“Come here,” I say, softly.

  She curls up next to me, and I immediately feel better as I run my hand through her hair while she lies against my chest.

  “When I got home from practice today, the hospital called me,” I say quietly. “I guess the neighbors found him in his yard. He had a massive stroke, and the paramedics never got a pulse back.”

  She must sense my trepidation because her arm tightens around me, silently giving me her strength.

  “I’m not going anywhere, Knox. You have me.”

  I close my eyes at words that I would once not allow myself to feel, but now I let them seep in, causing every part of me to feel stronger.

  “My dad only loved one thing in his life, and that was my mother. When she got pregnant with me, she learned she had a heart condition and that having a baby would put too much strain on her body, so the doctors advised her not to go through with it. My dad felt the same, but my mom refused to listen.”

  “I would have too,” she whispers.

  “Yeah, I know,” I sigh. “You two are a lot alike, and it’s both equally comforting and terrifying.”

  “You were her baby, Knox. She already loved you.”

  I nod slightly as I push through the memories resurfacing.

  “Growing up, I had no idea my mom was sick. She made my dad promise that he wouldn’t tell me. He worked all the time and was barely home, and when he was, I felt invisible. Looking back, I can’t imagine the stress he was going through. My mom’s condition was getting worse little by little, and the medication and doctor appointments caused the medical bills to get higher and higher. She eventually had to take a job so we would have food on the table, and that put even more stress on her body.”

  I run a hand over the scruff on my jawline, feeling helpless and wishing I had been old enough to help.

  “She hid it so damn well. We did everything together, and she always had the biggest smile on her face. When she found out how much I fell in love with hockey, she was so determined to make it happen for me. She took on extra work to help pay for the gear and practices. She believed in me long before I even believed in myself.”

  “She sounds like an amazing mom,” she says softly.

  “She was,” I swallow thickly. “I don’t know how she did it, but she never missed a game. Whenever I saw her in the stands, the love and pride I felt when she looked at me made me a better player. All I wanted to do was make her proud.”

  “And she is. She’s so proud of you.”

  “I really hope that’s true,” I whisper. “Right before she died, she must have had a gut feeling that she wasn’t going to be here much longer. After one of my games, we went out for a milkshake, and she told me about her heart condition. She wanted me to promise that if anything were ever to happen to her, I would never give up on my dreams of playing in the NHL. She also wanted me to promise that I would look after my dad.” I feel the distaste on my tongue with how much that promise cost me.

  “She knew we had never had a great relationship, but she blamed it on the financial stress and how we would need each other if she ever passed. I would have done anything for my mom, even promise her that I would try to mend my relationship with my dad.”

  I close my fist tightly as my anger toward him rises.

  “After my mom died, everything went to hell. My dad started drinking to cope with the pain, and I became the reason he broke. All those years of resentment from Mom choosing me over her own life and his needs…came crashing down on me like a tidal wave. He blamed me for it all. It didn’t help that I looked just like her, and I was a constant reminder of what he had lost.”

  “You didn’t break him, Knox. You were just a child,” she says, sitting up and forcing me to look at her. The pain in her eyes for me is more than I can bear as I turn my head to avoid the onslaught of emotions that are rising.

  “Then why does it feel like I did? I tried so hard to prove to him that I was worthy of his love, but all I got in return were words that cut deeper than a knife. Every day, I would hear the clang of ice in a glass, and the vodka being poured, and I would pray. Pray that I would get his fists over his words. The physical pain I could deal with, but hearing every day how I killed the one person I loved most in the world was worse than the flames of hell themselves.”

  “Knox,” she whispers as her eyes fill up with tears. She suddenly straddles me, burying her face in my neck. “You didn’t kill your mom. She had no idea when she made you promise to look after your dad, that he would choose to drink and become the monster that he turned out to be.”

  “But what if I have that same monster inside me, just waiting to break free,” I whisper, holding her tight and letting her know my deepest fear. “His only fault was loving someone so much that nothing else mattered, including his own son. He wasn’t strong enough to fight the pain of losing her, and when I think about losing you…” The words suffocate me and die on my lips as I struggle with the thought of not having her in my life.

  Leaning back, she takes my face in her hands.

  “You are not him. I know that with every fiber of my being,” she says, placing a hand over my heart. “You have your mom’s heart, Knox. Even though she’s not here physically, she lives in here,” she says, tapping my heart. “You have her undying strength for those that you love. She loved you more than anything in this world, as a parent should, and you carry that love inside you. I feel it every time you are near me. He took enough pieces of you when he was alive, but he doesn’t get anymore.”

  “I don’t want this guilt anymore,” I choke out, gripping the sides of her waist to reassure me that she’s here with me.

  “The guilt was never yours to carry,” she says, shaking her head as tears cascade down her cheeks. “I think it’s time to let it go,” she smiles. “We have a whole lot of life left to live, and I need you with me.”

  Pulling her to me, I bury my head in her neck and give in for the last time to all the hurt and pain that wants to be set free.

  Every bruise.

  Every hateful word that wanted to suffocate me.

  The guilt that kept me hidden in the dark.

  The anger that wanted to eat me alive.

  I let it all go in the arms of the one person who was strong enough to pull me into her light, so I didn’t have to live in the dark anymore.

  TWENTY-SEVEN

  SAVI

  “I haven’t had one of these in years,” he grins, stuffing his mouth with the second grilled cheese of the night. “So fucking good,” he says with a mouthful.

  “During college, I lived on these,” I laugh, taking a bite of the cheesy goodness.

  Once he told me everything, it was like the last final restraint between us was finally broken. There’s a lightness to him that wasn’t there before, and it’s so beautiful to see.

  After we untangled ourselves in bed, I could tell he was feeling vulnerable and a little out of his comfort zone, showing so much emotion. I knew he needed some reprieve from the heavy stuff and to get back to his usual in-control self, so I persuaded him out of bed with my promise of making him the best grilled cheese sandwich ever. If his empty plate is any indication, I guess it was a hit.

  I pick up my wine and take a sip as I watch him over the rim of my glass. I didn’t think I could love him anymore, but I was wrong.

  “Savi,” he says quietly, breaking me out of my thoughts.

  “Hmmm?” I say in a daze, watching a small smirk play on his lips.

  “Whatever you’re thinking is wrong…I love you more.”

  “What?” I ask, snapping out of it. “How did you…?”

  “Your eyes have always been able to give you away. Why do you think I stayed away from you for so long? I saw what you were hiding under all those daggers you threw my way,” he grins.

  “Like I couldn’t see under your annoying glances and stupid-ass comments thrown my way,” I huff. “Why do you think you drove me batshit crazy with your stubbornness to hide what I’ve always felt deep inside whenever I would feel your eyes on me when you thought I wasn’t paying attention?”

  Laughing, he walks over and takes my wine glass from me, setting it on the counter.

  “Did I ever tell you how much I love that smart-ass mouth of yours?” He swivels my stool around until I’m facing him. “It was the one thing I looked forward to every time I was in town. I couldn’t wait to pull it out of you. It was like my own personal foreplay, and what I got off to after your sweet ass would storm away.”

  Bending down, his hands grip the arms of the stool as he leans in more.

  My eyes play with his as I lean in closer.

  “Did I ever tell you how I would wear the skimpiest outfits whenever you were in town? Pushing your buttons and seeing the anger and jealousy you tried so hard to hide was my own personal foreplay. It was what I got off to as I would lie in bed and touch myself until I was moaning your name.”

  His nostrils flare as his eyes darken into a sultry blue haze.

  “Those outfits drove me half mad.”

  “I know,” I smile smugly. “It was so much fun to see you squirm.”

  “You really shouldn’t have told me that, sunshine,” he wickedly grins before throwing me over his shoulder as I yelp from the sudden movement. “You’ve been a very bad girl, and bad girls need to be punished.”

  Excitement floods my body as his words elicit a thrill in me that I’ve never experienced before. His skin is smooth against my hands as I take advantage of this view I’ve been given with his sexy ass in these grey sweats. I slide my fingers into the waistband and cup what I’m one hundred percent sure is the most perfectly formed ass in existence today.

  “I love your ass,” I sigh, not even aware I spoke the words aloud until I feel his body shake from laughter.

  “It’s all yours, sunshine.” He walks to my bedroom and plops me onto the bed before flipping me over, pulling my ass up in the air. My t-shirt gets pushed up as his hands roam over my bottom. “And this is mine,” he says, dripping with sin as I feel him lightly bite my ass cheek before his tongue trails down and moves over my damp panties.

  His warm breath sears the fabric, and I greedily want more as I lift higher for him.

  “So many punishments to be received,” he says before licking my inner thigh. “The outfits, the red lipstick that my cock is begging to be stained with…and that fucking jersey you wore to my game.”

  He nips at my center as his tongue teases me at the edge of my thong.

  “That one wasn’t my idea,” I gasp as he sucks my clit through the fabric.

  “But still…you wore a fucking number that wasn’t mine, and for that I think a little punishment is in order,” he says, pulling away and standing up. “I want you naked, Savi, when I return. On your back. Hands interlock by the headboard, and legs spread wide for me.” He moves toward the cottage doors in my bedroom and turns the handle before glancing back at me with a need in his eyes so evident that it swallows me whole.

  I’m in too much of a state of arousal to even speak as I clamp my legs together in an attempt to stop the ache that he has already caused to form.

  “No touching yourself either. Every drop of that pussy is mine,” he says, before walking out the door.

  Jesus Christ.

  Putting a hand to my pounding heart, I try to calm the storm that’s brewing inside.

  I see the light from the guesthouse switch on as I turn my head to look out the window.

  What is he doing?

  When the light goes out a minute later, I realize I haven’t moved from my spot. Throwing my t-shirt over my head, I shimmy out of my thong before lifting my arms up by the headboard. I’m spreading my legs just as he walks back in the door.

  Two of his ties dangle in his hands as his eyes run approvingly over my body. Coming to the bedside, he opens my nightstand, and his eyes darken as he lifts my black rose out and tosses it on the bed next to me.

  “It turns me on so much when you obey me in the bedroom,” he murmurs, raking his eyes down me again and seeing me laid out for him just like he asked. “Knowing all the fire you have inside you, but yet you trust me this much and are willing to do anything I ask—it’s like a drug to me.”

  “It surprises me how much I get turned on when you tell me what to do. I didn’t think I was the obeying type.” His eyebrow raises because we both know outside the bedroom, it’s a different story. “At least in the bedroom I love to obey,” I say, biting back a smile before turning serious again as I watch his hand run his tie through his fingers. “But with you, I have this deep need to please you. It heightens my arousal when I anticipate what you have in store for me.”

  “I think you are going to be very pleased with this one, if you can survive the punishment first,” he says, before the world goes dark.

  “Lift your head.” His words caress my ear as I slightly lift up. I feel him adjust the silk fabric before it tightens over my eyes, and I lay my head back down on the pillow.

  My hands are next as I feel them being bound before being securely tied to the headboard, leaving me no choice but to keep them there.

  “Is this okay?”

  I know he’s making sure the restraints aren’t triggering for me, but I feel nothing but aroused at the thought of being at his complete mercy.

  “More than okay,” I smile before his lips find mine. His tongue eagerly invades my space as I hungrily match his strokes. His hard body is against me, and I moan as I feel him press into my sex as my legs wrap around him, wanting to feel him stronger against my ache.

  My body starts to rub against him, and I could easily cum right now with a few more swipes against the fabric of his sweats and feeling his swollen length press into me.

  “Not so fast, sunshine,” he breathes, moving his lips down my neck and breaking free of my strong leg hold. “My punishment has just begun. I can’t have you getting off that easy,” he says with such a playful note to his voice that I have no doubt that he’s having way too much fun with my discomfort right now.

  “I want to take back the part about liking to obey you in the bedroom,” I say, frustratedly into the dark that surrounds me.

  “Too late,” he chuckles. “No take-backs.” He pulls my nipple hard into his mouth, and I gasp at the contact as I arch up in pleasure.

  “No take-backs? What are you…in grade school?” I pant out as he drives me mad with the way his hands and mouth are claiming my breasts.

  His grin stretches across my skin as he skims lower down my stomach, leaving a trail of heated kisses.

  When I feel his breath between my legs, I pull on my restraints and lift my hips, eager to feel his mouth on me.

  He spreads me wide, and I hear his breath come out harder, but I don’t feel the warm heat from his mouth anymore, letting me know he’s not close enough.

  “Fuck, Savi,” he growls, running his finger down my inner thigh. “Your pussy is dripping for me.” I feel him swipe a finger through my arousal before light sucking hits my ears. “So fucking tasty too,” he moans.

  A humming noise gets my attention as my body tenses at the sound. He’s going to punish me with the very toy I used after I teased him with my dresses.

  “Hmmm…so this opening here, I take it, goes…here?”

  My hips lift as the rose latches onto my clit. The power of the little device has me pulling on my restraints as sensations fly at me one after another. Moaning, I try to press my legs together, but he firmly keeps me splayed wide open.

  Removing the device, I keep pulsing between my legs on the verge of an orgasm that was almost in my grasp.

  “Interesting,” he murmurs, running the black rose down my inner thigh, the vibrations humming against my skin. “I think you need more, though.”

  I can tell the bastard’s grinning by the tone of his voice as I grit my teeth and prepare for another round.

  I feel the rose make contact again just as his fingers fill me deep.

  “Oh, God,” I moan, lifting my hips to take him deeper. He slides the pads of his fingers down my walls, touching me in spots I never knew I had, but so desperately needed to be felt. He brings me to the brink again before I’m left panting and alone.

  “This edging kink of yours is going to kill me one day,” I say breathlessly as I try to bring air back into my lungs.

  “Edging kink? I never thought about it like that, but yeah, I fucking do love to control your body and mine. I take immense pleasure in it, actually,” he muses. “I’ve always pushed the boundaries of my body on the ice, and I guess I take it into the bedroom with me as well. If I were to really analyze it, I never had any control growing up, so I get off on having it now.”

  He moves the vibrating toy closer to my sex again, causing me to bite my lip.

  “What I really get off to, though, is owning this pussy and knowing that I’ve been the only one to bring it pleasure.” The vibrations move around my skin, teasing me with a promise that’s just out of reach. “It’s mine to do with as I please, always wet and ready for my touch,” he says with a sinful edge to his voice. “Just begging me for permission to finally let go.”

  The rose touches my swollen clit, and my body bows up in acceptance, sending me reeling once more.

  “The thing is, though, I’m also a really jealous bastard when it comes to you, and as much fun as this little toy has been, I’m not about to let it give you what is mine for the taking.”

  His mouth replaces the toy as he dives in like an animal feasting on its last meal. Hands grab my legs as he throws them over his shoulder before digging his fingers into my ass and lifting me up to meet his demands.

  Sparks shoot through me as beautiful chaos descends. My heels dig into his back as I greedily rub against his scruff and tongue.

  “Now you can cum,” he growls, clamping down hard on my clit and putting the toy to shame as he brings me headfirst off the deep end, sending a forceful orgasm skyrocketing through my body.

  I scream his name as all the sensations he’s been edging me toward slam into me at once. He’s ruthless as his mouth takes every part of me that I willingly sacrifice to him.