“Ah,” I say as she vomits.

  So, that’s that.

  Maybe for the best.

  I lean against the wall outside the door, waiting until I hear a flush. “Harmony, how many of those whiskeys did you have tonight?” I ask.

  “Uh...” She spits. “Four.”

  “Well, that’s not too bad.”

  “Is when I stopped counting.”

  “Oh.”

  “Go to your room, Knox,” she says.

  I don’t move. I almost leave, but something holds me back.

  I step into the bathroom.

  Harmony sighs, quickly wiping the mascara lines off her cheeks. “Knox, please, just go.”

  I grab a washcloth and soak it with water from the tap. “That’s the thing with rebels,” I say as I wring it out. “We always do exactly as we’re told.”

  Harmony glares at me as I kneel beside her, but she doesn’t refuse the damp washcloth. She dabs her face with it, touching her puffy eyes and sticky lips. “Thanks,” she whispers.

  “You want some water?”

  “No, no,” she says, glaring at the toilet. “I don’t want to... tempt it.”

  I sit down, planting by back against the wall across from her. She looks down, keeping her eyes away from mine. A little embarrassed. A little ashamed. But she’s still Harmony. Still my girl. The good and the bad.

  After a few minutes, she dabs her eyes again. “He told you to get rid of me,” she says. “Didn’t he?”

  I don’t have to ask who she means. “Yes,” I answer. “He said if we didn’t take you with us on tour, then he’d revisit our contract.”

  Harmony nods slowly. “He doesn’t want me around. You don’t want me around. Nobody does.”

  “That’s not⁠—”

  “She doesn’t want me, either.”

  “Harmony.”

  She looks up, her eyes shimmering with tears.

  “You are not unwanted,” I say.

  “Sure feels like it.” She holds back a sob. “All I’ve ever wanted was to make her happy. I did everything she wanted until… I didn’t,” she says, looking up at me again. “Until you. She never looked at me the same way again after you.”

  “Yeah, moms don’t really like me,” I joke.

  “When I came back...” She clears her throat. “After you, I came home, and she didn’t talk to me for days. And then... well, you came looking for me.”

  I say nothing.

  “I stayed,” she says, slowly walking us down Memory Lane. “I told you to go, and I stayed with her. After that, it was different. We went back to the way things were before between us, except this time, she asked me what I wanted to do instead of telling me what she wanted me to do. And I thought maybe it would be better from now on.”

  I chuckle dryly, the family situation more than a little familiar to me.

  It’s never better for long.

  “She met Paul,” she says. “And suddenly, it was, don’t wear that, Harmony. Wear this. Don’t sing that, Harmony. Sing this. Blow off piano lessons this week. I re-signed you up for dance instead.”

  “Same as before.”

  “I saw how happy it made her,” she says. “How happy she and Paul were with their little star.” A tear falls down her face. “Mama didn’t like who I was or who I wanted to be. She just wanted to get rid of me, so she found herself a man who could give her the lavish life she always wanted and send me away.”

  “You don’t know that,” I say. “Maybe it’s just Paul that wants you gone. He did say he wanted to spend some alone time with your mother.”

  “Then why didn’t she come to the show?”

  I don’t answer.

  Harmony shakes her head. “They don’t want me around. Eventually, you’ll want me gone, too.”

  “No, I won’t.”

  Her eyes fall to the floor again.

  “Harmony, look at me.”

  She takes a moment, but she looks up.

  “I want you here with me,” I say. “I always have.”

  “Knox, when you saw me again, you tripped and knocked yourself out.”

  “I was excited to see you!”

  She chuckles, shaking a few tears loose.

  “Harmony, I wasn’t sure I’d ever see you again,” I say.

  “Did you even want to?”

  “Yes.”

  “Why?” Another tear falls down her cheek. “Why would you, after all the crazy things I did?”

  “You got your first taste of freedom and you did some stupid things with it,” I say. “Everyone does.”

  “Everyone doesn’t light a dressing room on fire.”

  “I’ve done that, like… three times.”

  “On purpose?”

  I blink. “You did that on purpose?”

  “You were ignoring me!”

  “Okay, that’s pretty hot.”

  She laughs. So do I.

  “Harmony, you were the only person I could talk to about… where I came from,” I say. “You understood it. You understood me. I thought I understood you, too.”

  “You did,” she says weakly.

  “Then why did you leave me?” I ask, even weaker.

  Harmony swallows hard. “You know why.”

  I take a rough breath and nod.

  “But I did love you,” she whispers. “I loved you so much, Knox.”

  “I loved you, too,” I say. “I still do.”

  Harmony closes her eyes. She wipes her cheeks and nose with the cloth before resting her head against the bathtub behind her.

  God, she’s beautiful.

  Drunk and covered in tears, she’s still the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.

  My girl. My precious muse. She was never their little star.

  She was always mine.

  And she always will be.

  A man doesn’t choose his muse.

  Harmony moves to rise. I quickly stand and offer her a hand to help her up. She takes it, but ultimately doesn’t need it to pull herself off the floor.

  “What are you going to do?” I ask.

  “I, uh...” She sniffs once. “I’m going to get some sleep. And then in the morning, I’m going to wake up and... I don’t know. Go home, I guess. If I even still have one.”

  “No, you’re not,” I say.

  “Knox—”

  “You’re going to get some sleep,” I say. “Then, in the morning, you’re going to wake up, get on your bus, and go north because you have a show in Portland in three days.”

  She eyes me curiously. “I thought you didn’t want me to perform.”

  “What can I say? I’m a fickle bastard.” I rest my hands on her tear-streaked cheeks. “The show goes on, Harmony. Always.”

  “The show can go on without me. It literally doesn’t even need me.”

  “What about me?”

  She doesn’t reply, but I know what she’d say, anyway. That I haven’t needed her for a long time now. That I’ve done even better without her around. But that’s not true. I’ve managed, sure.

  But I haven’t been happy. Not really.

  “Come on,” I say, offering my hand again. “Let’s clean you up.”

  She doesn’t argue. She walks with me to the sink, and I let her go so she can rinse her face. I enter the bedroom and rummage through her suitcase to look for one of those oversized T-shirts I know she likes to sleep in. Folded up right on top, I find one. I smile.

  It’s an old Criminal Records tour shirt, the logo aged and distressed.

  I return to the bathroom as Harmony spits out some mouthwash. I offer her the shirt. She looks at it for a moment, the edge of her mouth forming a hidden smile.

  “Thanks,” she says.

  She turns around before taking her shirt off. I rustle up enough maturity not to joke about having seen it all before as I make my way back into the room. I set a bottle of water from the minibar by the bed, along with a pack of aspirin from the drawer beside it. She may need it in the morning.

  I lower the lights. I open the blinds, knowing she likes to see the city lights as she falls asleep. At the window, I scan a skyline I’ve seen so many times, but only one night dominates my memory over all others.

  Isn’t it crazy how you can live in a city your whole life and never see it from certain angles?

  “Knox?”

  I look over my shoulder, and there she is. For a second, I see her in that brown dress and sneakers with wavy hair and glitter and gold eyelids. I blink and she’s as she is now wearing an extra large tour T-shirt and socks. Flat hair. Puffy red eyes.

  Still beautiful.

  Silently, I go to her. I cup her face and kiss her forehead before guiding her to the bed. She gets on it quietly and I tuck her in under the covers.

  I step back, but she reaches for my hand.

  “Knox,” Harmony whispers. “Stay with me, please.”

  I squeeze her fingers. “I’m not going anywhere,” I say.

  I kick off my shoes. I slide off my jeans, leaving my boxers and T-shirt on. It’s warm beneath the covers and even warmer against her body. I wrap my arms around her and she curls against me, our legs entwining as we settle together as if... no time has passed at all.

  She’s still a young girl, broken down by her mother. I’m still a stupid boy who likes to write music about sex and hate on authority. We found each other back then, bound by similar wounds, and we found each other again.

  As Harmony falls asleep in my arms, I wonder if we’d find each other a third time.

  For that to happen, I’d have to lose her again.

  That’s not gonna happen this time.

  I watch the city lights as notes from a song I’ve never heard before echo in my head.

  36

  HARMONY

  Iawaken, surrounded by warmth and comfort. Sunlight bleeds through the open curtains; a precious good morning from San Francisco.

  A familiar arm rests around me and, for a moment, a feeling of pure happiness washes over me.

  But only for a moment.

  Then, I remember the night before. I remember sitting at the bar for hours, drinking to forget. My past. My future. Neither seemed at all appealing.

  And then there was Knox.

  I look at him lying beside me. Still fast asleep. Still holding me close, shielding me from the world outside this room.

  More memories from last night return.

  But I did love you. I loved you so much.

  I loved you, too. I still do.

  Fuck. He really meant it, too.

  Ow. My head.

  I ease out from under his arm and I slide off the bed. Avoiding the shining sun, I grab the bottle of water and aspirin off the bedside table and head toward the bathroom. Confident my stomach has settled, I take the pills and go about washing the ick out of my mouth while I try to decide… whatever it is I’m going to decide.

  I can’t go home. I’m not even sure I’d be welcome there if I did.

  I can’t leave. I signed a contract with Midnite Music to go on this tour. I can’t let them down. Or Chrissy.

  I could stay. In fact, I should very much stay.

  But if I do…

  “Harmony?”

  I rinse the toothpaste off my tongue before stepping out of the bathroom. Knox is awake, sitting on the edge of the bed, looking at me.

  “Good morning,” I greet.

  He smiles tiredly with his phone in hand. “Good morning.”

  “That your wake up call?”

  “Yeah.” He swipes the screen a few times to send a reply. “Breakfast time. Then, bus to Portland.”

  “Portland,” I repeat. “Fun place.”

  His smile morphs into a grin. “It’s got some memories, that’s for sure.” He looks at me, his eyes wandering from my head to my toes. “How do you feel?” he asks.

  “Fine,” I answer. “Light headache, but… mostly fine. Physically, anyway.”

  He nods, hesitating another moment before speaking. “What are you going to do?”

  It’s a heavy question; one I couldn’t answer just thirty seconds ago. But standing here now in a room with Knox, my mind is suddenly so much clearer.

  “I’m going to take a shower,” I answer as I step toward him. “Then I’m going to get dressed, get some breakfast, and then… I’m going to get on my bus and head up to Portland for the show.”

  Knox nods, his eyes full of pride. “Good,” he says.

  I stand over him on the edge of the bed and reach out to cup his face. “But first…” I say, leaning down.

  I kiss him. A kiss of gratitude. Of love.

  Knox sets his hands on my waist, holding me in place. He kisses me back, his lips curling. “Harmony,” he whispers.

  “Hm?”

  “There are no cameras here,” he teases.

  I kiss him again. “What a pity.”

  He pulls me closer to stand between his knees. Our kiss deepens as his hands slide beneath my shirt. They crawl up my thighs, playfully tugging at my underwear before continuing upward to cup my breasts.

  I chuckle beneath his touch, letting out a quiet moan as my tongue searches for his.

  “What?” he asks, smiling.

  “Nothing, just…” I rest my forehead against his. “This is an awful idea.”

  He laughs. “Terrible.”

  “Should we talk about this first?”

  “Nope.”

  We kiss harder, faster. Knox curls his arms around my back, pulling our bodies close enough for me to feel his erection press against my belly as I mount his lap. I roll my hips, grinding myself on it, shuddering wildly as pleasure dances up my spine.

  Knox sucks in a breath, his nails digging into my back. “Fuck,” he whispers. “I want you.”

  “Take me,” I whisper back.

  A knock taps my door.

  “Hey, Harmony?” It’s Chrissy. “You up?”

  “Fuck,” Knox says again, a disappointed growl.

  I quiet him with a finger over his mouth. “I’m up!” I answer normally. “Just getting dressed. I’ll meet you downstairs, okay?”

  “All righty!” she says.

  I linger in place, listening for the sound of her walking away. “Okay,” I say. “She’s⁠—”

  Knox grabs me by the waist and swings me down onto the bed. I smother my laugh, ignoring the rush of blood to the head as Knox crushes his mouth on mine again. He pushes me up toward the pillows with ease and settles between my open thighs, each kiss full of heat and lust.

  “Knox,” I say, rolling my hips against him. “I⁠—”

  “Hey, Harm?” Chrissy’s voice comes through the door again and we stop. “Uh… are you okay? After last night, I mean. We didn’t really get the chance to talk about what happened.”

  Knox’s hand crawls between my thighs. “Answer her,” he whispers, his playful fingers inching beneath my underwear.

  I tremble. “I’m okay, Chrissy. I—” I bite my tongue as Knox slides a finger inside me. “We’ll talk about it over breakfast! Okay?”

  “Okay,” Chrissy says. “You sure?”

  “Mm-Hmm! Yes. I’m sure.”

  Knox kisses my neck and laughs silently.

  “All right. I’ll see you downstairs.”

  Chrissy says nothing more. I assume she’s gone again. I hope she’s gone for good, as Knox’s finger plunges deeper.

  “Oh, god,” I whisper, gasping with pleasure.

  Oh, yeah.

  I remember those fingers now.

  Knox nibbles at my earlobe. “I missed that sound,” he says, his voice a low growl that curls my toes. “More.”

  He moves his finger deep inside, finding that spot that turns gasps into moans. I press my mouth against his shoulder before they spill off my tongue. Throbbing and clenching, I hurl myself toward release, the bliss of the moment silencing all other thoughts.

  Me and Knox. Knox and me.

  Doing what we’ve always done best.

  I come with a surging fire; the heat breaking on my brow as I breathe hard against his shirt. I let it flow over me. Every muscle in my body tingles and twitches with memories of him.

  Of Knox fucking Benton.

  The rockstar who claimed my virginity one night on a bed just like this one. Over the next nights, the next weeks and months, he’d claim so much more of me. Parts of me he never gave back. I used to think that was a bad thing, but at the moment…

  I’m oddly okay with it.

  I let my full weight settle on the bed. Beneath him, I lie still, feeling his lips on my neck, his digits still inside of me.

  “Oh, no,” Knox says, chuckling in my ear.

  “What?” I ask, breathless.

  He kisses me hard, leaving a lover’s bite on my bottom lip. “I shouldn’t have done that,” he says, but he doesn’t sound all that regretful. “You feel too good under me.”

  Selfishly, I kiss him back. “Don’t stop,” I say, still throbbing with need.

  Knox grins. “Oh, baby,” he says, his voice like warm milk. “I want to…”

  “Please.”

  “Well, since you asked so nicely.”

  He crushes his mouth on mine as he thrusts his fingers in deep again.

  His phone rings beside us on the bed, and we sigh.

  Knox pushes up, taking his glorious fingers with him.

  “No,” I whine.

  “It’s Jordan.” He reaches for the phone with his clean hand and answers it. “Hey, Jordan,” he says into it. “I am up and on my way down…”

  “Just checking!” I hear Jordan say.

  “Bye.” He hangs up and drops it back down onto the bed. “Fuck.”

  “Yeah. Fuck.”

  “We need to go.”

  “Do we, though?”

  Knox chuckles, offering me a slow kiss. “Maybe it’s for the best,” he says.

  I sit up. “Is it?”

  He nods, sitting back on his heels. “We shouldn’t rush into this. Right? Is that lame?”

  “No,” I answer. “Not lame. In fact, I think that’s very mature.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Boring. But mature.”

  He laughs at my joke. “All part of getting older, I guess.”

  I smile. “Maybe you’re right,” I say. “We should take this slow. Enjoy it.”

  “Yeah. Enjoy it.” Knox leans in and gives me one more kiss before pushing off the bed. “Come on. Oregon awaits.”