Me

  *pants and dives for vibrator*

  I can’t wait to see your face later.

  Cam

  Seeing your face is the best part of every single one of my days.

  Later, Wildcat.

  Me

  Sorry, Maddy can’t come to the phone right now. She has expired at the intersection of scorching hot and achingly sweet.

  God fucking dammit. I burned the caramel sauce because I was distracted by your dick in your hand.

  Cam

  So glad I could help keep the tradition alive.

  Me

  Thank you for your service.

  Me

  Why did a giant box of Frosted Flakes, a gallon of milk, iced coffee, and a note that says I miss your face just get delivered to my door?

  Cam

  I thought you might need sustenance to tackle your second batch of caramel. Besides, when I’m not there to give you breakfast in person, I still like to make sure you’re eating.

  Me

  Seriously, there’s no way you can be real. You have to have a flaw. Do you kick puppies? Not believe in a woman’s right to choose? Think Shonda Rimes is bad at making TV?

  Cam

  I love puppies. I would have, like, ten dogs if I didn’t travel so damn much. People—men especially—who don’t believe women should be making decisions about their own bodies are the worst kinds of human. And Meredith Grey, Annalise Keating, and Olivia Pope are three of the best characters in all of TV history.

  Me

  Oh, my fucking god.

  I think you might literally be the perfect man.

  Cam

  Perfect for you.

  Me

  Cameron.

  I just had to sit down on the floor.

  Cam

  Why the floor?

  Me

  The chairs were too far away and I melted into a puddle.

  Why are you not here right now? You can’t say things like that to me and then be away for another 36 hours.

  Cam

  In 36 hours, I’m coming straight to your house.

  Wait, maybe longer than that. We’re landing in the middle of the night.

  Me

  I literally do not care what time it is. You will drive your fine ass right over to my house where I will take terrible advantage of you.

  Cam

  Promise?

  Me

  One hundred percent I do.

  Cam

  Well then, I’m counting the minutes.

  2160 to go.

  Riley

  MADDY.

  We’re coming to your grandparents’ house for Thanksgiving!

  Me

  I heard! I can’t wait to see you guys.

  Bring your gossip. I need to know everything, like, yesterday.

  Riley

  Oh, it’s on. Hoard the M&M’s. We’re going to need them.

  Me

  Consider it done. I’m bringing seven flavors.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  MADDY

  “No, she did not!” I laugh as Riley grins and nods her head from her seat on the floor in front of Sophie, careful not to move too much and mess up the tiny strands of purple and blue tinsel Sophie is currently weaving into Riley’s hair.

  “She did. It was insane.”

  “What was insane?” We all look up at Maya as she, Caitlin, Sarah, and Emmy take seats on the couch.

  “Riley is telling us about Zoe totally owning some girl in the play who’s been a complete b-word to Riley.”

  Zoe comes over and plops down on the floor next to Riley, rolling her eyes. “You can say bitch, Maddy. It’s not like we’ve never heard that word before. Can you do my hair next?” she asks, looking up at Sophie.

  “You got it. Anything for the girl who brought down the big bad bitch of the Fieldston play.”

  Riley cackles. “I love that. I’m calling her the big bad bitch from now on. She is a total bitch, and it’s better just to call it like it is. It gives her less power that way.”

  “Damn right it does.” Emmy holds up a hand for a high five, and Riley grins and slaps it.

  I wince internally, wondering briefly what Cam is going to think about the big bad bitch thing, and then decide he’ll probably be fine with it. He keeps it real with his kids. It’s one of the things I like most about him.

  Besides all the other things.

  Everything.

  I like everything about him. All the things.

  I take a sip of the orange soda in front of me to wet my suddenly dry throat. I played it cool with Cam yesterday. Or, at least, as cool and I’m capable of being. But the truth is, I was nervous about his kids being here for Thanksgiving. It’s a ridiculous thing to be nervous about, considering he hasn’t told his kids what’s going on between us, but since the first night I stayed at his house, everything feels like higher stakes.

  We haven’t managed another full night together, just a few stolen hours here and there at my house or his when we can both get away, but my feelings for Cam are…very, very big. And even though we still have so much to figure out, I want to do exactly that. With him. The time for staying away from him is long gone. I’m not even sure I ever could. This is happening. At least, I hope it is. Which means I hope Cam’s kids are going to be a big part of my life, which means they have to like me.

  I glance across the room where Ethan is pouring over a book of hockey stats with my dad and brother. He’s wearing the old Lightning hockey jersey I brought for him and is looking at my dad like he hung the damn moon, and something about the whole scene has my heart clenching. When my dad and Ethan both look up at me at the same time with twin grins and Ethan tosses me a wave, my chest fills with unexpected warmth.

  Something about watching the kids who belong to the man who is rapidly becoming my most important person fit in so seamlessly with all the people I love most in the world is making me feel settled in a way I don’t think I’ve experienced before and can’t quite explain. All I know is that I like it, and it’s making me wish Cam was here too, sitting next to me and laughing with my friends and talking hockey with my dad and brother.

  Soon, I promise myself. One day soon.

  “Is someone going to fill us in on what happened?” Sarah asks, propping her feet on the coffee table. “Sounds like there’s some good gossip to be had.”

  “Sarah is trash for good gossip,” Caitlin says to the girls, digging into the bag I put on the floor and coming up with a handful of M&M’s bags in various flavors, tossing them to all of us.

  “Who isn’t?” Riley says with a shrug. “Okay, so my understudy for the play is this girl Tara. She’s a senior and she’s awful.”

  “Like, the actual worst,” Zoe pipes in. “She wanted the lead, but Riley got it because Riley is uber-talented and Tara isn’t and she knows it. So instead of trying to be something better than a mediocre actress, she’s done everything she can to steal the part from Riley like a total freaking jerk.”

  Riley nods. “She has. Anyway, we were all on the stage yesterday, and Zoe kept goading Tara into saying mean things about, like, everyone in the play. Tara is such an idiot that she didn’t realize Zoe was completely playing her. Mr. Murphy, the play director, was right behind Tara and heard everything. He kicked her out of the play right on the spot, and when she threw a fit, he said if she didn’t apologize and leave the theater, he would contact every single college she applied to and tell them personally what happened and why she isn’t in the play anymore.”

  “She didn’t even have the decency to look mad,” Riley says, standing up from the floor when Sophie taps her on the shoulder to let Riley know her hair is finished. Zoe slides into Riley’s place in front of Sophie, and Riley takes the spot next to me on the couch. “She just muttered an apology and slunk out of the auditorium like the coward she is.”

  “God, it’s just delicious when bullies get what’s coming to them,” Maya says with an evil sort of smile.

  “Right?” Emmy tosses a handful of M&M’s into her mouth and grins slyly. “There’s something so satisfying about seeing justice served. It’s why I became a lawyer. I like being the one to give the bad guys what’s coming to them.”

  “And you’re so good at it, my baby.” Rachel strolls up with a tray of glasses filled with a bright red bubbly liquid and sets it on the coffee table. “Shirley Temples for everyone,” she announces, handing the glasses around before taking one for herself and sitting next to Sophie. “I’m feeling festive. Dinner will be ready in ten. In the meantime, tell me who served the justice.”

  “We did,” Riley says with a shrug. “I mean, Zoe did. I just watched.”

  Zoe scoffs. “You served justice too by putting up with that wench for the last three months without killing her completely dead.”

  I smile at the two girls, who remind me so much of myself and my friends when we were thirteen. The way they support each other and clearly care about each other deeply is rare and special. Glancing around the circle at my friends and cousins—my sisters—I hope for these girls what I’ve been lucky enough to find. And if my brain serves me up an image of a younger me, lonely and wondering if I would ever have a family of my own, I shut that shit right down because today is absolutely not the day.

  Rachel hoots out a laugh. “Why don’t we use the word wench anymore? It’s so good.”

  Zoe grins. “I know. I didn’t know the word until we started reading Romeo and Juliet a few weeks ago, and now I want to use it as much as possible.”

  “You calling people wenches again?” Liv asks, squeezing Zoe’s shoulder and coming over to sit on my other side.

  Zoe nods. “Always.”

  “So, when’s the play?” Sarah asks. “Can we come see it?”

  “You would want that?” Riley asks with wide eyes.

  “Duh,” Emmy says with a grin. “Of course we do.”

  “You’re the lead, and Zoe made all the sets. There’s no way you’ll keep anyone in this room away.” Caitlin glances over at Rachel, who nods in confirmation.

  “January, right? I think I remember seeing it in the Fieldston alumni email.” Sophie winds the last piece of tinsel into Zoe’s hair and sits back on the couch. “We’ll all be there. Better save some seats.”

  “Like, how many seats?” Riley’s eyes dart around the circle like she can’t quite believe all of these women want to show up for her. And god, I know that feeling so well. Well enough that I take Riley’s hand and give it a squeeze.

  “Maybe Fieldston should consider putting on a separate performance just for us,” Maya says with a laugh. “We’re too chaotic to see a show with the general public.”

  Riley laughs. “Zoe can ask Mr. Murphy. After her little performance with Tara yesterday, I bet he’ll want to do her a favor.”

  Zoe nods like this is the best idea ever.

  “Were we this cool in ninth grade?” Maya wonders, looking between Riley and Zoe and then at me.

  I snort out a laugh. “You were. Me? Not so much. Remember the thing where I was a hockey player which means I was immediately labeled a jock by most of the girls in our grade and thus entirely uncool?”

  Riley bumps my shoulder with hers. “I totally would have been friends with you in high school. Being a female athlete is so badass.”

  “Same.” Zoe nods again, taking a sip of her drink. “And anyway, look at you now. You’re in charge of the mental health of, like, an entire professional football team. You get to travel with the team and stand on the field for games and help the coach with game strategy and everything. I bet all those girls would be so jealous if they could see you now.”

  “Right?” Riley says, looking up at me. “You’re so super cool now. My dad said you’re the only female sports psychologist in the entire league and you’re the best.”

  “He did, did he?” Liv asks, tossing me a side eye. “What else did he say, Ry? Tell us everything.”

  She shrugs. “He said the only reason the Renegades kicker is doing so well now after his injury in the home opener is because Maddy helped him when his brain kept tricking him into thinking he would reinjure himself, and he told me there’s another player who has always had anxiety about getting injured but can manage it now because Maddy helped him.” She looks up at me with a grin. “He talks about you a lot. Your work especially. It’s like he’s proud of you or something.”

  “Or something,” Liv says in a voice only I can hear, her tone laced with amusement.

  “Stop it,” I hiss. Out of the corner of my eye, I see her grin wide, and when I glance around our little circle, the same grin is plastered on everyone’s face. While my friends know everything, my grandma definitely does not. But Rachel Parker misses nothing, so I’m sure she read this entire situation in two seconds flat.

  As for me? Well, I’m just trying to breathe normally.

  The thought that Cam has been talking about me to his kids—the things he’s told them—is doing weird things to my chest. I know he thinks what I do is important. He’s told me a million times, and just the way he agreed so easily to keep what’s between us a secret for the time being to protect me and my career tells me exactly how he feels. But something about hearing it from his daughter’s mouth is turning my insides into an ooey gooey mess of feelings. Of hope and want and need and something that goes way, way beyond simple like.

  This is messy and complicated and probably ill-advised, but I don’t care about any of that. I care about him, and I’m not sure I would want it any other way.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  MADDY

  “It’s sweet, isn’t it?”

  “What?” At the sound of my mom’s voice, I turn from my spot at the doorway to the living room where I’m watching Riley and Zoe chat with Sophie’s mom, Molly, and Tyler’s mom, Julie, while on the other side of the room Ethan is engaged in a furious Fortnite battle with Brian and Sophie’s dad, Gabe.

  My mom gives me a soft smile and then holds out a hand to my dad when he strolls up. He takes it, bringing it to his mouth and pressing a kiss to her knuckles before winding their fingers together. “The way Cam’s kids slid right in here. It’s nice to watch.”

  I nod, my eyes back on the kids. “It is. I’m sorry Cam’s mom is sick, but I like having them here.”

  My dad slides his free arm around my shoulders, dropping a kiss on the top of my head. “So, what are the big thoughts all about?”

  I turn and study him. “What makes you think I’m having big thoughts?”

  He gives me a look that says, clearly, Please. “I know you, Little Red. I know when there’s something going on in your head.”

  “We haven’t wanted to pry,” Mom says in that quiet way of hers. “You’ve always been the kind of person who talks when you’re ready, but we’re here and you’re here and there are so many different conversations going on in this house that no one is going to bother listening to ours, so spill Mads. What’s on your mind?”

  I sigh, turning to my parents. “Why does it sometimes feel scarier falling for two kids than it does falling for their dad?”

  “You love them,” my mom says, reading my mind the way she’s been doing since I was a kid. It’s a statement, not a question.

  I nod. “I do. Of course I do. How could I not? But it’s all so complicated, you know?” I shake my head, trying to gather my thoughts. “I like him. I really, really like him, and I think maybe he could be my one. We have so many things we have to figure out, and in the middle of it are these two great kids, and what if I mess it all up? I don’t know anything about being a parent. Not that I would be, like, their parent or anything. They have one of those, and they have a grandma who seems excellent, and they had a mom and don’t need me to be that. Cam is an amazing dad, and he, Riley, and Ethan have built this beautiful little family together…and what if I break it? What if they’re fine the way they are and don’t need someone else to be a part of it? What if…”

  My dad squeezes my shoulder, cutting off my spill of unfiltered thoughts. I take a breath, and then another one, willing my heart to slow down its rapid-fire beating. Shit. I didn’t realize any of that was in my head.

  Brains are such assholes.

  Dropping his arm from my shoulders, Dad turns me to face him and takes both of my hands. “Twenty-three years ago, I fell for a little girl who belonged to someone else.” He glances over at my mom, and the look they give each other is so full of love that my heart squeezes. “I had some of the same thoughts you’re having now. What you and your mom were building together was so beautiful and so special that it didn’t seem possible there could be room for a former hockey player with abandonment issues and a truckload of unresolved trauma.” My mom slides an arm around his waist and leans her cheek on his bicep. He bends, kissing the top of her head. “But what I learned then and have learned over and over again a million times since, is that hearts make space, Maddy. Family makes space. Just look around this room.”