“Telling my family wouldn’t have changed a thing,” she quickly shakes her head. “He died that night and got his punishment. All it would have done was destroy my parents, and my brothers would have blamed themselves somehow. It would have ruined them. I just wanted it all to go away,” she whispers.

  “And did it, Savi? Did it all just go away for you? Because I can tell you right now, it didn’t for me. This secret has eaten me alive for eleven fucking years. I downplayed the whole thing to my best friend because you asked me to. Your brothers think I’m some fucking hero who saved their sister when all I did was help you hide the blood,” I choke out.

  “Knox, don’t,” she cries.

  “Don’t what? Tell you the fucking truth because it hurts too much?” Now that the pain finally breaks the surface, I can’t control it as years of anguish come pouring out. “Every time I’m on the ice, it’s his face that I see as my fists slam into an opponent. Not even my father’s face haunts me anymore compared to the rage I still feel for the one who hurt you.”

  “You think you’re the only one who feels rage?” She scrambles off the bed to get it in my face. “I was raped, Knox. He took something from me that I will never get back. I lost a part of myself that day that, no matter how hard I try, I can’t get back.” Her fists are clenched at her sides as blue eyes blaze with fire. “All I want to do is erase the feel of his hands on me…erase how he felt inside me. I just…I want to be set free from him. If you truly want to help me like you said you do, then make me forget. Show me how it should be.”

  She places her hand on my chest again, and I close my eyes so I don’t have to see what I know I don’t deserve in her gaze.

  When I open them again and see traces of pain still there, I feel myself start to cave. All I want to do is make her happy. I may go to hell for touching something so pure, but I’ll gladly let my flesh burn if it means erasing him once and for all from her body.

  “There are rules,” I say quietly, stepping closer as I finally give in to her.

  “Okay,” she whispers, nodding her head.

  “We go at my speed. I need to know you are ready and truly want this, or I’m out.”

  “We can go slow,” she agrees, as her eyes slowly get their light back, as the pain from earlier is replaced with a touch of excitement when she realizes she’s getting her way. I would be lying, though, if I didn’t want this just as much. I just hope Miles will forgive me one day if he ever finds out I slept with his sister.

  “One last thing.” I brace myself as I force the words out past the fear I have of ruining her. “You can’t get attached to me, Savi. I will help you get over your fears, and you can use me while I’m here however you want, but I can’t give you more than that. Once you are free, we go back to how things were before, and you find someone who can love you the way you deserve.”

  She chews on her bottom lip, and I already start to question my sanity as I watch those gorgeous lips stretch into a grin.

  “Deal. So what’s next?” Her bright blue eyes look way too eager for my liking. I need to make sure she’s ready and not all talk, or I won’t feel right about this.

  “Now we sleep.” I walk around her and start unbuttoning my shirt before throwing it on the chair by her bed.

  “Sleep?” Her eyes take in my bare chest, and I can’t help but chuckle at her disappointed look as I sit down on the edge of the mattress and take off my shoes and socks.

  “Yeah. You know, when you lie down and close your eyes.”

  “I know what sleep is,” she rolls her eyes and crosses her arms over her chest. “I’m just surprised that’s all you want to do.”

  “Oh, I definitely want to do more.” I unbuckle my pants and remove them so I’m only in black boxer briefs. Usually, I sleep naked, but there’s no way in hell I’ll take things slow if any part of her touches my bare dick. I’m already hard just from the way she is looking at me now.

  “Eyes up here, sunshine.” They instantly blink up to mine. “I want you to be comfortable with my body next to yours, so we sleep tonight. Besides, you’ve had a rough night and need a good night’s sleep. I’ll stay awake and keep the monsters away.”

  I get into bed, and she slides in next to me. She’s curled on her side facing me, and I can feel her eyes on me with this hesitation in the air before she breaks the silence.

  “Who’s your monster?” Her soft voice pierces through the darkness, touching places I buried long ago. I should have known she would see past the anger I always carry to mask the pain I hide.

  I stare up at the ceiling as the moonlight filters in, casting light onto the dark shadows in the room.

  “My dad,” I say quietly, his name coming out before I can stop it.

  “Maybe one day I can keep your monster away, too.” Her voice sounds sleepy as she scoots closer and lays her head on my chest. This intimacy is foreign to me as I struggle to keep my walls up and make sense of what I’m feeling. My arm finally goes around her, and I hear her sigh as she burrows further into me.

  I’m relieved when she doesn’t press me for more information about my past. I’m not ready to reveal that part of me to her, and I may never be ready. I’m not about to bring her anymore darkness to hold on to. She’s had enough of her own already. She doesn’t need mine too.

  Her breathing evens out minutes later, letting me know she’s asleep. Her body against mine sends a wave of calmness through me I’ve never felt before. I’m usually tossing and turning all night, but it doesn’t take long before my eyelids start to get heavy. I join her in a deep, peaceful sleep, and, for once, the dark shadows don’t come out to play.

  TEN

  SAVI

  Burrowing further into the covers, I haven’t felt this much at peace in years. Sometime in the middle of the night, we became inseparable, wrapped up in each other’s arms in a warm cocoon.

  His arm is securely around me, locking me in place against him with his hand splayed protectively over my stomach. Warm breath fans my hair from behind as his large frame covers me like a knight wields a shield, keeping all the monsters at bay.

  Shifting my body slightly, I hear a soft moan as he stirs in his sleep. I would be lying if I didn’t notice the steel rod pressed up against my ass as I wiggle just a little bit against it and feel it grow harder.

  “Savi,” he says in a low warning voice behind me, “quit wiggling your perfect ass against me unless you want me ruining your sheets.”

  “So, is this how it feels?” I giggle. “Waking up the next morning with Knox Stone? I can see why the girls love you. You’re a great cuddler.”

  I feel him tense up behind my back, and for a second, I think he’s going to move away, but his body finally relaxes again as he sinks back against me.

  “No. This isn’t what it feels like. I don’t cuddle. I also rarely sleep, so I’m out of bed before they even wake.”

  “You slept last night,” I point out, “and you cuddled.”

  “Yeah, I realize that,” he says quietly.

  “Thank you for giving me that,” I whisper. Whether it was intentional or not, I want him to know it meant a lot to me. “I haven’t slept that good in years.”

  “Me neither.” He admits it so softly that I wonder for a second if I imagined it.

  “What else don’t you do…besides cuddle and sleep?” Now that I have him here, I want to take full advantage of the situation and learn as much as I can about him. Everyone knows who Knox Stone, the hockey player, is, but I want to know the real him…the one he’s afraid to show.

  “I don’t do pillow talk,” he says, making it clear I’m not getting anything more out of him this morning. “I find there are much better ways to make use of my mouth.”

  His lips find my neck, and I get the first taste of what they feel like on my skin. My whole body begins buzzing like a switch was flipped on, awakening every single one of my senses. When his tongue darts out for a slow taste, a soft moan escapes me as he fists my shirt in his hand.

  “Are you okay with me touching you?” His voice is hoarse and sounds strained, as if he’s barely hanging on. His fingers skim the waistband of my panties, but he doesn’t go any further, letting me take control.

  “Yes,” I whisper, putting my full trust in him.

  “Tell me to stop at anytime, and I will. You’ll never feel anything but pleasure with me.”

  “I know,” I nod, against the pillow. “I trust you.”

  His hand slides down the front of my underwear and slips between my legs. My first instinct has always been to clamp my thighs together, but with him, I find myself shifting slightly so he has better access.

  He applies slight pressure as he moves his palm against my center and cups me. His lips find my neck again as he sucks lightly, making my head fall back against his shoulder, exposing more of myself to him.

  I feel my body respond with a deep ache that has me slowly moving against his hand.

  “More, Knox…please,” I whimper.

  His hand moves back up before his fingers dip inside the waistband, then slowly descend. The first touch of his skin against my swollen clit feels like a thousand sensations coming alive at once.

  When his finger slips gently inside, followed by another, I can’t contain my body as I move to take him deeper.

  “Fuck,” he moans into my hair. “I thought I was ready to feel you, but I had no idea this is what it would do to me.” He slowly starts to move his hand as my body eagerly soaks up the pleasure he is giving me. “Are you okay? How does it feel?”

  “I’m good….so good,” I breathe out as he ignites places inside me I never knew existed. I’ve used toys before and my hand where I could control the situation, but it’s never come close to feeling like this. “I’m…I’m almost there, Knox,” I pant, as he goes deeper, sending my body close to the edge.

  “I’m here, sunshine,” he murmurs in my ear. “You’re safe with me.”

  He rubs his thumb over my clit, applying more pressure, and I fall for the first time at the hands of a man. My body pulses and squeezes him as my orgasm explodes inside me.

  A cry escapes my lips as I come apart, healing a piece of me in the process.

  His breaths are labored against my back as I ride the last of the waves before slowly coming back down, feeling euphoric and deeply sated.

  “Don’t move,” he growls when I burrow further into him, not wanting to break the contact just yet. “Fuck, Savi. I about came with you. Give me a second,” he grits out, keeping me still so he can regain control.

  “Sorry,” I giggle. “Do you want me to…”

  “No,” he says with force. “This morning isn’t about me.” He slowly removes his fingers still inside me and sighs before releasing his death grip on me. “I need to get going. I’ve got practice soon.” Rolling away from me, he gets out of bed as I quickly turn over so I can see him.

  Pulling his pants on, he leaves them unbuckled as he grabs his shoes and the rest of his clothes. He won’t make eye contact with me, and acts like he can’t get out of here fast enough.

  “Did I do something wrong?” I ask, confused, as I sit up in bed.

  “No, Savi. You didn’t do something wrong,” he says, clearly frustrated as he rakes a hand aggressively through his hair before looking at the ceiling. “That’s the whole fucking problem. You do everything right.”

  “I don’t understand,” I frown.

  His eyes finally meet mine, and the pain and turmoil in them have me blinking back tears. “I thought I could handle this, that I could detach myself from you, but I don’t think I can,” he says quietly. “I’m sorry, but I can’t be who you need me to be.” He walks toward the door and leaves without a backward glance.

  Lost in confusion and hurt, I curl up in a ball and silently start to cry—for what I’m not entirely sure, but a deep sadness has taken over what was once a morning I will hold on to forever.

  I cry for the part of me that he healed today.

  I cry that it was ever broken in the first place.

  I cry for the guilt and pain I feel for him having to share this burden with me.

  But mostly…

  I cry for the man who has his own monsters and feels he has to carry it alone.

  “You have to go! We got season tickets this year, and it’s the first game of the season!” Olivia’s hazel eyes are bright with determination.

  It’s been four days since that morning, waking up in his arms, and he’s been avoiding me ever since. I lie awake in bed at night listening for the sound of his car pulling up, and when I do finally hear it, he goes straight to his apartment out back. I watch his light come on and get glimpses of his shadow as he passes by his window, willing him to come inside and hold me again like he did that night, but he never comes.

  “I’m pretty sure Knox doesn’t want me there. I’ll just watch from home,” I say quickly, hoping to change the subject even though I know it’s useless.

  “Oh hell no,” Sophia says, taking a sip of her mimosa. “You’re going. Trav and I drove an hour to get here and have no kids tonight. We’ve been looking forward to this night with everyone for weeks, and that includes you.” Her green eyes shoot me a look that says it’s not up for discussion.

  I narrow my eyes at the raven-haired beauty. When Travis told me he had fallen in love with Max’s kindergarten teacher, I expected a sweet little innocent thing, not the sassy spitfire woman looking at me now like I’m one of her students who better do as they are told.

  Don’t get me wrong, she’s as sweet as they come, too, and I couldn’t love her more, especially when I saw how much she loved my nephew, Max. They developed a very strong bond, and when her and Travis got married, she didn’t hesitate to adopt him as her own.

  “I agree,” Eve says, clinking her glass to Sophia’s in approval as I shift my eyes to my other sister-in-law. “It’s a miracle in itself that we all got babysitters tonight. Plus, we are all going out afterwards. It won’t be the same without you.”

  I’ve known Eve the longest. She started dating my brother, Ryder, while they were in high school, and it was clear they were going to get married one day. She became like a sister to me.

  Her parents, though, had other ideas and went to great lengths to pull her and Ryder apart, and for a while it worked. Thank God, they found their way back to each other because I don’t think either of them would have survived this life without the other.

  “Knox would want you there even though his stubborn ass won’t admit it. Who knows, you could be his good luck charm, and this could be his best game yet,” Lyla grins across the table at me.

  I meet Lyla’s light caramel eyes, and can’t help but soften a little. I have a soft spot for my sweet Lyla. She’s the strongest person I know, and I’ve come so close to telling her about what happened to me because she’s the one who can relate the most. She lived in hell for five years until she found the courage to run away. The moment my brother Jake saw her, he fell hard, giving her his love and willing to do anything to protect her. Her happiness after so much pain in her life gives me hope and something to cling to when the days are hard.

  All four of them are the most amazing women I’ve met, and I’m so happy my brothers found them.

  “I highly doubt that,” I chuckle. “Fine. I’ll go,” I say, throwing up my arms in defeat as they all break out into smiles, knowing they won. It’s not like I could say no to these girls when they set their mind to something, anyway…and that something is getting Knox to admit he has feelings for me or getting me under him, whichever comes first.

  After my lunch with Olivia, it didn’t take long before Lyla, Sophia, and Eve knew about our little discussion. Girl talk with us is twenty-four seven, so it was bound to come out, anyway. They all promised to keep my brothers out of it to give me time to figure out what this is between us before they get their protective asses involved.

  What shocked me, though, was the fact that none of them were surprised in the slightest when I told them there was an attraction there.

  When they found out he was living with me, apparently, they had already made a little side bet on how long it would take before Knox and I would end up in bed together.

  I decided not to tell them about our morning together. It feels too private, and I’m still trying to process everything that’s happening between us. Girl talk is fun, but some things need to be just between Knox and me. There are layers so deep that even I don’t know the depth of them or what lies beneath.

  “If they lose their first game,” I say, pointing at each one of them, “I’m blaming each and every one of you.”

  “We’ll take that chance,” Olivia says, grinning. “This is going to be so much fun!”

  We spend the rest of our brunch finishing off the mimosas and talking about their kids and what has happened since we last talked.

  I try to stay present, but my mind keeps wandering to tonight. It will be the first time we’ve seen each other since he told me he’s done. I have no idea what to expect or what version of Knox I’ll get tonight. On top of it all, I have to act like he didn’t just give me the best orgasm of my life a few days ago, and hide the fact that I really want him to do it again.

  ELEVEN

  KNOX

  Winding the tape around my stick, I break it off with my teeth before securing it. I’ve set my guys up as best as I can, and now it’s time to see what we can do. All week, I’ve put everything I have into this team and have reviewed every play over and over again.

  I ignore the part of me that knows I’m burying myself in this sport to avoid a certain dark-haired siren.

  When I woke up that morning with her in my arms, I knew I was in trouble. I set rules for a reason, and I broke every single one of them with her. She’s my one weakness, and I can’t afford to be selfish again. Hurting Savi is not a risk I’m willing to take, even if it means going back to being someone she despises.