“I want you here forever.”

  “That’s too much.” I ached for him in a way I couldn't explain. “We can continue to be friends with benefits as I can’t love you or anyone. I’m far too… broken. I only told you what happened to me so you’d believe my words now.”

  I knew I was not Norouzi material—and it wasn’t because of the bruises I’d sported for weeks.

  He squeezed my palm. “You’re harder on yourself than I am on myself, and I thought I was great at blaming myself for everything.”

  My lips quirked upward. I’d once broken through his sullen teenage angst the day he first kissed me. We’d been so different then. “You never did anything wrong.”

  “What about breaking up with you? That was wrong.”

  “I needed to stop believing in fairy tales.”

  “I wish you’d blame me.”

  “I don’t.”

  His eyes narrowed, and he came closer, letting his hand rest on my hip. “I wanted to tell you—”

  My heart raced, and I closed my eyes. Telling me anything was bad news. I braced for impact. “It’s okay if you want me to move out,” I interrupted.

  He held me tight. “No. I want you. I’ll take whatever status you can handle as long as you stay.”

  This wasn’t how I’d ever imagined him—calm and honest about what he wanted. “Why?”

  “I’m waiting for you.”

  It seemed as though thunder rumbled inside my soul. I went up and kissed him, not on the cheek or forehead—on the lips. He’d been the only man I’d ever wanted to kiss or do anything with.

  He was mysterious and interesting. In the past, as we'd grown closer, I’d imagined him as my hero.

  His kiss still made the old dreams seem palatable and real. But he was more than my hero. He was sweet.

  I needed to keep our relationship as just sex. I stroked his cock, and he grew hard.

  My body grew impatient. He kissed me, and a shudder rushed though me.

  Something more than just sex existed between us.

  I stood from the bed and motioned with a jerk of my head. “Come here.”

  He stood, and I saw firsthand how ready he was for me. He asked, “In the bathroom?”

  “There is an extra door that closes,” I said. I knew I’d never quiet my desire for more than just sex if we stayed in that bed.

  We went into the bathroom, and he closed the door. “I’ll make love to you anywhere.”

  The walls in my heart shattered. He froze, and I knew if I didn’t do something, he’d stop us.

  I wouldn't let that happen.

  So I fell to my knees and worshipped his dick like it was a lollipop.

  He groaned and grew stiffer.

  He stopped me and reached into a drawer.

  I stood and saw he’d found a condom.

  Part of me was disappointed. If we had another child, we would be bonded. I could already be pregnant because earlier we hadn't used protection in the shower. Having Elon with me as I gave birth would be better than being alone. However, I wouldn't use him. He needed to be with someone honest and true.

  I let the thought wash away and rolled the condom on him.

  He directed me to lie on the rug. I did, and he kissed my body.

  The way he worshipped my nipples and core with his fingers made me wonder if his love might change me forever.

  I opened my legs and directed him deep inside my core. I needed to be his even if falling for him would break me even more. The truth was that I wasn’t sure I wanted any other man.

  30

  Elon

  The tiles on the bathroom floor held no heat. And I’d worn her out. I wasn’t sure how to handle what came next, but I wanted to hold her and whisper in her ear to get her to laugh.

  I missed her laugh. I stood. “We still have another hour or two before we need to be up for Sam.”

  I wanted to cuddle with her.

  She stood. “What do you want to do now?”

  My heart thumped. I hoped for the right words as I opened the bathroom door. “Come back to bed and let me hold you.”

  She walked over to the bed with me. “That’s it?”

  I rolled onto the bed and held the sheets out for her. “Did you want more?”

  She settled in. “Well, asking me to have your baby might be nice as then we could enjoy each other.”

  I froze. “Are you serious? You told me you didn’t want commitment.”

  “You’re right. I’m all over the place.” She put her head on the pillow, but she didn't touch me. “I love Sam. We created a great kid, and the world really needs more good people in it. And I like being a mom.”

  Maybe she was trying to get a reaction. I put my hand in the space between the pillows. “If I took you up on that offer, I would feel it was a lifelong commitment.”

  She took my hand, and her eyes were clear. “I don’t think so. Children grow quickly.”

  “I don’t want to trap you.”

  “And I don’t want to think about a commitment I can’t give.”

  I held her hand in place. “Let's table that discussion till your third therapy session.”

  She curled into me, pressed her amazing breasts against my body, and squeezed my ass. “Third? Why third?”

  I met her gaze and realized I was totally in love with her. “I wasn’t sure what number to put on it, but I feel you’re afraid of committing or even talking to me.”

  “You’re the only man I ever wanted,” she said softly.

  “It’s not the same thing,” I said.

  She never held back sexually. I hope she realized that one day soon, she was going to be mine forever.

  31

  Clarissa

  A week later

  All week I’d kept my lips sealed, but I wondered if it would be better for everyone if I just disappeared. Leaving Sam felt impossible—Elon, too, if I was honest with myself. The possibility of having a baby that would hold me here forever plagued me. I wanted another of Elon's children, but I didn't have any right to the life that played out every day.

  I’d not told Elon my fear because heart-to-heart conversations ended with him telling me he wanted me.

  And the truth was I wanted to hear that.

  I sat on the couch in his office with my laptop and typed up the schedule I’d spent hours pasting together from all the requests. I'd also made appointments for next week with the psychologist and therapist Elon had recommended for me.

  I packed a bag and hid it in my room, so I could run if needed. However, I kept coming back to the fact that I was the only one who could fix me.

  Elon and his colleagues couldn’t—even if Elon loved me.

  He sat at his desk, speaking to one of his colleagues about a patient’s plan of care. I checked his schedule and saw he had an important Zoom meeting at ten tomorrow. If I needed to dash out at that time, I could.

  I clicked away from the schedule in case he saw my screen and asked what I was doing. I had no answer for him. I had no answers for me. I tugged my ear and wondered if he only thought he loved me because he wanted to rescue me from my horrible mistakes. No one had ever loved me for who I was as a person.

  I half wanted to talk to him about it. He hung up the phone, and I decided not to drag him into the disaster that was my life.

  I wasn’t worthy of him. He noticed that I'd stopped typing, pivoted his chair, and smiled. My heart melted a little. “I can’t believe it’s already Friday. How about going to Manhattan tonight so we can let Sam and Aurora play again?”

  I wished making future plans was as easy for me as it was for him. His suggestion had made me happy, but I said, “Let me finish working on this schedule. We’ll talk in a few minutes.”

  “Right. I’ll let you work.” He scooted his wheeled chair closer.

  I giggled as I typed. His nearness sent a tingle through me. I took a deep breath. I wished I was free to love him, but to love him I’d have to get my own life in gear.

  My skin buzzed. “Are you just going to stare at me?”

  “I like looking at you.”

  I pressed my lips together. “I’m trying to concentrate on your schedule.”

  His gaze went to my breasts and hands as I checked off a task on my notepad. “The way you’re holding that pencil is quite distracting.”

  I turned toward him, and my lips quirked higher. “Yet if I don’t finish this, I'll have to do it later, when we could have time for ourselves.”

  He massaged my shoulders. “Logical, smart, organized—these are some of your cuter qualities.”

  I scrunched my nose and typed out my next line. “Now I’m cute, like a puppy?”

  He continued his soft touch on my neck. “No, cute like a cupcake.”

  My body was like a sponge, ready to absorb his touch, but I stared at the screen and asked, “So I’m dessert?”

  He kissed the top of my head. “What’s going on, Clarissa?”

  “I’m sorting out… this work. You’ll have my total, undivided attention in less than five minutes.”

  He nodded, clearly excited. “Then we can take a break and enjoy the afternoon before we go get Sam at school.”

  Being with Elon made me happy. That should be enough. “Exactly.”

  I typed faster. He pushed his chair back. “I’ll stay still.”

  “You’re making me laugh.” I hoped the letters I typed were the ones I meant to strike. It was hard to concentrate on anything while he was waiting for me.

  32

  Elon

  Clarissa was on the phone when I stepped out of the shower. After I dressed, I heard her in the hall. “I’ll make a change to the schedule, Dr. Mencini. Give me five minutes.”

  She thrived when she was working.

  She came into my bedroom and smiled. My heart beat faster. When she’d first come to live with me, she’d been hesitant, but she seemed happier now.

  "That was Dr. Mencini," she said.

  "I heard. He’s super detailed about everything.”

  She motioned for me to come out of the room. As we headed downstairs together, she said, “All your colleagues fit that description, but at least the on-call stuff wasn’t posted yet, so I can add in the request.”

  We detoured into what had become our office. “I’m glad it’s you that I have doing all this for me,” I said.

  She made the change to the schedule quickly. “Done. Let’s go pick up Sam.”

  Perfect. She'd included me in her plans as though she, Sam, and I were a family. I kept my feelings to myself and drove us to Sam's school in my BMW.

  It seemed like it took longer to get to the front of the carpool line than it did when we were sitting in the back of the limo, working as we waited. Finally, we made it to the pickup spot. Sam walked up to the BMW with his teacher. She said, “Mr. and Mrs. Norouzi, can we talk for a minute?”

  “We’re not married,” Clarissa said quickly and then hung her head.

  Sam did the same. My back muscles tightened. I wasn’t sure how to respond. The teacher, an elderly woman with gray streaks in her hair, was focused and unflinching. “Sam’s bright and catching up with all his work,” she said.

  “That’s great to hear,” I said.

  She crossed her arms as Sam got into the car and took a seat in the back. I told her I'd pull the car over, then I jumped out to speak with her.

  “I’m concerned he’s not making friends with kids his own age,” the teacher said.

  “He made fast friends with his cousin,” I said.

  “She’s not here, and he’s avoiding the other children in his class.”

  Friends mattered, I knew. “He’s joining a youth football team, so hopefully that will help.”

  She relaxed her stiff posture and smiled. “Sports are a good thing for self-esteem, yes, but I think the other children hesitate to make friends with Sam because he doesn’t like to talk about himself.”

  I shoved my hands in my pockets. “What do you mean?”

  I could see Clarissa watching us from the car as the teacher said, “When he’s asked about his home or family, he avoids answering. I just thought you should be aware.”

  I shook her hand. “Thank you.”

  She walked over to another student, and I hopped back in the driver’s seat. As I started the car, Sam asked, “What did she tell you?”

  I gazed at him through the rearview mirror. “That you don’t like talking about yourself.”

  Sam shook his head. “That’s not it.”

  Good. At least Sam was willing to talk to his parents. I noticed Clarissa's face had gone white. I asked Sam, “What is it then?”

  He sat back. “I know Mom’s scared, and I don’t know how to help her.”

  I’d thought things were going well, but a glance at Clarissa's face told me Sam was right. She was scared, and she’d leave if she thought a relationship with me might be doomed.

  I focused on the road and told our son, “Your mom needs time. Would you want to talk to a therapist about what happened to you?”

  Sam smiled. “Yeah, sure. I’ll do anything to make her happy.”

  I had no idea why he spoke like Clarissa wasn’t in the car. I offered my hand to her and waited. “Going to a therapist wouldn't be about making your mom happy, though we both want that. It would be for you to feel… calmer and more relaxed around other kids.”

  Clarissa trembled, but she took my hand.

  I was able to breathe again.

  Sam said, “I don’t need help.”

  I needed both of them to feel safe and important. “Clarissa? What do you think?” I asked.

  Her lips thinned, and for the next few minutes of the drive, she was silent and unreadable. Then she let out a breath. “I’m going to talk to a therapist, Sam. I think it would be good for you to talk to one too.”

  We drove home in silence, but Clarissa and I needed a plan. Getting her to accept we needed to work as a team was the best plan I had to prove to her we were meant to be.

  33

  Elon

  Central Park, New York

  Walking with Clarissa over green grass at a park set in the middle of urban life was surreal. Memories surfaced of when we’d been kids and she’d been close to me. We’d walked here before but now followed our son as he and Aurora spoke in awe of the exhibits we’d just visited at the American Museum of Natural History.

  Clarissa and I had made no plans about school and Sam yet, but seeing him talk to his cousin was good. He wasn’t completely closed off from other children his age.

  And the air was sweeter because I was next to Clarissa. We continued our stroll.

  “Sam and Aurora get along," Clarissa said. "Part of me wishes we’d moved to Manhattan so they could go to school together, but I always found the city was too busy.”

  “We’ll figure out what to do,” I said.

  “I hope so.”

  “You seemed happy at work every day this week."

  She smiled. “I was. I am. I like doing the schedule for you. I feel valued when I’m organizing.”

  Hope lifted in my heart. I came closer to her. “My brother offered to watch Sam so we can go into the city for a few hours and get dinner on our own.”

  She crossed her arms. “Like on a date?”

  Sam stared at us, and she waved at him. Our son returned to speaking to Aurora. I said, “You could call it that.”

  She avoided looking at me. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  Going on a date would be a good step forward for us. “We’re taking it one day at a time, and I trust Arman with my life. Sam will be safe.”

  She tapped her chest. “Arman and Maddie are great. It’s not them. You have an apartment in the city, no?”

  My heart thumped as she still wasn’t willing to commit. I held my tongue about that. “Sure. We can tour my apartment if you’re thinking we’ll stay the night.”

  "That sounds good." She took my hand, and a spark ignited inside me. "I was thinking we can use these hours as alone time.”

  “That’s all you want?” I asked.

  She let out a sigh. “Yes. I think we’re best keeping the status quo of friends with amazing benefits.”

  My heart was heavy. We went to accept Arman's offer to watch Sam and then headed to the high-rise where my apartment was located. Once we were far enough away that none of my family could hear, I said, “We can be more.”

  I held the door to the building open for her.

  “I don’t want anyone to think I’m using you,” she said.

  Not letting the world know how I felt about her sounded wrong to my ears. We passed building security and headed to the elevator. “I don’t care what anyone but you thinks.”

  The doors opened, and soon we were alone inside the elevator. She wrapped her arms around me. “Just kiss me.”

  Her lips tasted sweeter than dessert. But my entire body felt tense because I wasn’t sure how to fix us. At work, the procedures we used meant everything worked in a certain order, and I solved whatever problems came up.

  The elevator stopped, and I walked with her to my home in the city. She stopped inside the apartment and glanced at the white leather couch in the grand room and then back at me.

  I closed and locked the door, and as I turned, she was taking her jeans off. My heart thrashed. I wanted her, as she was the most wonderful woman in my life.

  I’d have to keep my feelings to myself. She backed up, leaving a trail of clothes in her wake, and I followed, doing the same.

  When we made it to the couch, we were naked, and her lips met mine.

  My body brushed against her soft skin, and desire ratcheted through me.

  She squeezed my ass.

  I was hers as I suckled on her nipples. She wanted to go fast.

  I was shaking a lot. Pretending we were just friends with benefits was her idea. My dick was hard and ready to take her, but tears filled my eyes. I pulled back and said, “I love you.”

  Tears washed down her cheeks too. She wiped mine away and hugged me.