315

  My wasting lamps some fading glimmer left,

  My dull deaf ears a little use to hear.

  All these old witnesses—I cannot err—

  Tell me thou art my son Antipholus.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

  I never saw my father in my life.

  EGEON

  320

  But seven years since, in Syracusa, boy,

  Thou know’st we parted. But perhaps, my son,

  Thou sham’st to acknowledge me in misery.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

  The Duke and all that know me in the city

  Can witness with me that it is not so

  325

  I ne’er saw Syracusa in my life.

  DUKE

  I tell thee, Syracusian, twenty years

  Have I been patron to Antipholus,

  During which time he ne’er saw Syracusa.

  I see thy age and dangers make thee dote.

  Enter the ABBESS with ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE and DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

  ABBESS

  330

  Most mighty duke, behold a man much wronged.

  All gather to see them

  ADRIANA

  I see two husbands, or mine eyes deceive me.

  DUKE

  (looks at the ANTIPHOLUS twins) One of these men is genius to the other.

  (looks at the DROMIO twins) And so, of these, which is the natural man

  And which the spirit? Who deciphers them?

  DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

  335

  I, sir, am Dromio. Command him away.

  DROMIO OF EPHESUS

  I, sir, am Dromio. Pray, let me stay.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

  Egeon art thou not, or else his ghost?

  DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

  O, my old master.—Who hath bound him here?

  ABBESS

  Whoever bound him, I will loose his bonds

  340

  And gain a husband by his liberty.—

  Speak, old Egeon, if thou be’st the man

  That hadst a wife once called Emilia,

  That bore thee at a burden two fair sons.

  O, if thou be’st the same Egeon, speak,

  345

  And speak unto the same Emilia.

  DUKE

  Why, here begins his morning story right;

  These two Antipholuses, these two so like,

  And these two Dromios, one in semblance—

  Besides her urging of her wreck at sea—

  350

  These are the parents to these children,

  Which accidentally are met together.

  EGEON

  If I dream not, thou art Emilia.

  If thou art she, tell me where is that son

  That floated with thee on the fatal raft?

  ABBESS

  355

  By men of Epidamnum he and I

  And the twin Dromio all were taken up;

  But by and by rude fishermen of Corinth

  By force took Dromio and my son from them

  And me they left with those of Epidamnum.

  360

  What then became of them I cannot tell;

  I to this fortune that you see me in.

  DUKE

  (to ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE) Antipholus, thou cam’st from Corinth first.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

  No, sir, not I. I came from Syracuse.

  DUKE

  Stay, stand apart. I know not which is which.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

  365

  I came from Corinth, my most gracious lord.

  DROMIO OF EPHESUS

  And I with him.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

  Brought to this town by that most famous warrior Duke Menaphon, your most renownèd uncle.

  ADRIANA

  Which of you two did dine with me today?

  ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

  370

  I, gentle mistress.

  ADRIANA

  And are not you my husband?

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

  No, I say nay to that.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

  And so do I, yet did she call me so,

  And this fair gentlewoman, her sister here,

  Did call me brother. (to LUCIANA) What I told you then

  375

  I hope I shall have leisure to make good,

  If this be not a dream I see and hear.

  ANGELO

  That is the chain, sir, which you had of me.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

  I think it be, sir. I deny it not.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

  And you, sir, for this chain arrested me.

  ANGELO

  380

  I think I did, sir. I deny it not.

  ADRIANA

  I sent you money, sir, to be your bail By Dromio, but I think he brought it not.

  DROMIO OF EPHESUS

  No, none by me.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

  This purse of ducats I received from you,

  385

  And Dromio my man did bring them me.

  I see we still did meet each other’s man,

  And I was ta’en for him, and he for me,

  And thereupon these errors are arose.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

  These ducats pawn I for my father here.

  DUKE

  390

  It shall not need. Thy father hath his life.

  COURTESAN

  Sir, I must have that diamond from you.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

  There, take it; and much thanks for my good cheer.

  ABBESS

  Renownèd duke, vouchsafe to take the pains

  To go with us into the abbey here

  395

  And hear at large discoursed all our fortunes,

  And all that are assembled in this place

  That by this sympathizèd one day’s error

  Have suffered wrong. Go, keep us company,

  And we shall make full satisfaction.—

  400

  Thirty-three years have I but gone in travail

  Of you, my sons, and till this present hour

  My heavy burden ne’er deliverèd.—

  The Duke, my husband, and my children both,

  And you, the calendars of their nativity,

  405

  Go to a gossips’ feast, and go with me.

  After so long grief, such nativity!

  DUKE

  With all my heart I’ll gossip at this feast.

  Exeunt; the two DROMIOS and the two ANTIPHOLUS brothers remain behind.

  DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

  (to ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS) Master, shall I fetch your stuff from shipboard?

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

  Dromio, what stuff of mine hast thou embarked?

  DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

  410

  Your goods that lay at host, sir, in the Centaur.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

  He speaks to me.—I am your master, Dromio.

  Come, go with us. We’ll look to that anon.

  Embrace thy brother there. Rejoice with him.

  Exeunt ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE and ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

  DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

  415

  There is a fat friend at your master’s house

  That kitchened me for you today at dinner.

  She now shall be my sister, not my wife.

  DROMIO OF EPHESUS

  Methinks you are my glass, and not my brother:

  I see by you I am a sweet-faced youth.

  Will you walk in to see their gossiping?

  420

  DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

  Not I, sir. You are my elder.

  DROMIO OF EPHESUS

  That’s a question. How shall we try it?

  DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

  We’ll draw cuts for the signior. Till then, lead thou first.

  DROMIO OF EPHESUS

  Nay, then, thus:

  We came into the world like brother and brother,

  And now let’s go hand in hand, not one before another.

  Exeunt

  ACT FIVE

  SCENE 1

  Modern Text

  The SECOND MERCHANT and ANGELO enter.

  ANGELO

  I’m sorry that I delayed you, sir. But even though he denies it, I swear he got the necklace from me.

  SECOND MERCHANT

  What’s this man’s reputation like here in the city?

  ANGELO

  People think very highly of him. The merchants give him unlimited credit. He’s well beloved, second to none in the city. I’d trust him with everything I own.

  SECOND MERCHANT

  Speak more quietly: I think he’s coming this way.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE and DROMIO OF SYRACUSE enter.

  ANGELO

  You’re right. And that necklace around his neck is the very one he swore he didn’t have! Good sir, stay close to me. I’ll speak to him. Signior Antipholus, I can’t believe you’d put me to this kind of shame and trouble—not to mention the scandal you’ve brought on yourself. You swore I never gave you the necklace, but now you’re wearing it openly. Not only has your lie cost you money, shame, and imprisonment, but you’ve also mistreated this honest friend of mine. If it hadn’t been for this dispute, he would have already hoisted sail and left for sea. You got that necklace from me: can you deny that?

  ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

  I got it from you—I never said I didn’t.

  SECOND MERCHANT

  Yes, you did, sir. In fact, you swore it.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

  Who heard me do that?

  SECOND MERCHANT

  My own ears heard it, and you know it. To hell with you! It’s a shame that you walk the streets with all the honest men.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

  You’re a villain to say this about me. I’ll prove that I’m an honest man and a man of honor if you dare defend yourself.

  SECOND MERCHANT

  I do dare, and I say that you are the villain.

  They draw their swords. ADRIANA, LUCIANA, the COURTESAN, and others enter.

  ADRIANA

  (to SECOND MERCHANT) Wait! Don’t hurt him, for God’s sake! He’s crazy! Somebody approach him and take away his sword. Tie up Dromio, too, and take them to my house.

  DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

  Run, master, run. For God’s sake, find a house to duck into. This looks like an abbey. Go in, or we’re done for.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE and DROMIO OF SYRACUSE exit into the abbey.

  The ABBESS enters.

  ABBESS

  Be quiet, people! Why have you come here in such a mob?

  ADRIANA

  To get my poor, mad husband out from inside there. Let us in so we can tie him up tight and bring him home to recover.

  ANGELO

  (to SECOND MERCHANT) I knew he wasn’t quite in his right mind.

  SECOND MERCHANT

  (to ANGELO) Now I’m sorry I raised my sword against him.

  ABBESS

  How long has he been possessed like this?

  ADRIANA

  This week he was sad, moody, and depressed and very different from his usual self. But it wasn’t until this afternoon that he broke out into violence.

  ABBESS

  Did he lose a lot of money in a shipwreck? Has a close friend of his died? Has he fallen in love with another woman? That’s a sin young men often commit because they allow their eyes to wander. Which of these bad things happened to him?

  ADRIANA

  None of them, except the last one. He fell in love, and that made him leave home often.

  ABBESS

  You should have reprimanded him for that.

  ADRIANA

  I did.

  ABBESS

  Fine, but you weren’t harsh enough.

  ADRIANA

  I was as harsh as I could be while still being a lady.

  ABBESS

  You scolded him in private?

  ADRIANA

  And in public too.

  ABBESS

  Fine, but not enough.

  ADRIANA

  It was all we talked about. I kept him awake at night talking about it. He couldn’t eat without me talking about it. When we were alone, it was the only thing I talked about, and when we were with other people, I often found a way to mention it. All I ever did was tell him how hurtful and bad it was.

  ABBESS

  And that’s why he went crazy. A jealous woman’s poisonous ranting is worse than the bite of a rabid dog. You disturbed his sleep with your complaining, which is why he’s disoriented. You seasoned his food with screams. Stress during mealtime ruins the digestion, and that gave him a raging fever. Fever, as we know, is a kind of madness. You spoiled his fun by fighting with him, and when people can’t enjoy themselves, they grow moody and dull with melancholy—they come very close to being grim and cheerlessly depressed. Next thing you know, all kinds of terrible illnesses break out. Ruining his meals, his enjoyment, and his sleep would drive any man or beast mad. What I’m saying is, your jealousy has pushed your husband away from his sanity.

  LUCIANA

  She was always gentle when she scolded him, even when he behaved in the worst and wildest ways. (to ADRIANA) Why won’t you defend yourself against this woman?

  ADRIANA

  She has tricked me into seeing my own faults. Gentlemen, go in there and grab him.

  ABBESS

  Nobody goes into my house!

  ADRIANA

  Then have your servants bring him out.

  ABBESS

  1No: he came here for sanctuary, and that will protect him from you. I’ll try to bring him back to his right mind and work to the end of my abilities to do so.

  ADRIANA

  It’s my place to take care of my husband and nurse him back to health. It is my duty and mine alone. So let me take him home.

  ABBESS

  Be patient. I’m not going to let him leave until I’ve tried every means to cure him. With my healthful potions, drugs, and holy prayers, I’ll make him a complete man again. Healing is part and parcel of my religious vows; it is a charitable duty my order performs. Therefore, depart, and leave him here with me.

  ADRIANA

  I will not depart and leave my husband here. It doesn’t suit your holiness to separate a husband and his wife.

  ABBESS

  Be quiet and depart. You’re not going to take him.

  The ABBESS exits.

  LUCIANA

  Go lodge a complaint about this with the duke.

  ADRIANA

  Come with me. I’ll fall at his feet and lie there until my pleading and crying convinces the duke to come here and force my husband to leave this abbey.

  SECOND MERCHANT

  It’s almost five o’clock. The duke will pass by here soon. He always passes here on his way to that melancholy place where criminals are put to death. It’s just behind this abbey.

  ANGELO

  Why is he going there today?

  SECOND MERCHANT

  To see an elderly, unlucky merchant from Syracuse publicly beheaded for breaking the law and coming here to Ephesus.

  ANGELO

  Here they come. We will watch the execution.

  LUCIANA

  Kneel down to the duke before he passes by the abbey.

  The DUKE enters with EGEON, who is bareheaded. The executioner and other officers follow.

  DUKE

  One more time, we proclaim this publicly: If anyone will pay this man’s bail, he will not be put to death. This is how well we regard him.

  ADRIANA

  Duke, the abbess has wronged me and I seek justice.

  DUKE

  She’s a virtuous and holy lady. She can’t possibly have done you any wrong.

  ADRIANA

  Your Highness, you were the one who introduced me to my husband, Antipholus, and suggested I marry him. On this terrible day, a most outrageous fit of madness possessed him. It made him run desperately through the streets with his servant, who is just as mad. He angered all the citizens by rushing into their houses and taking rings, jewels, and anything else he felt like. At one point I managed to get him tied up and sent home so that I could make some order out of all the trouble he caused. But somehow, he broke free from his guards. Then he and his crazy servant found us and chased us away with swords. We got more help and came back to capture them, but then they fled into this abbey. We tried to go in, but the abbess stopped us. She wouldn’t let us get him and she wouldn’t send him out. So please, most gracious duke, order her to bring him out so we can get him some help.

  DUKE

  A long time ago your husband was a soldier in the wars I led. And when you married him and made him the master of your bed, I gave you my word that I would do everything I possibly could for him.

  (to his followers) Go, knock on the gate and bid the abbess come out here and speak to me. I’ll settle this before I go.

  A MESSENGER enters.

  MESSENGER

  Mistress! Run and save yourself. My master and his servant broke loose. They’ve beaten the maids and tied up Doctor Pinch. Then they set fire to his beard and threw sewage to put out the flames. My master keeps telling the doctor to relax, while his servant cuts the doctor’s hair in a ridiculous fashion. If you don’t send some help, they’ll kill Doctor Pinch.

  ADRIANA

  Shut up, fool! Your master and his servant are here. You’re telling a lie.

  MESSENGER

  Mistress, I swear on my life that it’s true. It was just moments ago. He’s crying out for you and swears he’ll burn your face and disfigure you if he can get ahold of you.

  Shouts are heard from offstage.

  Listen, listen! I hear him, mistress. Run, get out of here!

  DUKE

  (to ADRIANA) Stand with me. Don’t be scared. (to his men) Guards, get your weapons!

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS and DROMIO OF EPHESUS enter.

  ADRIANA

  Oh, my, it’s my husband. Look, he can become invisible. Just now we put him in the abbey over here, and now he’s over there. It’s impossible to understand.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

  Justice, gracious duke. Please bring me justice! A long time ago I did good service to you. I fought in your wars and took deep wounds to save your life. In exchange for the blood I shed for you then, I ask you for justice now.

  EGEON

  (to himself) The fear of death might be making me senile, but I think I see my son Antipholus, and Dromio.