly I almost launch my phone across the locker room.

  “Hey, Ry,” I say with a smile.

  “Dad!” She flashes me a wide grin. “Did you see the picture? I know usually it’s just Ethan and me, and I never asked you if having another person in it, like, messed with the superstition or something. But then I decided that superstitions are kind of stupid anyway and you probably wouldn’t mind a third person in the picture if that person was Maddy.”

  My brain is still stuck on the picture and struggles to keep up with my daughter’s speed-talking. But the one thing I can decipher from everything she just said is that somehow, Riley has, at least in some small way, figured out that there’s something between Maddy and me. Something more. I guess I should have expected it. She’s always been way too perceptive for her own good.

  “I did see the picture. It was perfect, Ry.”

  “Oh good,” she says, and I laugh at her sigh of relief that’s just a touch too dramatic for someone who regularly labels my superstitions as ridiculous.

  “Hey, Dad,” Ethan says, popping into the frame. “This is the best Thanksgiving ever. Can we come here every year?”

  “Best Thanksgiving ever, huh?”

  Ethan shrugs. “I mean, I kind of wish you didn’t have to be in Dallas so you could be here too, but Maddy gave me one of her dad’s old jerseys which is, like, so awesome, and Maddy’s brother, Oliver, and Jeremy both signed it for me. And I played so much Fortnite with Brian and his best friend, Gabe. Did you know Gabe invented the Redwood phone? Like, the phone everyone in the world has came out of his brain when he was only twenty-three years old. How cool is that? He said he could get me a special edition of the new version that’s coming out in January, but only if you say it’s okay. Is it okay?”

  I huff out a laugh. “Talk to me in three years, Eth.”

  He rolls his eyes. “I told him that’s what you would say, and he said he understood because he also wouldn’t let his kids have phones until they were thirteen even though he invented the whole entire phone. I have to go because I need more pie. Have a good game! They were going to have it on anyway because Tyler’s whole family is here, but Maddy’s grandma Rachel said that since they know us now and you’re our dad, they have an extra reason to cheer for the Renegades. She said we belong to them now, and I don’t know what that means, but this is, like, the coolest place ever and I love it here.”

  Ethan shoves the phone at Riley and zooms away, and I laugh at the particular brand of enthusiasm for literally everything that is exclusive to ten-year-old boys.

  “He’s on third dessert,” Riley says with a grin. “Hey, want to talk to Maddy?” The glint in her eye tells me that she knows exactly how I’m going to respond to that question, but I go for casual.

  “Sure, but only if she’s not busy.”

  “She’s not!” Riley exclaims. “Gotta go byeeee.”

  “Love you!” I call as the screen wobbles, and two seconds later, Maddy’s face pops up.

  “Hi,” she says with a grin, face a little flushed and eyes bright.

  “Hey, Wildcat,” I say, my entire body relaxing at the sound of her voice. “You’re gorgeous. I miss you.”

  Her face flushes a deeper red, and she doesn’t say anything for a second, but I can see her moving through the house and slipping out the back door onto some kind of deck. She sits down, and the flames of what must be a fire pit dance over her face, bathing her in a soft golden light. She’s so beautiful I forget how to breathe again.

  “I miss you too,” she says quietly, holding the phone out in front of her and leaning forward so her ponytail falls over her shoulder. “A lot.”

  “Does that surprise you?” I ask, suddenly desperately curious to get inside her head.

  “It should. Everything about my feelings for you should surprise me, but nothing does. It’s almost like…” She trails off.

  “This was the way it was supposed to be,” I finish for her.

  She nods, and her agreement lights up everything inside of me. “Yes. That. I kind of have a confession to make.”

  I sit down on the bench, leaning back against my locker, happy to go wherever her fascinating brain wants to take me. I’m alone in the locker room. All my teammates are on the field for warm-ups, and I should be out there too, but there is not a force on earth strong enough to pull me away from this conversation. “Go for it.”

  She smiles, a little sheepishly. “I was pretty nervous about your kids coming here for Thanksgiving.”

  I grin at her, absolutely delighted by this revelation. “Were you? Tell me more.”

  “I want them to like me,” she mumbles, and at her words, my heart almost bursts clean out of my chest. “It’s stupid, but I really, really want them to like me. I swear I’m not trying to insert myself into your family or anything, but I thought it would be cool if I could be, like, their friend or something. Ugh,” she groans, flopping back against the couch cushions and closing her eyes. “Ignore me. I think that might be the stupidest thing I’ve ever said. For sure it was the most embarrassing.”

  “Look at me, Maddy.” I try—and fail—to keep the emotion out of my voice. “Open your eyes, baby, and look at me.”

  When she does, I smile, pulling the phone a little closer. “Remember that first night at my house?”

  She huffs out a laugh. “You mean the night we danced to no music in the living room and I had forty-seven orgasms and we ate all my favorite snacks in bed? I vaguely remember something about that.”

  I can feel my grin spread, and my brain cycles the same three words over and over again.

  I love you. I love you. I love you.

  Unused to keeping those particular words to myself, they threaten to burst right out of me.

  “When I said there isn’t any part of my life I don’t want you to be in, I meant it. I don’t think I’ve ever meant anything more. I don’t know anything about introducing someone important to me to my kids, because I’ve never done it before. I’ve never wanted to do it, until you. But I didn’t have to introduce you to Riley and Ethan because you met them when all we were to each other were two people who spent one perfect night together. I should have known then. I think maybe a part of me did know then.”

  “Know what?” she asks, eyes fixed on me.

  “That you were the missing piece of us.”

  Maddy inhales sharply, her eyes glossing over, and never in my life have I wished harder for some kind of teleportation device because I need to touch her so badly right now my arms literally ache. “You think?” she asks.

  “I don’t think. I know. My kids are crazy about you. I’m crazy about you. When I saw the picture Riley sent?” I break off, shaking my head. “It was…fuck, Maddy, it was everything. It’s always been my most important people in my pre-game picture. At first it was Lainey, and then my kids, and now you. You belong in that picture with my kids. That’s exactly where I want you.”

  “Riley said you would,” Maddy says with a smile. “She was the one who insisted I be in it.”

  “I think my thirteen-year-old is more perceptive than I gave her credit for.”

  Maddy laughs. “I’m pretty sure she and Zoe could conquer the entire world before breakfast. She’s amazing, Cam. Ethan too. My entire family has taken both of your kids right into their fold, so good luck ever extracting them. We’re a possessive bunch when it comes to the people who belong to us.”

  Belong to us.

  I have to resist rubbing a hand over my chest. “There aren’t as many of us as there are of you guys, but we can be a possessive bunch, too.”

  “Oh yeah?” Maddy draws her legs up and props her chin on her knees. Her gorgeous greens are fixed on mine, and even though I want my arms around her, there is something undeniably sacred about having this conversation on the phone. About weaving words together to convey my feelings for her. About knowing no words could ever come close but trying to find the right ones anyway. Because she’s worth it.

  She’s worth everything.

  “Yeah. Didn’t Riley insist on you being in that picture?”

  Maddy laughs again and it lights up her whole face. “She absolutely did. She’s scary when she wants something.”

  I choose my next words carefully. “I think maybe what she wants…is you. Insert yourself into my family, Maddy, because I think you belong there. With me. With my kids. With us. Be a part of us, because I think we’ve been waiting for you.” My voice breaks a little at the end, and I have no idea how I’m going to go out and play football in two minutes when what I want to do is get on a plane and fly back to Pittsburgh to get all of my most important people right into my arms.

  “Fuck, Cameron,” Maddy says, sniffling a little as a tear slides out of the corner of her eye. She bats it away impatiently. “Don’t you know I’m a redhead with an entire family right inside those doors? I get all blotchy and red when I cry, and I won’t be able to hide it because I can’t hide anything from those nosy bitches.” She takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “I wish you were here. I wish I could kiss the shit out of you and then completely violate you. Respectfully.”

  I bark out a laugh. “Disrespect me, baby. You know you want to.”

  She groans. “God, I really do. But also, just…thank you.”

  “For what?”

  Maddy shrugs. “I don’t know exactly. For being you?”

  “Lowry, where the fuck are you?” Before I can say anything else, Coach Campbell’s irritated voice fills the locker room and then he appears, hands on his hips and sporting a world-class scowl. “Unless someone is dying or dead, put the fucking phone away and get out on the damn field. Did you perhaps think warm-ups didn’t apply to you today?”

  I wink at Maddy. “Sorry, Coach. Be out in a minute.”

  He practically glares at me. “You’ll be out in thirty seconds, or I’ll have you doing up-downs at practice on Wednesday until you either throw up or die. Either one is fine with me.” Without waiting for a response, he storms out of the locker room, and I stand from the bench, grabbing my helmet from my locker.

  “Uh oh,” Maddy says with a grin. “Someone’s in trouble.”

  I grin back, too in love with this conversation—with her—to care. “Worth it. Gotta run. Eight hours, Wildcat. And then you’re mine.”

  “Go win a football game, Cameron. Winners get rewards.” The look she gives me is so scorching hot that I have to clench every muscle in my body to keep from getting hard.

  “Baby, I miss the shit out of you. I can’t wait to have my tongue on your clit and your tits in my hands. Maybe you can scratch my back some more. I love it when you leave marks.”

  “Shit,” she mutters, shifting on the couch. “Now that’s all I’ll be thinking about for the next eight hours.”

  I flash her another grin. “Just the way I like it.”

  We hang up, and I jog out of the locker room and onto the field, warming up and winning a football game, thinking about Maddy the whole damn time.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

  CAM

  Ijolt at the crack of thunder, my living room windows practically rattling with the force of it. Rain lashes against the glass and panic wraps its icy talons around my spine, squeezing tightly and refusing to let go.

  “Dad!” Riley yells from the kitchen, just as the thunder rumbles again and the sound of Ethan slapping pucks into his hockey net filters up from the basement. I grit my teeth, my brain struggling to process all the noise through the unyielding grip of my anxiety.