19

  Clarissa

  The second Sam and Aurora saw each other, the conversation jumped from math to plays to cartoons. I backed off, remaining mostly silent. We took the limo to the apple festival, and my heart swelled that my son wasn’t shy around Aurora. They laughed a lot.

  It was nice that he'd made a friend. Elon and Arman walked in front of Maddie and me at the festival. Maddie linked arms with me. She had light-brown hair and a bright smile. “I’m so happy you’re back. Arman’s family was missing you.”

  My gaze strayed to Elon. I half wanted to go back to last night when I'd had an orgasm while he held me. I’d convinced myself my memories of how good it had been between us were wrong, but last night he proved he could still send pleasure coursing through me.

  I forced myself to focus on Maddie and smiled. “I’m sure they missed you, too, but it’s good to talk now. There were so many people at the house last night.”

  She playfully bumped into me. “So now we get to catch up.”

  Elon turned and nodded at me. For a moment, I imagined only the two of us had come to the festival.

  I sucked in my lips, banished the thought, and asked Maddie, “So when did you come back to Virgin Cove after you left to get married… in Minnesota?”

  Sam and Aurora jumped on a ride.

  “Last spring,” Maddie said.

  “You’re kidding. It seemed like you and Arman have been together for years.”

  Maddie shook her head, and we watched our kids from the sidelines. “Nope.”

  “Wow.”

  Arman and Elon were in deep conversation.

  I said, “You two seem like no time has passed at all.”

  The ride ended, and our children rushed to get off and race to the next one. We followed them.

  “I do wish I’d come back sooner, which I’m sure is the same way you feel," Maddie said. "Honestly, I had a hard time accepting the dream life of a Norouzi.”

  Now that was an apt description of the Norouzis. Elon was here with me because he wanted to be but had the ability to be anywhere in the world, doing anything.

  I caught Elon staring at me. Heat rushed through me. “How did you overcome that?” I asked Maddie.

  “Arman is the only man who's ever had my heart. The money doesn’t matter.”

  Arman had clearly been in love with her for a long time. I remembered his brothers, including Elon, sharing a picture of a heart Maddie had drawn for Arman. All the brothers had giggled and teasingly declared Arman was in love.

  Elon and I, on the other hand, had kept our relationship private.

  I feared that Elon and I weren’t on the same path and that he was depending upon his trillions to impress me, Sam, and everyone else. I sighed. “That’s a good reason.”

  We strolled as we followed the kids.

  “Arman had no clue," Maddie said, "but I noticed those longing glances you threw Elon’s way over the summers when we were kids. How is the reunion going?”

  She had no idea what a disaster I was. “He’s… wonderful.”

  Maddie patted my arm. “That’s nice but hard to figure out. Arman’s expression when he realized Elon had impregnated you was pretty priceless.”

  Had that been because I was never going to look like a model? I wasn’t that horrible to look at, however, even though I'd had to cake on the makeup when I played a princess at the theme park. I almost couldn’t breathe when I asked, “Why?”

  Maddie smiled brightly. “Because you were the dream girl for half his brothers, and not one of them guessed about the two of you.”

  Her version of the past couldn't be true. No one had ever seen me that way. I shook my head. “I’m no one’s dream.”

  Our kids raced forward. We continued walking.

  “I was there too," Maddie said. "I know what I saw.”

  Sam and Aurora laughed and shook hands before walking into a haunted house together. We circled around, so we could wait at the exit.

  “Looks like our kids get along,” I said.

  Maddie said, “I’m glad. Aurora’s so mature for her age. It’s good to see her not be so shy.”

  She could have been speaking about Sam. I swallowed. “I feel the same way about Sam.”

  Maddie gave me a quizzical look. “Our psychologist says it’s common for a kid like Aurora to mature early because of what my ex put us through. I need to watch out for depression and anxiety when she becomes a teenager.”

  If Hunter had put Sam on that same path, then it was all my fault. I hugged my waist and wished my stomach wasn’t flipping. “What did your ex do?”

  “He was abusive, and the abuse was daily, though I took the brunt of it.”

  Tears formed in my eyes. No one could see my scars, but I’d learned memories never die. “I’m so sorry, Maddie.”

  “It’s okay. And Sam’s lucky you took him out of the situation as soon as you realized what happened with Hunter.”

  “How do you know about that?”

  “Kids talk.”

  “I’m so embarrassed.”

  “Don’t be. I understand.”

  Arman and Elon came to join us, and Maddie said, “Go have fun with Elon, Clarissa. You can get some adult time, and I’ll direct the kids to the next ride.”

  It was nice having a friend. “Thanks, Maddie.”

  Elon and I walked away from Maddie and Arman, and the past and the present all mixed together. I’d forgotten why we’d promised years ago to keep our relationship a secret. It seemed like a lifetime ago when my parents, his parents, and youth had all created false narratives.

  We walked to two seats at a bar and ordered beer. I remembered he used to hate the smell of beer. He ordered one, once again proving how different he was than the Elon I remembered. We clinked glasses. “You and Maddie seem tight.”

  I sipped my beer. He drank his like he enjoyed the crisp flavor.

  I relaxed. “She’s nice. She was telling me her story.”

  We watched the crowd pass by. “And?”

  Maddie had a disapproving father, and we'd both found ourselves in relationships with the wrong kind of guy. I kept that to myself.

  “I had no idea how parallel our lives were," I said.

  He lowered his glass. “I wish I knew how to fix everything.”

  None of the mistakes I'd made in my life were because of Elon. He’d been a bright spot, and being with him had been a reprieve. I squeezed his knee. “You’re here now, with us.”

  His lips thinned like he didn’t believe that was enough. We both sipped our beer. I said, “And you’re already acting like a great father.”

  His lips quirked upward, and his cheeks tinged red. “I want to be a good father, but Clarissa… I need for you to start talking to me and telling me what’s going on and what you’re thinking.”

  A nervous laugh escaped from my throat, and I closed my eyes. “I was thinking it will be hard to leave and even harder when you forget about me.”

  “I’d never forget you. I never have.”

  I cringed and lowered my head. “I shouldn’t have told you. It was a passing thought.”

  “I need you to trust me.”

  I glanced around and saw no one was near. So I reached out and pressed my knee against his. “I can’t control myself near you. I can’t think straight, and I swear I’m doing mental gymnastics as all I can think about is kissing you.”

  He brushed my hair back from my face and leaned close to me. “All I think about is continuing where we left off.”

  My heart raced faster than if I was running a marathon. “Maybe we can keep it casual?”

  He flinched and met my gaze. “There is nothing but sparks between us. You must see that.”

  The hair on my arms stood on end. In my soul, I ached to be his again. The truth was that he was exactly what I wanted.

  I put my beer down, stood, and waved for him to get up and join me. “Let’s finish this day and carve out alone time when Sam goes to sleep.”

  “You’re on.” He stood and tugged me into his arms. I had no resistance left. I kissed him and forgot everything else.

  20

  Elon

  During the limo ride home, Sam and Aurora passed out from exhaustion. Once we arrived, my brother and his wife took Aurora to their helicopter, and I scooped up Sam and headed to the main house with Clarissa.

  I gazed at her, hoping she wanted to fulfill the fantasy that had played in my mind since we'd drank our beer. “Sam's sleeping,” I told her.

  I cringed as I had stated an obvious fact. I had the best education money could buy, and I'd broken the silence the worst way possible rather than segueing into what I wanted.

  She didn't seem to notice I'd sounded like an idiot. “He enjoys being here with you, and he’s been really excited all day. He’ll get more relaxed the longer we’re here.”

  Wait. She thought I was upset about Sam wearing himself out. I needed to work on correcting some of her misconceptions too.

  “And Maddie is really sweet on Arman. It’s so cute.”

  A few moments later, we crossed the threshold and were inside the house. “I don’t think he ever got over her once she left.”

  I resettled Sam’s weight. “What about you?”

  “I never got over you, either.”

  She took off her shoes. As a girl, she’d felt shoes were confining and used to develop horrible blisters on her feet. She rubbed her feet then walked barefoot next to me. “Sweet little lies.”

  I stopped and faced her. “I don’t lie.”

  She winced. She'd never had a poker face. “Let’s put Sam in bed, and we’ll talk after.”

  Right. We’d talk about sex, and if she needed me to, I'd wait until she was ready for me to make love to her. Though if she wanted me, I was in. So I needed to find out. We went upstairs and worked together to change Sam into nightclothes and get him under his sheets.

  I noticed he'd printed out a photo of a football player and hung it up. I decided to figure out which football player it was. I’d arrange for Sam to meet him for an autograph or lunch.

  Once we finished getting Sam in bed, I messed up his hair a little, and Clarissa kissed his forehead. Then we left.

  My heart pounded as we walked away from his room. I put my hands in my pockets. “You ready?”

  I pressed my lips together, regretting the question. Once again, I had no game tonight.

  Her lips quirked upward. “You don’t have to pretend you're innocent and somehow waited for me.”

  I hadn’t meant to be so blunt. My lack of skills must be damn obvious. I lowered my head. “No other woman can compare to you—ever.”

  She placed a hand on one of her hips. “What does that mean?”

  I rubbed the back of my neck and found that it was burning hot. “I was unable to… I’ve not had sex in a long time, Clarissa.”

  She rocked on her feet. “Are you serious?”

  I needed to explain that it had been my choice. My skin was on fire. “I’ve had offers, but none of them were you.”

  She cupped my face. “A long time? As in since college?”

  “Since you.” I met her gaze.

  I needed to show her she was all that had mattered to me. I’d dated before she agreed to go out with me, but once I pushed her away… I’d spent years wishing I’d made a different choice.

  Tears formed in her eyes. “I wish… I was as pure as you.”

  Tension rushed through me. “I’m not pure. I kept hoping you’d come back.”

  She sobbed like I’d struck her and went to the stairs. “I… wasn’t looking for a relationship when I met Hunter.”

  I glanced back and confirmed that Sam's bedroom door was closed. The last thing we needed was for Sam to overhear and think I'd upset her. The possibility already weighed on me. I motioned for us to head downstairs.

  “It’s okay, Clarissa," I said. "What matters is that you’re back.”

  She took my hand as we walking to the living room. A spark rushed through me.

  “Other things matter too," she said. "My first mistake was named Dan, a guy in my building I hired to watch Sam for the hour between when day care closed and my shift ended. I mistakenly thought it was the perfect situation because it would be so easy to pick up Sam when I got home.”

  Clarissa’s life with Sam sounded complicated, and I tensed. I needed her to know I’d never hurt her. I waved for her to join me at the bar. “Let’s get a drink.”

  “Okay.” She walked over to me.

  I poured two glasses of wine. “You don’t have to tell me anything.”

  She took a glass and motioned for us to sit on the couch. “I want to tell you about Dan.”

  We settled in, and she took a gulp and closed her eyes. I had no idea what she’d reveal. I was all pins and needles.

  “I didn’t know he was a raging alcoholic. For almost a year, I let my son stay with him, and he kept Sam locked in the closet for the whole hour.”

  I put my glass down, as I was angry that anyone had scared Sam. He'd mentioned that Dan was the worst, but I hadn't pressed him to tell me why that was.

  Clarissa's face was red, and she shook. “He was three. He didn’t speak well, and when I picked him up, I just thought he was tired like I was.”

  I pressed my hand on her shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

  She laughed but then cringed. She was clearly nervous. I waited, and she patted my hand instead of swatting it away. “You didn’t do anything. It’s so hard to find good childcare.” She let out a sigh. “I was so angry, but there was nothing I could do. I hated that Sam had been treated that way.”

  I picked up my glass. I was sure the past hadn't been easy for her. My skin buzzed. “I had no idea your parents neglected you.”

  She sipped her wine. “Why would you? You had everything, and we were there to serve.”

  I met her gaze. “It’s hard to imagine anyone ignoring you.”

  She lowered her head. “Dan was the first time I failed Sam, but I never invited Dan into our house. It was easy to put him in the past because I’d hired him to babysit, not invited him into our lives, though the guilt haunts me.”

  Our son had had a taste of whatever Clarissa had experienced. Hopefully, Sam was like me. I'd been four when Maman and Pedar took me in, but I have no real memories of life before that. I didn't like to think about it, as I’d been blessed, though I had a huge fear of losing everything, which paralyzed me into making mistakes.

  Clarissa touched my face. For a second, I stopped breathing. She lowered her lashes, and I did the same.

  Then she kissed me.

  My entire body was on edge. I held her close. She was everything I wanted, but we needed to talk. I needed to know why she’d never told me about her parents when we were kids. The kiss ended, and I said, “Don’t, Clarissa. Sex won't heal us. When you and Sam were in hell, I should have been there.”

  She took my hand and stood. I joined her. “I didn’t want to tell you I was pregnant. I wanted to make Sam's life better than mine ever was and show him a mom’s love.”

  “You did.” I wasn’t sure what to expect. I was lost. “He’s lucky he has you.”

  We walked to the stairs. I wasn’t sure if I was leaving her at her bedroom door or not.

  “I don’t know about that, but thank you,” she said.

  At the top of the stairs, she bounced on her feet. “We should go to bed. It’s been a long day.”

  Right. This was good night.

  Then she walked with me past her room. “I… was hoping we could make good on those sparks you mentioned.”

  My chest tightened. I wasn’t sure what was happening. “I thought you were drained. Maybe it’s better to work on trust.”

  She ran her fingers over my chest. “You want to do the right thing. I want to satisfy… you.”

  I grew hard but didn't make a move to enter my bedroom. “We don’t have to do anything.”

  “I want to.” She reached for the doorknob and opened the door.

  Trembles of desire took over me. “You’re sure?”

  She nodded and walked to my bed. “Don’t make this any more awkward than it already is. We've made no promises, but if your honor is in the way, I can go.”

  “Fuck my honor.” I went into the bedroom and closed the door behind me. “I want to be sure I’m what you want.”

  “Kiss me, Elon.”

  I had no defenses against her. I couldn’t be honorable in this second. Her lips were like heaven itself. The moment we kissed, nothing else existed.

  21

  Clarissa

  I wasn’t pretending with Elon like I'd pretended to be a princess at the theme park. He knew me as I was. I trembled.

  I tugged my T-shirt off, and he removed his shirt. My mouth watered as I saw those muscles of his.

  The years had been kind to him. I pulled my pants and panties off.

  There was no going back. Earlier I’d said no to a relationship. I wouldn't marry Elon, but he was the only man I’d ever wanted. So we’d figure out how friends with benefits worked. I gazed at him as he removed his pants. He pressed his hand to his heart. “You’re beautiful.”

  We needed no more physical barriers between us, so I reached behind me and unclasped my bra.

  He’d seen me at my peak years ago, just as I saw him now.

  Heat rose to my face as I met his gaze. His expression was so earnest. My heart thumped. “You believe that?”

  “Of course,” he said and then his lips met mine.

  I forgot every one of the lies I’d been telling myself about him—about us.

  His hand brushed against my chest, and my nipples perked up.

  I went onto his bed, and my heart raced.

  His lips brushed against me, kissing me, and worshipping me like I was… special to him.

  I trembled at the thought. He must have seen my reaction as he stopped and said, “I need you to trust me.”

  I had no choice, really. He was all Sam and I had. I glanced up at him and stilled. “I want you.”

  He kissed my nipples, taking his time. They hardened from his attention, and intense heat filled me. His mouth met mine for another kiss, and my heart whispered that I cared about him.