½ teaspoon salt

  Streusel Topping

  1 cup brown sugar

  4 tablespoons all-purpose flour

  2 teaspoons ground cinnamon

  3 tablespoons butter, melted

  ½ cup chopped nuts (optional)

  Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Cream butter and sugar; add eggs one at a time. Add vanilla and sour milk. Stir in dry ingredients. Put half of the dough in a greased 9 by 13-inch pan. Mix together streusel topping in a separate bowl. Sprinkle half of the streusel topping mix on the dough, then repeat layers. Bake for 1 hour.

  Eighteen

  Bibles that are coming apart usually belong to people who are not.

  AMISH PROVERB

  Alicia sat on the balcony and listened to the waves rolling in. Seagulls cried out as they dipped and rose on the ocean breezes, almost dancing on the invisible currents. The air was chilling today, and a slight mist touched her face. Alicia wasn’t sure if the mist fell from the gray clouds above, which had swept in last night and still lingered, or if it blew off the expansive ocean beyond her.

  She pulled the plush blanket tight around her and gazed out at the rising sun. She needed to finish getting ready. Her car would be here in less than fifteen minutes, but she needed to clear her thoughts first. She’d brought out her journal and a pen, but for the last thirty minutes she hadn’t been able to figure out what to write. Then she knew. She had to write the truth, even though the words would be hard to get down.

  I’ve read some of the commentaries about me being cast for this show. I’ve played both prisoners and spies, and I have a mean sweeping kick if I say so myself. The role itself doesn’t bother me. My real personality is closer to this Amish woman’s character than most of the roles I’ve played, but what’s worrying me most is the internal struggle. The Amish live the way they do because they believe God has asked them to live separate from the world. So the basis of all they do is centered on God. Which means I have to think about Him.

  For most of my life it’s been easier not to think about Him. Because to think about Him means I know He’s thinking about me. I hate to think of what God thinks of me—especially after all I’ve done. Good thing I’m an actress. This might be my biggest challenge yet. Acting as if my life is committed to God while at the same time not wanting to think about Him so much.

  Matthew could tell there was a problem as soon as he arrived on the job site. Abraham stood near a stack of sheetrock. He turned and eyed Matthew with a look of concern.

  “Please don’t tell me the plumber called to cancel again.” Matthew wiped his brow with his handkerchief and then stuck it back into his pocket. Last night’s rain had made it extra muggy. “Today’s not the day for problems. We really need him to finish the pipes before we get the sheetrock up.”

  “Oh, it’s not that. I checked last night and the plumber will be here by noon. It’s just that I went to Yoder’s for breakfast.”

  “And…”

  “Well, it’s where Joy’s sister works.”

  “Ja, I know that.”

  “Have you talked to Joy lately?”

  The slightest smile touched Matthew’s lips as he remembered the happiness on Joy’s face when Mem described the recipes she was keeping for her. He looked back to Abraham. “I talked to Joy yesterday. She stopped by our house for Mem’s breakfast. It was her birthday.”

  Abraham tucked one hand into his jeans pocket. “And you haven’t talked to her since then?”

  Matthew’s brow furrowed. Why was Abraham leading him like this? Why wasn’t he just coming out with whatever he had to say? “When do you suppose I’ve talked to her?” His voice grew sharp. “We were working late last night, and then after breakfast I came right here.”

  Abraham shrugged. “Maybe you should.”

  “Can you please just tell me what’s going on?” Whatever it was, it didn’t seem like good news.

  Abraham hesitated. “It seems Joy has a second job, working for that television program. Faith wasn’t working at Yoder’s today because Joy got her a job too. They’re supposedly sewing dresses for the actresses.”

  Abraham’s words felt like a punch to his gut. “She’s…she’s sewing dresses for the television show?” He pressed his fingertips to his temples, wondering why she would do that. Hadn’t they talked about the television show? Hadn’t she agreed they should stay as far away from them as possible? Or had he just imagined that conversation? “Well, maybe Joy is doing the sewing through the fabric shop. It only makes sense.”

  “It’s not through the shop. She’s working directly for them. Faith asked one of her coworkers if she wanted extra sewing work too.”

  Emotion grew in Matthew’s throat. He tried to clear it away, but it did little good.

  “Not only that, but people are saying you and your dat must approve of the television show. That he must have changed his mind. We all know a woman you were courting wouldn’t do such a thing if the bishop didn’t approve.”

  Sudden anger boiled up in Matthew. If this was true, he had to talk to Joy. Didn’t she understand that her actions impacted not only her and her family, but him and his family too?

  Matthew was also angry with himself. He’d watched Joy from afar for so long. He’d tried to make sure she was of fine character and moral standing. He knew how often little things one overlooked in courtship often became big things in marriage. What had he missed? “So you’re certain she’s working for the television show?”

  “Ja, one of the waitresses at Yoder’s said Faith asked her to cover her shift this morning. And then one of the Millers’ neighbors said there was a whole group of Englischers there yesterday.”

  “Doing what?”

  “They didn’t know, but everyone assumes they were getting fitted for dresses. I thought you would know though. Because out of all people, I was certain Joy would have talked to you.”

  Matthew lifted his face and resisted the urge to shout at the beamed ceiling overhead. A vein throbbed in his neck, and he clenched his fists.

  “I actually asked her to forgive me for being angry the other day,” Matthew mumbled to himself. “I assumed it was that Englischer who was trying to pull her in. I’d never have guessed she’d walk through those doors so easily. I thought I was overreacting, but it turns out I was right.”

  “Excuse me?” Abraham removed his hat and scratched his head. “It sounds like you didn’t know about this.”

  “I didn’t. Do you think I’d be here if I did?”

  “Well, I was surprised to see you show up. I thought it would take longer.”

  “What?”

  “Some of the men from the community were going over to talk to your dat about it, to see why he changed his mind. I thought it would be a while before I saw you, since I assumed you’d be in the middle of that conversation. It’s not every day that someone like Joy is so boldly going against the bishop’s wishes, especially when she’s dating his son.”

  Matthew blew out a heavy breath, and he looked at all the unfinished work around him. Should I go see Dat? Should I tell him I had no idea?

  Matthew pictured his father’s disapproving look. Mainly because it was the same one he’d seen last night. After dinner, while Mem was cleaning the kitchen, his father followed him into his workshop and noticed the small pieces of wood Matthew was preparing for recipe boxes.

  “What are those?”

  “Oh, something I’m working on the side.”

  “Are those for the recipe boxes for that pie shop?”

  Matthew hadn’t denied it. “Ja. Just something I’m doing in my spare time.”

  Dat’s eyebrows had lifted. “Hobbies are called hobbies for a reason. There’s ne use giving up well-paying work, especially when you’re considering taking on a wife. I hope you do not let these take too much time—or let your work suffer.” Matthew had nodded, acting as if he agreed, but deep down he was thankful at least Joy understood. At least Joy believed in his dreams.

  But now he questioned all he knew about her. Had she really taken a job with the television show without even talking to him about it? His teeth clamped down, and rage seethed below the surface. Her decision not only made him look bad, but it made his dat look bad too.

  Matthew picked up his tool bag and slung it over his shoulder. “I’ll be back. Hopefully before lunch.”

  Abraham’s eyes widened. “Where are you headed?”

  “Do you really need to ask?”

  “Most likely to see Joy, but I’m not certain that’s a gut idea.” Abraham took a step closer and paused. “Maybe you should wait. Work a while.”

  Matthew squared his shoulders. “Why?”

  Abraham shrugged. “I’m just surprised, that’s all. In all the years I’ve worked for you, I’ve never seen you lose your temper.”

  “I’m not going to lose my temper.”

  “I might believe that if I didn’t see the vein about to pop through the skin on your neck.”

  “I just want to talk to Joy, that’s all.”

  “Oh.” The word fell from Abraham’s lips.

  “What does that mean? Oh.”

  “Well, if you were headed to her house, she probably won’t be there. That’s another thing I’ve yet to tell you.” Abraham lowered his gaze as if afraid to meet Matthew’s eye as he spoke. “I knew what they were talking about is true because I saw Joy this morning.”

  “On the way to the fabric store?”

  “Ne. Heading the opposite direction. She was walking toward the television show’s warehouse, and she was carrying a dress on a hanger. If you want to find her, you might want to go there.”

  Matthew put down his tool bag. The last thing he wanted to do was make a scene. If he did, then people would be pointing fingers and saying more than they already were.

  “So…you’re not going.”

  “Ne.” He picked up a hammer and swung it around in his hand. “I think anything I have to say will hurt the situation, not help it.”

  Abraham stroked his chin. “Ja, well, I have two comments then.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Well, first, I’d recommend that you do what most Amish do around here…get the advice of the bishop before you do anything rash.”

  “Ja.” He lowered his hammer, feeling the weight in his hand. “And what’s the second comment?”

  “Do you mind if I go work on the other side of the room? I’ve seen you swing a hammer when you’re upset, and it can get pretty intense.”

  Matthew didn’t want to laugh, but he did. He then closed his eyes and told himself to remain calm. As his mem had taught him, his reaction was just as important as another person’s wrong actions. Maybe even more since he was the bishop’s son.

  Matthew opened his eyes, blew out a deep breath, and looked at his friend. “You can work over there if you want, but I promise I’ll calm down. I know high emotions never help when building a house.”

  Abraham tentatively walked to the area he’d been working on before.

  Matthew cleared his throat. “Danke for telling me. I’m glad to have a friend who’s willing to tell it as it is.”

  “I figured you’d want to hear it from me rather than someone else.”

  Matthew reached for his pouch of nails. “Oh, I’m sure I’ll hear it from others. Of that I have no doubt. A lot of caring people in this community like to watch out for their own.” He opened the pouch and pulled out a handful of nails. “Sometimes too well.”

  He’d talk to Joy. He’d talk to her soon, but first he needed to clear his thoughts. He was starting to realize Joy wasn’t the woman he thought she was. Had he made a horrible mistake? How could someone so wonderful make such poor decisions? As much as his heart ached, at least he was discovering this now. But what did it mean—for them, for their relationship? He didn’t want to think about that now. Not yet. He’d focus on one conversation at a time without worrying that everything he’d dreamed for his future was blowing away like sawdust on the wind.

  Nineteen

  We are not bound to win; we are bound to be true.

  AMISH PROVERB

  Joy was holding her breath as she waited for Alicia to exit the dressing room. But there was a slight smile on the Englisch woman’s face when she walked out wearing the coral dress and kapp.

  “You’re not going to believe this, but I’m as excited about this dress as I was for my last Golden Globes gown.” She did a slight twirl. “I can’t believe you actually made it to flatter me and sewed it overnight. Unbelievable.” Alicia smoothed her dress with her hands. “I hope you didn’t cancel any special plans with your boyfriend. You do have one, don’t you?”

  Heat rose to Joy’s cheeks. “Yes, I suppose you can say that.” Warmth filled her chest at the memory of how Matthew had looked at her yesterday morning. Love was evident in his eyes. Even more so, she treasured the thoughtfulness of tucking those recipes from his grandmother into his mem’s recipe box. The loving gesture brought much happiness, but the thoughts of being here—at the set—brought worry.

  Last night she walked over to his house after dinner, but no one answered the door. She’d considered walking over to his job site, but it was all the way across town. She hadn’t wanted to take the time to go without being sure he was there. He and his dat could have taken his mem out for a birthday dinner for all she knew.

  So instead Joy had hurried home, back to the many dresses she had to sew. And as she walked with quickened steps, she’d thanked God for the unexpected way He had provided money for Dat’s treatments. Surely when she explained, Matthew would agree that she’d made the right decision. After all, what could be more important than her father’s health?

  “The dress fits me perfectly.” Alicia’s words interrupted her thoughts. The Englisch actress pressed her hands into her hips. “Seriously, I have no idea how you sewed this in such a short amount of time.”

  “My mother helped. She has five daughters, after all. She’s gotten pretty good about sewing dresses.” Joy bit her lip. “I, uh, do have a question though.” She smiled. “What are the Golden Globes?”

  Alicia chuckled and then broke into a full belly laugh. “Oh, Joy, you’re so refreshing to be around. Do you know about the Oscars?”

  “Well, I have a cousin named Oscar.”

  Alicia laughed again, wiping tears from her eyes. “That’s good enough then.”

  “I brought something else too.” Joy moved to a table, where she picked up a box. It was an old ice cream tub that she’d washed out and decorated with contact paper. Many of her friends made similar boxes to store their kapps. “I have a new kapp for you too. The one you have is from Lancaster.”

  “A new kapp.” Alicia pressed her palms together and smiled. “I’m sure I’ll turn all the eyes of the Amish bachelors in this one.” She placed it on her head. “Speaking of which, I’m certain your boyfriend is the man I saw you with at the bus stop. Are you… serious?” She grinned.

  Joy knew she’d been able to change the subject the first time but not again.

  “We’re starting to be.” She cut her eyes in Alicia’s direction. Heat rose to her cheeks again, and she quickly looked away. “We are courting, and there has been talk of marriage.”

  “Talk of marriage is always good.”

  “Have you ever thought of marriage, Alicia?” Joy turned to her new friend.

  Alicia’s eyes darted away, but not before Joy noted a mix of pain and shame in her gaze. “I’ve been married.”

  “Really? Oh, I’m so sorry I asked. I didn’t know.”

  Alicia turned back and offered a sad smile. “You might be the only one in the United States who doesn’t know. Well, you and your Amish friends.” She looked at herself in the mirror, tilting her head as if meeting a stranger. Or perhaps seeing herself in a different way. “The man I married…he’s a great man. I highly recommend marriage.” She shook her head and shrugged. “But that doesn’t really matter now, does it?”

  Joy wasn’t sure how to respond. “I…I’m glad you like your dress.”

  Alicia nodded and then looked at the clock. “Oh, I need to get to the set. We’re doing a run-through. I hope to see you tomorrow.”

  She pushed aside the curtain and took a shortcut. As she did, Joy looked beyond the curtain area to the doorway. Rowan stood there. He wore a puzzled expression, and she knew he’d overheard the conversation. Does he know about her marriage? Joy assumed so. Alicia said everyone did. It must be hard to have everyone know all your failings. To have it in the papers. She assumed that’s what Olivia had been alluding to yesterday when they’d come to the fittings.

  Joy made up her mind then and there not to ask any more about Alicia’s marriage. It wasn’t her place to know. She’d simply work to be the Englisch woman’s friend.

  “The first dress is done,” she called out to Rowan. “I thought I’d see how it fits.”

  He inhaled a deep breath and approached. A forced smile filled his face. “Joy, I can’t thank you enough. Your help with this… it means so much.” He chuckled, but she also noticed a distant sadness in his eyes. “It seems as if you’re always coming to my rescue. If it wasn’t for your help finding our destination that first night, who knows where we would have ended up?” He paused and crossed his arms over his chest. “If you’d like I can write you a check for the dresses—”

  She held up her hand, pausing his words. “No. Please wait until the other dresses are done. I wouldn’t feel right getting paid for work I haven’t done.”

  “Very well then, but there is something I will insist on. We’re doing a run-through of the first episode, and I need you to stay and watch.”

  “Really?” She pursed her lips and thought about all the work that waited at home. But curiosity caused her to want to stay. More than that, her sister Grace would arrive back in Pinecraft tomorrow, and Joy would never hear the end of it if she missed out on this run-through. Grace wrote for the Budget, and even if many people didn’t agree with the filming, all of them would want to know the details.