Of course, I snatched it out of his fingers and clutched it to my chest like he might take it away.

  Reading it? Every minute felt like sin.

  “Enjoying your magazine?”

  Yes! I read it cover-to-cover twice. Now, I was analyzing each photo, sucking up every modern style I might want to try later. But my answer was reserved. “I like it.”

  “You seem agitated.” Yet he said it with a knowing smile.

  I couldn’t help it. It was the luxury, the strangeness of nonsexual intimacy with someone I didn’t trust. But mostly, it was the plug. Hours passed since breakfast, and I was still very swollen, my stomach bulbous, and I was nervous that it was not fading as it seemed it should.

  The plug had not budged—even if I bore down to the point my body reacted in a disturbing way.

  He said he'd take me out when it was dark. Darkness was soon to arrive.

  Despite the disaster of yesterday, I did want to see the hybrid corner of the city, see if any of my older sisters from the academy might be there. Get out of Cyderial’s house and away from his overly attentive gaze.

  The rotten bastard used one of his secret techniques, no doubt, to keep my insides saturated. Going so far as to lovingly give my stomach a caress every time he was near enough to touch.

  Though the protuberance deflated somewhat over the hours, it was still very much there. Which meant I was stuck inside until it released.

  I had no way of knowing what the signs of such a thing might be. Wanting it to happen in privacy, fretting about the impending mess, aware Cyderial knew why I was flustered, I fought for patience.

  Which produced nothing.

  Nothing but hours in which to consider every last thought that flitted through my head as I tried not to flutter around the plug—the argument over breakfast, my ignorant academy sisters I could advocate for if…

  If I sold my soul.

  Failing to do what I could to improve their lives would make me the worst sort of traitor. Thinking of Maeve, knowing General Thayer lurked in the shadows to snatch her up.

  My friend who risked everything so I could have the fog and so she could have her career….

  An overwhelming need to scowl at the man who put me in such a position left my eyes narrowed as I drank him down. Near enough I could touch him if I wished to, he sat in a matching chair, reading another one of those handwritten journals—full of God only knew what kind of hybrid sex secrets—and pretending he didn’t notice my angry regard.

  How domestic we had become in so short a time.

  Brow smooth, stern mouth relaxed, he lounged and sipped from a large tumbler of some sort of herbal infusion. Considering the amount of fluid he stuffed in my guts, I surmised males must have a need to hydrate constantly.

  I did not so much as crave a sip of water. There was enough liquid sloshing in my belly that I might be able to go for days without a drink.

  “Cyderial?”

  Setting his book to the side, soft smile in place, he gave me his full attention. “Yes, my love?”

  Disinterested in wasting my time, concerned what I might say could lead to a preventable argument, I almost shut my mouth and went back to my magazine. Could I trust this male to have a useful conversation with me, one purely for my benefit, where he could leave his agenda aside?

  Doubtful.

  Worrying my lip, my eyes found the rug, and I wondered if I should just abandon an attempt at conversation.

  Yet, he gently offered, “You can talk to me, Lorieyn.”

  “That’s exactly the thing.” Gaze darting back to his face, I confessed, “I don’t know if I can. If I share with you my private thoughts, chances are you will use them against me to get something you want.”

  “I see.” Closing his book, he set it aside and turned to face me fully. “Might it be easier if I am direct and tell you what I want first? That way we can get my agenda out of the way and won’t need to anticipate potential manipulation should my arguments lead toward my goal.”

  He was too ridiculous for me to resist a long-suffering sigh. “So instead of manipulation, it will be a straightforward attack.”

  Yet, I wasn’t exactly averse to the idea.

  Growing grin genuine, he lowered his chin.

  Maybe I was a little bit intrigued. “What is it you want now, General Cyderial?”

  “I want to show you off.” Pouring himself from his chair in a graceful movement, he fell to his knees at my feet. All arrogance and dark play, stroking hands found my thighs, the man easing ever closer. “I’ve never been humble with my accomplishments. And you, my dear, were an epic undertaking, full of contemptible opponents and a decade of close calls. Considering how popular you have been over the years, there is a very real chance one of my esteemed brothers might have heard your song, had they ever been granted the opportunity to meet you… but I got to you first and kept you close. I got you best. And I got you with all the love in my cold, dead hearts.”

  Narrowing my eyes at his petty games and seductive strokes, I pulled a face. “You got the cold, dead hearts part right.”

  Hands to my belly, he leaned over the bump between us to whisper, “I know why you’ve been fidgeting. Let me take you out, like this. Full of me and beautiful. Hybrid sectors of the city expect females to be well-tended by their mates.”

  There was no way I was risking a plug coming out in public. Shaking my head, I refused him. “Are you also going to demand I parade around naked so all the other old men can judge your prize as well? No!”

  “Never,” he swore solemnly, purring as he pressed closer. “This is mine. And, darling, you have not considered something vital to your cause. When the unmated males grow green with envy to see my spirited mate content, you might suggest they too prepare for their future mates with focused research. Don’t assume that years of deep study is the norm for most hybrid males. I chose to engage my time in investigating how best to please you, because I loved you before you were born. Would that not be an asset to women?” Kneading fingers slipped behind me to massage where my spine ached from accommodating my new shape. Grumbly, he rubbed his mouth over mine. “Does it not feel good to be pampered and adored?”

  How the man could form simple words and make them sound so dirty baffled me to no end. They also did other things to me that were not helping my stance at the moment.

  Hands to my knees, a long stroke upward settled them to warm my hips. Pulling me closer to the edge of the chair, he murmured, “I’ll make you an offer. Allow me to remove this plug, make love to you until you scream, and knot you fresh.” Wicked, he grinned. “You can have confidence that a fresh plug will not budge until at least the morning, and I get to enjoy you at your most beautiful when I introduce you to my friends.”

  Gasping, breathless with his touch, I said, “This is beautiful to you?”

  My body was distorted, the way I moved awkward. It didn’t feel very graceful or pretty. It felt cumbersome and sexually suggestive. Private.

  “Extremely beautiful. Someday, our child will grow here.” Cupping my stomach, he stared lovingly at the bulge, going so far as to place a kiss on my belly. “What a wonderful thing it will be to hold our baby."

  Exactly the wrong thing to say.

  Grabbing a handful of his hair, I pulled his lips from my belly, so the intrusive man might look me dead in the eye as I snarled. “I need you to understand, Cyderial, I will not give the academy any children. Do not confuse my love of littles with a desire to breed my own. This is not something you can manipulate me into doing. I refuse.”

  Undaunted, rattling encouragement at my violence, Cyderial untangled my fingers, pressing a kiss to my palm, as he said, “Our world might be very different in a few centuries, and I am a patient man. You and I can build the future we want for our unborn children, together.”

  How strange it was to think of the world in centuries, when I had lived for only twenty-two years.

  Pressing my hand to his cheek, he leaned into my touch. “Until you are ready, we can enjoy the thought of our future children, my darling. There is nothing wrong in that.”

  This was not the conversation I anticipated. True, he shared what he wished for, and then he dominated all exchanges. Yet we oddly circled back to what I wanted to discuss. Sex. “So long as you don’t try to coerce me, admitting that you want a baby in time seems natural. I don’t have to agree.”

  Teasing, he stole a kiss. “Babies. I want many.”

  “Slow down.” I had firsthand knowledge that the man was not exactly good with children. In fact, he terrified them. “I don’t know a single child who likes you.”

  “But you know many children who are alive because of my efforts. Hybrid children have a sixteen percent greater chance of making it to graduation under my protocol. Right now, my job is to keep them breathing, not make them like me.” More tender touches moved over my body, his fixed gaze molten. “I know it must be difficult for you to separate my duties from my character, but I will be a good father.”

  “By reading journals about it?” I wasn’t trying to be cruel; it was an honest question.

  “Few hybrids have had the example of good parents to emulate. Study is all we have, so yes, I will continue to extensively study child rearing.”

  “Continue?” I sure as hell hadn’t seen signs of paternal behavior in the academy.

  “Most of my reading involved how to care for a gestating mother, how to see to her needs. I will admit my focus was solely on how to care for you. But I did learn how to deliver a baby and what immediate care might need to be administered.”

  I had no idea what to say to that, his level of obsession unsettling.

  Leaning back on his heels, he began massaging my thighs once again. “Now you know what I want. To take you out, belly full, and show you off. And to breed you,” he purred, “when you are ready.”

  The concept was absurd. The majority of my life since I was stolen from the academy, in fact, was absurd. “Which brings me back to the point that you want me to introduce myself to old men who have chosen to keep females ignorant of their bodies, with my belly sloshing around every time I move?”

  Open carnal delight at the idea left him closing his eyes as if imagining it. “My beloved, this may seem like an unusual request, considering how new this is to you, but in hybrid-zoned sections of the city, we don’t have to pretend to be human. You are exactly as a well-cared-for mate should be. You are safe from your heat, you will be beautifully dressed, and I shall feed you wonderful things and promise to entertain you.”

  “And if I refuse?”

  “I will be sad, and you will have to watch me pout all night.” Hands traveled down my thigh and ran over my leg to capture one foot. An unexpected moan left my lips when his thumbs dug into my arch. “But, it will be expected for you to be plugged, especially by a virile and eager new mate. Your shyness about showing the world how well I love you is unnecessary. Lead me around by the nose, but do it with a belly full of my sperm sloshing around every time you move.”

  Eyebrow cocked, I asked, “You would still take me out if I said no to the plug?”

  “I would still take you out.”

  “How come I never saw female instructors at the academy”—I gestured at my belly—“like this?”

  Cyderial had an easy response. “It is forbidden for female soldiers to be plugged while on duty. It disrupts your center of gravity and hinders fighting abilities.”

  Yes, it would’ve. My alignment was off-center. If I swung a razor-sharp sword incorrectly, I could’ve seriously hurt myself. “Of course.”

  Hands working magic on my foot, the general said, “I don’t want you to think you are unsafe. You are with your mate and will be surrounded by lethal hybrid males who would never allow one of our females to come to harm in their care. I agree it is inappropriate to be around humans this way; they will sexualize you and make comments that could drive me to violence. But hybrids do not covet another’s female. Unmated males only long for one woman’s song. They long for companionship. No male will think anything untoward about you. Only pride to see another well-cared-for female we can collectively adore and a healthy jealousy that they have not found their mate yet. As I have mentioned, you could use that jealousy to further your cause. Many will want to speak to you, simply because you look happy.”

  Who said I was happy?

  Digesting my expression, Cyderial said, “I know it hurt you a great deal our first time, but it would have hurt you a lot more if I had not diligently prepared myself to show restraint. Once your opening was complete, even when you were scared and fighting me, I didn’t cause you further pain. Some males shove in quickly and force a knot. Females heal at a rapid rate, but damage in that scenario is inevitable. Those mates do not come out of their nest for some months.”

  Disgusted, I curled my toes against his grip. “That’s…. Why wouldn’t males want to prevent that?”

  Ankle caught, he began to knead tender muscles, holding my eyes as he said, “Ask yourself this. Do you think Thayer will be cautious with Maeve? I recall what he said. He had zero restraint once he perceived her song. The man had his hand up her skirt in a public bar, trying to tease her open, where a roomful of excited men might watch. She would have been knotted while still suffering so he could stake his claim before another suitor might challenge him. But you could teach him to do better.”

  My blood ran cold at the thought. “Why aren’t the males teaching this to one another? Why is this my job?”

  “I will write my journal for the collective, but I cannot force anyone to seek it out.” More than happy to challenge me, he grew serious. “And before you suggest males receive sex education as well, that is a hard no. If we taught them how to seduce their prey, we would have greater problems on our hands at the academy. Boys need firm restraint, or the young, unmated girls will not be safe.”

  “Is that what you will write your journal on? Ten years of restraint?” Considering how insane it had driven him, his depiction of that era might be something even I would want to read.

  Nodding in agreement, he said, “I’m sure there will also be a chapter or two on how much you love it when I lick your cunt.”

  Face flaming, I jerked my foot in an attempt to pull it from his grip. “Don’t you dare!”

  Chuckling, he gave me an impudent grin. “I also must mention how sensitive you are in that sweet spot behind your ear. One kiss there and you spill slick.”

  Flush and annoyingly aroused, I ground my teeth. “Please keep private things private.”

  “If all the men kept what we learned private, I wouldn’t have known how to twist my tongue inside you while flicking your⁠—”

  “Enough!”

  God, he was enjoying this too much! Laughing, really laughing, Cyderial was a different person completely. “You are so cute when you blush.”

  Fine, I was extremely modest and always had been. That was not a bad thing. Clearing my throat, I smoothed my robe and said, “Can we get back to the topic at hand?”

  “I don’t imagine I will have the restraint to keep my hands off of you for at least a hundred years, and there are so many things I cannot wait to do to you. All of them, I read in journals,” he purred while playfully hooking my leg around his hip.

  It would be a lie to pretend I didn’t desire to know what was in those journals he’d been reading… but there were more important topics weighing on me. “You told me what you wanted. Now I’m asking you to listen to what I have to say.”

  “Of course.” Immediately, he pulled away, resuming an innocent foot rub and giving me his attention. “Tell me what’s on your mind.”

  Way too much was weighing on my thoughts. A perfect mindstorm of what-ifs and confusion. “There wasn’t a day at the academy that I was happy. To be honest, I can't even imagine what consistent safety and happiness would feel like. There were moments when we all found joy, but they were very rare and almost always tied to breaking a rule that could see us killed. Such as sewing my dress in the dark.” Assured by his focus, I admitted, “Or playing with my stolen rock. You took me from deprivation and thrust me into this.” I gestured at the grandness of his room and all the glittering things within it.

  He said nothing. Cyderial said… nothing. Biding his time, no doubt, and already formulating his response.

  “One day, I was with a loving mother. The next, I was forced to kill a young vorec with a stick.” Trying and failing to brace against the chair, wishing I could be farther from him while also pressing softer parts of my body against him, I confessed, “We all quickly learn adults are not to be trusted. Mothers hand us over. Instructors exist to punish. All our guidance came from other children. Comfort was only offered by those who suffered with you. The academy is a lonely, terrible place for a kid. You want me to take a position within the academy, tempting me with the chance to make positive changes for my suffering sisters… by harming the youngest in the group. But I don’t trust you. The children, even though they know me, will not trust me. And I hated it there.”

  I hated it, and the thought broke my hearts.

  Softly, he said, “I know you did.”

  And I would have no power to enact change. “Established instructors will have no reason to follow my suggestions. I am young, and my only credibility is that a general heard my song and I now belong to him.” And that was a hard fact.

  He disagreed. “You might be surprised to find that not every instructor fell for your act. Some expect great things from you. You will not be unsupported, though it will be an uphill struggle with others. Altering the culture within the academy may take years. Your greatest adversary will be the constant threat of humans enacting an eradication protocol. They do not want happy hybrid children living joyfully in their city. They want trained slaves brainwashed into dying so they can live.”

  That could not be completely true. “Before you took over, things were not as horrible. We were given an hour of playtime in the courtyard. Family visits were something to look forward to. Boys and girls intermingled, and⁠—”