I shrugged again. Sucked to be him, but he’d pushed me away so....

  He sat back down and took hold of my hand, looking down at it. “Jay...you were amazing. Not just...in that fight. The whole thing. You took charge, kept me calm. Incredibly professional. Your mum says you’ve never done anything like that before. I owe you my life. Urei does too.”

  “No. Matar was there.”

  “No, it was you.” He looked up at me with those handsome, dark eyes. “I said some atrocious things to you. I thought some atrocious things. I'm sorry.”

  “Meant them.”

  “No...not as much as...I don’t like being hijacked by my hormones or my emotions. You’re too attractive for your own good, do you realise?”

  “Funny way of showing it.” I shifted in pain and closed my eyes. Guess it only took nearly dying for Pel to give a damn.

  “You’re angry.”

  “Yeah. I hurt. I'm tired.” I opened my eyes and glared. “It’ll take more than pretty lawyer words to convince me you’re not a prick. At least I'm honest when I lie.”

  He flushed. “Uh...yes. About that—”

  “Go away. Go home. Let me heal. I don’t need your guilt or your gratitude.” I needed my mum, actually. And for Pel to leave before I started to bawl. “Leave me alone.”

  He stiffened. “We could talk later.”

  “Whatever. Just go away now.”

  “As you wish. I’ll let the medics know you’re awake.”

  I nodded and closed my eyes again. A moment later I heard him stand up and walk out.

  Damn him. Damn him to fucking hell.

  Chapter 8 — A Fresh Start

  I spent another week in hospital. Pel didn’t come back, which didn’t surprise me. Mum visited every day, and Matsin too, though for security reasons, Urei didn’t. Matsin seemed...at peace. And happier than I’d ever known him. I was glad. They both deserved it.

  Wedel visited too, to my surprise, to thank me for my assistance and to let me know that the capture of Walan had been a huge break for them, not only in lessening the hold of the Marauders over certain key activities, but in helping the ESF find their troublesome leak. Some of the other crims we’d killed or taken down, including the guy who’d spotted our faking, were also important catches.

  “I can guarantee you that your friends, Mister Ro and Mister Ges, will be a lot safer from now on,” he assured me.

  “What about me?”

  “We’ve never had any interest in Bridges. The only people who do are those with a spiritual agenda. That’s not us.”

  “Huh.”

  He smiled. “Don’t get me wrong, Mister Fresiz. I'm fascinated by your abilities. It’s only that they have no practical application and I am, after all, a supremely practical man.”

  He stood to go then. He’d warned me he wouldn’t be able to stay long. “Your mother tells me she’d very much like you to come into business with her. I’ll say the same thing. The ESF can always use bright, resourceful and brave young people. You could work as a sleeper agent, like her.”

  “Spying on my friends? No thanks. But...uh, thanks for the offer. I'm having fun doing the acting for now and I probably only have another five years before I have to move up a notch or give it up. Maybe I’ll reconsider.”

  “Please do. I hope you might allow us to call on you for assistance if your particular skills are needed.”

  “Skills?”

  “The way you coached Mister Kani was masterful. You organised that side of things like a pro. Agent Matar was most impressed.”

  “It’s just my job,” I mumbled, embarrassed.

  “One at which you apparently excel. However, I’ll leave you be. Your government is grateful, and I think you’ll find that gratitude may be valuable in the future.”

  I couldn’t imagine how, but I smiled politely and scratched my head when he left. Huh.

  Mum and Matsin had a bit of a tussle over where I would spend my recuperation. Matsin won, to my relief. He had the staff, the luxury and frankly, Mum giving up her time to nurse me was both unnecessary and a bit intimidating. Matsin’s housekeeper wouldn’t fuss, and I knew I’d be safe there. I’d have as much privacy as I wanted, too.

  Urei bounced around me as Carll and the medical transport drivers got me settled into Matsin’s best guest bedroom. “Can I paint you, Jay? You’ve got bandages and bruises and everything.”

  “Yeah, you can paint me—on paper. Little weirdo.”

  He just grinned. He was a lot happier too. Still loopy though. I gathered from Matsin that he’d taken over the whole upper floor as a temporary studio—temporary because Matsin planned to build him a custom-designed space on the roof. I’d never seen my ex-manager so happy to spend money before.

  Only...maybe he wasn’t my ex-manager. Once I’d had a sleep and a new dose of painkillers, and Reta had fed me a light, delicious meal that almost banished memories of hospital food, Matsin wandered in with a pile of scripts, which he dropped on the little table that had been set up near the bed for me to reach easily.

  “There’s some excellent writing in there, Jay. One, I predict, has excellent potential to be your breakout role into more mature films.”

  I boggled at him. “But you sacked me.”

  “Hmmm.” He sat on the end of the bed and crossed his long legs. “I spoke to Urei and to Kani about that, actually. Both were adamant that you’d only been defending my honour when you so thoughtlessly let my secret slip. In light of that, and your efforts in securing Urei’s release, I'm prepared to allow you to re-engage me as your manager, on the understanding that you’d better never do anything like that again.”

  “Rescue Urei?”

  He wrinkled his nose. “Don’t be slow. I know it’s an act. I mean don’t tell my lover’s brother intimate secrets about my feelings.”

  “Oh, that I can promise. I don’t expect to ever speak to your lover’s brother again, and hey, not so much of a secret any more, is it.”

  “Not exactly my point, Jay,” he said, but his quelling tone was spoiled by the little smile quirking his lips. “Then as your manager, I suggest you use this time to look over the offers.”

  “Mum’s asked me to work with her.”

  “Really.” He pushed his glasses back on his nose. “And?”

  “I said I’d think about it. I do have a lot of contacts in the industry.”

  “You’re too young,” he said. “Wait. Before you yell...I know you could do the job, but people will look at your youth, your roles and say you’re only working with her because she’s your mother. Give it five years, build a reputation, add some gravitas, and I predict you will make a real success of it.”

  “Chances?”

  “Sixty-three percent.” He sounded entirely serious. “Only twenty-two if you try it now.”

  “Are you just saying that to keep me as your client?”

  He sighed. “Jay, you’re good but you’re not the only game in town. I'm advising you this way because I owe you and...because you’re my friend.” He reached for my hand, a gesture he’d never made before, at least, not with me. “Our relationship is important to me on a personal level. I felt betrayed, personally, by what you did.”

  “I know. I'm really sorry.”

  “Yes.” He patted my hand and let it go. “Kani will almost certainly be dropping by again to visit Urei. Does that bother you?”

  “He can do what he likes. Has he given you any shit over Urei?”

  “Nothing I can’t handle without breaking into a sweat.” He smiled briefly. “Your mother has asked Bemto to supervise your rehabilitation.”

  “Oh Lord.”

  “Oh yes. And since you’ve revealed yourself to have exactly the kind of physical skills currently in demand by the industry, I plan to promote you heavily for action roles as soon as you can stagger. Hurry up and get well, Jay.”

  “For you, anything.”

  I grinned as he left the room. Almost worth being stabbed for, in a way.

  That was pretty much the high point for the next couple of weeks. My recovery was slow because I’d been stupid enough to be knifed in some delicate organs. My doctor had told me I was lucky not to have to take a shit in a bag for the rest of my life, which would have put a bit of a crimp in my romantic leading man status, for sure. Despite the threat of Bemto, my exercise regime was limited to short walks around the house and the garden, sometimes with Urei, mostly on my own, where I had way too much time to think. Mum visited every few days but we talked all the time by communicator. We hadn’t discussed whether she planned to stay in the ESF. I wished I could go back to when I didn’t know about that side of her life, but it was a reality I needed to face up to. That was the real reason I’d hesitated over her offer. I couldn’t deal with her secret life just yet.

  Pel came over twice, so Reta told me. He either didn’t ask to see me or wasn’t allowed to. I didn’t care. So long as he didn’t interfere with Urei and Matsin, anything else he did, didn’t bother me.

  Urei had made me a project, in between cooing with Matsin and talking to architects about his new studio. He didn’t want me to do much except lie on the bed or a sofa while he drew and painted. As I improved and spent more time in the garden, he joined me out there too. I think he really enjoyed the company—and the outdoor space. It made me so angry on his behalf that the ESF and the government had colluded to keep him drugged and restricted for so long. It made me angry that Pel hadn’t done more to give his brother opportunities as well.

  But Urei wasn’t angry at all. He’d been happy enough then, he said, and now he was happier. “Wouldn’t have Matsin without the other stuff.”

  “But think what you might have made, what you might have been,” I said to him.

  “Different,” he said with a grin. “Not necessarily better. And no Matsin.”

  “Weirdo.”

  He stuck his tongue out at me, and then went off to look at a bug that had landed on a tree next to us, whose colours he found intriguing.

  Through Urei, I discovered the garden was of Matsin’s own design, as was the house. I thought I knew him so well and it turned out I didn’t. No wonder the two of them had clicked. It couldn’t have been the past lives things, or Pel and I wouldn’t hate each other’s guts. Though there wasn’t any proof that we’d been lovers in the past—only Mum’s instincts, and she had to admit that seeing Pel in action had given her a few doubts on that score. We didn’t talk about that either.

  Not talking about stuff had become a bad habit between us. Her real job, my visions, now Pel. I’d also started to think that maybe it was time I left home. Mum’s sentimental reasons for staying in that apartment didn’t apply to me, and since I’d found out my supposed history with the place, it kind of gave me the creeps to be there. I didn’t believe in predestination either, and the apartment was one more unwanted reminder of Pel and the situation. I hadn’t talked to Mum about it, though I’d mentioned it to Matsin. He thought it was a good idea. I didn’t think that was because he didn’t like Mum. My life would be a lot easier if all the people I liked, liked each other.

  By the end of my second week at Matsin’s place, I was starting to go slightly crazy with boredom. I’d read nearly twenty scripts, been painted by Urei in a dozen different positions, offered my opinions on two completely different preliminary designs for Urei’s new workspace, and spent a day signing photos and personalised letters for my fans for some competition or other the film studio was running. At this point, a session with Bemto, aching gut or not, sounded perfect. I was bored with being sore and unable to work and generally waiting for my life to restart again.

  Matsin was leaving me rather too much to my own devices, being so busy with his new lover. He’d decided that taking Urei out shopping and investigating art materials was one of the most fascinating activities on the planet and the past three days, they’d disappeared after lunch to go into town, leaving me to do whatever I felt like doing, which wasn’t much.

  Matsin had an excellent library, which was something. I spent a bit of time reading a biography of a film director I’d taken an interest in, but it was a nice day and I wanted to stretch my healing stomach muscles a little. I went outside, using a gift of Matsin’s to make life a little easier. With rather more glee than kindness, Matsin had presented me with a walking stick as soon as I was mobile to take the strain off my stomach. It helped, but it made me look like an eighty-year-old. Urei thought it was funny too, little bastard.

  I hobbled around the elegant garden, leaning on my cane when I stopped to take a breath. Maybe I should get a house and a garden too. I could afford it, and still be close to Mum and Matsin. A luxar too, and a housekeeper. And a bodyguard. I’d have people around me the whole time, so why did it sound so lonely? This was why I hadn’t already left home. I liked the company of people I loved. I didn’t want to hire friends.

  “Hello, Jay.”

  I turned too fast towards the voice and I nearly fell over. I struggled with the stick before Pel’s hand caught me under my elbow and helped me straighten up.

  I shook myself free. “What the hell are you doing here?”

  “Visiting. I told Matsin and Urei. They said it was okay. Said they’d tell you...ah.”

  “They didn’t. Pricks.” I stomped over to the bench near the bird bath. I didn’t offer him a seat. “What are you doing here?”

  “I said—”

  “Visiting, yeah. But why? You’ve ignored me for three weeks.”

  “I thought that was what you wanted.”

  I shrugged. I guessed it was. “So why come around to bother me now? Nothing’s changed.”

  “No. I mean...it has, but not obviously. I’ve...had a lot of time to think, with Urei gone and so forth.”

  “Lonely, is it?”

  “Yes, it is. Very. I worry about him too.”

  What a surprise to hear that. “Listen, if you’re going to start running Matsin down again, you can leave right now. He’s good for Urei and if you can’t see that, too bad.”

  “He might be,” Pel said, not sounding antagonistic, “but that won’t stop me worrying about my brother. Not since he just got kidnapped and a good friend was stabbed as a result.”

  “Good friend my backside. You don’t even like me.”

  “You don’t like me much either.”

  “Nope. So again, I'm asking you—why are you here?”

  “Mind if I sit?”

  I didn’t react or move, so he decided he could squeeze in at the end of the bench. What was Matsin up to? I bet it was bloody Urei’s idea of a joke.

  “How are you doing? With the injury, I mean.”

  “I’ve got a hole in my lower abdomen, Pel. It’s going to take a while to heal up. I won’t be doing any high kicks until it does.”

  “Right. Yes. But it’s progressing correctly?”

  “So far as I know. I just take the pills, let them poke, and try not to look because it’s yucky. Urei likes looking.”

  Pel laughed. “Yes, he would. He’s always been fascinated by disease and injury.”

  “Bully for him.”

  “You’re not going to make this easy for me, are you?”

  “Nope. You think back to all the times I tried to talk to you and what a snot you were to me. I'm all out of nice with you. Urei’s a great guy but you’re a prick and I don’t want any more to do with you.”

  “Is that really true, or are you just mad at me for the things I said?”

  “You tell me, Pel. If I’d called you a whore, what would you be saying right now?”

  He straightened up, apparently completely horrified, but I’d already seen he could act when he wanted to. “I didn’t call you a whore! I just meant...I thought you were sleeping with me just to keep me from freaking out and you didn’t have to...I mean, you’re worth more than that. To me, I mean.”

  “Uh huh. What about all that stuff about me lying and how worthless being an actor is? That was nasty, Pel.”

  He ducked his head. “Yes. I thought you were dealing drugs. And, um, I might have unresolved issues about a former lover. Who was an actor. At university.”

  “Might! I didn’t deserve any of your crap. You made me feel absolutely horrible about myself.”

  “Yes. I don’t have any excuses. Only apologies. My life and my brother seemed to be under threat and I couldn’t beat you off with my cane, so I used words.”

  Pffft. “I’d have preferred the stick.”

  “Yes. So...for what it’s worth, I'm sorry. I was wrong about you from the start, I was wrong about Urei, I was wrong about Matsin, and I behaved like a total arsehole. Now, when would you like to have dinner with me?”

  I stared at him, gaping like a dying fish. “Are you serious?”

  “Desperate, more like. Jay, I want to fix this but I don’t know how. Urei said he’d help me talk to you but that it was up to you to forgive me. Matsin said there was an even chance you would.”

  “Which is fifty percent against the idea too. Why me, Pel? Just because Urei’s gone and you’ve got no one else to talk to?”

  “No, that’s not it! If I want company, there are my students at the studio, and I have other friends. But...you’re special. I knew that early on, but it was when I saw you in the hospital and they said it was touch and go, I realised you might die thinking I despised you. I said as much to your mother and she...uh...yelled at me. A lot.”

  I hadn’t known that. I didn’t really want to know that. “Well, that’s nice, but maybe I don’t want to make friends with you again. I'm not exactly short of company either. Or people who want to sleep with me, and they don’t call me a whore while they do it either. Lots of people that don’t have issues about ex-boyfriends—”