ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

  Sweet prince, I want justice from that woman there. This woman that you urged me to marry has abused me and dishonored me, doing the most injury possible. The things she has shamelessly hurled on me are beyond imagination.

  DUKE

  Tell me the details. You know I’ll be fair.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

  Today, great duke, she locked me out of my house and feasted there with whores.

  DUKE

  That’s terrible! (to ADRIANA) Tell us, woman, did you do that?

  ADRIANA

  No, my good lord. I ate with him and my sister. Damn my soul if these accusations are true!

  LUCIANA

  If she’s lying, I pray that I never sleep again at night or wake up during the day.

  ANGELO

  Oh, lying woman! Both of them are liars: the madman accuses them justly.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

  My lord, I know what I’m saying. I’m not drunk, and I haven’t gone mad from anger—even though the wrongs done to me today would drive any man insane. This woman locked me out of the house today at lunchtime, and if he weren’t conspiring with her, this jeweler could confirm my story since he was with me at the time. He left to fetch a necklace and he promised to bring it to the Porcupine, where I was dining with Balthasar. He hadn’t arrived by the time we finished eating, so I went out looking for him. I met him in the street—he was there with that man. (points to the SECOND MERCHANT)

  That’s when this lying jeweler swore that he had already given me the necklace, which, God knows, he hadn’t. He had me arrested for it, and I went with the officer, sending my servant home to get money for the bail. When my servant returned empty-handed, I politely asked the officer to accompany me to my house. On the way, we came across my wife, her sister, and their gang of vile associates.

  One of them was a man named Pinch: a hungry, narrow-faced villain; a skeleton; a fraud; a raggedy magician and fortune-teller; a needy, hollow-eyed, emaciated wretch; a walking corpse. He pretended to be some kind of sorcerer, and he gazed in my eyes and took my pulse. Then, with his thin face leering down at mine, he cried out that I was possessed.

  Then they all pounced on me, tied me up, carried me away, and left me in a dark, dank cellar in my house. They left me and my servant there, tied together. Eventually I chewed through the ropes and freed myself, and I immediately ran to find you, Your Grace. I beg you: grant me justice for the deep shame I have suffered and the terrible wrongs done to me.

  ANGELO

  Your Highness, I can confirm this much: he was locked out of his house and didn’t eat at home.

  DUKE

  But did he receive a necklace from you?

  ANGELO

  He did, my lord. And when he ran in here, everyone could see that he was wearing that necklace.

  SECOND MERCHANT

  Besides, I’ll swear I heard you confess that you did receive the necklace, even after you swore at the marketplace that you hadn’t. That’s when I raised my sword against you, and you fled into this abbey—which, I think, you must have escaped from through some kind of trick.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

  I was never inside this abbey, and you never raised your sword against me. I never saw the necklace, so help me heaven! Everything you charge me with is untrue.

  DUKE

  Why, what a complicated case this is! I think you all must have drunk some kind of potion that’s turned you all into animals. (to ADRIANA) If you put him in the abbey, that’s where he’d be. If he were insane, he wouldn’t be pleading his case so sensibly. You say he ate at home, but the jeweler says he didn’t. Sirrah,2 what do you have to say?

  DROMIO OF EPHESUS

  Sir, he ate with this woman at the Porcupine.

  COURTESAN

  He did, and he snatched my ring right off my finger.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

  That’s true, my lord: I did get this ring from her.

  DUKE

  Did you see him enter this abbey?

  COURTESAN

  As clearly as I see you, my lord.

  DUKE

  This is very odd. Get the abbess out here. I think you’re all either bewildered or stark raving mad.

  Someone exits to get the ABBESS.

  EGEON

  Mighty duke, please allow me to say something. I think I see a friend who will pay my bail and save my life.

  DUKE

  Feel free to say what you wish, Syracusian.

  EGEON

  (to ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS) Isn’t your name Antipholus? And isn’t that Dromio, the man bound to you?

  DROMIO OF EPHESUS

  I was bound to him an hour ago, sir, but thankfully he chewed through our ropes. Now I’m Dromio and no longer attached to him.

  EGEON

  I’m sure you both remember me.

  DROMIO OF EPHESUS

  Actually, it’s ourselves you bring to mind since just a few moments ago we were tied up, as you are now. You’re not one of Pinch’s patients, are you, sir?

  EGEON

  Why are you looking at me so strangely? You know me well.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

  I never saw you before in my life.

  EGEON

  Oh, grief has transformed me since the last time you saw me. Time has the power to deform people, and the sorrowful hours I have spent in his company have put these strange lines and wrinkles on my face. But tell me this: don’t you know my voice?

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

  No.

  EGEON

  Don’t you, Dromio?

  DROMIO OF EPHESUS

  No sir, trust me, I do not.

  EGEON

  I am sure you do.

  DROMIO OF EPHESUS

  Fine, sir, but I’m sure I don’t. And you’re in no position to doubt my word.

  EGEON

  You don’t know my voice? Oh, severe Time! Have you mangled my tongue so badly in these seven short years that my only son can no longer recognize my weak, sorrow-ravaged voice? It’s true: this aged face of mine is hidden by a snow white beard, and the blood is freezing in my veins. But I still have a little memory left, and there’s still some fire in my eyes; my dull, deaf ears can still hear a little. All these aging faculties tell me—and I cannot be wrong—that you are my son, Antipholus.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

  I never saw my father in my life.

  EGEON

  You know that we parted only seven years ago, in Syracuse. Maybe you’re ashamed to admit that you know me because I’m a prisoner now.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

  The duke and everyone who knows me in this city can confirm that’s not true. I’ve never been to Syracuse in my life.

  DUKE

  I tell you, Syracusian. I’ve been looking after Antipholus for twenty years, and during that time he’s never been to Syracuse. Your old age and the prospect of death are making you imagine things.

  The ABBESS enters, along with ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE and DROMIO OF SYRACUSE.

  ABBESS

  Mighty duke, look here and see a man who’s been treated most terribly!

  Everyone gathers around to look.

  ADRIANA

  Either my eyes deceive me, or I see two husbands.

  DUKE

  (looks at the ANTIPHOLUS twins) One of these men is the other’s genius.3 (looks at the DROMIO twins) And the same with these two. But which is the man and which is the spirit? Can anyone tell?

  DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

  I, sir, am Dromio. Command this man to leave.

  DROMIO OF EPHESUS

  I, sir, am Dromio. Please, let me stay.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

  You are Egeon, aren’t you? Or are you his ghost?

  DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

  Oh, my old master!—Who tied him up?

  ABBESS

  Whoever tied him up, I will loosen the ropes, and with his freedom I will gain a husband. Tell us, old Egeon: are you the man who once had a wife named Emilia, who gave birth to two fair sons? Oh, if you are the same Egeon, speak now, and speak to that same Emilia!

  DUKE

  Why, now the story the merchant told me this morning is starting to make sense. These two Antipholuses, who look so alike—and these two Dromios, who seem to have the same face—and her story of being ship-wrecked—why, these two are the parents of these children and have been reunited by accident.

  EGEON

  If I’m not dreaming, you are Emilia. If it’s really you, tell me what happened to our son, who floated away with you on that deadly raft.

  ABBESS

  Some men from Epidamnum rescued me, our son, and Dromio. But then a gang of violent fishermen from Corinth kidnapped Dromio and my son and carried them away. I don’t know what became of them. You can see what became of me.

  DUKE

  Antipholus, aren’t you originally from Corinth?

  ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

  No, sir. I came from Syracuse.

  DUKE

  Wait, don’t stand next to each other. I can’t tell who’s who.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

  I came from Corinth, Your Highness.

  DROMIO OF EPHESUS

  And I came with him.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

  Your renowned uncle, Duke Menaphon, the famous soldier, brought me here.

  ADRIANA

  Which of you two ate lunch with me today?

  ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

  I did, kind lady.

  ADRIANA

  And you’re my husband, right?

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

  No, he’s not. I say no to that.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

  So do I, although she called me her husband. And this beautiful gentlewoman, her sister, called me brother. (to LUCIANA) If all this is for real, I hope I’ll get the chance to make good on all the things I said to you today.

  ANGELO

  That’s the necklace I gave you, sir.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

  I think it is, sir. I don’t deny it.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

  And you, sir, had me arrested over that necklace.

  ANGELO

  I think I did, sir. I don’t deny it.

  ADRIANA

  I sent Dromio to you with money for bail, but I don’t think he brought it to you.

  DROMIO OF EPHESUS

  No, he didn’t get any by me.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

  I got this purse full of money from you, and my Dromio brought it to me. It seems that we kept running into each other’s servants all day. And everyone thought I was him, and he was me, and that’s how all these errors came about.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

  I want to use this money to set my father free.

  DUKE

  That’s not necessary. I’m going to let him live.

  COURTESAN

  Sir, I must get that diamond ring back from you.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

  There, take it, and thanks for taking such good care of me.

  ABBESS

  Renowned duke, please join us in the abbey, where we will discuss at length all that has happened to us. Everyone assembled here who has been troubled by the day’s events join us as well, and we will straighten everything out. My sons, waiting to hear news of you has been like a second childbirth: this time, my labor lasted thirty-three years, and I am only now delivered of my heavy burden. Duke Solinus, my husband, and both my children—and you two Dromios, who marked the day of my sons’ births with your own—come into the abbey with me for a new christening. After such a long period of grief, we will have such a celebration!

  DUKE

  With all my heart, I’ll join you.

  Everyone exits, except for the DROMIO twins and the ANTIPHOLUS twins.

  DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

  (to ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS) Master, should I go get your luggage off the ship?

  ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

  Dromio, what stuff of mine did you put on a ship?

  DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

  The stuff you had at the Centaur, sir.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

  He means me. I’m your master, Dromio. Come inside with us: we’ll deal with that later. Embrace your brother there, and rejoice with him.

  ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE and ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS exit.

  DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

  You have a fat friend at your master’s house: she took care of me in the kitchen today, thinking I was you. I guess now she’s going to be my sister-in-law and not my wife.

  DROMIO OF EPHESUS

  I think you’re my mirror, not my brother. And I can see by looking at you that I’m a pretty good-looking fellow. Do you want to go in and join the party?

  DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

  After you, sir. You’re older than me.

  DROMIO OF EPHESUS

  That’s a good point. How can we tell which of us is the oldest?

  DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

  We’ll draw straws. Meanwhile, after you.

  DROMIO OF EPHESUS

  No, I’ll tell you what. We came into the world as brother and brother, so now let’s enter hand in hand—not one before the other.

  They exit.

  1 In Shakespeare’s period, people who sought protection in churches and other holy places were considered outside the reach of the law.

  2 sirrah = term of address for a person of low social standing

  3 genius = attendant spirit, believed to follow a person throughout his life

  LITERATURE GUIDES

  1984

  The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

  The Adventures of Tom Sawyer

  The Aeneid

  All Quiet on the Western Front

  And Then There Were None

  Angela’s Ashes

  Animal Farm

  Anna Karenina

  Anne of Green Gables

  Anthem

  Antony and Cleopatra

  Aristotle’s Ethics

  As I Lay Dying

  As You Like It

  Atlas Shrugged

  The Autobiography of Malcolm X

  The Awakening

  The Bean Trees

  The Bell Jar

  Beloved

  Beowulf

  Billy Budd

  Black Boy

  Bless Me, Ultima

  The Bluest Eye

  Brave New World

  The Brothers Karamazov

  The Call of the Wild

  Candide

  The Canterbury Tales

  Catch-22

  The Catcher in the Rye

  The Chocolate War

  The Chosen

  Cold Mountain

  Cold Sassy Tree

  The Color Purple

  The Count of Monte Cristo

  Crime and Punishment

  The Crucible

  Cry, the Beloved Country

  Cyrano de Bergerac

  David Copperfield

  Death of a Salesman

  The Death of Socrates

  The Diary of a Young Girl

  A Doll’s House

  Don Quixote

  Dr. Faustus

  Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

  Dracula

  Dune

  Edith Hamilton’s Mythology

  Emma

  Ethan Frome

  Fahrenheit 451

  Fallen Angels

  A Farewell to Arms

  Farewell to Manzanar

  Flowers for Algernon

  For Whom the Bell Tolls

  The Fountainhead

  Frankenstein

  The Giver

  The Glass Menagerie

  Gone With the Wind

  The Good Earth

  The Grapes of Wrath

  Great Expectations

  The Great Gatsby

  Grendel

  Gulliver’s Travels

  Hamlet

  The Handmaid’s Tale

  Hard Times

  Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone

  Heart of Darkness

  Henry IV, Part I

  Henry V

  Hiroshima

  The Hobbit

  The House of Seven Gables

  I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings

  The Iliad

  Inferno

  Inherit the Wind

  Invisible Man

  Jane Eyre

  Johnny Tremain

  The Joy Luck Club

  Julius Caesar

  The Jungle

  The Killer Angels

  King Lear

  The Last of the Mohicans

  Les Miserables

  A Lesson Before Dying

  The Little Prince

  Little Women

  Lord of the Flies

  The Lord of the Rings

  Macbeth

  Madame Bovary

  A Man for All Seasons

  The Mayor of Casterbridge

  The Merchant of Venice

  A Midsummer Night’s Dream

  Moby Dick

  Much Ado About Nothing

  My Antonia

  Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass

  Native Son

  The New Testament

  Night

  Notes from Underground

  The Odyssey

  The Oedipus Plays

  Of Mice and Men

  The Old Man and the Sea

  The Old Testament

  Oliver Twist

  The Once and Future King

  One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich

  One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

  One Hundred Years of Solitude

  Othello

  Our Town

  The Outsiders

  Paradise Lost

  A Passage to India

  The Pearl

  The Picture of Dorian Gray

  Poe’s Short Stories

  A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man

  Pride and Prejudice

  The Prince

  A Raisin in the Sun

  The Red Badge of Courage

  The Republic

  Richard III

  Robinson Crusoe

  Romeo and Juliet

  The Scarlet Letter

  A Separate Peace

  Silas Marner

  Sir Gawain and the Green Knight

  Slaughterhouse-Five

  Snow Falling on Cedars

  Song of Solomon

  The Sound and the Fury

  Steppenwolf

  The Stranger

  Streetcar Named Desire

  The Sun Also Rises

  A Tale of Two Cities

  The Taming of the Shrew

  The Tempest

  Tess of the d’Ubervilles